Mastering Missionary

11
Mar
2011
iStock_000010040258XSmall

In the world of media strategy, we use different tactics to elicit different reactions. We might make an ad with a game in it to get people to interact with our brand. Or we might do a big splashy takeover on a popular website to make as many people aware as quickly as possible. Or we might do a radio campaign to make sure people hear our ads as frequently as we've deemed optimal. But always we have a baseline media that supports our fancier tactics. Which is not to say that the baseline media doesn’t have a few tricks up its sleeve - it can and often does. But even when it’s not fancy, the baseline media will hit all the right spots and get the job done.


 

When it comes to fucking, the missionary position is your baseline media that supports whatever other moves you make. It’s the foundation upon which your stroke game is based, the launch pad from which you can take flight.

As I’m sure you guys are aware, missionary is by far my favourite position. To me I don’t feel like I’ve been fucked properly if I haven’t spent at least a little time feeling the weight of the man above me, putting something on me.

But just because the missionary is simple it doesn’t mean you can half step your way through it. There’s an art to good fucking missionary and too many men are sleeping on the nuances of this position. And because I am lazy a lifelong devotee to this, my most favourite position, I feel it’s my duty to help men and women alike appreciate this fundamental move.

And since one of the best things about missionary is that the man holds a lot of the power, I would be remiss if I didn’t bring in a male expert to extol the virtues of this position..So I give you the lover, wise man, and fellow missionary-lover, TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld:

One of the disadvantages of being a well endowed man is that sex can sometimes be arduous. If your woman is not used to someone your size, positions like doggy style and reverse cowgirl can cause discomfort. Missionary allows the male to exert full control over just how much is going in at each and every second. You can start off slow, giving just half of the D, allowing her to get used to its length and girth, and then as the sex intensifies, and she gets wetter, you can slowly but surely give her more and more.

Missionary provides, by far, the best penetrative visual of any position on the planet (assuming we’re not using video cameras). There is absolutely nothing more beautiful than watching your manhood penetrate, stretch, then repeatedly, go deep into and retract from her love below. Doggy style is great for watching her ass bounce and shake as you pound it, but even those of us who love ass must admit, when it comes to seeing yourself inside of her, there’s nothing better than missionary.

Another awesome part about making missionary love is that it gives you the opportunity to make out while you’re boning. Kissing enhances everything, especially if you know how. I love deep, passionate kissing. To be able to put my to in my tongue in my lover’s mouth while I’m putting the rest of me in her lady parts is like the best of both worlds.

For me, at its core, making love is about intimacy. It’s the most personal form of physical expression we have on Earth and no position is more intimate than missionary. There’s nothing better than looking into your mate’s eyes as you stroke. There’s nothing better than noting the subtleties of a person’s personality only shown during sex: the faces she makes, the way she moans, the way she bites her lip.  All of these little things are best experienced up close and personal in missionary position.

Now to those of you who are looking at us sideways right now, unable to believe that missionary is our favourite position (to be in with our respective partners, not each other – just want to be crystal clear on that), allow me to suggest that if you don’t love missionary it’s probably because you’re doing it wrong. Because it’s a lot of wonderful things that can go on in the missionary position. Let us share a few tips with you:

1. Grace the G-Spot. While stroking, if you gently push down on your woman’s lower stomach, in the spot below her belly button but just above where her pubic hair starts, you can stimulate your ladies G-Spot, increasing her pleasure.

2. Alternate speeds. It’s easy to get lulled into the doldrums of stroking at the same pace all the time when making missionary love. Don’t do this. switch up the speed.

3. Don’t Hump, Stroke! Humping is done with your whole body. That’s not cool and not sexy at all. Instead of gyrating your whole body, try to keep your upper body stationary, use your legs as leverage, and stroke from your hips. You penetrate deeper this way and it’s easier to maintain a steady rhythm. Make sure your ab game is official though because it’s definiitely a work out.

3. Long Stroke/Short Stroke . Don’t always go all the way in. One of the most pleasurable things you can do, for both of you, is alternate between long stroking and short stroking. Put the whole thing all the way in, that pull it out to the point that only the head is sitting inside of her, then, look her in her eyes, and ask her if she wants you to put it in. When she says yes, put half in then pull back out and ask her if she wants wants the rest. The slowly but sure plunge the rest of it as deep as you possibly can, thrusting at your hips to get that that last inch in there. Progressively pick up speed till you’re at a steady, consistent pace and there’s a good chance she’ll climax.

Men: Pin her arms above her head. This is a win. Most women like to be held down during sex, you know this, right? So yes, hold her arms down. Kiss her neck and then bite it. Lean down and whisper sweet or nasty things in her ear. Spread her legs wide or squeeze them together. Get up on your knees, wrap her legs around her waist, and pound the dogshit out of her. But not the whole time, nobody likes a jackhammer. Reach under her and grab her ass. Tilt her hips so you can push in deeper. Hit the g-spot and brace yourself for the flood. Vary the pace and the depth of your strokes. And remember – nobody likes a jackhammer. Did I say that already? Nobody likes it. Nobody.

Women: Wrap your legs around his waist. Or if you’ve been doing yoga like I told you to, put your legs up on his shoulders. Stroke his nipples. Suck on his neck, breathe heavy in his ear and entreat him to go faster, harder, deeper. Hold on to his ass and pull him in to you. Stroke his back, graze it with your fingernails, or full-on scratch him if he can take it. Reach down and stroke his balls. Spread your legs as wide as you can (now do you see why I do so much yoga?). Play with your clit. Thrust back – I don’t really need to tell you this, do I? Nobody likes a starfish.

And there you have it. The wondrousness of missionary and some tips to get you there if you don’t already love it. But what say you nasty people? Do you love missionary like I do? What are your tips for making it great? Overshare with us in the comments.



35 Comments

  • Melissa says:

    It’s my favorite favorite too, for all the reasons you’ve mentioned. I also like to hold my legs as wide as I can and then push up. Gets a good reaction every time :)

  • René says:

    I say it again, my favourite position. Good write-up…had me playing out the instructions with my hips.

  • Tisha says:

    Nobody likes the JackHammer, I feel this should be bold, highlighted, italics, captol letters lol

    • FLYY says:

      Co-sign!

      And remember – nobody likes a jackhammer. Did I say that already? Nobody likes it. Nobody.

      this made me laugh out loud and then quickly close the browser before my passing co-worker could ask what I was laughing at.

    • keisha brown says:

      tshirt? billboard? taught in middle school?

  • Malik says:

    Starfish? Also, no playing with me nipples. I am too ticklish for that, I shouldn’t be giggling during sex.

    God yes to these three though.

    1. Wrap your legs around his waist.
    2. Hold on to his ass and pull him in to you.
    3. Full-on scratch him if he can take it.

    Not quite sure if it is my favorite position though, still experimenting.

  • Cheekie says:

    *puts this post away for reference later*

    Thank you, and goodnight. Niiiiice post, you two.

  • privatedancer says:

    Hell YES!! Love the missionary position, it is definitely under-rated. Sometimes you don’t need to be in some freaky pretzel to get it in, just the simple missionary does the trick and I feel you on having to spend SOME time on my back during a session. Not only does it hit all the right spots, but (excuse my corniness) I really feel like a woman when I am looking up at my man; his strong arms and chest over me, just putting in work….mmmm (sorry got lost in a visual), yes don’t sleep on the missionary folks. Sometimes you just wanna lay back and TAKE IT

    PS, themostinterestingmanintheworld knows what the fux he speaks! DAMN

    • max says:

      Hmmm yes girl. When you’re lying there and you look over at the arm muscles just flexing and sweat running through the crevices and veins bulging and…..let me stop. I gave up nail painting for Lent and it’s about to be a problem in here.

  • Sam Sharpe says:

    This set of instructions are OFFICIAL!!!!:

    “Wrap your legs around his waist. Or if you’ve been doing yoga like I told you to, put your legs up on his shoulders”

    My name is Sam Sharpe and I endorse this message.

  • AllUBitchezIsMySonz says:

    Yessssss in-fckin-deed!!! It’s not my fav but it’s a close second!!! When I wanna b close to my man and make good love to him!!tell him how it feels, how i love how deep it is, how much I love him! Mm yess lawwd!! When we transition from missionary to reverse cowgirl MY FAV!! Before we switch he leans up on his knees and with my back still on the bed he lifts my ass up to him. And I ride him!! Imma bout to make a lunch break trip!! Lol!!!

  • MtlMan says:

    Missionnary anal is also more comfortable to certain women.
    Your D angle is more “natural” with her passage. (Specially if you’re well endowed)
    Plus more cues to guide you through her climb.
    I always equated a woman’s climax with climbing a mountain, at first, you don’t see much progress, but as the top nears, you feel a bigger sense of urgency to get there and enjoy the view.

  • Ray. says:

    Hi I’m Ray. I’ve been lurking for a few months :-D .. Now that I got the pleasantries outta the way..

    I always thought I was kinda weird. While most guys love hitting it from the back, I was always rocking with missionary. From the back is my least favorite out of the big 3. Even though I fancy different positions with different partners, missionary is the all-purpose, goto move.

  • LaLaBakir says:

    #TeamMissionary all day, er’day

    Also, if you place a pillow under your tush (ladies), it allows for dude to get better positioning and go a little deeper

  • One thing I didn’t mention in the post is that.. missionary also allows a man to control his climax best. If she’s riding me, or throwing it back at me from the back, or reverse cow girling it… once the tectonic plates start shifting, it’s pretty much impossible to avoid the eruption. When you’re on top though, you can slow it down, shorten your stroke, get refocused and keep putting in work.

  • Menelaus says:

    “I, I, I get so deep in that p*ssy, I touch the back of your soul.” – Lil’ Wayne

    Me and my boys were discussing what position you have to be in to touch her soul. I told him that if you just wanted to hit the back of it, you should probably try doggie style. (Funny story, i’m talking to my boys and I said, “They don’t call it doggie style because that’s how dogs f*ck, because truth be told that’s how all animals f”ck. They call it that because when you hit it hard enough she barks like a dog, and sometimes howls.”)

    Anyway, when you be in missionary position it’s a very intimate experience. Back in college, you always tried to avoid this position like the bubonic plague. When you are in the position it’s just too much random shit that comes out of a woman’s mouth that I ain’t trying to hear right now. “I love you.” … “Cum in me.” … “I love you.” … “This is your p*ssy.” <— Women say this to men and then wonder why sex ends seven seconds later. (You ever been driving a car that you typically put 87-octane in, but this time you put 93-octane in. You can feel exactly when it kicks in.) I keep telling you to stop gassing these men. OTHER important thing, missionary… ain't the best morning sex position. NOW keep in mind, MEN don't really like turning down sex, so when you say something like, "Get on top" he'll do it. But you're a bad chick for making a dude beat while holding his breath because your breath smells like curry.

    Just cause I got to look out for people like Adonis…

    Missionary position is the position they be recommending women to get in when they trying to get pregnant. So if you about to do the deed and she gives you that look that Nala gave Simba in the Lion King, just know… just know.

    This joint: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_xqU8aCV8ADc/TEkZIgJmzGI/AAAAAAAAADw/eajtWT6ExUI/s1600/Nala_the_LOOK600.jpg

    TGIF.

    PS – "Don't fucking wink at me when we're having sex."

  • streetztalk says:

    Great Post.

    Im a more unconventional position lover. But to master missionary is to master the pleasure of your woman.

    • max says:

      Yes exactly…I feel like it’s all well and good to blow a woman’s mind with bells and whistles but if you can’t knock her socks off in missionary then you really can’t fuck.

  • Ray. says:

    @ streetztalk – I gotta co-sign that

    I’m not the 1,2,3 type. B/w those big 3 positions, we may end up in all kinds of positions. The thing that sucks for me is that I cramp easily, that’s when I let het get on top

  • Great post, Max!

    I love missionary. Nothing says loving like having your legs spread, knees pressed back to your shoulders, and your man is giving you that deep long stroke. OH MY GAWD!! The first time I ever uttered the words I love You, was when we were in that position, he stroked, went deep, stayed on the spot and didn’t move. Just stayed still, and pressed hard against it. I died several times that night.

  • keisha brown says:

    i love it!
    when a dude asks you your fave position, most get disappointed when i say missionary, because they arent using their imaginations in all the immense possibilities that position offers! missionary with legs squeezed together over the shoulder at an angle is still missionary (and hot as all ****!!!)

    you cant have chocolate cake without the cake. otherwise all you have is icing!

  • dddddd says:

    missionary – brings tears to the eyes *deep sigh

  • Tomeka says:

    Absolutely LOVE missionary for the control factor and all things mentioned above in this blog. God bless the “Missionary “.

  • Arianne says:

    Whoaaaa… Cosign on EVERYTHING in this post. I’ve been a ‘lurker’ for a while, but I had to comment. Missionary is my all time favourite, it’s the most diverse. You can be intimate and make love or f*** like two horny @ss teenagers. I thankfully can put my legs behind my head or on his shoulders LOL which makes penetration soo gooood… *calls boyfriend*

  • yarnia says:

    whatan interesting write up. yes i to like the missionary positon and even better when i am held down!

  • gloria mgweba says:

    Missionary positision is my favourite position ever I am surely going to enjoy it more than ever now.. Thank u:)

  • Sean says:

    Females Contract Your Vagina While He Is Inside He’ll Love It. Also, Reach Down There Guys and Rub That Clit While Giving Her a Fast Long Stroke.

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