So I’m back with another reader advice question. Check out the question and my answer and then weigh in in the comments.
So I met this guy about 8 months ago through mutual friends. He lives a bit far away so I haven’t seen him, but we’ve been chatting online and texting each other regularly since we met. At first the conversations were just friendly but over time they got more intimate, I’ve sent him pictures and we’ve even had some great “faux” sex as you would call it.
Even though we’ve been talking for a long time, it’s always been kind of a mix between a platonic friendship and being on the road to a romance, but we never talked about where things might go. We talked a lot about what would happen if we saw each other again but we never made plans to meet up.
A few weeks ago we were both invited to a friend’s wedding in Montreal and a bunch of us went there for the weekend. It was weird because even though we both knew that we were both going to be there we hardly talked about it and didn’t make any plans to be alone. The first night we got there we both hung out with all of our friends and it was really fun. We spent a lot of time talking but not about anything special. He came back to my room in the hotel and even though things were awkward at first, we ended up having sex. He spent the night and in the morning we did it again and then had breakfast together and hung out and had a really great time. In the afternoon we went our separate ways and we all got together for dinner later.
At dinner things were a bit weird and he didn’t say much to me, but we were sitting far apart and there were always people around so I didn’t make a big deal about it. The next day was the wedding and he pretty much ignored me the whole time. We only talked in groups of people and he never said anything directly to me. This went on all night and even at one point one of our friends asked me if something was up between us because he seemed to be ignoring me. The next morning we all got together for breakfast before heading home and he was acting kind of normal, at least treating me the same as he treated everyone else.
Now that we’re both back home we’re still talking but something seems off. I just think it’s weird that after talking to someone for 8 months he would just have sex and completely lose interest, but I can’t think of any other explanation. What do you think?
Ah girlie you’re singing my life with this question. The last time I had to ask myself whether I’d just been used for sex it was a very similar situation – someone who was all hot and sweaty to talk to me before but then seemed ever so slightly off afterward. Nothing kills a post-coital glow quite like this.
Based off what you’ve told me, it’s entirely possible that this guy was just using you for sex. It’s also possible that he felt awkward about it, or that he didn’t want to give anything away while you were in the midst of all your friends, or that he was taking time to figure out what the sex meant to him and what it might mean to you. Those are all distinct possibilities.
However – and please forgive me if I’m a bit harsh here – I think this guy is a bit of a dick. I mean, any man with the sense God gave a chicken must know that if he acts sketchy toward a girl the day after he fucked her for the first time, she’s going to think he was just using her. And if he know that and proceeds to act sketchy anyway, he’s probably a fucking douche. Even if he was feeling awkward or trying to hold things down, there are better ways than this to handle the situation. He could have sent you secret texts while you were out with all your friends so that you would know he was thinking of you, or better yet, he could have opened his pie hole and had a discussion with you about what the sex meant and where things might go from here and what, if anything, you should say to your friends. Wouldn’t that just have made everyone’s lives so much easier?
So was he just using you for sex? Maybe not. But I don’t really think it much matters anyway. At best this guy is a coward and a panty, at worst he’s a full-on prick. If you’re really concerned with finding out which he is, I say have a talk with him and try to get a sense of where his head’s at. But if it were me I’d just skip it altogether.
What say you, dear readers?