Right Person, Wrong Time

lovers-mp3-player-apart

By the time you read this I’ll be causing trouble and wrecking shit in DC. I’ll be there for the rest of the week – and yes I will be at the SBM and VSB events (that I am too lazy to link to but if you’re in the know, you already know). In the meantime, enjoy this guest post from @TheRealChanee and make sure you show her love in the comments.

Ladies, you know how good it feels to walk around the house in a BRAND NEW pair of shoes, even though they’re hardly appropriate for the occasion and you’re not wearing them out yet? Or how delicious that first bite of macaroni and cheese is when you taste it before dinnertime?

Relationships can be like that, too.

Max’s post on Monday got me to thinking about “do-overs.” Do-overs can work, in the right circumstances.

Let me tell you about my relationship with Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Wonderful was the yin to my yang in many ways, we were the personification of the phrase, “opposites attract”.

He was a 19 year-old, playboy engineering student, with a killer smile, well-defined muscles (with the requisite tattoos), and a little black book to match. You could find him oversleeping for class or at the parties of one of the other universities adjacent to our predominantly- white institution (PWI) in one of the nation’s “Blackest” cities.

I, on the other hand, was a 20 year old virgin, Management major, co-owner of a business, head in the books, devoted to community service. I could usually be found at my on-campus job, serving my community, or in the library.

Our paths first crossed the summer before freshman year of college. He was a friend of a friend, but we probably never had a real conversation at that point. I would later find out that he only knew me as “the girl with the pink lips”. It wasn’t until second semester of our Sophomore year that we had a more memorable meeting. It turns out we shared a passion for Entrepreneurship and Business…

There we sat, in an Entrepreneurship class, two of four Black students in a class of over 100- a circumstance we had already grown used to. Naturally, we each sought the familiar face. Our conversation was so riveting; neither of us know anything that happened in that first class. For the next month, Wednesday evenings were reserved for the two of us. After our class ended at 6pm, we would spend the entire evening together- going out to eat, sitting in my car talking, at the library, “studying”— it was the best mindfuck either of us had ever experienced.

We spent the next five months spending every spare moment we could together. Ours was a “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship. On many occasions, he would ignore booty calls and texts while sitting in the car, just talking and enjoying a milkshake with me. Secure in my worth, this never bothered me. On the flip side, I was “dating” an Accounting Major my parents and congregation deemed appropriate.

But none of that mattered. In the little bubble that was my car in the wee hours of the morning, our relationship was perfection. We understood each other, and felt free to express ourselves.

Unfortunately, the perfection ended when we exited the car. Our glaring dissimilarities threatened to tear us apart. Our feelings for one another were deepening, and the sexual tension between us was palpable. He knew my feelings toward casual sex/relationships (with my virginity still intact, it WASN’T happening!); I knew his feelings about committed relationships (he wasn’t interested).

And so…we parted.

Simple as that.
One day, we just stopped talking, emailing, gchatting, AIMing (uh oh, did that show my age?). We just cut each other off. No difficult conversations, no awkward goodbye, no “we can still be friends”.  We both simply retreated into the safe relationships that were familiar to us. He, to his jump-off (whom he later gave a title), me, to my “socially acceptable” Accountant. For over a year and a half, we only spoke when we happened to pass one another on campus, or when Facebook reminded us that the other existed. It was as if we had made an unspoken decision not to ruin what could be by what was. We weren’t ready for one another—and we both knew it.

Fast forward 1.5 years.
I have become disillusioned with my self-important, unaffectionate Accountant, and he has left his girlfriend of almost a year to study abroad in Southeast Asia. We reconnect over gchat. We are both at the end of our relationships, and initially, we are one another’s sounding boards. Then…the conversations got deeper.

Fast forward to now.
Mr. Wonderful and I have been together for over two years. Though we live 1,900 miles apart, our jobs allow us to see one another every week, if we choose. We are contemplating marriage and building a life together. We both agree that none of this would be possible, had we not had the foresight to just LEAVE one another alone when it became apparent that we wanted different things. So often, we meet the RIGHT person at the WRONG time, and our fear of losing them causes us to hold on too tightly. That fear sometimes results in us losing them forever. I think do-overs are possible, if you’re willing to give up what you ARE for what you have the potential to become.

What do you think readers? Have you ever been with the right person, at the wrong time? What did you do? Also, how do you even KNOW if the person is worth risking a do-over? Show me some love in the comments while Max is partying it up in D.C.

 

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 29

  1. Yoles says:

    -max i hope you are in dc tearing up!!

    as for right person wrong time, that is one of the most disheartening relationships to be in… when you feel it inside, when this person knows you better than anyone else, when you feel your life shift into balance with them… all to be destroyed because… wrong time… i never want to go through that again and i am VERY happy for you and your mr.

    1. Hey Yoles! You coming to DC?

    2. Thanks, Yoles! I think that it’s important to keep a positive attitude when in a “perfect relationship” at the wrong time. Give it some time, and re-visit it… he might just turn out to be your “Mr. Wonderful”.

      1. G Money says:

        Wow well written and I agree a movie or Lifetime channel series. I love love and what it represents. I too am doing a do over but it went a little different. We have been married now for over 10 years. He is the fire to my water. I get responses from him that no one understands how I get the reactionf rom him. Well Ladies I know my worth and I left him alone so that he could get the revelation of my worth as well. It worked yall there is nothing I cant have if I desire it, some say I’m spoiled I say I’m loved and well taken care of.

  2. This post just shows that when God is ready for you to be with someone, you will be with them…that extra time was probably necessary for you guys to grow. Good luck :)

    1. Thank you! We are SUCH different people now than we were 5 years ago!

  3. Malik says:

    You should check out 5 Guys, Newseum, and go to E Street for my favorite movie theatre. Or if you’re willing to go for a little drive, head up to Maryland to Silver Spring for the AFI theatre.

    1. Malik says:

      There’s a great African Diaspora bookstore by Howard too called ‘Sankofa’. Had a bunch of my favorite books there like ‘Crisis for the Negro Intellectual’. And you should pick up the DVDs Sankofa, Ashes and Embers, Bush Mama, and Adwa: An African Victory. Love the MLK Jr. Library too AND The Library of Congress. But I’m a geek so yeah.

      I agree with this blog post by the by.

  4. JusMe says:

    I swear on everything this was my life written here. Down to the tee. The description of him, the description of u. “The rela’ship.” The break. And the finally together. I was just reading like did I leave my journal out somewhere? So yea, I definitely agree with the right person, wrong time. I’m so happy with my “Mr. Wonderful” after dancin around each other (and others) for a while. Who woulda thought?

    1. I’m so glad you identified with it! Thank you for reading.

  5. SeraPhoenix says:

    I have a VERY similar story to yours and while mine isn’t necessarily a do-over, there was a big chunk of time apart between my fiancé and I meeting and becoming engaged. I may have to share it on my own blog (and the more appropriate and less “me” version on my wedding site) soon!

    I agree with the comments above…when something is meant to be, it will…just not always when you’d like it to! As far as a do-over though, I encourage anyone (including myself) who asks my advice to tread lightly, at least at first, and truly let the past be the past if you’re going to try again and have old issues to worry about. Forgiveness is easy(ish); forgetting is much, much harder.

  6. FLYY says:

    This is the kinda stuff movies are made of. *sigh*

    LAWDT! This story right here… *smh and dabbing my eyes w/ a Kleenex*

    Scared to admit it aloud but I definitely feel like this may just apply to me. However, my Mr. Wonderful and I may not have the same ending b/c we chose not to leave… we tried to power through and eventually we hit a brick wall. We’re good friends now though.

    Alls well that ends well I guess… <— what does that even MEAN?! lol

    1. max says:

      Right? Girl I teared up when I read this! SUCH a great story!

    2. Flyy ,
      He and I joke ALL the time aout writing a book because us getting back togther had a 1 in 100 chance of happening…or so we thought. I’m glad you found our story heartwarming.
      As for you and your Mr. Wonderful, There’s HOPE! Know that a friendship is ALWAYS the BEST foundation for a relationship. Period.

  7. Danielle says:

    Sometimes for whatever reason things just weren’t right. And when you do force it, you end up crying while you’re making spaghetti lol. Crazy times. I got my Mr. Right finally although we had to 17 years for our paths to cross again. I’m glad you are working it out this time. The world needs more love in it. It makes the air more breathable, softens up the rough edges.

  8. melissa says:

    reading this kind of comes at the perfect time.

  9. Alana says:

    Yeah, this post has a chica on the SWOON!

  10. streetztalk says:

    THis was a great story, but the ending is the exception to the rule in my experiences. Most of the time, you’re right place, wrong time, and their won’t be another right time.

    If its meant to be itll be, but I dont leave stuff up to fate. This was a dope story and Im happy for you two!

    1. Thanks for the feedback streetz. I don’t think we left it up to chance at all- I don’t believe in that ish either.

      I think we made a conscious decision to leave, and then we later decided to make it the right moment.

      *Shrug* I’m not picky as to the semantics of how it happened, it’s way more important to me that it DID happen.

      And while we may be the exception to the rule, rules are meant to be broken. So go out and break some rules. :)

  11. Mr. Wonderful says:

    “While there’s no time like the present, the present isn’t always the time.”
    - Anonymous

    If you only knew you signed up for 1900 mile trips almost every week.

    Proud of you for getting started and looking forward to reading future entries.

  12. Justina says:

    this was so good. things do have a way of taking care of themselves in the end.

    1. Thanks for the feedback!

  13. TheLeoGrl says:

    what a great feel good story, thanks for sharing!

  14. MsEsquire77 says:

    Wow… This is the type of story you only read about in books or see in TV/movies. I wish you both the best of luck!

  15. dddddd says:

    i knew the right person at the wrong time… same exact scenario about playa vs virgin..

    they said they’d come back for me when they were ready to settle down and they did 4 years later. unfortunately, i found someone in that time basically right before they asked me to be their girl and had to turn them down. he was kinda heartbroken. i felt so bad. still do..

  16. Nancy D says:

    YES! This is so true, and I’ve heard this (and been frustrated by it) so many times by the “player” who says I’m the right person but at the wrong time, and unfortunately I did try to make it into something it could never be at the time. Not holding out hope for a “do-over” but I think if more people (men and women) were honest with themselves and others about what they want and were able to resist the urge, more would create happily ever after’s like your story. Great post!

  17. MLE says:

    Thats exactly how i feel. i am 20 years old and have so many dreams plan to transfer to college out of state. met this guy for the first time a year ago. every time we talk its like we see right through eachother’s soul. Not to mention hes a sweet down to earth guy. but im so young and i have dreams. itd be perfect if it was couple years from now..

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