Are you ready for your next relationship?

Love-Triangle-crp

So I’m back with another reader question. This one is from @TashiMee and she asks “When you get out of a long term relationship how much time do you think needs to pass before entering another? And if it’s pretty quick do you think that you really didn’t love the last person?”

Watch the video to see my answer and weigh in with yours in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 16

  1. Suki says:

    I agree with you. Overall, if it just doesn’t feel right, then I guess I can’t move on. I don’t think there is a time limit for getting over someone. It may not happen overnight but it can happen quickly. And it can take up to years (ahem! like my ass). It doesn’t mean I loved him more or less because of how long it took. If it had taken a month to get over this guy, then I would think that that’s how long it took or me to process everything and clear my mind, heart, soul, etc. But because that’s impossible, it took me longer. But yeah, despite how long it did take to how long it could have taken, the time holds nothing to the love I had for dude.

    hope that made sense..

  2. TKO-Curly says:

    I agree with you Max. My first relationship lasted for five years when it was over I had no problem moving on and standing firm and refusing to give it another try (I’m sill friends with my ex). But my last relationship that lasted for 3 months max. took me a long time to get over and if he wanted I would have been willing to give it another try. Even though he had started dating someone else on campus 3 weeks after we ended. Everyone’s relationship experience is different.

    So this is a decision that only she can make.

  3. nc17 says:

    “invasive penis” this is why I love your blog. I’m all for the overlap when it comes to relationships, but I understand why females can’t move on as easily as men. Once the relationship becomes strained men look for an exit strategy and by strategy I mean other female to help them get over the last. Women tend to hold on longer than they should. If the writings on the wall, it’s time to bounce…

    1. emti says:

      she said “invasive penis”???? see this is why i can’t watch the videos at work lol

  4. Yeah, it really depends on the person and the situation. It’s taken me years to get over some women and minutes to get over others.

  5. Danielle says:

    I agree with everything you said but I’ll add this, I think sometimes people (me) have to comes to terms with the old relationship-why and how it ended. Because going into a new relationship you sorta have to reinvent yourself and pack light. Leave all the other hang-ups that you might have had with the old relationship. Right down what you had and then want you REALLY want. I think everyone needs a blueprint. Or else you goan pick and pick until you pick shit as my great-grandmother would say.
    We (me) have the tendency to repeat the same patterns of how and why we choose our mates over and over again and if you like it then you need to learn to work with it. So if you keep on picking boogerbears then you really need to sit down and figure out why before you start the next relationship.
    I am a very black and white in my thinking and also I’ve been told I’m intense but I like gray people. They are the calm to my high strung. After a while though they have the tendency to make me twitchy but still, I mesh with them so ridiculously well. So the challenge here for me is to find out how I can stay with them without my eyelid twitching so much lol.

    1. max says:

      “Because going into a new relationship you sorta have to reinvent yourself and pack light”

      Yes! What I should have said is that you’re ready for your next serious relationship if you’re at the point where you’re not bringing any baggage from your old relationship into it.

      1. TashiMee says:

        Agreed…no baggage!
        But we also need to understand that the situations we’ve been through become pieces of who we are today. It depends on the person how they habdle that. Do they learn from it and strive to become more, greater, better….or do they use it as a crutch and use that as their excuse as to why they have the life they live?
        Learn, grow, be better – never let a person hold you down and keep you there!

  6. emti says:

    ugggh…can’t watch videos at work:-(
    I’ll just read the comments lol

  7. TashiMee says:

    Thanks Max!! I agree with you on if not all..most…of what you have said. I believe that you have to follow your own feelings and gauge the situation from your own perspective. I have gotten some slack from most of the people I know about being in another relationship after so little time after breaking up with a long term BF. Good to hear that there are people that agree with me that it is all a personal thing. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t love the last guy..heck…it doesn’t even mean that I don;t still have love for him… It’s just in my head and heart I know that I don’t want to be romantically involved with him any longer for reasons that mean something to me.
    I also have been told that i’m very black or white!! There are no shades of grey with me!

  8. i’m with nc-17. i don’t have a problem with overlapping relationships. i usually fall hard. especially if i’m really into a woman. i understand that everyone can’t be like me. but overall i think you’re right in that it really all depends on the relationship and the circumstances involving the breakup.

  9. GirlSixx says:

    “When you get out of a long term relationship how much time do you think needs to pass before entering another”

    Couldn’t here your video footage… *BigBrotherisLurking*

    So I will say this. I agree with some of the commenters when saying there isn’t any set time frame before your ready to leap into another one because everybody BOUNCES BACK differently at various speeds depending on the reason the relationship ended and WHO initiated the demise of the relationship. (depending on who did the breaking up can greatly affect how quick either parties jump back into a new relationship) BUT watch out for those Rebound type relationships, they can rear it’s ugly head at anytime not just after a relationship breakup — I’m talking months and months afterwards and that person could still be on some rebound type ish and you wouldn’t know it at first.

  10. smarts says:

    So true. Dont wait too long! I waited 2 years before I wanted a relationship and 5 years later I’m still desperately single. I think you should embrace casual dating after a couple of months just to get your feet wet.

  11. Justina Malloy says:

    I totally agree w/ time varying… but as @smarts mentioned do not wait too long. I haven’t been in a relationship for 2 years. Just a few casual flings but there’s nothing like KNOWING & FEELING when ure ready. It feels good when you feel certain. oddly enough there are no NEW prospects. *sighs* that’s how it usually goes.

    ps. I just discovered this blog last week & LOVE it. I think we share the same birthday if I am not mistaken (9/30).

    1. Justina says:

      i def didn’t want my last name on here…:/ i hate my laptop& its tricks sometimes. smh

  12. @JJM5184 says:

    It is all on your own time. We all have different time tables and handle emotion in different ways. I totally agree with what Max said and I think that getting back to loving yourself first and foremost is essential. Once you have that confidence again and all that other stuff, I think things will fall into place. Btw anytime you need to question it, its probably not right.

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