A Dude, a Lady, and a Little Girl
The other night I had a phone conversation with the spectacular asshole that can best be described as epic. Not just because of the content of the convo, but because it was effing long. And of course, being the almost-ADD girl that I am, there were parts of the conversation during which I was tweeting, [...]
The other night I had a phone conversation with the spectacular asshole that can best be described as epic. Not just because of the content of the convo, but because it was effing long. And of course, being the almost-ADD girl that I am, there were parts of the conversation during which I was tweeting, or scrolling through my Google Reader, or admiring my fingernails. I was still listening, I just wasn’t giving him my undivided attention.
During one of these moments of the call where my some of my attention was elsewhere, he casually dropped a bombshell that made me snap to attention in 0.01 seconds. He said “most of the women I meet don’t know if they want to be a dude, a lady, or a little girl”. First I laughed and then I asked him which one women should be aspiring to. And he said the best women are the ones who can be all three at the right time.
For some reason, I find this really interesting. As you guys know, I’m on a quest to become the perfect woman – according to my definition of perfect, that is. And the only thing that’s really been stopping me from getting there is that I’ve never quite been able to pinpoint what perfection really looks like. But after this conversation I felt like I was on to something. So I had to call the asshole back to get him to break this down further. “Explain yourself” I said (I love saying that to people) and what he said next went a little something like this:
This type of woman is kind of similar to what my loverblogger NC-17 calls a ratchet. They’re independent, don’t need a man for anything, and consider that a selling point. These women are spirited, they’re funny and they have big personalities. She works hard and when she needs to blow off steam she plays hard too. She’s dirty and she’s not afraid to let you know when the time is right. She looks good but it’s evident that she puts work into it. She can play nicely with other women, but your boys will love her because she’ll voluntarily get the snacks when the game is on and then sit there and watch it with you and you won’t feel the need to censor yourself. You can watch porn with her and be spared inane commentary like “those are fake”. She’s not necessarily bitchy or angry, but she has a very definite line and if you cross it she will let you know. This woman loves her man hard. She’s the kind of woman who will tell you to tell her the pussy is yours when you’re fucking her. But it’s only yours because she wants it to be. And when you’re with this woman and your shit is dragging, she’ll sit next to you and say “okay let’s figure out what we’re gonna do”.
On the surface the lady seems ideal. Like the dude, she’s attractive, but in a softer way. She has a lot of girlfriends and their weekends are filled with girly activities like mani-pedi’s, shopping, and brunch. They don’t feel compelled to check ESPN to see what time the game is on before they commit to plans because although they tolerate or even like sports, they don’t get hyped about them. She may be nasty, but she’s not gonna let you know it and it will take a lot of work to get her to just let you try it one time and even more work to get her to admit she likes it. She has a career and she cares about it, but not to the exclusion of anything else. There’s not much you’ll want to do that the lady will try to stop you from doing, but she will look at you sideways and sigh loudly when she’s not pleased. She can and does take care of herself but she doesn’t really think she should have to. This woman loves her man sweetly. She’s the kind of woman who will not under any circumstances tell you that the pussy is yours because she doesn’t like that word and believes that men who use it secretly hate women. When you’re with this woman and your shit is dragging, she’ll look at you sideways and ask you “what are you gonna do to fix this?”.
The little girl
A lot of men love the little girl because she makes him feel big. She looks good, but what makes her attractive is not the way she looks so much as the way she carries herself. She may not be small in stature, but she’s small in personality and presence. She falls back so you can lead. She has friends, but they aren’t more important than her man. She relies heavily on their advice though, so she will say “even my girls think you were an asshole when you did that” and consider it a valid point in an argument. She might not have a discernible personality, but she’s sweet and she never yells – the most she’ll do is pout when she doesn’t get her way. Not only will you not be watching porn or sports with this woman, she will schedule activities like dinner with her parents during Monday Night Football and whine if you try to get your way out of it. But she thinks you’re the greatest and tells you so often. This woman loves her man obsessively. She’ll tell you the pussy is yours when you’re fucking because that’s what you want her to say and she wants to make you happy. But when you’re with this woman and your shit is dragging, she’s not gonna look at you and say shit because she will have gone off looking for some other man to handle things for her.
And there you have it – the perfect woman is the woman who knows when to be a dude, when to be a lady, and when to be a little girl. I think the asshole might be on to something with this. What do you guys think? Men do you think women should aim to strike a balance between these types or to execute one flawlessly and forsake the others? Women do you identify with one type more than the others? Does that work for you? Speak on it in the comments.