Am I Bad in Bed?


Confession: the comments on Monday’s post gave me a bit of a complex. Now I’m not the woman in the scenario, but I felt for her. Like I said, I’ve been in the situation of having a man inexplicably throw me shade after sleeping with me and I know very well that sick feeling when you’re wondering if you’re the cow he no longer wants because he got the milk for free. It sucks. This is why I advocate making a man wait for sex til you’re sure about him. So I really felt for the girl in the story. And when I was formulating my response it was not just to reassure her, but to reassure myself that it really is irrelevant whether the guy was using her, because if he acted like that he could really be nothing more than a douche.

Then here come you guys in the comments shattering my illusions with the suggestion that maybe it’s not so much that the guy is a douche as that he was disappointed by the sex.  Maybe I’m an egomaniac, but I have never in my life attributed any post-sex action to the fact that the man did not like the dish I was serving (well, except this one time, but that doesn’t count). So secure was I in the epicness of my sex game that I recently had the following conversation via gchat:

Me:  I think women either think they’re great in bed or they have no idea whether they’re good or bad
[Name Redacted]: Why is that?
Me: Oh I don’t know. How does a woman know if she’s really good in bed unless someone tells her?
[Name Redacted]: Um…Good point…
Me: You know what i think? I think I have a quality that makes men like fucking me…whether I’m actually making an effort to make it enjoyable for him or not.
…I think my pussy is like drugs to some dudes
but I’m not kidding

Oh when I think about how smug I was back then I could just cry.

Now thanks to all of you, I feel like I have to recap every sexual encounter I’ve ever had and assess my performance to see whether there are signs that the man was less than thrilled. I have to go back and discover whether I might be – gasp! – bad in bed.  But how can I tell?

The easiest thing to do would be to go back and ask each man I’ve been with but I can barely remember all their names I have a feeling I’d get very few honest responses. So my next course of action was to consult the experts, so I took this quiz and Cosmo called me a “Five-Star Sexmate”.  Then – for good measure – I took their sex appeal quiz and they called me a “Shameless Siren”. I must be good, right?

Unfortunately, I don’t think I can put much stock in what the ladies over at Cosmo have to say. Being that they are, well, ladies. Who likely have never had sex with a woman and therefore are probably not the ultimate barometer of whether my sex game is on point. But if I can’t ask the men and I can’t ask Cosmo, how can I tell?

After hours of consternation, I’ve come to the conclusion that the standards for what makes a woman good in bed are pretty similar to the standards of what makes a man good in bed. And that is something I know a little bit about. For me, it all comes down to 5 things:

1. Enthusiasm – if you aren’t letting your partner know you’re enjoying what he’s doing, you’re probably bad in bed
2. Dirtiness – if you’re not at least a little bit nasty, you’re probably weak sauce in bed
4. Confidence – if you’re too shy to do it with the lights on, you probably suck. If you’re too chicken to be dirty, you likely suck. And if you’re too self-conscious to let loose and bust one, you definitely suck.
3. Participation – if you are a starfish, you officially suck in bed
5. Flexibility – I always put this on the list, for absolutely no reason other than that I am flexible. And therefore winning.

And by those standards, I’m officially great in bed. Whew! Crisis averted.

But what say you guys – do you think you’re good in bed? Why or why not? What are your standards of good in bed? And if you are a man who has slept with me and wants to give me feedback, please get at me. No strikethrough.

And one last thought – as I was finishing up this post one of my followers tweeted to me that “there’s no such thing as a woman being ‘bad’ if he finishes”. What do you guys think about that? Speak on it in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 144

  1. Lidia-Anain says:

    What happened to wetness, tightness, talent/skill, and stamina? I would consider these to be necessary for a woman to be good in bed. Also, the pussy should taste good…nothing worse than a fine woman with a tart tasting pussy. Those would be in my top and I’d keep confidence and dirtiness from your list. Dirtiness comes off as “willing to try most anything” or adventuresome – I LOVE that!

    Ever since I started batting for both teams I have much more respect for men. They do so much work during sex and are always expected to live to high standards regarding stamina and size but some women they have to deal with aren’t called out for their lack of wetness or tightness…much less those foul tasting women. A woman would throw a fit if a man called her out on being bad in bed. Sex is rather unfair for men…well, then again they pretty much always get to finish. ::stops feeling sorry for men::

    ::sighs:: I also think that skill in bed is a direct correlation with experience the more experience you have the better you are and that applies to both women and men.

    Great topic Max!

    1. yep. i “liked” this comment.

    2. Reecie says:

      this was a very good comment.

    3. Sam Sharpe says:

      This comment is super-official.

    4. keisha brown says:

      Lidia-Anain kicks off the comments with THE MOST amount of win!!
      *goes to read the rest.

    5. Shan says:

      There are so many variables to good sex, but chances are if you aren’t having a good time neither is he. Difference is he can go the distance even when less than motivated.

      1. keisha brown says:

        That’s a great question! And good answer.
        Although I suppose one could argue that’s not his job, but hers.
        I think its on both ppl to ensure the pleasure of self + the other personal equally!

  2. Sade says:

    And one last thought – as I was finishing up this post one of my followers tweeted to me that “there’s no such thing as a woman being ‘bad’ if he finishes”.

    I disagree. I think that a man can finish with a bad woman but a woman sure as hell can’t finish with a bad man because finishing is so much less complicated for men (lucky bastards).

    But what say you guys – do you think you’re good in bed?

    I’m not sure. By your standards I wanna say yes but I can’t say definitively because I think you need more than one opinion to have an accurate picture. Since I’ve only had chex with one person and he’s afraid of me loves me so what he say’s doesn’t count 🙂

  3. good post.

    first, you’re right. a lot of women automatically think that they’re good in bed. this is because when guys sleep with them and they’re bad the guy most likely is not going to tell her she sucks (no pun intended). his fear is if he tells her then she’s going to start retracting the pussy. in his mind bad pussy is better than no pussy. he’s wrong though.

    second, cosmo? really maxine? you really think any article in there is going to tell you how good you are? but i will say based on those 5 things you listed its a safe bet to say that you are good in bed or at least not bad. you did forget to list something though. the actually pussy. tightness, wetness. you could check all those things off and if your yoni is loose as goose and dry as the sahara then you’ll probably be bad in bed.

    1. keisha brown says:

      in his mind bad pussy is better than no pussy. he’s wrong though.

      so is this just a matter of men need to stop faking the funk with bad pussy just as much as women need to stop faking it with bad dick?

  4. Malik says:

    I once came up with a hackneyed analogy that I’m still proud of concerning the differences between quality sex for women vs. men. The analogy may be a tad hyperbolic.

    Good sex for men is like work in pre-k, as long as your enthusiastic and put forth an earnest effort you’re going to be given at least a ‘B+’.

    Good sex for women, is like writing your final dissertation in college (or ‘university’ as they say in Canada) for your Master’s, unless your paper is absolutely brilliant it has got be a minimum length, there can be no spelling or grammatical errors, there is a minimum number of sources cited, as well as sources that go above and beyond what everyone else in the class has done, and finally you have to hand it in when your professor wants, too early or too late and there will be massive skepticism/disappointment over the quality of the paper.

    As for whether I consider myself good, mostly in the technical sense considering how I’m largely emotionally distance from the entire fair.

    P.S. Pro-tip to be better Max, sit on dude’s face. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Best. Shit. Ever.

    1. Muze says:

      LOL @ the dissertation comparison. hilarious. mostly true though.

    2. The analogy WINS!!!

      in every whichaway…

  5. Yoles says:

    to make things clear i will say things like tightness and wetness are things that make the puss good not necessarily the person… she can be boring, stiff, extra quiet etc and still be tight and wet…

    good sex is sex that makes you want to tell someone about it. for a woman to be good she has to be 1- enthusiastic 2- willing to try new things 3- creative enough to re-mix old things 4- interactive 5- observant – pay attention to your partner, see what makes him hold his breath, see what makes him grab you and try to stop you from doing what you’re doing (both in the oh i like that & in the wtf is that way), what makes him even harder etc- 6- flexibility even moderate flexibility makes for both visual fun and easy access 7- confident and comfortable with herself 8- knows what makes her orgasm and brings that to the table
    the lady with all the above gives a good time… trust me i know some things…

    1. max says:

      I’m with you – I don’t think tightness and wetness are good gauges of goodness because they’re (at least in part) beyond the woman’s control. And it is possible to be tight and/or wet and still be a starfish, and we all know starfish automatically = bad in bed.

      1. Sam Sharpe says:

        Let me say that though I agree that being a starfish is SUPER LAME, I have had the pleasure/misfortune of being with a couple of women whose lady parts must have been laced with honey, molasses, chocolate, crack and PCP. Sh** seriously felt like my joint had died, gone to dick heaven and risen from the dead like Lazarus to spread the good word.

        I mentioned to one of these selfish a** women that their sex game wasn’t worth sh**. Her response:

        “You and I both know that my pussy is nice. I don’t have to do anything”

        And she was right. As far as technical skills, enthusiasm etc… was concerned she was a total fail but I would run that again in a heartbeat b/c the nani was so, so nice.

        1. max says:

          It’s pretty obvious that you’re talking about me Sam Sharpe. I thought we agreed to keep that a secret!

        2. GirlSixx says:

          “You and I both know that my pussy is nice. I don’t have to do anything”

          Lawd O Mercy *HangsHead* LOLLLLl

          I say this as well.

    2. keisha brown says:

      confidence and being observant.

  6. Muze says:

    i just died at starfish. lol.

    yeah i think number one for men thinking a woman is good is enthusiasm. men say that allll the time. i think your list pretty much sums it up.

    and considering a man can “finish” with just his rough and manly hand and imagination… i don’t think him finishing can be a sole factor in judging how good she was in bed. maybe the haste at which he finishes? but even still… that just may mean you have niagara falls overwhelming him. lol. idk.

  7. BGirl says:

    I think I’m pretty good. I’m no Alicia Tyler but I does my thang thang. I’ve thought about it often, but never asked before(with the exception of the text message I just sent lol) but I always have follow-up visits. I read somewhere on these e-streets, possibly this blog even, that dudes don’t necessarily think its good just based on “finishing”, which shocked the hell out of me. But your 5 points were on point and I think I excel in those things.

    We should start a club lol

  8. Renè says:

    Different strokes for different folks.

    What makes you a bad lay for Jack, might make you a great lay for John. It always varies.

  9. In response to the reader who tweeted “there’s no such thing as a woman being ‘bad’ if he finishes.” She’s absolutely incorrect. Finishing is easy – it’s a simple matter of friction – if you do the same thing enough times in a row, you’re gonna finish.

    1. this is correct. just because a man comes it doesn’t mean you were all that good.

  10. Mrs. Brigthside says:

    I think I’m great in bed for several reasons. First, on more than one occasion I have had guys in college, on a college campus, with hoes galore trying to schedule time to have followed up sex with me. Second, I’ve been told that my sex game is worth cheating on a woman for. And third, I had a guy bust his own windshield because I wouldn’t let him hit again.

    I totally agree with Lidia-Anain having sex with a female will give you so much respect for the work men have to put into a good sex experience. My standards for good sex include Max’s 5 plus the nut. Not often do you have a great nut from bad or so-so sex. You may come but the intensity with which you cum will differ based on the stimulation used to get you there. At least it does for me.

  11. LaLaBakir says:

    Good post Maxie!

    I think I’m good in bed. But then again, I’m competitive by nature and I think I’m pretty good at everything. Except math, baseball/softball, and a few other things. But with that said, I’m pretty honest with myself about where my skills are lacking…and I don’t think the bedroom is an area. *shrugs* But what do I know

  12. RedLady821 says:

    I think that everybody is good in bed, it’s just a matter of having the right connection with the right person. Max, you look like you’re good in bed #no homo, but you do. All slim and tatted up, no worries my dear, I’m sure you’re fine. LOL.

    Starfish – why do I keep picturing Patrick from Spongebob with a stupid look on his face drooling?

    1. Flyy says:

      Bwhahahahaha @ your image of starfish Red.

    2. BP says:

      Redlady, you know I love you to pieces but I don’t think everyone has the ability to be good in bed no matter who they are with. It can take LOTS of guidance and some people don’t take constructive criticism well. I was going to tell a story but I need to not over share, I mean after all it isn’t Friday.

      1. RedLady821 says:

        Shhhhh – I know but I was just being nice! **looks around**

  13. Flyy says:

    Because I’m an occasional prude and paranoid about who reads my sh.t on the net, I can’t get into details but I liked several of these comments.

    Great post Maxie <3

  14. Once upon a time, when I first started doing the nasty, there was no way that I could believe that I was good in bed. I was convinced that I was horrible. These days it’s a different story. Reading this post made me realize that I’ve never matched my abilities up to a checklist. So I really never knew if I was good or bad. According to this list I’m good. *wipes forhead in relief*

    1. max says:

      Not to be weird, but you totally look like you would be good in bed.

      1. Sam Sharpe says:

        What does someone who looks good in bed look like?

        1. max says:

          Just look in the mirror I dunno. Fit, dirty, sexy. Something! You just know it when you see it.

        2. Renè says:

          This is hilarious. I guess there’s some sort of radar. You never know.

    2. keisha brown says:

      i was a late bloomer, lost the vcard at 21, so for the longest time i felt i was bad in bed. all things told, i probably was because i didnt know how to voice what i wanted, didnt really know what i wanted and didnt know i could/should ask for what i wanted.

      it wasn’t until i had partners who were patient and concerned with my pleasure as much as their own, did i start to get better in bed.

      but agreed that good in bed is in the eye of the bed-holder. 😉

  15. Sam Sharpe says:

    In my opinion, being a good sexual partner is like being a good host at a dinner party. If you’re generous, clean, have a pleasing menu and guests leave with a smile on their face, you’ve thrown a good party.

    I also think that on some level if you even have to ask yourself “am I a good sexual partner” you’re probably not. Not saying that everyone has to walk around thinking or telling people that their dick/pum is like napalm but if you’re the type of person who’s open, curious, enthusiastic and willing to reciprocate, everything will take care of itself and people will have a good time with you. You might not be the Michael Jordan of the boudoir, but you’d still be in the NBA.

  16. Reecie says:

    Sam Sharpe made a good point. I think there is a diff between good pussy and good sex. Starfish is wack, yes but that wet wet and fit will make a difference between the starfish that feels like pure ecstasy or not.

    I think the totality of good sex is depending on the things Max mentioned. but tightness/wetness are what make good pussy. But I’m just speaking on what I’ve been told by men. I have no idea how it feels for a man, but I’ve asked several in my life, lol.

    so yeah you have to have that enthusiasm, chemistry, nastiness etc. and that goes for both genders–there are men with nice equipment but just ain’t working it right or slappin, flipping or rubbing it right to make good sex TO ME. I pretty much know the times I’ve been ungood, but I then again I’m always in my head and I know when no effort has been made. I agree with Red about having the right person/connection to bring that out of you… and also like someone else said whats bad for some could be great for others. its all about knowing your partner and being WILLING to please them and having fun with it.

    1. SmartFoxGirl says:

      I can get behind this comment. lol pause. Thanks for oversharing Reecie! This:”I think the totality of good sex is depending on the things Max mentioned. but tightness/wetness are what make good p*ssy.” I totallyagree with. I’ve asked 2 questions: “am I good in bed?” “is my p*ssy good?” Because they’re diff. I think the good p*ssy thing is like the lottery big D men get. You’re born with it…and if you can tighten the muscles too?! Lawd, sends him into overdrive.

      1. Malik says:

        Sorry, this is false dear. Women can learn to control their vaginal muscles to tighten or expand at will. #schooledbyasianwoman

        1. Malik says:

          I mean, as long as you have basic hygiene everything that makes a decent-good-great ‘box’ is completely under your control.

          1. Lidia-Anain says:

            ::claps for him:: YES! Let them KNOW that tightness and taste can definitely be controlled by a woman but I am pretty sure that wetness can’t be controlled. The amount of wetness a woman produces is completely hormonal and as far as I know there aren’t any ways to produce more than you naturally do. The ladies that don’t have super wet wets can always buy some lube and get on those Kegels to make up for it. 😉 No excuses for lack of tightness when you have perfectly good muscles down there begging you to exercise them!

            ::thinks she needs to stop commenting about pussy before the entire internet finds out she’s a raging bisexual::

            1. max says:

              Wait – how does a woman control the way she tastes?

              1. Flyy says:

                The foods you eat… just like anything else. Food creeps its way there to. The stronger the food the more it will alter your taste.

                So avoid things like fish/seafood before chexy time.
                Endulge in fruits and water.

              2. Sade says:

                Diet, hygiene and (at the risk of oversharing) chlorophyll. I usually by the liquid type and add it to water but they also sell it in capsules at health food stores and places like the vitamin shoppe and GNC.

              3. Kema says:

                I heard that vegetarians taste pretty good…

                1. Mrs.Brightside says:

                  According to the type of vegetarian they are. I dated a guy who was vegetarian but ate fish and after the first time I refused to let him cum anywhere near my mouth. Not sure if it was the fish but he tasted horrible.

              4. Melanie says:

                pineapple is winning for both sexes

  17. GinaforDummies says:

    I couldn’t really explain on Twitter what I meant because of so many characters and so many Twurkers (Twitter Lurkers) and I don’t want to taint my quirky Twitter personality. So anyway, I don’t think there is a such thing as a woman being ‘bad’. It’s not because she’s not flexible, or enthusiastic, it took something for the man/woman for that matter that she’s sleeping with in order for him to want to drop those draws! Now. If that man’s standards were “too high” or he had some crazy expectations that the woman would be Jada Fire in the bed and his hopes were let down, but he still “finished” she wasn’t bad at all. Now if the woman lacked all of these skills that Max has, had a smelly cooch, or everything was pretty much all bad, but he still finished………she wasn’t bad at all! Obviously something inside of her helped you finish, so don’t dog her after to your boys. (Not like saying I’ve ever had this problem lol, or even felt like I was bad….well one time but that’s it lol)

  18. Reecie says:

    can I just add that I’m glad I’m not a lesbian or man. putting your face in tart puss has to be THE WORST! has anyone actually gagged on bad tasting vagina?

    feel free to overshare, folks. I’m truly curious 🙂

    1. Lidia-Anain says:

      Yes! Gagged to the point I wanted to vomit. Her pussy had a strange scent when you got all the way up on it and the taste was foul. Her juice made my mouth “cotton-mouth” up and I couldn’t go on eating if my life had depended on it. From this experience I learned to ALWAYS do a “finger test” before going muff diving. Wrote a post describing the finger-test and another about this woman”s Mahi Mahi pussy that you can find on my site.

      Good tasting pussy is usually odorless or close to it. The juice is usually colorless. I’ve found that the women that get wet the easiest usually taste the best. Wetness is such a vital part of pussy enjoyment!

      In response to ALL the women that said that wetness equals good pussy but not good sex say that shit all you want…but guess what…good yummy wet pussy will trump all your bullshit “enthusiasm” any day! Besides doesn’t a very wet pussy show how much you want him/her? ::sighs::

      1. GirlSixx says:

        ‘In response to ALL the women that said that wetness equals good pussy but not good sex say that shit all you want…but guess what…good yummy wet pussy will trump all your bullshit “enthusiasm” any day!’

        Right.. Right….. :o)

        I like this comment.

      2. streetztalk says:

        This comment made me scrunch up my face like im hearing a gritty 90s rap verse.

        Lidia is pseaking gospel tho. I havent had this experience and hope to never have it!

        1. Lidia-Anain says:

          lol! I feel like an idiot when I hear men say they’ve never been hit with the taste of yuck pussy. I learned the hard way to finger test women. That woman was the absolute worst I’ve ever tasted but even ones that taste alright make you really appreciate the ones with good tasting pussy. I think we need a side post about the joys of glorious tasteless, odorless, pleasant to the palette wetness that makes you want to eat for days.

          Well, here’s the link: to the Finger Test post so that nobody here in this comment thread ever has to taste Mahi Mahi va-jay-jay.

  19. SmartFoxGirl says:

    It’s such a catch 22 with saying you’re good in bed because it will always be perceived as bragging. I know I’m good because I’ve been told many times over. Plus the reaction of the men to my moves was pure confirmation. I’m oober s.exual and crazy creative which makes for a good partner.

    I can list reasons why I think I’m good but I think it all boils down to one thing: I’ll do anything and give it my all. If I trust you and there’s pleasure involved, I go all out. I think that’s what my previous lovers liked (or so they said). You don’t have to be a p0rn star, just enthusiastic and down for anything. Even on my back, I’m giving it back.

    As far as women being bad in bed, I think all she needs is communication. Not everyone is freaky or naturally good at love making. Many need to be taught. It’s easy to teach your lady how to be a good lover, even if all you do is hold her hips and show her how you like to be effed. I don’t know why people complain, speak up.

    1. Yoles says:

      “I’ll do anything and give it my all. If I trust you and there’s pleasure involved, I go all out.”

      thats the truth.. be willing to do whatever… whenever and however (within legal and health limits of course) and with that mindset comes the aforementioned wetness

  20. GirlSixx says:

    I’m not a starfish but I am sort of a pillow princess *shrug*

    But I don’t get complaints ONLY compliments so it’s safe to assume I’m all good.

    1. max says:

      Ooh pillow princess. I like that. And I do tend to be one of those occasionally.

      1. Malik says:

        Wait wait wait Max, when did you become a pillow princess? When did you start to appreciate the beautiful art of cunnilingus? This is a topic I’m deeply invested in. I was writing sonnets to convince!

        1. max says:

          Oh no I thought being a pillow princess meant you were good in bed without having to try. If I have to like oral, then I’m definitely not a pillow princess.

          1. Malik says:

            Pillow Princess is usually used to describe bi-curious women who aren’t yet ready to taste another woman’s nectar but would like to experiment with women tasting her. Her are some of my favorite bars about eating the box. I WILL WEAR YOU DONE MAX.

            I could go downstairs, little brown hairs everywhere
            “You nasty Twin!” I don’t care
            Round here they call me Big Pun, if you with the big guns
            Thick tongue, known to make a chick [come]

            You may not be a model but I can front page ya
            You know I’m nasty, excuse my behavior
            Let me just taste ya, we can fuck later

            Then they wanna seduce ya like Madusa, be cool
            I said I got a girl, she told me, “Me too!”
            So that must mean you want a nigga to eat that seafood
            Baby don’t be foolish, but call her, I’ll watch her do it

            1. Flyy says:

              Hmph. I guess I learned something new. I need to make sure I get a clarification when people use that term. I definitely heard it used in the case of a chick that was too good to put in work during chex occasionally. i.e., she lies there on the pillow looking pretty like a princess.

              1. GirlSixx says:

                That’s the way I heard it too.

            2. Flyy says:

              Urban dictionary gives your definition… but gives something more generic.

              $ex question: What is pillow princess? $exually speaking, a pillow princess is a woman who is always the reciever rather than the giver in bed.

              1. GirlSixx says:

                Thank You!!!!

            3. GirlSixx says:


              HOLE UP HOLE UP…. Noooo I am not bi-curious (TTTAWT) although reading lidia’s comments today got me biting my pearls.

              My definition of pillow princess is JUST what Maxed described. I never have to get all acrobatical (is that word) and ish. I am usually always missionary on the bottom getting served. That’s what I mean by pillow princess.


              1. Malik says:

                Sounds dreadfully boring. I’d be liable to turn on my iPod and start listening to Supreme Clientele and Liquid Swords.

                1. GirlSixx says:

                  Eh, to each his own….

  21. streetztalk says:

    And one last thought – as I was finishing up this post one of my followers tweeted to me that “there’s no such thing as a woman being ‘bad’ if he finishes”. What do you guys think about that? Speak on it in the comments.


    That tweet is illogical. Marathon finished his race, and he died right after. Ask him if he thought running that distance was bad.

    Feel free to @ or dap him to me for his/her stupidity of a comment.

    Great post!

  22. Lidia-Anain says:

    The more I think about this post Max the more I think that sensuality throws off this entire checklist hypothesis. What I mean by that is that there are some women that just ooze sex. From their eyes and smiles to the way they are shaped and how they all equals sex. These women usually don’t try to be sensual or sexy they just are. They could be girly or the coolest chill woman that can hang with the boys but at the end of the day something about them just entices you…stirs that sexual desire. With these women you not only want to get satisfaction from them but you also want to make sure you really please them. Most of these women have a hard time keeping lovers away once they’ve had it…even if she is crazy…at least sexually her sensuality brings you back.

    Yup. I think that there are some women that have bodies and souls made for sex and therefore they genetically are good in bed. There is no checklist a man carries with him to check off if he has met one of these women because when he meets one he knows and he won’t want to stop until he has her.

    1. max says:

      I’m totally this type of woman. Or at least that’s what I’m choosing to believe til someone I’ve slept with comes around and tells me otherwise.

      1. Lidia-Anain says:

        I’ll volunteer to be the judge of this. I’m going to need to have sex with you and be able to watch you with a man. I propose you, me and WIMmy meet in a hotel near the US/Canada border. You can have him first to make sure that anything I do to him doesn’t give you any tips but I get to be with you before he does. ::giggles::

        Where is WIM? He has yet to comment this post.

        1. max says:

          Oh Mr WIM needs an engraved invitation to read my blog. And I haven’t issued it yet today.

        2. keisha brown says:

          *offers to direct said movie.
          oops. i said too much.

    2. ha! i used to think that was such a bad thing when guys said this to me in undergrad- I’m definitely one of those ooze sex girls. It’s not consciously- I think it’s just because I’m always thinking of sexy times lol

    3. Muze says:

      i’ve always took this offensively when people said it to me. lol.

      even the woman who does my bikini wax, a frumpy, middle-aged german woman, said “your body is built for sex. i bet your boyfriend loves that huh?” …while she was waxing me. O_O

      1. Muze says:

        *taken. thanks.

  23. I think we’re forgetting that what may be good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander. My head game could be over the type for gentleman A but subpar for gentleman B… how is one to predict such things?!?!

    As for me- not too worried about my lady parts as two of the guys I’ve slept with have described it as kryptonite **pats self on back** HOWEVER I would love to improve my ride game. Personally tho backshots> cowboying.

    1. Menelaus says:

      That ain’t true. Like I can tell a girl how to give good head. Basically that dude A, is wack. He don’t know what good head is. Like its the same thing with basketball and when people be like, “I can’t play on courts without nets.” Yeah that mean you not nice. You have to be able to switch it up and adapt. A girl that gives good head always gives good head. That’s a fact. Dudes might be head, ring or shaft type dudes, but a great teacher figures out the best way to give knowledge.

      1. max says:

        What he said. I think good is good. The subtleties may vary from partner to partner, but if you’re not good, you’re not good no matter who you’re sucking.

  24. streetztalk says:

    Max blog just turnt it up, lol

  25. Menelaus says:

    Think about this conversation like this… it’s 60 people on an NFL roster. Now back in college, it was 66 people on the team. Pretty much all those people on that team thought they had a shot at going pro. Maybe not the best shot, but a shot. Now it was about 20 dudes on that team who thought they was Jon Blaze. And only about 3 of them dudes got drafted. One of those 3 is the 60th player on the NFL roster. He thinks he’s the shit. But he really is trash. He better than a lot of people, but he’s actually trash in the grand scheme of things. But he on the team tho…

    The thing about that is, sometimes that 60th player be the only one you got, so you have to play him. That’s how your p*ssy is. Like a chick will think she got that silver & gold p*ssy make a dude wanna thank God, but in reality. You like the 60th player and he gotta make you feel a part of the team just so you will stay around and keep working at getting better.

    I know a dude who was with a chick for years, she was the last player on the bench, but she was on the team for years. If you asked him, “Have you ever had bad sex?” He would tell you about this chick, and then I would be like, “But dog, you slept with that chick for years.” He would just nod and be like, so…. At times, you want some p*ssy and that’s the only thing available. If he told her that the p*ssy was wack, she wouldn’t mess with him no more.

    For a while, I thought he was just telling people that so no one else would smash. Then I found out otherwise…

    #gotem – I ain’t sleep with shorty, I read her carfax.

    1. Lidia-Anain says:

      It took you two paragraphs to tell these people that a dude smashing you for years doesn’t mean you are good in bed because some men would rather fuck bad pussy than no pussy? Is your foreplay this long-winded? I’m not sure if it would be torture or an adventure.

      Women don’t want to hear this. Women ALL want to think they have the best pussy in the world and are amateur porn stars in bed especially if dudes keep on coming back to hit.

      What women want is to NEVER give men enough credit for the great work they do in bed.

      1. Menelaus says:

        Thanks for the echo.

  26. Coery deBlaze says:

    Aint this a muthafucka! We grading pussy today. Check it: pussy, is pussy, is pussy. Let a nigga break this shit down for yall. Yo, aint none a yall pussy got shit in there that make it better than the next bitch shit! Like my mans said in that one comment all da fuck it is, is friction. A dude can fuck a cantaloupe and get the same feeling from banging the baddest bitch, as long as he nut. Wetness, tightness, flexibility, stankness, all that dont mean as much as yall think it does. Hell if I’m drunk enough, I’ll fuck a stank ho, I don’t give a fuck!

    But yo, I fucked this chick once, we used to call the heffa “Interstate” cause plenty niggas round my way been all up in her shit, but long story short… yo, you could stay across the room get a running start, launch yourself in the air, do a Fosbury flop and still land flush in this bitch pussy, it was so big and loose. But gotdammit it was some of the best sex I ever had. Why? Yo, mami was da truth with her swag, her vibe, her sensuality as homegirl Lidia said. She was flirty, smart, sexy and confident, a tease. She could match a nigga in shit talking, she would be witty and she had a great muthafuckin sense of humor and she loved fuckin. By the time I popped them titties out her bra, whew, shit, damn, yo I woulda fucked a hole in the wall as long as she was in the same room with me!! That’s how much this bitch turend a nigga on.

    It aint even about the physical act itself that drive a dude crazy. Pussy, is pussy, is pussy. Feel me. Ladies, get into a nigga head before you take your muthafuckin clothes off and its gonna always be that bomb shit.Yeah, thats what it is.

    1. Lidia-Anain says:

      Pimp 101: Pussy and Dick ain’t worth a shit because they are common. The only value pussy or dick can have is the value YOU place on it.

      Yes, pussy is pussy is pussy. And dick is dick is dick. We all want to bust nuts just like we want to get money and enjoy some happiness.

    2. keisha brown says:

      i love how this dude steps in the room. #notical/methodman. lol.

    3. LaLaBakir says:

      “Here lies LaLa. She lived life as only a real G could.”

      Make sure ya’ll pour a little liquor out on my grave.

    4. max says:

      Well damn. That’s all I can say.

    5. GirlSixx says:

      Well Damn!!


    6. Kema says:

      “Ladies, get into a nigga head before you take your muthafuckin clothes off and its gonna always be that bomb shit.”

      This is the comment I’m rolling with today. lol!

    7. Menelaus says:

      A few things…

      1) I think you and your mother should have a sit down about naming you, “Coery”. That’s the most creative shit since “Dwyane.”
      1b) If you mispelled your own name it would also explain why I had to google what it means for a woman to turend a man on.
      2) The n-word will not go out of style if you say it a little less.
      3) “It can be light, dark, skinny or fat, pussy is pussy so yeah I hit that.” – Tony Yayo. Here’s where you’re wrong, pussy is different, what you saying is is that you’ll hit any pussy. That’s cool. My comment reigns supreme here, “I can tell a lot about the women you date by how you talk about them.”
      4) Pussy by nature is different. They look different, they have different tightness, (regardless of children or having a triz ran on you), some women do it rough, some women do it soft, some women are good on top, some women make you feel like missionary wasn’t all about you, some women back that thing up like #thatswhatitsmadefor, some pussy is old, some is young, some is in between, some is unused and some is on part III of Lord of the Rings and it’s been through a lot, my point is… pussy is different.
      5) I’ve had wack pussy before. I’ve had great pussy before. I’ve had pussy that had me smiling the next day as I walked to class. I wanted to go tell it on the mountain. I’ve had pussy that made me give the girl a Hi-Five, and then I had pussy that made me be like, “get out.”

      Main point: Chill son.

      1. GirlSixx says:

        some is on part III of Lord of the Rings and it’s been through a lot,

        idied just a lil when I read this sentence.

    8. Melanie says:

      I don’t agree with p is p is p or or d is d is d. *it’s late & I’m not doin all that typing* :-/

      For example, some p is shallow, some is deep, some is wide, some is narrow. Some shallow p can take any length of peen like spandex, some p can’t it’s like a car crash when the p hits the brick wall the ish hurts. Basically, some parts just aren’t compatible and that’s just one aspect. On the flip side, some d gets all the way rock hard, some d never gets rock hard, some only rocks up for the last 5 strokes. I could go on, but why? I’m just saying.

    9. Sam Sharpe says:

      “A dude can fuck a cantaloupe and get the same feeling from banging the baddest bitch, as long as he nut.”

      I want to know where the f*ck this dude is grocery shopping where a cantaloupe feels just like p*ssy…and it might just be friction but not all friction is created equal.

  27. melissa says:

    ok, so has anyone here actually had complaints?

    i never thought i was good until i was told, but even the first few times i was told, i was skeptical…are you telling me this just because we’re having sex and you want to continue having sex? and not necessarily because of me, specifically?

    but in having talked to my gfs and others and such, maybe i am good. i like everything, i’ll do everything and i’m never too tired or sick to go.

    1. keisha brown says:

      i guess a complaint is a dude that never calls you back after having sex with you?

      1. melissa says:

        oh yeah. hahaha…that makes sense.
        glad i’ve never had that happen!

    2. max says:

      Once a man – after we broke up – made reference to my “laziness” in bed. But I don’t really count that as a complaint because a) I choose to believe that that comment was motivated more by bitterness that he was no longer getting the goodness than by truth and b) I was half-stepping with him the whole time.

  28. keisha brown says:

    oh and max i meant to say, that pic is hilarious.
    that is all.

  29. what if ur amazing in bed but only good for one round? is that like an oxymoron? i’ve always heard i was pretty good in bed but i think if ur pretty good in bed then one great round should finish you off for the night. if i have sex 4 times per week then only one of those times am i likely to be good for a round two and my man almost always wants a round two. i am the first one here that is bad in bed *hangs head in shame*

    1. Starita34 says:

      You’re the first one to acknowledge that they’re bad in bed…
      but if you read between the lines on some of the comments…

    2. max says:

      Wait – why would you ever not be good for round two?

      1. my sex drive just never really allows for me to get aroused enough for me to go again especially if the nut is good. i love sex. i truly do but after a good nut i’m in chill mode and i dont want to be touched for a good 30 mins. by this time he’s asleep. even if im painting my nails as you’d say and i come real good i cant go again and i’ll frustrate myself if i try, i’ve frustrated myself a time or two trying and i’ve faked it a time or two letting guys go another round.

        typing it out now sounds all kinds of weird. i have some issues i must need to explore. like i once HATED when my tits were even touched, now i love it esp when receiving oral….

        *goes in the corner to sit and think about this one real good*

        1. max says:

          No no I don’t think you’re weird, it’s just unfathomable for a sex fiend such as myself to imagine having the option of a round two and turning it down.

  30. NC17 says:

    how dare you gchat with someone else.

    to the point. I have to cosign with Corey deBlaze. Pussy is Pussy, the actual glory hole is nothing special, no woman no matter how tight, loose, or in between can claim superiority when it comes to that. All this Pussy Be Yankn’ talk is propaganda. Allow me to idol worship Max for cleverly pointing out the real cause of the repeat or memorable smash– Enthusiasm and Dirtiness. Those two qualities play to the mental stimulation of a man and can make that nut come fast and furious. Wet dreams are proof of this– no pussy needed same result. Any woman can throw the ass like a champ and get her dude to the finish line, the real talent is being engaging enough via moans, talk, fuck faces, etc.. to take him to a level where he’s never gone before. That’s good sex.

    1. max says:

      Oh baby I’m only gchatting with other people because you won’t chat with me. And that’s all I can publicly say in response to this comment.

    2. Menelaus says:

      It’s funny that NC17 and me listen to the same ratchet music.

      I kay-neeen-lie fuck better when i’m dranking…

  31. Bumblebee_C says:

    I am sooo taking notes… I thought it was weird that I would literally ask for a “lessons learned” after every guy I have had sex with. I didn’t start “poppin that coochie” till 20, so all I had to go off on is watched porn. But I agree with the 5 checklist points given way earlier. I do know this…Pineapples are a mans/womans friend.

    1. Malik says:

      It’s soooo sweet…

  32. rizzle says:

    A woman is only bad in bed if:
    A. She doesn’t show up
    B. She falls asleep

    1. Kema says:

      “B. She falls asleep ”

      Hah! I think that may be an indication that the man is not only bad in bed but boring.

    2. max says:

      What about if she faints? I’ve fainted twice.

    3. keisha brown says:

      she doesnt show up.

  33. Liguanea says:

    Shouldn’t intention be factored into the quality of the sex and the pussy? I mean, what kind of sex are we having? Does that not have an effect on the outcome? Its been my experience that if I want to leave an impression on a woman, the quality of her pussy or her skills matters not in the proceedings. I’m not thinking about how it feels and what skills she has because I don’t care. I’m there to make her submit. I want to take the fight out of her. I want her to lay there and receive what is being given with glassy eyes and a arched back. I guess I want her to want to be a starfish. If a woman is confronted with that I think her body will behave differently than say when we’re having intimate loving sex, where both parties are concerned with the other and intent upon prolonging the experience. Those are the times when I think its literally impossible for a woman’s pums to be whack.

    Also I think we’re neglecting the fact that arousal for women and men are completely different. For most men its almost a reflex, for women it can take time. If you take the time, its normally worth the wait. This is not to say that some women aren’t blessed with amazing vaginas. The reality is that you had to get her aroused in the first place. I mean maybe I’m wrong, but it doesn’t just wake up wet and tight. The ferrari don’t drive unless you fill it with gas and turn the key.

    The only time I’ve ever had bad pussy was when I did not give two shits about getting the woman aroused and she didn’t give a damn about getting me aroused. Like others have stated, I think the skill of a woman is found in her foreplay skills, getting in your head as Coery said. Touching and kissing passionately. Yes men do more work but its a small price to pay to not have to give birth

    1. max says:

      This comment has me furrowing my brow in consternation. I need to think some more about it.

    2. keisha brown says:

      I’m there to make her submit. I want to take the fight out of her

      there is not a big enough fan in the world right now….

    3. Sade says:

      Umm quick question, do you make house calls?

  34. O_D says:

    Okay I’m really tearing myself up with this overload of Sext.
    Cheekie I’m calling you out, we VeeGee’s gotta stick together!

  35. keisha brown says:

    *day late and dollar short..

    posted this question on my blackberry and it led to some interesting convos..
    *reposted with permission

    Dude: Good question. I’ve never had you in bed to answer
    Me: LOL
    Me: I mean, what makes a woman good in bed?
    Dude: Chemistry and willingness to please the man to exhaustion. Any real man will gladly let the woman know what he like
    Me: You sure about that?
    Dude: I can only speak for myself
    Me: Interesting.
    Dude: However there also has to be a perfect fit. Like a giver/ reciever
    One likes it loud while the other likes to listen
    One wants to be lazy the other wants to work
    Or they both work in unison
    It’s great when it’s right, the other times it’s just really good
    And if a woman is inactive in bed… That’s a guaranteed “bad in bed” rating
    Me: Men on the post have said some don’t say anything for fear of not getting any more. To some bad is better than none
    Dude: Bad is better than none… But the continual delusion of sex not being enjoyed out of fear? That’s sad
    Me: Agreed. Since men always say wmn shouldn’t fake with them
    Ddue: Imagine when both parties get it right? Sex is no longer a chore, but something to look forward to. If it’s bad…. SAY SOMETHING
    Me: But also easier said than done
    Dude: However I applaud all the academy award winning women who ever have or ever will fake it for my behalf. It shows that they give a “f” about my feelings/ego
    Me: Well that’s why faking happens
    Dude: Yup… And I appreciate the effort. However I appreciated the women who were honest and helped me to make them climax everytime. There’s no better feeling (for me) than a true female orgasm
    Me: Agreed.

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