My Name is Max and I’m an As$hole


If you are among my close circle of friends, you know that in the last few days I’ve realized that deep down inside I am an asshole. I never would have thought this to be the case, but you know what? It’s true. And you know what else? I’m not mad about it.

See the thing about being an asshole is that assholes are generally happy people. They (we) really are. Because they (we) don’t have to waste precious moments of their lives doing shit they don’t want to do because they’re afraid to speak up for themselves. And they don’t lie in bed at night thinking about that thing they wish they had said when someone insulted them earlier. They don’t wonder what would have happened if they had just been direct in asking for what they want. Assholes do, say, and demand what the fuck they want and you know what? Moretimes they get it.

Because here’s the thing: a lot of people are afraid of assholes. A lot of people are so worried about being perceived as being nice, so consumed by wanting to be accommodating and willing and supportive, so terrified of being branded an asshole themselves that they will just bow down and give an asshole whatever they want – no matter how unreasonable it is – just to keep the peace.  And once an asshole gets wind of the fact that she can get whatever she wants, do everything she wants to do and nothing she doesn’t want to just by speaking forcefully, it’s kind of hard to stop yourself from doing it. And it’s kind of really unreasonable for anyone to expect us not to.

I’ve always decried assholes for being selfish, for being takers, for refusing to consider the interests or opinions of the people who care about them. I thought they were soulless, scavengers, parasites. And that may be somewhat true. But it’s also true that assholes are really only assholes because someone allowed them to be. Assholes are only assholes because they choose not to accept responsibility for the happiness of the people around them and focus instead on satisfying their own needs. And I really don’t think there’s much wrong with that.

Here’s a little-known fact about me: beneath all my rough talk, beneath my raunchiness and my hard truth, I’m really just a big softie. For most of my life I’ve been a cry at commercials, too chickenshit to ask for things, give you the shirt off my back, seethe silently rather than calling you on your bullshit sucky baby punk. And as a result, I always found myself in relationships with assholes. And I was always waiting for that one person who would appreciate my generosity without taking advantage of my good nature. The person who would know that he could take everything in the world from me, but who chose to take only what is fair for him to have.  I thought that that was what makes someone good, and that anyone who doesn’t do that is a fucking asshole.

And then I grew up. And what I’ve learned in my old age is that it is way more assholey to expect someone else to set and maintain your boundaries than it is to be a person who knows she can have what she wants and therefore takes it. There’s clarity and honesty and efficiency in the kind of person who just lets you know in no uncertain terms that they’re not gonna do this shit you’re asking them to do, no matter what. There’s a freedom in knowing that asserting your will results in getting what you want. And yeah, doing all that stuff doesn’t necessarily make you an asshole, but it does pave the way.

The thing about being an asshole is that you learn quickly that you can ask for what you want nicely and you may get it eventually, or you can bluntly demand what you want and get it instantly. So why bother being nice about it? That’s just wasting time. The first time you tell a friend in no uncertain terms that you’re not interested in listening to her whine about her self-created problems and she stops instantly you realize you’ve been wasting precious minutes of your life being diplomatic. And once you sit at the dinner table and grab the big chicken breast (pause?) without stopping to ask whether anyone else wants it and no one bats an eye, you will never not do that again.

So yeah, I’m an asshole and I’m not mad about it. Because accepting your asshole ways means saying goodbye to angst and disappointment. It means that no one in your life ever needs to wonder what you’re really thinking because you’ve boldly stated your thoughts. And it means that you don’t have to take responsibility for anyone’s happiness but your own. So to the assholes in my life who I’ve silently cursed for being selfish, I do apologize. I misjudged you. I see what you’re saying now. And to those of you in my life who think that an asshole is the worst thing a person can be, I say don’t knock it til you tried it.

But what say you guys – do you agree that assholes stay winning? Are you an asshole yourself? Do you think it’s possible to get what you want out of life without being an asshole? Speak on it in the comments.





bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 48

  1. Good post.

    But what say you guys – do you agree that assholes stay winning? Are you an asshole yourself? Do you think it’s possible to get what you want out of life without being an asshole?

    Stay winning – Yes
    Are you an asshole – Yes
    What you want out of life without being an asshole – Yes, but as you said, it’s harder so you’re wasting time.

    I was called an ‘asshole’ long before I accepted that I’m an asshole. I think that’s because I’ve always considered myself honest, which most people consider asshole-y because they either 1) cant handle the truth 2) want stuff sugar coated or 3) secretly know you’re right.

    In my experience, I run into a wall when I fall “in love.” It’s my natural inclination to par things back – which is funny since she was probably drawn to me in the first place because I did come off as an asshole – so I have to be careful about not letting her run over me like I ran over everyone before her. It def becomes a balancing act. I’ve gotten better with this with age. Letting her have her way and keeping her happy without completely sacrificing the fact that I’m going to say “no” sometimes and “hell no” other times and/or losing myself trying to act like the man I THINK she’d love instead of acting like myself, the man she does love.

  2. Yoles says:

    hey max… glad to see you returned safe from the partying & debauchery you may have or may not have taken part of in dc…

    i wouldn’t say that i am an asshole… more like cute asshole lite… that being said, i do what i want, when i want and with whom i want how i want but, because i smile when i do it people tend to not think of me as selfish… does that make me a bad person?!?!? i hope not.. what i can tell you is that it works wonders for the complexion and hair… stress about what other’s want, think and believe is a killer and a face depreciator. i want to live well… i will say that i try not to be mean though.. it’s a delicate balance that takes years to perfect…

    1. Muze says:

      this. this entire this. lol

  3. Max, I can’t say I know you like that, but I will say I really don’t think you’re an asshole at all…I think you’re an impatient person with a logical person’s cadence.

    I hope this post doesn’t turn into a rampant Asshole-Support group, because the fact is, well, most people who THINK they are assholes, really are not. And most people who characterize themselves as an asshole, fail to remind themselves how HORRIBLE it really is to be one.

    Am I an asshole? I GENUINELY hope people don’t see me that way…

    Do I have the INNATE capability to offend a LARGE group of people down to their very core just by stating an honest opinion ruminating around my mind…yeah, so I’ve been told..but still, don’t call me an asshole.

    To be honest, I think in our “nice-guy/girl-finishes-last” society, we promote the ideal of being an asshole because it gives us comfort that we are at least far from being pussy, when the reality is most of us are just soft dickheads.

    Word to Team America: World Police.

  4. Malik says:

    I can’t answer your question because they are in no way definitive. However, there are many instances where being an asshole does have advantages. And conversely there are downsides to being an asshole. One of the primary ones being is that unless you surround yourself either with a group of assholes or extremely dependent people, no one is going to stay around you. I did not leave a ‘want’ out of a sentence, I mean it definitively that people will sooner or later leave because most people don’t want to spend their time around an asshole.

    Maybe it’s because I grew up as a military brat spent the majority of my childhood on a base, because that get loud, hyper shit in order to get what you want never works on me. But neither does that whiny garbage either. You earn what you want or learn to ask for things with a certain sense of decorum and self-respect. Is it the ‘harder’ route? Yes, but I feverishly enjoy the madness (and sometimes monotony) of hard work and delayed gratification.

    A final thought, the funny thing about most assholes though is that they bug out when someone else is an asshole to them so either respond be trying to escalate the situation or they fold. And considering most assholes have had others fold in front of them so long, they never got to learn how to properly defend themselves when confronted with someone’s who is more equipped be it physically, emotionally, or mentally.

    1. max says:

      Interesting thing I recently discovered – I would have thought that being an asshole would result in no one wanting to be around me but you know what? That actually does not seem to be true. I’m finding that there are plenty of people who – while inside they might a way about my asshole-ness deep down inside – still like me and want to be around me whether I’m a sucker or an asshole.

      But then, I’m not a loud asshole, I’m a blunt asshole. Maybe that makes a difference.

      And you’re right about what happens when people stand up to assholes; that’s actually a point I was intending to make but somehow got sidetracked. But yeah – an asshole is only as good as the people who cave around him and if you stand up to an asshole you might have a war, but it’s just as likely that the asshole will back down. Or at least I will, anyway. That, I think is why I like being around other assholes – they will shoot me down and call me on my shit and I will just say “yeah you know what? I’m going too far here”. I respect that more than the people who just give in to what I want because they’re too chickenshit to stand up for themselves.

      1. Malik says:

        Someone on the internet has actually used dashes correctly. A single tear has rolled down my face.

        I think we’re coming at different perspectives on what an asshole is. I’m probably more in the line of thinking an asshole is someone who you would specifically refer to as a ‘loud asshole’. I wouldn’t make that distinction. I probably view, assuming I’m interpreting this correctly, someone that is a ‘blunt asshole’ is just simply (abrasively so) candid in regards to what they like, expect and want.

  5. Malik says:

    A question: Are we not going to get anymore Any 10 on Tuesday anymore or did you just want to post something of your own because of the long weekend you had off from blogging?

    1. max says:

      Yes there will be more Any 10 on Tuesdays I just a) don’t like to do it every week because it feels like I’m cheating by not writing a real post and b) don’t have any more saved.

      If any of you guys are interested in doing one, let me know.

      1. Malik says:

        Ahh snazzy, I thought the selection process was a tad different.

  6. HLBB says:

    The other night at dinner one of my girls said to me “you’re an asshole!” after I made a comment. Our other friend gasped, I smiled from ear to ear.

    I’m an asshole and I’m proud of it!

  7. Cheekie says:

    Hmm, I guess I can describe myself as a nice chick who can sometimes say assholish things. I think at my core I love to be supportive and loyal to folks (it’s the Leo in me), and I was probably worse at this when I was younger. Like, I’d help other folks with their ish before my own. I was sort of a people pleaser. I do notice as I’ve gotten older that I’m less of this… I mean, I still love to please people I care about, but even with them… I’ve learned that they’re (friends/family/etc) people first. And it took several difficult experiences to see that.

    Overall, (and again, I’m shouting out the Leo-ness), my Leo coworker expressed perfectly the way we Leos are, “We love to give, but don’t you dare take.” So, yes, while I’m oh so generous with my time, money, support, etc… if you TAKE any of these from me well let’s just say you’ll feel the fury from someone who looks like a kewpie doll. Which, is pretty hilarious, actually… lol

  8. OSHH says:

    Not an asshole, but not necessarily worried about being perceived as “nice” at all times either. Authentic is what I am and I strive to be true to myself and others.

    1. GirlSixx says:

      Yup!! This is me.

      Thanks for saying this so I didn’t have to.


  9. iriediva says:

    i think you’ve gone from one extreme to the next.

    “…most people who THINK they are assholes, really are not. And most people who characterize themselves as an asshole, fail to remind themselves how HORRIBLE it really is to be one.”

    i agree with that. there’s a difference with simply being strong as opposed to being an asshole. selfishness is at the core of every asshole. everyone has it in them to be selfish but strong people know when to hold back on that and think about other people while being strong about what they want.

    i used to be a push-over. now i am strong. i love being strong. i never want to be an asshole.

  10. IamNero says:

    “Assholes are only assholes because they choose not to accept responsibility for the happiness of the people around them and focus instead on satisfying their own needs.”

    This says it all!! I’ve been an asshole for a very long time but sometimes I feel like I was groomed to be that way being an only child and raised by an asshole. There’s nothing wrong with putting your happiness first, and if people can’t deal with that, tough sh!t…. Sure it’s possible to get what you want without being an asshole about it but you better have PATIENCE and I have very little. *toast to the assholes*

  11. Muze says:

    “Assholes are only assholes because they choose not to accept responsibility for the happiness of the people around them and focus instead on satisfying their own needs. ”

    mayne… yes.

    i’ve gone through phases of complete assholishness. i’m a naturally nice and happy person and i will give give give until i can’t anymore, and when i was younger people (men and women) would constantly take advantage of this. my closest friend in college observed this and being the asshole she was, would always defend me or felt like she needed to. lol. once i realized just how much i was being used in different areas and facets of life, i became hardened and turned into a complete ass. not even just the hole. like the entire ass. lol. through this i discovered a)men love assholish women, and b)as long as you smile when being an ass, people will love you anyway.

    now, i’m not so much. as yoles said, i’m asshole lite, only bringing forth full asshole when necessary, which isn’t often. i have definitely learned that you cannot please everyone, and it isn’t healthy to try, but ever so often i give in and say yes to something i otherwise would’ve given a hearty no to. all in all, i’ve found my middle ground. lol

    good post. me loves your blog. when i get time i’m going to invade your archives. yay. …for some reason i feel there’s a #pause in that last sentence. iono. lol

    1. max says:

      “as long as you smile when being an ass, people will love you anyway.”

      This right here is the truth. I didn’t know but now that I do….man, watch out.

      And I’m going to place a light pause on you invading my archives because it sounds vaguely like you’re about to perform cunnilingus on me…but it could just be that I’m depraved. That’s entirely possible.

  12. Suki says:

    Honestly, from time to time, I get called an asshole. Why? I don’t know. (Maybe I really do) And it’s funny. But after a while, I start to wonder if I’m like that to everyone & I sure hope not. But damnit, there are some people that bring the inner asshole out. You’re right about that saying goodbye to disappointment & angst. Being an asshole has its “perks”. *shrug* Just one less person that’s going to drop their madness/drama/bullshit on me now. It’s all a matter of telling them to “Kill that noise. I’m not tryna hear that sh!t right now.”

    Lol I always say that right before someone calls me an asshole. You know what? Sh!t might be a reflex. Lol

  13. Being honest and authentic is better than being an asshole, IMO. Demanding and expecting what you want = honest and authentic. Now, truth is may come off as assholery, but it’s really not. Every has the capacity to be an a-hole, but you don’t necessarily have to tap in it at all times…reserve it for those who deserve it.

  14. Liguanea says:

    There seems to be a peculiar sea change in American public consciousness. I think some have referred to it as femininization. From what I’m observing, it seems to be true. The vast majority of individuals who refer to themselves as assholes or lovable assholes, are, quite simply, not assholes. Do you know how assholes maintain social connections? They possess resources or positions of power that allow for people to endure their contemptible behaviour and opinions. People willingly supplicate themselves because there is a potential benefit from being in their presence. This could be in the form of material wealth or increased social standing by association.

    Think back to when you were in grade school or even high school. Who was an asshole and how did that person behave? That guy, as is the standard, usually was a rich kid, an athlete or someone who possessed some sort of social standing relative to his peers that created a space in which he could operate with little to know repercussions. This was the type of person who would laugh at someone falling down the stairs even after realizing said person had broken their leg. This is the type of person who gives little regard to the impact of their words regardless of the situation or the person. They are unwavering. Their verbal expression lacks context and is not situational. They are very rarely self aware. If you are a self aware asshole, you might just be a sociopath.

    The majority of people who I’ve come across who define themselves as assholes fall far short of the standard. They usually engage polemics or are feckless or, for lack of a better characterization, are actively and consciously gauche. At the root of their behaviour is a desire for acceptance and power. So in their failure to understand the why of the asshole’s power, they assume. They mistakenly believe that those who remain in the asshole’s orbit are there because they appreciate who the asshole really is. Those people stay their because the asshole serves their purposes. This is where I believe the notion of femininization comes into play. In order to grasp at the perceived power of the asshole title, the definition is diluted and softer less disdainful attributes are added to the mix. An asshole is now a herald of the truth. He/she cuts to the core of the issue. They can’t be bothered with superfluous things like feelings when those emotions obscure reason. Sentimentality has no place in an asshole’s world. The power and perceived freedom of the asshole title is now accessible to all, because in the end, what power is their in being called an egoist. That just sounds french. Maybe we need a new word.

    One more thing, people need to also stop calling themselves nerds. Referring to yourself as a nerd in your 20s is weak. It lacks real social consequences at this point. Moreover, you were never really a nerd. Reading Goethe and arguing over the validity of objectivism as a philosophy are but only one part of the equation. Being a nerd is a lifestyle that comes with an unwanted sobriquet that all who possess it wish to shed. Don’t be fooled by hipsters.

    1. Pure. Unadulterated. Genius.


    2. Malik says:

      This guy, I like him.

    3. MeteorMan says:

      +1 I agree. Good Job.

      I’d like to add that the overly used idea of “asshole” is a learned/deduced set of demeanors. There has to be a conscious decision to uptake such demeanors in order where they attribute their misfortune to their lack of asshole-ness. In this case, you can say the scapegoat becomes what they view what is to be their former selves in order to escape responsibility. To rationally distance themselves from previous misfortune.

      We live in a place where people desire to classify themselves. Self classification is entirely for the purpose of self assigning imagery. People want to view themselves in the ego they desire that will provide them the least misfortune, in their minds. Does it need to change? No. Let people work to become who they want to become. No one is born as the person they want to become. It is true that there are some “bad” examples of this: schoolboy wants to embody the imagery of “thug” and whatnot. And people will always rationalize such a decision, as they should. And that is my point. The standard you mentioned doesn’t need to rationalize their actions/demeanor since they’re basically acting out against something else in their lives. And there lies the difference b/t the standard and self-assigned asshole.

      1. Liguanea says:

        Thank you. My post was an attempt to supplement Lincoln Anthony Blades’ earlier comments, which I thought were great.


        I agree with you as well. What I don’t understand is where this need to classify oneself has come from? Its gotten to the point where it supersedes substance. The need to always let people know that you know who you are. That you are able. The acceptance of sarcasm as a form of communication. Its a garnish, not a protein.
        Do people really have a problem with the fact that, for the most part, we’re all average? What is it all for? As I told a female friend of mine the other day, you are not unique and you are not a free spirit. You bought those clothes from Urban Outfitters and there is a whole continent of women who wear their hair naturally. There are very few free spirits in the world, very few. Nowadays even non-conformists conform to the ideal of the non-conformist.

        I do disagree with the notion that people should be left to engage in this behaviour. In my estimation it has serious and unforeseen consequences.

        1. max says:

          Serious and unforseen consequences like what?

        2. Malik says:

          I can agree to a large extent that classification has superseded substance, but it can still be useful as a sort of shorthand when everyone absolutely most be able to describe themselves in 5 words or less. And as you pointed out, everyone is in fact not a snowflake so if used sparingly can actually cut to the heart of who you are as well as being illuminating to an extent. Labels should be used as asides and footnotes though, not all encompassing words and phrases of who someone is. On the other hand, if that’s all they have to say about themselves, they’ve probably told you all you need to hear.

        3. Menelaus says:


          You are more long winded than that chick we used to call Coach back in my varsity baseball days.

          Damn yo, she was great…

          But please change your name to Deep Throat, if you’re going to continue with these dissertations. Seems like you’re masturbating in your own vocabulary. Which is cool, but people get arrested for masturbating in public. Watch that elbow!

        4. MeteorMan says:

          I’m my humble opinion, I think the desire to classify oneself is a reflection of the pursuit of individuality. Us humans have the most curious conflict of desires: to be part of a group and to simultaneously be individuals. Given that “for the most part, we’re all average” the pursuit of individuality requires classification to exceed substance. We are visual creatures therefore imagery is king whether its physical or fabricated by the psyche.

          Our uniqueness lies in how we view our environment, react to our environment and how other individuals and groups fit into the imagery of our environment. We should keep in mind that “environment” is more than just sensory information. It also includes any fabricated/deduced imagery which in turn is directly influenced by our experiences. Additionally, our view on our environment is self-referential. Which, in my usage, means that imagery of the entire environment is composed of the imagery of smaller parts of that same environment (i.e. themes, motifs). In every person’s experience, they will notice collections of reoccurring images (physical or ideas) that will provide the lens on how to assess their entire, evolving environment.

          So how do we as individuals communicate our experience, the imagery of our dynamic environment? We assign labels and communicate those labels by some means. And by doing that, we achieve our second desire to be part of a group since we begin to experience (or imagine relationships -> individuals relating).

          1. MeteorMan says:

            continued… (my bad)

            […] experience groups of individuals.

    4. max says:

      Hmmm I feel some of what you’re saying, but not all of it.

      I don’t agree at all that a desire for acceptance is at the root of asshole behaviour, nor do I agree that asshole + self-aware = sociopath.

      Actually come to think of it – I also don’t really agree with this either “Those people stay their because the asshole serves their purposes”.

      I get the feeling that you don’t want to just let assholes be assholes, which is kind of assholey of you. But either way, welcome and shit. Hope to see you back here again.

      1. Liguanea says:

        Thank you for the welcome.

        The reason you may disagree with me is because I define asshole differently than you.

        I know real assholes, and based on what I’ve read, you are not one. You, like any other person in this world, have the capacity to behave in a selfish manner. Being straightforward does not make anyone an asshole and it never has. Having a strong personality doesn’t make you an asshole. The combination of the two doesn’t make you an asshole

        Why do you think your friends remain your friends? You clearly have many positive qualities which they find agreeable. You think people are drawn to people who are assholes because they are assholes? No.

        1. max says:

          Right so then by my calculations what you should be saying is “I don’t think you’re an asshole”. Instead what you are saying is “You are not an asshole”, which suggests that your personal definition of what makes an asshole is somehow more accurate than mine.

          You clearly have a very lofty and complicated definition of assholeness and that’s amazing. But at the end of the day the definition of asshole varies wildly from one person to the next. Regardless I think it’s a combo of intention behind shitty behaviour, coupled with an awareness of the negative effects of that shitty behaviour on the people who care about you that makes you an asshole. I think at the core, everyone’s definition encompasses that.

          And in my opinion, whether my friends choose to continue to speak to me has absolutely no bearing on whether I’m actually an asshole. Every asshole I know has friends.

          1. Liguanea says:

            I never said assholes lacked friends. I believe that people are their friends for non-platonic reasons. I also apologize if my personal definition of the word came off as too strong. In the end, no matter how I express it, that’s my opinion and I attempted to support it with examples, but I suppose I failed.

            That asshole’s definition varies wildly is also a matter of opinion. I always thought an asshole was a mean and somewhat contempt worthy individual, not a domineering, conceited and manipulative one.

            I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

    5. Menelaus says:

      “Well, ‘aight, check this out, dawg. First of all, you throwin’ too many big words at me, and because I don’t understand them, I’m gonna take ’em as disrespect.” – Kevin Hart

  15. SmartFoxGirl says:

    *steps out of lurker shadows*

    My name is SmartFoxGirl and I am an @sshole.

    That felt good. First off, I don’t believe you are really all that of an @sshole. 😉 You look waaaay too classy for that. I manipulate my @sshole ways (pause) as I got older. Instead of being forthcoming with it, I make myself appear to be nice while sprinkling some @sshole behavior to get what I want. I’ll call it confidence but I’m really a nice @sshole if there is such a thing.

    But THIS:
    “Here’s a little-known fact about me: beneath all my rough talk, beneath my raunchiness and my hard truth, I’m really just a big softie.”
    – Truth is, I’m sensitive. I’m still an @sshole but I genuinely care about people. I know this makes no sense. Only people close to me know my secret…and you people that I met on Saturday. Don’t tell anyone, it’s bad for my rep.

    1. max says:

      Welcome out of the lurker shadows. Good to have you back in the mix.

      I get the feeling you and I are a lot alike in this regard. We’re nice people, but we also have that other side of us and we have no problem bringing it out. And personally I no longer feel any type of way about doing that….if someone has a problem with it or thinks I’m being too pushy, I suggest they channel their inner asshole and come to me on that level. I respect that much more than people who retreat into a sulky mess in the face of my assholeness.

  16. streetztalk says:

    Max is an ass, lool…

    seriously though, I think there’s a difference from being an ass*ole and being honest and truthful. Its all in tact.

    I have those tendencies,but that doesnt dominate my personality

  17. max says:

    I think the reason I define myself as an asshole rather than just strong or honest or blunt is that there is a certain element of calculation behind it.

    Some people are just straight-forward and that’s the only way they know how to be. They don’t think about how their bluntness affects the people around them, they don’t use it to get what they want, it’s just the only mode the operate in. I don’t think those people are assholes.

    I think what makes me an asshole is that I have a strong personality when I want to. And I’m well aware that some people in my life are intimidated by that and will defer to me rather than go up against me. I’m not oblivious to that fact. And I will use that to my advantage when I want something badly enough. Someone who is not an asshole will know that they could railroad over their friends to get what they want, but chooses to have a discussion or make compromises instead. In my mind, an asshole sees that weakness and takes advantage of it.

  18. Malik says:

    Now I’m thinking about assholes *off to xhamster*

    1. max says:

      Aaaaaaaaaaand I’m dead.

  19. Menelaus says:

    I’m not going to lie, i’m a vindictive asshole at times. But every asshole still has a soft spot in his heart. Listen, nobody said that an asshole has to be a villain. Iron Man is an asshole, but he’s actually a good guy. I think the majority of assholes, or wannabes fall short in their inability to be consistent. I have friends like that, they want to be like me, and do things like me, but on the inside they’re actually really nice guys. They fuck it up by doing something nice for someone they shouldn’t have.

    The reason why I call myself vindictive is because not only do I do asshole shit to people, i’ll plot on dropping ether, i’ll pull a chair out from under you. I’m one of those people who watches you contemplate for two hours what you are going to wear and then when we get to the elevator says, “Is that what you’re wearing?”

    Just to fuck with you.

    I’ll gas a chick for months, wait for you to be a jerk and holler at her, you probably smash or get head from her and then randomly I say, “I was thinking about her and you know what? I don’t think she’s that cute. She looks like she has mad cow disease.”

    Just to fuck with you.

    I’m the type of dude who once told his ex that she was “aloof”. What’s so fucked up about that is that a person who is aloof has no clue what that word means. Just like people who have lisp can’t say lisp. I watched and waited for her to carry out the long process of finding out what the word meant and coming back to me with choice words before I said, “LOL, I so was joking with you.”

    And I said before, once I say, I’m joking, it pisses you off even more, because you know your ass is aloof but now you don’t want to get all mad and upset because it makes you seem like a loser. And you know why I did all this?

    Just to fuck with you.

  20. ” Assholes are only assholes because they choose not to accept responsibility for the happiness of the people around them and focus instead on satisfying their own needs.”

    i learned a long time ago to put my happiness before anyone else’s. by anyone i mean everyone. mother, father, brother, sister, lover, friend. yes i care for them all but in the end i’m going to do what makes me happy. my mother taught me that.

    and aren’t you a libra? how are you not going to be diplomatic? lol

  21. Corey says:

    There’s a second half to the statement up top that you left out.
    Admitting you’re an asshole is the first step. Not giving two flying fucks is the second.
    Hello. My name is Corey, and I’ve been an asshole for approximately 27 years. It’s the only way to live life. Feelings are completely overrated and lying to people just stunts their growth. Keep it trilla and take no prisoners. Leave no middle ground. People either love me or hate me. Get with my program or get your weak ass on. Enjoy your new found inner asshole. Baaaaask in it! Isn’t it lovely?

  22. Tellylonglegs says:

    “beneath all my rough talk, beneath my raunchiness and my hard truth, I’m really just a big softie.”

    I’ve noticed that at the core, a lot of a*holes are like this. You mentioned that a*holes are generally happy people, I always thought that many of them weren’t and because they were unhappy/miserable/sad they decided to bring everyone else down as well. However, when I look at some of my favorite a*holes, they’re living lovely. 

     You know who else are a*holes? The elderly. They have no problem doing all that you mentioned and then some. Smh

  23. Adonis says:

    I like this post… I will print it out & read it a couple of time with THIS post


  24. RedLady821 says:

    **strolls over to Urban Outfitters**

  25. Bret Gunnar says:

    For the majority of my life I’ve considered myself to be a “nice” person. Sure in certain situations that’s true. However, recently I’ve been gettin in touch with go I really am. I think I’ve identified with my own persona a bit too much. I almost convinced myself that I was a genuine, nice guy. Really not the truth at all. I’ve been analyzing my own behavior and came to the conclusion I absolutely hate assholes. The main reason being deep down inside that is a part who I am. I refused to believe it. I didn’t want to. It manifested itself in most if not all of the relationships I’ve ever had. Now I’ve learned to accept it. Which I agree will only make my life better and less stressful. Less full of bullshit that I don’t want to deal with. My life is just one giant mindfuck at the moment and I really enjoyed reading this article, whatever it’s called. I do believe assholes win I’m the majority of situations. I am one myself. And sure it’s possible to get what you want by other means but being real feels much better.

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