In the world of media strategy, we use different tactics to elicit different reactions. We might make an ad with a game in it to get people to interact with our brand. Or we might do a big splashy takeover on a popular website to make as many people aware as quickly as possible. Or we might do a radio campaign to make sure people hear our ads as frequently as we've deemed optimal. But always we have a baseline media that supports our fancier tactics. Which is not to say that the baseline media doesn’t have a few tricks up its sleeve - it can and often does. But even when it’s not fancy, the baseline media will hit all the right spots and get the job done.
When it comes to fucking, the missionary position is your baseline media that supports whatever other moves you make. It’s the foundation upon which your stroke game is based, the launch pad from which you can take flight.
As I’m sure you guys are aware, missionary is by far my favourite position. To me I don’t feel like I’ve been fucked properly if I haven’t spent at least a little time feeling the weight of the man above me, putting something on me.
But just because the missionary is simple it doesn’t mean you can half step your way through it. There’s an art to good fucking missionary and too many men are sleeping on the nuances of this position. And because I am lazy a lifelong devotee to this, my most favourite position, I feel it’s my duty to help men and women alike appreciate this fundamental move.
And since one of the best things about missionary is that the man holds a lot of the power, I would be remiss if I didn’t bring in a male expert to extol the virtues of this position..So I give you the lover, wise man, and fellow missionary-lover, TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld:
One of the disadvantages of being a well endowed man is that sex can sometimes be arduous. If your woman is not used to someone your size, positions like doggy style and reverse cowgirl can cause discomfort. Missionary allows the male to exert full control over just how much is going in at each and every second. You can start off slow, giving just half of the D, allowing her to get used to its length and girth, and then as the sex intensifies, and she gets wetter, you can slowly but surely give her more and more.
Missionary provides, by far, the best penetrative visual of any position on the planet (assuming we’re not using video cameras). There is absolutely nothing more beautiful than watching your manhood penetrate, stretch, then repeatedly, go deep into and retract from her love below. Doggy style is great for watching her ass bounce and shake as you pound it, but even those of us who love ass must admit, when it comes to seeing yourself inside of her, there’s nothing better than missionary.
Another awesome part about making missionary love is that it gives you the opportunity to make out while you’re boning. Kissing enhances everything, especially if you know how. I love deep, passionate kissing. To be able to put my to in my tongue in my lover’s mouth while I’m putting the rest of me in her lady parts is like the best of both worlds.
For me, at its core, making love is about intimacy. It’s the most personal form of physical expression we have on Earth and no position is more intimate than missionary. There’s nothing better than looking into your mate’s eyes as you stroke. There’s nothing better than noting the subtleties of a person’s personality only shown during sex: the faces she makes, the way she moans, the way she bites her lip. All of these little things are best experienced up close and personal in missionary position.
Now to those of you who are looking at us sideways right now, unable to believe that missionary is our favourite position (to be in with our respective partners, not each other – just want to be crystal clear on that), allow me to suggest that if you don’t love missionary it’s probably because you’re doing it wrong. Because it’s a lot of wonderful things that can go on in the missionary position. Let us share a few tips with you:
1. Grace the G-Spot. While stroking, if you gently push down on your woman’s lower stomach, in the spot below her belly button but just above where her pubic hair starts, you can stimulate your ladies G-Spot, increasing her pleasure.
2. Alternate speeds. It’s easy to get lulled into the doldrums of stroking at the same pace all the time when making missionary love. Don’t do this. switch up the speed.
3. Don’t Hump, Stroke! Humping is done with your whole body. That’s not cool and not sexy at all. Instead of gyrating your whole body, try to keep your upper body stationary, use your legs as leverage, and stroke from your hips. You penetrate deeper this way and it’s easier to maintain a steady rhythm. Make sure your ab game is official though because it’s definiitely a work out.
3. Long Stroke/Short Stroke . Don’t always go all the way in. One of the most pleasurable things you can do, for both of you, is alternate between long stroking and short stroking. Put the whole thing all the way in, that pull it out to the point that only the head is sitting inside of her, then, look her in her eyes, and ask her if she wants you to put it in. When she says yes, put half in then pull back out and ask her if she wants wants the rest. The slowly but sure plunge the rest of it as deep as you possibly can, thrusting at your hips to get that that last inch in there. Progressively pick up speed till you’re at a steady, consistent pace and there’s a good chance she’ll climax.
Men: Pin her arms above her head. This is a win. Most women like to be held down during sex, you know this, right? So yes, hold her arms down. Kiss her neck and then bite it. Lean down and whisper sweet or nasty things in her ear. Spread her legs wide or squeeze them together. Get up on your knees, wrap her legs around her waist, and pound the dogshit out of her. But not the whole time, nobody likes a jackhammer. Reach under her and grab her ass. Tilt her hips so you can push in deeper. Hit the g-spot and brace yourself for the flood. Vary the pace and the depth of your strokes. And remember – nobody likes a jackhammer. Did I say that already? Nobody likes it. Nobody.
Women: Wrap your legs around his waist. Or if you’ve been doing yoga like I told you to, put your legs up on his shoulders. Stroke his nipples. Suck on his neck, breathe heavy in his ear and entreat him to go faster, harder, deeper. Hold on to his ass and pull him in to you. Stroke his back, graze it with your fingernails, or full-on scratch him if he can take it. Reach down and stroke his balls. Spread your legs as wide as you can (now do you see why I do so much yoga?). Play with your clit. Thrust back – I don’t really need to tell you this, do I? Nobody likes a starfish.
And there you have it. The wondrousness of missionary and some tips to get you there if you don’t already love it. But what say you nasty people? Do you love missionary like I do? What are your tips for making it great? Overshare with us in the comments.