One last guest post for you guys while I recover from my epic weekend in DC. Today we have Nubian Empress of Kinetic Culture extolling the virtues of burlesque shows. Make sure you give her a warm welcome in the comments.
Fuck strip clubs. You need to go to a burlesque. #Changeyourlife
The human form is nothing short of beautiful, which is why it’s not surprising that a lot of men (and women) like “admire” the bodacious bodies of other people. For me though, there is a difference between admiration and depravity, which is the reason I prefer burlesque shows to skrip clubs.
What is a burlesque?
It’s basically a strip tease that involves elaborate costumes, makeup, and stunts. Most of the performer’s body is exposed, with the exception of the naughty bits (which are adorned with tassels or other skimpy coverings). Josephine Baker was getting it popping on the burlesque circuit long before Travis Porter was imploring tricks to “make it rain.” Burlesque is Gallant to the strip club’s Goofus, the cooler, sexier, more polished version of everything a strip club wishes it could be. Basically burlesques defecate on shake shows and use the stray dollar bills as toilet tissue.
Why is it so much better to me than the skrip club?
Well, besides the fact burlesques don’t have the SCOO* and smells like roses and sunshine, there more than enough reasons. First of all, the women in skrip clubs seem to have little to no agency. Given better circumstances, the woman p-popping on a hand stand would not be a pole politician. Second of all, skrippers always seem to be in various states of bustedness. A bullet hole here, a neck tatt there, a baby breaching the birth canal when mama toots that thang up for customers. Really? Excuse me miss, you need to be in a group home. Most times these women are fighting to survive, and bankrolling their exploitation kind of turns my stomach.
Vic De Ville (named changed to protect the naughty) a fellow comrade in debauchery, and is a fan of the booty clubs. “It’s a good place to hang out and shoot the shit with friends. male and female,” he says. Vic enjoys the aggressive nature of the environment, and likes that they are raunchy. “They are like a well appointed hideaway…like a clubhouse for adults.” It’s probably because he’s a carnivore, and needs substantially less romance to feed the beast within; what he needs meat.
A burlesque is…something to behold. There’s a spirit of showmanship that permeates the atmosphere at one of these shows that you just don’t get at Majic City. Like, for example, the costumes. The burlesque performers I’ve seen all had exquisitely intricate costumes that are breathtaking for their sheer artistic merit. Ostrich feather fans, lacy getups, feather boas, jaw dropping make-up, you name it, and these girls have it. Fantasy is an essential element to creating an alluring aura and these girls do their damndest to provide it.
Each performance is a miniature talent show; I’ve seen swords swallowed, knives juggled, and torches blown at a burlesque show. That, my friends, is real artistry. The performers seem to relish the opportunity to provide an experience that is seductive and stimulating and engaging, and you can actually learn tips that you can take home to try on your lover. Pure entertainment. You know what you can learn at a strip club? How to train your poonani to pull on a cigarette, that’s what. Uncool.
Burlesques are just much more classy, and far less assy, than their strip club counterparts. It just seems to that women in burlesques are more about the craft of luring and seducing the audience, while strippers are just trying to make it through the next song so she can go on her smoke break.
*Strip Club Odd Odor, as coined by the VerySmartBrothas.
So what do you guys think? Do you prefer the class of the burlesque show to the ass of the strip club? Speak on it in the comments.
The homie @_chunk_ is blessing us today with a Nasty Friday guest ...
So it's almost Thanksgiving and I'm taking a break for the ...
Last week we touched on a very hot topic around these parts - ...
You guys know I love men. I think they are vastly superior ...