Didn’t You Eat Before You Got Here? (a Throwback Post)


You guys read yesterday’s post (which I am too tired to link to) so you know what’s up. I’m up to my eyeballs in work so enjoy this throwback to the early days when Nasty Fridays weren’t so nasty. I promise I have something seriously raunchy for you next Friday that will make up for this.

In the good old days when I was making my first forays into the wonderful world of sex, things were a lot more straightforward. It seemed every dude had the same game plan – a few french kisses, some quality time spent with the breastage, a little bit of fingering, and we were off to the races. Only greedy guys were asking for you to go down on him and even if you said yes he wasn’t returning the favour. And if you asked him for it he’d puff out his chest and declare in whichever West Indian accent he was best able to emulate that he was a man and a man doesn’t do that.

I miss those days.

In this day and age the popular belief is that there’s something wrong with a man who refuses to sop up his girl’s biscuit – especially if he does so while insisting that she swallow his banana – but honestly I kinda don’t mind it. Actually let me be real – I kinda really like it.

See it’s not that I don’t like getting my “car washed”, it’s just that I don’t need it every single time I drive. Sometimes I just wanna hop on the highway and go straight to my destination without making any pit stops along the way. And moretimes when I do stop for a quick wash it either takes way longer than I wanted it to or I’m left with a half-cleaned car and an attitude because he didn’t put enough careful attention into the wash. Then for the rest of my journey, even it’s a beautiful scenic drive with no traffic and no trouble reaching my ultimate destination, a little part of me is still salty about the sub-standard wash I received.

So yeah, most of the time I’d rather skip it.

Unfortunately it’s become nearly impossible to get a meal from a man without him insisting that I spend time at the salad bar these days. No matter what I say to try to get out of it – if I tell him I don’t like salad, if I tell him I can’t tolerate roughage and it’s only going to ruin the rest of dinner, if I tell him that I never finish the salad and it’s only going to waste his time serving me one – he’s going to say the same thing: “that’s because I never served you salad yet”.


Though I struggled against it for years, these days I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not going to get the pipe without enduring the appetizer course first. And to be honest, most of the time I do enjoy it, despite the fact that I’m often full and satisfied after five minutes while he’s still going strong. And I do know that as sexual problems go, having a man insist on visiting the downtown area is not the worst problem to have. But still there are a lot of times that I look up at the ceiling and wonder just what the hell happened to those guys who refused to eat pu$$y.

I really miss those guys.

So what do you guys think? Any ladies out there feel me on this or am I crazy? And men are you willing to have sex with me without going down first the type who insists on giving your girl some oral loving or you happy when you find a girl who wants to skip it?

Talk dirty to me in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 12

  1. Chauntel Cherie says:

    Hey Max,

    First time commenter…I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of my computer screen since I discovered your blog. 🙂

    But enough of the pleasantries…What is this about you not liking your car cleaned?? DAMN!!

    That is my absolute favorite part of foreplay!! And I thank heavens that all of my lovers have been quite experienced in that department!! (Or maybe it’s just me…I always did like getting my feet wet before diving into the pool.)

    I think there is just something to be said about a man who can successfully lose himself in my womanhood and devour the sweet sweet juices of my fruit. I need a mop just thinking about it!!

    But, to each her own! I will tell you this though, if you want a man who doesn’t work at the car wash, but will gladly let you slob his knob, the last of that dying breed is thriving here in the Virgin Islands. Not that I’ve ever run into any of them!!

  2. Ive heard women say “I dont like it” before…and all I ever say is “let me try it once, and if you dont think its the s**t, I wont do it again”. sometimes you gotta throw a few fingers in there and hit the g-spot, or various other “jump starting” techniques…but at the end of the day, there are women who dont like it at all…and thats fine with me.

    But that has NOTHING to do with the fact that I like/love/crave good brain…so hey, if you wanna keep me from “kissing you with a wet face”…ok.no problem with me. but you still gonna spit on it…lol

    1. emti says:

      see a lot of men forget about fingers etc.

  3. Malik says:

    You KNOW my feelings on this. If I can think of enough euphemisms, I’ll copy and edit it here.

    1. max says:

      I do know how you feel. I almost dedicated this throwback to you. But if you think of some good euphemisms, let me know. You might make me a believer.

  4. Depends on my mood. I really enjoy doing it, but it doesn’t HAVE to be done during every single session of sex.

    I will say, though, that oral sex (giving and receiving) is something I’d like to engage in more often than not. Otherwise, I get a bit more bored with her, regardless how much sex we have.

    Now if she’s puttin’ it on me sexually on a consistent basis, I won’t even care about the frequency of oral sex. However, oral sex is just that icing on the cake. (And, I’m not ashamed to say, at times it’s a decent way to make up for not helping her cum before I do.)

  5. nuview says:

    In the words of Lil’ Kim “…you better eat my pussy right.”

    I just wished more guys knew what they were doing

  6. Malik says:

    Alright I edited and added some new things Max. The only switch I really like is ‘paying homage’ though. Feel free to edit my post if there are any filter damaging words.

    How could not love when a man just completely buries his face in your throne? Tracing your tongue across every single micrometer of her throne, rolling you tongue around the switch, kissing it, or sucking on it. Or my two favorite moves where you gently place the switch between your teeth, to keep it in place not to bite down, suck on it while you move your tongue around it or just lifting up her waist to plunging your tongue deep down (spelunking if you will) to get all the tastes that aren’t already dripping out. That’s not even counting even the little things like grabbing her waist back towards you because she doesn’t want to gush just yet, but you want to force her to.

    I swear paying homage is part of the reason I let my hair grow out to be nappy just so she can grab and pull on my hair while I’m paying homage. That’s not even considering all those moments when her legs just start slowly grip tighter, and tighter around your head as…she…gets…almost…and…then…there! Swear that’s the reason I subliminally loved Chun Li ever since I was little.

    And there’s still just so much more, like when she gets on top and starts riding your face, if you’re lucky enough to find a fire hydrant, fingers (be it yours, hers or someone else’s), and of course THE BANANA (in addition to many other things too). I just wish I didn’t have to swerve around the filter writing this.

  7. keisha brown says:

    *throws money in the collection plate while singing YES! AMEN! PREACH!

    ok. let me siddown and just say i agree and approve of this message.

    oh and this? And if you asked him for it he’d puff out his chest and declare in whichever West Indian accent he was best able to emulate that he was a man and a man doesn’t do that. <- is SOOOOO every woman who lives in Tdot's experience at some point. lol. kills me.

  8. RedLady821 says:

    OMG I’m totally co-signing this post. It’s nice to know that there are other like-minded women out there who feel the same way as you do Max.

  9. Kema says:

    Someone said oral is like the icing. Thats the perfect analogy for me since I dont even like cake that much but would die for the icing.

    I had a guy give me the name headhunter. Oh well… I hope too many guys do not read this post! lol! Keep head alive!

  10. *SHRUGGZ* says:

    I totally feel you on this. I enjoy it but only minimally. No matter how good it is I only want a guy to be down there for a short time to get me wet and aroused. Nothing compares to the feeling of penis penetrating my pu$$y.

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