Those of you who know me outside of my blog know that I can be a bit of a headcase. I’m extremely high strung, alternately too hard and too easy on myself, and have far less common sense than anyone my age should have. To quote my girl MsEsquire, I am a mess sometimes. And [...]
Those of you who know me outside of my blog know that I can be a bit of a headcase. I’m extremely high strung, alternately too hard and too easy on myself, and have far less common sense than anyone my age should have. To quote my girl MsEsquire, I am a mess sometimes. And like any good mess, I function best when I have a team in place to keep me in line. More than just friends, these people are coaches, instructors, judges, havens, and cheering squads, and each of them has a very special role in making sure I stay winning at the game of Max. These are the friends I need in my life to keep my sanity.
So without further ado
because it’s nearly midnight and I need to get to bed, I present to you, my starting lineup:
1. The media nerd
This might just be an advertising thing, but I need a friend in my life who works in my industry and understands the craziness that media life entails. No matter how well I explain things to my friends with normal jobs, you can’t really know my life until you’ve been stuck at work until 2 am with a Dorito on your head yelling things like “the media is the message!” to prepare for a presentation at 9am the next day. In Mississauga. For which you cannot wear jeans. In order to really function at an optimal level, I need a friend who finds commercials more interesting than programming, who looked askance at the screen yesterday when they read that WPP bought a stake in Vice Magazine, and whose inbox is also filled with old Advertising Age newsletters because they’re too interesting to archive. More than any other member of my lineup, the media friend is the one who keeps me sane. Especially if they work on my floor and have an office with a door I can close so I can bitch my head off in between meetings.
2. The unabashedly unobjective friend
I don’t particularly love having smoke blown up my ass, but I definitely need a friend in my life who sees me through rose-coloured glasses. I am my own worst critic and can work myself into a frenzy of self-recrimination faster than you can say “green guava” if I’m not careful. But when I have a friend in my life who thinks I’m awesome all the time, no matter what, I can occasionally relax and appreciate my greatness for the wondrous thing it truly is. This of course would lead to a swollen head of epic proportions if I didn’t have at all times this next friend.
5. The friend who will always be better than me
Does everyone have a friend like this in their lives? You so need one. The friend who can’t relate to your whining about writer’s block because they never get it. The friend who has successfully battled the Libra curse of indecision. The one who can hear what I’m saying but can move past navel-gazing toward making sense. The friend who always always always wins arguments because they are always always always right. This friend makes me feel like shit at least 87% of the time, but it’s the friend who – more than any other member of the lineup – makes me want to be better. Because he will be. All the fucking time.
6. The nasty friend
This should surprise no one, but in order for me to feel like I’m really being heard, I need a member of my squad who wants to hear every dirty detail. Squeamish or prudish people have their places in my life, but if I don’t have at least one person in my life to whom I can freely use words like cock and pussy in every conversation, I am losing at life. I need that friend who will boldly go before me and navigate murky waters like ATM and sex clubs and then report back to me in exquisite detail exactly what it was like. It makes me feel like I have a safe place to tell my secrets and a navigation plan for my journey to sexual exploration. And plus when I don’t have someone in my life to whom I can tell my sex stories in every gory detail, I have a tendency to waaaay overshare on this blog. And that scares people.
3. The emotionally stunted friend
It makes me happy in life when I feel like I’m helping someone. And there’s no one I’d rather help than a friend who is sabotaging herself and wants to learn how to stop. Maybe it’s wrong to be pleased by the fact that I will always be doing better than this friend, but it’s reassuring to have someone in your squad who always needs your help. Makes me feel like I’m making a contribution to society.
And there you have it. The 5 (was that 5? I don’t even know. But I’m sure Streetz will be around soon enough to check my math) people I need in my life to keep me functioning at peak performance. Who’s in your starting five? Share with me in the comments.