No Questions Asked



Well that’s not totally true. There is one part of the interview that I do have to prep for – the end, where they ask you if you have any questions. That’s where – if left to my own devices – it would all fall down. Because I just can’t ever think of anything I feel want to ask.

This peccadillo is not limited to interviews. In life, in love, in chats, I pretty much fail at asking questions. And it isn’t that I’m disinterested or not curious, I just….I don’t even know what. I have a hard time asking questions about important things. For unimportant shit or things that are completely not my business I have no problem being fass, but when it’s something serious like someone in my life whom I have been chatting with on a near-daily basis for a fucking year who refuses to give me their phone number so we can text each other like civilized people ( just to throw out a completely made-up example), I will never ever ask why.

Why is that? I have no fucking idea.

Maybe I’m afraid they’ll refuse to answer. Or I’m worried that they will, but I won’t like what they say. Maybe deep down I don’t think I have the right to know. Or maybe I don’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing that I want to know. Or maybe – and I like this possible answer the best – I think that the information someone volunteers to share with me is way more telling than what they divulge as a result of me asking.

At any rate, I don’t ask questions. Particularly of my coterie of men friends. So when I gather the ladies on gchat to tell a story, we are invariably going to reach this point:

One of those heaux: That’s awesome/weird/hilarious/funny/so sad. But what about ___________?
max: You know what? I have no idea.
One of those heaux: Didn’t you ask him?
max: Hahaha nope!

Then one of those heaux is gonna call me one of those names that one friend shouldn’t never call another.

For a long time, I really did not consider my lack of question-asking to be a big deal. I thought it might be a restful change for the people in my life; a welcome respite from the nosy inquiries they get everywhere else. But as I get older I realize that – without the benefit of knowing the meandering thought process behind why I don’t ask questions – people are drawing inferences from this. And the conclusion they usually come to is that I don’t ask because I’m not interested in the answer. Which I guess is fair enough.

Now that I’ve realized that my refusal to ask questions gives people the wrong idea – and probably offends them – I suppose the next logical step would be for me to start asking some questions. That’s really the only thing I can do to remedy the situation. But you what the problem is with that?  I don’t really want to. I mean, even though I have no real reason why I don’t enjoy asking questions, I’m still pretty attached to that course of action. I don’t want to pack it in and become a question- asking machine, I want people to just read my mind and magically intuit that I want to know something and then just offer up the information. Is that really too much to ask?

You tell me dear readers – is my aversion to asking questions just another way in which I am an asshole or am I entitled to it? Are you an asker or a wait-er like myself? Do you know anyone who never asks questions and does that annoy you? Why do you think I find asking questions so distasteful? Analyze me in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 35

  1. Nola Darling says:

    Perhaps you are like me and believe that people will show you who they are better than they can tell you. If you ask someone a question they are going to portray themselves in the (hopefully) honest,most positive light. Left to their own devices, people will usually slip and let the truth fall from their mouths unprompted. Besides, people will only tell you what they want you to know anyway.

    Not asking questions does not make you an a-hole. You just need to make sure that you have friends that a prone to question asking in your circle of trust to balance you out.

  2. BP says:

    Oh Max, sometimes you really want me to get on gchat….I digress.

    I think you should ask more questions, not doing so doesn’t make you an asshole but it is a nice gesture….IMHO. I ask lots of questions because I don’t like feeling “in the dark” and I am an inquisitive more like nosey person. Also, that whole scenario of ” Baby, I never told you I was banging that chick because you didn’t ask me”….could never happen to me because I ask. “Curiousity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought’em back.”

    1. BP says:

      That is supposed to say” ” sometimes you make me really want to get on g-chat”…..bed time!

      1. max says:

        Get on gchat! I promise to ask you lots of questions!

        1. LaLaBakir says:

          I think I need to ask more questions as well. Or at least not take so long to build up the courage to ask. I lean more toward the wait-er side like Max. Being the “planner” that I am, I must plan out when and how I will ask said question. It’s really all a big to do. Welp depending on the question and whom.

          Haha! I had to build up to ask Max a question once *dies*

          1. max says:

            First of all, I’m like you with the planning the questions. It takes me forever and a day to figure out the inflection, the lead up, the exact words. I have a job and a life and a blog – I ain’t got that kinda time! (word to Nickerz).

            Secondly – what did you have to build up to ask me? I’m dying of curiosity now.

            Third – didn’t I quit you? Get off my blog!

            1. LaLaBakir says:

              I will be G-chatting you now!!!!

              This public disrespect of our friendship must be discussed,lol

      2. BP says:

        @ Max…LOL! I will get on G-chat right AFTER I get my next review….I need to stay on top of my game for now but I promise I’ll get on it.

        @Max and Lala-ASK QUESTIONS. Ok, if you take your time to do it…but make sure you do it even if it takes time to formulate what you want to say. Oh and why are you quitting Lala Max? #seewhatIdidthere

  3. Jubilance says:

    I’m the exact opposite – I’m naturally an inquisitive person & if given the opportunity I will ask a million questions. I’ve always been the type to want to know things, especially “why?”.

    I don’t see anything inherently wrong with not asking questions, provided that you’re getting the information you need/require/want to have by other means. Maybe you’re an observer, or the person you’re dealing with does a great job of explaining things for you.

  4. Malik says:

    You’re an asshole, but you not asking questions doesn’t contribute to your normal asshole nature. As a non-asshole, I also do not ask people questions, unlike an asshole such as yourself. Being a nice guy that has a particular tendency of an asshole such as yourself, I think it hearkens back to the fact that we would rather be given, neh BESTOWED, certain information because even though I may not be an asshole and you are a royal asshole there may be a certain undercurrent of entitlement/I’ll figure it out on my own. God you’re such an asshole Max.


    1. max says:

      It’s early but I’m gonna call this the comment of the day. You’re too funny. How many times can one person call me an asshole? A lot!

  5. Mrs.Brightside says:

    Max, I’m with you on this one. I can ask questions all day but the ones I readily ask are often unimportant miscellaneous details. Especially dealing with a mate or potential mate; I over think the question to ensure that it is worded properly and that I’m ready to deal with all possible answers. This is a trick a psychologist I was seeing taught me. I think it helps.

    In general conversation I figure who ever is talking to me has provided me with the information they want me to have so to avoid them trying to sidestep the question or possibly lying I just don’t ask. Another reason I don’t ask questions is because people get defensive and want to know why you want to know. It’s not that serious. I care but not that much.

    1. max says:

      Exactly. I figure I get to know what I need to know when I’m meant to know it. Asking doesn’t ensure finding out and not asking doesn’t mean you won’t get the answer. I like to just wait for the information to find me.

  6. melissa says:

    oh, this subject hits close to home for me.

    for the longest time, i didn’t ask anyone any questions about anything. which resulted in me either not knowing things or me waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen. a wise man tells me all the time, closed mouths don’t get fed. which is pretty ironic because when i do ask questions, i’m often accused of being nosy or interrogating. but while you may not ask questions because you don’t care about the answer, i ask questions because i do care about the answer. and i find that sometimes the reaction to my question-asking is sometimes more telling than the answer itself.

  7. Flyy says:

    This. Whole. Paragraph.

    For a long time, I really did not consider my lack of question-asking to be a big deal. I thought it might be a restful change for the people in my life; a welcome respite from the nosy inquiries they get everywhere else. But as I get older I realize that – without the benefit of knowing the meandering thought process behind why I don’t ask questions – people are drawing inferences from this. And the conclusion they usually come to is that I don’t ask because I’m not interested in the answer. Which I guess is fair enough.

    Word. Life.

    I’m the same EXACT way… I just can’t bring myself to do it. Similarly, I rock during interviews as well but I suck at the questions portion… LAWD. I think my reason has always been “Maybe deep down I don’t think I have the right to know.” Like if they want me to know, or I should know… they’ll tell me. However, that of course isn’t the case… *sigh*

  8. Sade says:

    I’m like that too, I suck at asking questions. For me it’s because I don’t want people to think I’m being nosy. Besides, if you want me to know something then just tell me! I don’t see why I have to put a person through the spanish inquisition every time I want to find something out. *shrugs*

  9. Nick@Nite says:

    I’m an asker.. All I do is ask.. But then again, that’s just me.. I ask a lot of “this might make you think” questions.. But, like few people, I know when to stop.. I also find that if I’m patient, the information I want to know will come out some other way.. And I glean more from that than if I had asked the questions outright.. But since I ain’t got that kinda time, I don’t let it happen too often.. I ask questions before the moment is gone, before we start talking about something else.. I mostly ask questions when something just isn’t logical, because I’m trying to get things to make sense..
    Max, don’t even worry.. I think you not asking anything balances this thang out just fine! Although I’m the same way at interviews tho.. I didn’t come in with a list of things I wanted to know, I’ll ask if I feel incllined.. You’re not an a-hole, but then again I’m not sure I’d call you that..
    You know how I do…

  10. Maxine, I have a damn question…….why am I not on your gchat dammit??!?!

    Ironically enough, whenever I have a question to ask YOU, I always feel like I shouldn’t be asking you questions, like I’m bothering the most busiest person in the world and how is she ever going to find time for me. Bizarre no?

    It’s hard to tell the kind of person that enjoys being asked questions and the kind of person whose going to think you’re a nosey asshole for asking questions.

    I’m the type that can’t be bothered with small talk questions. I’d rather get into deep conversation. HOWEVER, because I’ll be immediately pegged as THAT TYPE, I just don’t ask and hope instead that the other person will ask me an earth-shattering, deeper than the deep blue sea, life-altering question ’cause then we’ll get the ball rolling 🙂

    Can we just blame this on your Trini upbringing? Grams always told me it was just straight up rude to ask questions but she was THEE nosiest gossip queen on the block! *shrugs*

    G’head Max……ask away. I’ll answer any question you throw my way 😉

  11. emti says:

    Maxie calls me (amont other things) “the detail nazi” because I don’t really like to answer questions. Or I try to give the least amount of information necessary to answer the questions. I also try not to ask too many questions so that I don’t have to answer them.

    This way of living doesn’t usually bode well in my friendships with women. Men on the other hand tend not to give a shit lol

    1. Yes. I know this to be true M. When I’m all up in your grill with, “Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy EMTI, how’s it going, how are you, how was your weekend”, your response is almost always, “Good”. And that’s all I get.

      Hey, I’m not hating tho’. It’s you. And I like you regardless.


    2. max says:

      Hahaha she is SO the detail nazi. That’s probably why I don’t like asking questions. But the funny thing is that she also has a nasty habit of not asking me any questions, which just makes me feel like she’s completely disinterested in my life and makes me slink off into a corner to sulk.

      Taste of my own medicine? Why yes I think so!

      1. emti says:

        Misslovelipz: I totally didn’t even realize I was being a detail nazi to you too lol sorry!

        Maxie: You’re totally wrong about me not being interested in your life…I guess I figure if there is stuff to tell and you want to share you will.

        Like I said I tend not to ask questions in an effort to protect myself…if i don’t ask I don’t have to tell lol

        But I”‘ trying to to be better…trying…:-)

        1. It’s all good. You do what I do in romantic situations. Which is why I don’t fall in love 😉

          1. max says:

            I liked this comment.

        2. Cams says:

          “Love is in the details” emti!

  12. MeteorMan says:

    To me, there’s magic in the ability to show how well you understand something by demonstrating that you don’t know a specific aspect of it. This in the form of a question is always winning. As an interviewee I rock. I ask questions throughout, not just when prompted. The interviewer is being interviewed b/c I’m that awesome. Now that I’m the interviewer, if a person doesn’t have questions, then I’ll make it a point to have them leaving questioning their self. yeah…

    With that said, you’re entitled to not ask questions if you like. That doesn’t make you more or less of an asshole.

  13. JusMe says:

    I dont ask questions too much either. I’ll wait around and see what happens or if I get my answer without having to verbalize my curiosity. However, in the event that I do actually ask a question, if it takes to long for an answer and/or I feel Im not gonna get an answer, I’ll retract my question. I think that’s worse than not asking at all… ::shrug::

  14. Tellylonglegs says:

    I don’t know if it’s because I’m curious or just plain nosey but I ask A LOT of questions. When I’m speaking to someone I need to know who, what, where, why and how. If they don’t provide the necessary  answers upfront I just ask. Since I know that that can be annoying I try to read their body language to see if they’re comfortable with the questions I’m asking. If the person seems annoyed I drop the subject. 

    Also this statement right here:
     “I know I’m fabulous and you know I’m fabulous, let’s just iron out these pesky details and proceed to being fabulous together”.

  15. Liguanea says:

    Hopefully you will answer this. Do you answer questions when they are put to you? Do you like answering questions? Are your answers appropriate? Meaning, laconic, loquacious or pitch perfect. Are you put off when someone in your personal life asks you too many questions?

    As you can see I like to ask questions.

    1. max says:

      I do answer questions when they are put to me. Thoughtfully and thoroughly. I love answering questions (because we assholes love talking about ourselves). I do have a tendency to buy time by answering with a joke before giving a real answer, but yes my answers are appropriate. No I’m not put off when someone in my personal life asks me too many questions. Ain’t no such thing baby!

      1. Liguanea says:

        Well then may be should consider the possibility that in regards to certain topics, you do not value the opinions of those you engage in regular conversation with.

  16. DONE! so well deserved

  17. Taji says:

    i feel like if they wanted to elaborate, they would ….but if u are trying to get something out of the person
    eg: job interview um ask questions lol …id probably ask about the company in general after a lil research ..shows u did the research and u have a question …BAM

  18. Adonis says:

    Always ask questions… This is a info-whore creed… (aka I am an accomplished information slut)

    Now, as far as the interview is concerned… have three questions ready just to feign interest… As an honesty broker… I hate to do that…

    But money (& p*ssy) makes the world go round

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