What I Should Have Given Up for Lent
So the season of Lent is upon us and all my Catholic people are denying ourselves some pleasure as a gesture of identification with Christ's suffering. Some people are giving up chocolate, others are laying off the sauce. Some of you are stumbling through without your daily caffeine fix and some of you have given up wutlessness by taking up a good habit.
What did your favourite blogger give up? Painting my nails.
Every single person I’ve told about my Lenten sacrifice has asked me if I was insane. And while I can’t fault them for thinking that, the truth is that what I am more than insane is lazy and a procrastinator. Because at like 8 o’clock on Ash Wednesday I was scrambling to come up with a sacrifice and couldn’t come up with anything that makes sense. I thought about giving up the word fuck. But I’m about to go on vacation with my girls and Cheekie loves hearing me say that and it didn’t seem fair for her to pay the price for my Catholicism. Then I thought about giving up Saltines because they are so bad for me but my food intake is already so limited that it didn’t seem smart to restrict it further. I briefly considered giving up sex but quickly remembered that
I’m about to go on vacation and might participate some “what happens in DC stays in DC” activities I turn into a raging bitch when I’m celibate so…the only thing that I could come up with that would really be a sacrifice was masturbating.
Did anyone ever tell you that the devil is busy? If you didn’t believe it before, you should now. Because let me tell you the moment – the moment! I decided to give up polishing my silver that motherfucker has thrown the most provocative, most alluring, most moving stimulus to tempt me into slipping a hand into my panties and dealing with the case right quick. Get thee behind me Satan!
But I’ve been standing strong
except for one slip up. But it was after a particularly hot text message exchange and you guys know I’m a sucker for dirty talk and plus Cheekie told me that I can just tack on an extra day at the end and God won’t mind. I know I’ll get through the next 32 days or so. But I also know for next year and every year thereafter that I will never give up my most favourite pass-time up for Lent again. Ever. And in order to avoid scrambling for ideas next time around, I’ve been making a list of some shit that would have been a way better idea to give up for Lent:
1. Buying nail polish
In addition to not painting my nails, I’m not really painting my nails much either these days. But that didn’t stop me from buying three bottles of Essie in 0.3 seconds on the weekend. For my male readers out there, that’s about $30 bucks that I dropped on some shit that I will use twice and then throw in my nail polish drawer with the other 150 bottles that I never use. I tend to rotate between 2 or 3 colours on my fingers and I only ever wear one colour on my toes, so all this polish I’m buying is a problem.
2. Actually, shopping in general
I hate shopping, but I do it a lot. I’m no Rebecca Bloomwood, but I have been averaging one new pair of shoes per week for the last little while and that is probably a teeny tiny bit excessive. It might not have been the worst idea in the world for me to take a break on shopping and give me a chance to wear the 5 blazers I’ve purchased in the last four weeks before I go back and buy more.
You know what I realized the other day? I have a flirting problem. It’s not that I don’t know how to speak to a man if I’m not flirting with him so much as that it’s just way funner to flirt. So I do. A lot and with just about everybody. And you know what happens after that? Everyone from the bike courier who delivers to my building to the dude who butters my toast in the morning thinks he has a shot at sniffing my hydrangea. It gets to be a bit much after a while. Maybe easing off the flirting might lead to some more meaningful conversations. But probably not.
Did you guys know that Tumblr is drugs? That shit is drugs! You have your smutty sites like Slim and Busty(very NSFW) and then your porn-esque sites like Love’s Other Trumpet (very very NSFW) that are like instaporn. And then you have my girl @paddez whose tumblr is filled with all kinds of beautiful and wonderful things and then the next thing you know I’ve wasted 45 minutes of my life posting shit to mine. I would be so great if only I’d never discovered Tumblr.
But what about you guys? Did you give anything up for Lent? Do you regret it? What do you guys think I should give up next year? Speak on it in the comments.