Max’s Workout Plan


[dropcap]S[/dropcap]o it’s a banner week over at casa maxfab and do you guys know why? Because we are celebrating six full months of Max working out regularly!

Am I the only one who is excited about this? Oh. Well let me tell you guys this – this is a big fucking deal because I have never in my life worked out consistently for more than six weeks straight before saying “eff this shit I’m hot enough already” and packing it in. Even when I was a big girl. So for me to be able to say that I have gotten up off my narrow ass and voluntarily inflicted pain on myself no fewer than four times a week for the last six months is a big fucking deal. So get excited already!

And now that I’m all smoking hot and shit, a lot of people have been asking me what I’ve been doing and I realized that I have somehow stumbled upon an outlook and a strategy for getting in better shape that actually makes a bit of sense. In typical Max fashion it’s a little hairbrained and random, but if you want the serious stuff you can go check my boy Streetz’s site – he has a tonne of fitness info on there and his advice definitely makes more sense than mine does.

For those of you who prefer a more haphazard approach, here’s the official Max Workout plan to get you in better – but not necessarily good – shape.

1. Pick something in your life that would be easier or better if you were in better shape

Some people might pick their commute – those stairs in the subway station are murder if you’re not in shape. Or maybe holding your baby nephew. Or nature walks. Whatever it is, focus on how much easier it would be for you to do this thing if you worked out and let that help you stay motivated.

Me? I picked sex. Of course I did – are you surprised? I just think about how much greater I am in bed when I’m strong and flexible (and how much hotter I look naked) and that will propel me off the couch faster than you can say “she’s a nympho”.

2. Don’t talk about it, be about it

This was a big one for me. In the past I would put on my workout clothes, sit down at my computer to tweet about the workout I was about to do, and then get caught up in the vortex of the internet and next thing you know two hours have gone by and I’ve exercised nothing but my clicking finger. My new policy is work out first, tweet later.

4. Don’t underestimate the power of vanity

Although I don’t like to think about fitness in terms of how it’s going to make me look  and instead focus on how I feel, I’d be lying if I said that my head doesn’t get gassed up by the site of my newly-defined body. You guys do not want to know how much time I spend looking at my new muscles in the mirror, flexing and turning myself around to see all “the little lines” as I like to call them.  I’ve taken to wearing a bra and low-rise shorts while I get ready for work so I can keep one eye on my epic abs in the mirror. This might make me sound like an egomaniac, but the fact is that when the health benefits of working out won’t get me out of bed, how good I’m gonna look in a bikini this summer will. That’s for real.

5. Pick your poison

Think of one thing in life that you do even though it’s unhealthy. Maybe you’re a smoker or a drinker or you stuff too many sno-balls down your craw. You know you need to stop but you’re a slave to your habit. Use your workouts as a bargaining tool. If i do __ number of squats I can eat this, or drink that or whatever. No workout, no ding dongs.  It totally works. Plus the more you work out and the better you look and feel the less you’re gonna want that shit. Trust me.

6. Dress slutty and look in the mirror

You might think that this only works for skinny bitches such as myself, but I think it works for everyone.  Put on something you feel hot in and get going and once the sweat starts dripping you will get turned on by yourself.  Believe you me. And once you become addicted to the look and feel of yourself as this sexy workout goddess, you’ll keep going, if for no other reason than to feed your ego.

To help speed this process along, once you’ve put on your sexy workout clothes, get in front of the mirror. Watch yourself closely when you work out. Watch your muscles flex. It makes you horny feel stronger and it makes it seem like your workouts are accomplishing something.

7. Track your progress

This is probably the only point I’m absolutely serious about, because it is so real. keep a log, take pics and measurements. But don’t weigh yourself unless you have a death wish. When you see that three weeks ago you could only do 3 push ups and now you can do 10 you’re gonna feel yourself. And between you and me, sometimes I get up and work out for no other reason that the fact that I get to enter it in my workout log. I swear.

So there you have it – my foolproof plan to help you get motivated to work out if you are a flopshow like me. But what about you guys – do you have trouble getting motivated to stay in shape? What tips do you have to share? Anyone do the bizarre shit that I do?

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 36

  1. sanen85 says:

    You, a big girl? I can’t even begin to imagine.

    I am trying in the process of being re-motivated to stay not only working out, but eating right (which is where everything falls apart). I’ve been staying in the gym at least 4 times a week, but everytime I step on the scale (which is waaaaay to often) and see that I haven’t lost ish, I throw up my arms and go back to my bad eating habits. I recently put that stupid scale in the closet, and am hoping it helps. I’m at the biggest I’ve ever been and man is it depressing. It also has a lot to do with my lack of interest in dating.

  2. i’ve never had an issue with staying in shape. usually i just hoop to stay active. maybe 4-5 days out the week. when it gets warm outside i run thru the city. i try to do at least 15 miles a week.

    what i do keeps me in shape. i do need to get my ab game back. it’s there in the 6 pack variety but i need that 8 pack back tho. i did post a bbm pic for motivation. then i got called vain. *shrug*

    one tip i will share is to pick a workout buddy who’s serious. it’s always better to have motivation. also, power playlists are a must.

  3. Andrienne says:

    I’ve been pretty active all my life and working out has always come easily. Until recently. Having a baby seriously messes with you ish. The motivation takes a while to come back. Lost a lot of my pregnancy weight within the first four weeks, just working on toning up. But I’ve decided that I was sexy before the baby so no reason for me not be sexy after the baby. Plus I’m going to JA for like a month so that’s pushing me to get myself back in gear.

  4. BP says:

    I like your #4. Don’t underestimate the power of vanity. That right there is the truth Maxie. You go you sexy thang you!

    I run a lot, 3-4 miles a day during the week and then a long run one day on my weekend. I also strength train 4-5 days a week. If I can’t run, I lose my sanity, endorphins are a helluva drug!! Last year when I was working extra long hours and throwing elbowsvying for my promotion I was eating crappy, not running and gained 20 pounds. It’s all gone now, plus some because my health is important to me. I once was even larger than I was last year and was unhappy. One tip I would say that helps me is preparing during the work week. I pack my running clothes and keep them in my car so I can go for a run/workout whenever my schedule permits. I also journal my food intake when I am stressed, it helps me not overeat.

  5. Melissa says:

    Before I knew you, I used to be a big girl. I didn’t understand why ppl would voluntarily put themselves through torture (aka exercise) and never really thought it was necessary until one day when the number on the scale was way too high and my pants, which were one step away from being plus sized, were way too tight. I had tried exercise videos at home (I put a pilates for weight loss in once and fell asleep watching it!) and I also tried doing the treadmill in my parents basement, but what felt like 30 min always turned out to be only 10. Then I made a spur of the moment decision to stop talking about it and be about it and joined a gym and realized that what I needed were classes. 60 min flies by when you’re in a group of motivating ppl, good music and encouragement. Even when it’s tortuous and you feel like dying, having ppl around you motivates you, or at the very least makes you more competitive or too embarrassed to quit. I’ve been doing 4-5 classes a week for almost 2 years now and i feel great. The key is to find the method tht works for you .

    Sometimes I still think I’m a big girl in my head and almost always pick size large or xl as my default size but then i realize small or med is really my size. It’s kinda odd but it’s also really great.

    1. max says:

      Hahaha I do that too! I also totally suck at eyeballing clothes because I always think everything needs to be way bigger than it actually does.

    2. Nick@Nite says:

      i like the classes too.. i need to be in an environment that constantly changes.. I have major problems with workout videos because i know EXACTLY when she’s gonna say, “now gravevine, and cross..”

      *Roll eyes*

  6. First, let me say that I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks now and I LOVE how you mis-number your points! It took me a minute to realize that you were doing that on purpose…and it reminds of stuff I do….not on purpose. lol.

    Second, I enjoyed this post and especially like #6. I, too, am guilty of #2…I think a lot of people are…I can’t take my BBerry in the gym because it’s such a distraction.

    Thanks for the good hump day read.

    1. max says:

      Hahaha um, I don’t do it on purpose. I just have a bad habit of losing count when I’m numbering things because of the scatterbrained way I write. And now that everyone’s used to it I don’t bother checking them.

      1. JusMe says:

        I definitely thought it was on purpose too lol

  7. IrieDiva says:

    every single morning i get up to go exercise, then i look outside and see that its still dark and go “oh hell no, dark = sleep” and go back to bed 🙁

    i really gotta get it together.

    1. LaLaBakir says:

      That’s the #1 thing I DONT do. I’m not a morning person, I’d be setting myself up for failure to attempt to workout in the mornings during the week. Shoot for something you can stick to like lunch or after work.

      1. max says:

        I’m totally a morning workout purpose. Get up, get er done, and move on with my day. I never plan to work out in the evening because either I will be too tired or some shit will happen and I’ll never get out of work. If I happen to be moved to do something in the evening it’s totally gravy.

        1. LaLaBakir says:

          I can dig it. I just can’t. I’d probably half ass on the workout too b/c I’d be pissed I was up so early. After work is good for me b/c it’s something I look forward to and it helps to relieve stress. Plus, I have NO excuses b/c I’d only be going home to do nothing.

    2. the first thing you should do is brush your teeth, eat a light snack (maybe some fruit) and wash your face. if you do that before you look outside then you’ll already be fully awake. take it from someone who wakes up at 4:45am to go work out.

      1. IrieDiva says:

        i’ll try this one tomorrow, thanks. being a “single” mom (I’m in an ldr) my schedule really leaves mornings only.

    3. You need Insanity or P90x, or some other inside activity. Every morning, I’m at 5am, getting it in with P90x. Working out in the morning makes the rest of your day. I always have more energy throughout the day when I workout in the morning. Its awesome. And when I do go for a run, Oh, there’s nothing like seeing the sun rise while you’re out running. Its so peaceful, and very conducive to a great workout.

  8. Shani says:

    You KNOW I dig this post lol! I am all about the workout and making them SEXY workouts only makes them more fun to do. I totally agree that tracking your success is only further motivation but the scale can be the devil! I love working out in front of a big mirror visualizing the successful end result of whatever the workout is and I find that really helps too. Oh and music is KEY! I usually play nastyass, dirtyass, smuttyass music lmao or some really hard gangsta music that helps me channel my inner hoochie or inner thug depending on the day.

    1. JusMe says:

      “Oh and music is KEY! I usually play nastyass, dirtyass, smuttyass music lmao or some really hard gangsta music that helps me channel my inner hoochie or inner thug depending on the day”

      Ur clearly peeking over my shoulder at my iPod! That’s all that’s in my workout playlist lol

  9. also for everyone who wants to start running and is looking for a cool app to help log your progress check out nike+iPod. also, their site where you can sync your iPod and share your results with your friends on their website:

    1. Kema says:

      I have a droid and I use the Cardio Trainer app. It has the gps to track my runs plus pace (my favorite part) and I can also add other workouts. My weekly calorie burn is always at the top corner of my phone.

      “And between you and me, sometimes I get up and work out for no other reason that the fact that I get to enter it in my workout log.”

      This is so me! I love seeing progress so this app helps a lot.

  10. LaLaBakir says:

    I have no trouble staying motivated to stay in shape. It’s in my blood. Growing up my parents worked out and took us to the park with them. My father goes to the gym regularly and practices martial arts. Mom hits her workout plan in the house w/ the Wii fit and weights.

    Like I said above, I don’t set myself up for unrealistic goals like working out in the AM. I can barely make it to work on time…hitting the gym would just through me off. That’s if I can even make it there.

    I can OD on sh*t, so I don’t stay in the gym longer than a hour (hour and 15 max) because I’d lose focus on staying healthy and feeling good trying to achieve some body type that’s not mine. For the last few months, I’ve ditched the baggy clothes and trying to hide my bum at the gym…and I feel better! I get to see my muscles at work in addition to seeing my weight/rep increase on my charts.

    As BP mentioned, it’s also a stress reliever. And I like being in better shape than most of the students I work with,lol. Sue me.

    Oh, last thing…it’s important to find something you LIKE to do. That way you look forward to working out. You’ll rarely catch me running and putting in miles. Not a fan of it. However you’ll see me running drills like I was training to try out for the damn football team. I love excercises that test my speed and agility. Plus I don’t get bored. I’d rather much go hard or like Max says balls to the wall for 60 seconds, break for 30 and do it again.

  11. Mrs.Brightside says:

    Max you have given me an idea. I’m going to start putting on club outfits when I get off work. Nothing makes me want to work out more than an ill fitting club top or dress. For me doing my work outs on consecutive days works best. Work first play later.

    Work and graduate school leave little to no time for working-out. Once this semester ends I hope to get back on the ball. I’ve had a lot of factors working against me. My roommate who is also a close friend is the exact opposite of motivation. She comes home from work and sits in the living room on the couch eating snacks. This would be great motivation if she was a big girl. Once I get a good hit of working out I’ll be addicted again.

  12. JusMe says:

    Well, I’m not like the rest of u I-dont-have-a-hard-time-working-out ppl. Me and the gym have had a love/hate relationship the last feel months and I sooo needed this post lol. I been losing weight and I love the compliments I get from ppl who havent seen me in a while. That’s what keeps me wanting to stay with it. But, there be those rainy afternoons (yesterday) where I just be like nap or gym and I end up cuddling with the pillow. But I’m definitely better than I used to be. So I’m trying hard to keep with my routine and make the gym a habit vs a chore. Go me! Lol

  13. Cheekie says:

    Girl, I just talked to you about this (like just now) and I still cannot believe you were ever big. Nope. lol

    It’s definitely unfathomable.

    Anyhow, this is great advice. Especially number 2. Goals in general are easy to talk about, but being about it is a whole ‘nother story. Hell, it’s a tome. And I FEEL ya on the “get sweaty in sexy clothes” tip. ESPECIALLY to some good music. Lawd. One of the best feelings EVAH!

  14. streetztalk says:

    Very proud of you Max. Your points are mad valid!

    Im also proud that you numbered sequentially. Baby steps 🙂

    Getting in shape is a mental task first. You have to believe you will get in shape and will workout and will commit to eating better, or else it wont happen!

    One big tip? Do a lot of research, find what works for you, and have multiple ways to measure your progress. I wrote about that in a little story at my spot if you feel so inclined.

    Max, how big were you? I still cannot believe that!

  15. RedLady821 says:

    All of this is soo true, I dropped 11 lbs in 3 weeks but I’m on vacation this week and have been eating and drinking everything in sight. I’m not even going to stress out over it though because when I get back to civilation on Friday I’m going to go HAM back on the diet and exercise routine and get right back to where I was. That’s mostly because I BE about it! lol — great write Max!

  16. SmartFoxGirl says:

    Congrats Max! I started working out too. I’ve been skinny my whole live but ever since I had my daughter, I yo-yo 10lbs. I gain 10lbs over the winter then I lose 10lbs right before the summer. I dunno why I do this but I decided to quit it and make working out a part of my lifestyle. I hate it but I feel good afterwards. The hardest part for me was actually getting on the treadmill, once I’m on I’m okay. It wrecks my hair but oh well. I used to motivate myself by putting bikini pics of me on my mirror right around February. lol That works. Also, I only work out for 30 mins. If I over do it, I quit in a few weeks. I do sit ups in the a.m. before my shower too. Also, I don’t eat junk food but I need to drink more water.

    Anyway, good luck on the work out tip. I don’t know what you’re trying to lose since you look like a model but whatever floats your boat. I do it all for the s.ex too. I could care less what other women think of my body and if it was up to me, I’d eat cupcakes 24/7 and get chubby. Yep, I do it for the men folk.

  17. Nick@Nite says:

    I’m gonna print this out….

    Last year when I wasn’t working, I was doing 2 a days.. my most toned ever, and my slimmest (that wasn’t depression induced).. Now that I started working, I don’t want to do anything when I get home but sit on the sofa..

    I find that the best workouts for me are those that don’t feel like workouts.. I lost 30 lbs by going out dancing (and having a lot of s*x).. now that I’m not doing either, I’m watching my pants sizes climb.. an the fact that my family carries their weight well does not help the situation either.. i need a workout partner, but I really need the motivation to be consistent…

    Ugh.. and the fact that it’s summer here most of the time and i love the beach should be motivation enough… but nah…

    I’ma get on it…. tomorrow…

  18. Studley says:

    I feel so much better when the mind and the body is on the same page. I love working out. Plus being stronger the bunny hop in the bedroom. Like Ving Rhames in Baby Boy.

  19. fixedwater says:

    okay, ima give it anotha try. i can’t fit my pants anymore and i refuse to buy the next size up.

  20. Yes! Finally something about beginner workout plan.

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