When you’re in need of advice, your best bet is to ask a man. Men are more logical, less emotionally-invested, and therefore better able to be objective about a situation. They’re also less inclined to sugarcoat things to spare your feelings and better able to tell you straight up when you’re being an idiot. So in general, when I have a difficult decision to make, I’m looking for a man to tell me what to do.
The one exception to this is asking a man for advice about men. Because although the same principles apply, there are certain man-truths that men don’t take into consideration when doling out advice, and that’s because they refuse to admit that said man-truths exist. They know it, and they might point them out when they manifest in other men, but they will never admit them to be true about themselves. So if the problem you’re seeking advice on is in any way related to any of these man minefields, the advice you are gonna get will be flawed.
So what are those man-truths? Read on.
That “checking in to see how you’re doing” is really just a euphemism for “I want to make sure you’re still feeling me”
As any woman who has ever had a disappearing man on her hands can attest, sooner or later every snake comes slithering out of his hole. And when he emerges with a “hey I just wanted to see how you’re doing” email, text, or phone call, he’s less concerned with what is going on with your life and more concerned about whether you’re still strung out on him. The minute (I mean the MINUTE) you answer that message, about 78.6% percentage of his interest in you skeets right out the window. If you call him on it though he will insist to the death that it was nothing but an altruistic inquiry into your well-being. But we know better, don’t we ladies?
That it’s less fun for everyone when a woman makes the first move
Sooner or later most women learn that making the first move on a man really just amounts to making more trouble for yourself. Because men – being the hunters that they are – easily become bored by anything that is too readily accessible, if you show your cards to them up front it’s a bit difficult for them to drum up the enthusiasm necessary to court you. Instead they put you on the back burner like the sure thing you’ve shown them you are and put their efforts in to pursuing the woman who is keeping her cards close to her vest. Most women know this. But a man will never ever in his life admit that a woman who is paying him too much attention is boring.
That sometimes they really did drive that woman crazy
Some women are just born crazy. Some women have absolutely no crazy in them no matter what. But the vast majority of women have a little bit of crazy in them that could very well stay buried deep inside her, if only men weren’t so maddening. But men want to disappear into the clear blue sky, slam a girl and never call her again, unilaterally shut down conversations and answer every question with ok and then act surprised when women lose their minds. Any reasonable person can see that the woman would have stayed on the right side of sanity if only he had behaved better, but a man will swear up and down that the woman just went batsh!t through no fault of his own.
That women are sometimes justified in faking orgasms
First of all, it’s ridiculously difficult to get a man to admit to the possibility that a woman has ever faked an orgasm with him, but in the immortal words of Sally Albright, “all men are sure it never happened to them and that most women at one time or another have done it so you do the math”. But even if you can get a man to admit that in theory it’s possible that a woman has faked an orgasm, he will never admit to the possibility that she may have been justified in doing so. Now I’m not an advocate of faking <span style=”text-decoration: line-through;”>anymore</span> but I will say that moretimes a woman’s orgasm has very little to do with the man she’s thronxing or what he’s doing and sometimes staging a little performance to get the show on the road saves everyone a whole lot of time, angst, and chafing. A man will never admit that this is an acceptable course of action, even if the woman in question is some sket he cares nothing about and he’s already got his nut anyway.
So what say you men? Any of you willing to admit to any of these man-truths?