Crossing the Red Line (A Throwback Post)

red_line_install

Yes, another throwback. Sorry kids. It’s been a bad week and I’m not feeling well. But I’ll be back with the goodness next Friday even though it’s a holiday. Deal?

In a woman’s life, there is only one thing more certain than death and taxes – the arrival of Aunt Flo. Like a mini plague, the curse descends upon us monthly, wreaking a kind of havoc no man can truly comprehend. And of all the crap that menses brings to a gal’s life, there is no greater offense than this: it makes her hornier than a mofo while simultaneously turning her vagina into forbidden territory.
Or does it?

I woman I used to know once proudly announced to me that her man, um, dines at her place every night – even if Auntie is also at the table. One of the selling points of the SoftCup is that you can have sex while it’s holding things down for you. And a certain favourite commenter (Hi CHeeKZ) has pointed out, there are alternate points of entry when the red sea is blocking the door.

Now I know that as a woman I’m supposed to value my period as the physical evidence of my ability to bring life into the world. Therefore it would be wrong of me to think of it as disgusting. But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. As much of a horn dog free spirit as I am, I cannot help but think that period sex is just plain gross. Just – ew. And even though I am a firm believer that sexy time makes everything – including that week of hell – better, I usually shun all such activity when the coast is crimson. In extraordinary circumstances I will go for some above-the-waist action, but that’s only when the man is so outstanding that I have to have him like, now. Otherwise I refrain from writing cheques my pussy can’t cash.

I was wondering though whether that makes me uptight so as usual I took it to a TwitterPoll. With only a few exceptions, all the respondents agreed that period sex = yuck.

So what say you, dear readers? Ladies do you let a man enter the red zone? Confine him to safe territory? Or skip it altogether? And dear men – will you go head-to-head with mean ole Aunt Flo?

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 48

  1. I guess I was a fast learner. Perhaps too fast. Anyway, I’m going to share a quote a girl told me in High School. Traumatized the fuck out of me at the time but has since held true.

    “You can swim in the Red Sea as long as you don’t drink the water.”

    So you’re buddy drinking the water is disgusting. Other than that, I don’t see the big deal. This is one of those things I leave up to the woman. If she’s down, I’m down. If not, I can wait a week. As they say in the old country, “that’s what porn is for.”

    As a side note, a woman told me sex during the “red line” makes for a shorter red-line-period (see what I did there) and less cramping. Like many female scams though, she may have said this to get in my boxers whenever she felt like it.

    Women be conniving, b.

    1. max says:

      At the risk of over-sharing too much even for me, let me say this. When I wrote this post, I was fervently anti-crossing the red line. But sometimes ish happens and you just have to make an exception. And I have found that this “sex during the “red line” makes for a shorter red-line-period” is real talk.

      And yeah – I see what you did there. Nicely done.

    2. Melissa says:

      “As a side note, a woman told me sex during the “red line” makes for a shorter red-line-period (see what I did there) and less cramping. Like many female scams though, she may have said this to get in my boxers whenever she felt like it.”

      Actually, I remember an episode if Tyra that was all about periods and they said sex or “nail painting” while on your period can shorten it. Something about the muscle contractions. The expert said it was possible but not a guarantee. I do think that if I paint my nails when I have it it tends to end shortly thereafter.

      1. max says:

        I’m mad no one told me about this. As much as I paint my nails I could have had this ish reduced down to an hour a month.

        1. *SHRUGGZ* says:

          FOCK!!! I love you Max!!!!

  2. Malik says:

    I plead the 5th on your last question.

    1. max says:

      Hey this is a Canadian blog. We don’t observe the 5th amendment round here!

      1. Malik says:

        I’m just saying ‘low tides’ and stuff Max.

      2. emti says:

        haha i was about to ask “what’s the 5th?” ;-)

  3. Briiz* says:

    I think its gross. I think I’ve done it on accident twice. You know when your free and clear for a whole day and you’re like Yes! But then as soon as he goes in… there she is. And then I’m like GTFOH Com’on! Ugh (Overshare, maybe?)

  4. Kema says:

    “I woman I used to know once proudly announced to me that her man, um, dines at her place every night – even if Auntie is also at the table.”

    First… Dont judge me!

    I am this woman! My ex use to eat all month long. Man I miss that… Of course it sounds disgusting but he never tasted the koolaid so I dont think its that bad. I was against period xes until I hooked up with him. I had done it before but it was always a failure. With him it just worked.

    1. BP says:

      Waiiiiiit a second! Kema, you don’t literally mean “eat” right?

      1. Kema says:

        Yes I mean eat! lol!

    2. Malik says:

      This man was probably a proud card carrying member of the North American Cunninlingus Lovers club. I endorse him in all of his past, present, and future eating experiences.

    3. GirlSixx says:

      *Barf*

      OMG….

      I mean grant it — I can understand getting facetime on the back end of your flo days (you know day 4 out of a 5 day cycle) but dude blessing the box on a full flo day…

      ewwwww,

      *Shivers*

      Girl you must be the bizness!!!! *TipsHat*

      1. Kema says:

        I dont really have ‘full’ days because of my iud so maybe its different. *shrugs*

  5. Starita34 says:

    As the best lover ever in my life told me – “that’s what showers are for”.

    1. Mrs.Brightside says:

      I haven’t seen it yet but some person of very different standards than mine (nice way to say they’re disgusting) said “If you can walk through mud you can Fcuk through blood” yuck/ good point.

  6. Mrs.Brightside says:

    Sometimes Aunt Flow over stays her welcome and you have to do what you have to do. Toward the end I’ll let him hit but during it’s just me and my fingers or the toy I designated specifically for hell week. As for letting someone dine, I have this rule about not serving things I wouldn’t eat. Even if you ask for it, no can due. Nail painting is the only way I get through cramps sometimes.

  7. depending on your partner (see: long-term committed relationship) just lay a towel down and get to work. *shrug*

    1. GirlSixx says:

      Nothing wrong with this statement.

      But would you dine out during her flo?

      1. nope. i don’t like the taste of copper.

        1. keisha brown says:

          DEAD.

  8. Dewan says:

    The warmth that comes with crime scene sex is bloody great! I’ve yet to go “white boy crazy” and fuck a warm apple pie like they do in the movies, but I imagine the feelings are similar.

  9. Capricorn says:

    I’ve done that ONCE in my life. I was too worried about aesthetics to really enjoy the experience, so, I’ll sit that week out.

    Nail painting doesnt work for me either during that week. Maybe I need to revisit that (or increase the speed). .

  10. RedLady821 says:

    Yep, I can easily wait it out. I HATE that time of the month, plus it makes me more insane that my usual insane and that’s saying something! I really…really…just don’t need it that badly.

    1. SmartFoxGirl says:

      Sometimes I feel like I’m the horniest around Flow time. Weird.

      1. Starita34 says:

        Not weird at all, this serves a biological function. Majority of women are super horny when they’re in the tent.

        Just do it in the shower and you’ve got no problems or extra laundry…

  11. incorrigilbe says:

    Recent reader first time commenter. I guess in this case you can call me Moses because I have a story about parting the red sea that none of ya are going to believe.

    1. Starita34 says:

      #Tease

  12. melissa says:

    i’m lucky that my visitor only stays for 3 or 4 days, so it’s not unbearable, but there are times when you just want what you want. i’ve never done it while it’s flowing (first 2 days) and don’t think i will. too messy. plus i’d get embarrassed and feel self conscious. and there’s no way i’m gonna let anyone dine down there even if he wanted to.

    however, there are times when you think you’re done and you get a surprise. it happens, it’s not horrible. just a little embarrassing but if the dude is mature and cool and not freaking out, it can be totally fine.

    and the alternate entry is always an option too. :P

  13. SmartFoxGirl says:

    I’ve had plenty of s.ex on my period. I’ve even been um *cough*eaten*cough* during that time of the month. I had a tampon in, what?! Don’t judge me. I’m only a little “eh” about it on the first night because that’s the heaviest. Either way, I’m down like 4 flats on a cadillac. Don’t be a clown, put a towel down. I’m a poet and didn’t even know it.

    Word.

    1. Malik says:

      *squints and reads strike through text*

      I’m a slave to blessing the fountain, but even I wouldn’t do that. On the other hand, you are pretty pretty…

      1. SmartFoxGirl says:

        “On the other hand, you are pretty pretty…”

        THIS is how a I trap n*ggas…

        hahahahahaha *evil laugh*

        1. Malik says:

          Thank God you don’t have dimples or else I’d be at the airport right now.

    2. Kema says:

      Thank you! I was starting to feel like a skank. lol! I’m never heavy because I have an iud.

      1. SmartFoxGirl says:

        *whispers* we ALL skanks girl. Sssssh.

    3. Yoles says:

      SFG

      i’ve had tampon in cunnaligus many a time… i aint judging ya

  14. sanen85 says:

    I draw the line at having anyone dine out during those days or painting my nails, other than that I’m down with anything *shrugs*.

  15. Kacey says:

    AH!
    I was JUST thinking about all this today! Now it has never happened (intentionally…yet) But I’ve been asked on a few occasions and just cant bring myself to do it.
    Seems like more than a couple guys are all for shower sex while the red is flowing but im to caught up in the image to do it…. Maybe with the lights off?? hahahah

  16. keisha brown says:

    for the longest i had never experienced sexy time during crimson time because i assumed the mere suggestion would have dude running for the border.
    turns out, there are more dude will to do this than i know about

    *retroactive wallslide on all the sex i missed out on for making assumptions.

    but the times it did happen…mhmm… yes. check please.
    but to be dined on? um.. dont think so..

  17. Yoles says:

    i run the red light whenever i feel like i really want to… medically speaking orgasms will make cramps go away and shorten the length of the cycle due to expulsion of the menses from the contractions of the uterus… its a medical and physical win-win!!

    i’ve had tampon in directly out of the shower oral before and he made sure to STAY in the clitoral region. it was fine… i would not let someone do that w/o those guidelines in place (guidelines= fresh from shower with tampon inserted)

    this activity is fine… trust me i’m a Nurse

  18. Obsidian says:

    Hello Max, everyone,

    Well! I see the gang’s all here.

    Just wanted to drop by and see what’s going on; very interesting discussion. I’m enjoying reading in the cut. Carry on.

    O.

  19. O_D says:

    Sorry you’re under the weather max. I came up with some terrible kind of fever/stomach virus and this shit just makes everything else in life worse. Hope you recover soon.

  20. GS says:

    Great post. I though I was the only one who becomes a sex maniac when aunt flo comes to visit

  21. G_Russ says:

    What’s the advantage of sex on the period for the dude though?? I mean i get that being on her period makes her hornier, but so what?? Is a week really that long to wait for the coast to be clear?? And eating her out on her period is beyond unnecessary. Compare it to playing soccer on a mind field…you can’t freely enjoy yourself when you are constantly looking where you’re going.

    I’m a firm believer in to each his/her own, so i’m not passing judgement on people that indulge during that time, but i just don’t see the point…

  22. IrieDiva says:

    i cant get down on those first few days my flow is too heavy but after that whatever.

    well not watever. no eating. thats kinda ew

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