Conversations among girlfriends about the first time one of them slams a dude can vary wildly depending on many things. If the sex was good the discussion will be peppered with squeals of delight and “Girrrrrrrl”s and shudders of sympathetic ecstasy. If it was bad there will be a lot of hand patting and “oh no”s and much shaking of heads and asking the heavens “why WHY don’t men UNDERSTAND that??”. But no matter which direction the discussion goes in, sooner or later the listener is going to ask the teller the most important question of all.
Did you hear from him the next day?
The answer to this question can make or break the story.
For many women, the presence or absence of the post-first-slam phone call (or text message) is the definitive characteristic of the encounter. Whether a man hits us up the next day has so much significance; even if we aren’t able to articulate what the significance is. It just…says something about a man if he doesn’t contact you. And I don’t know what it says but it ain’t good.
Now being the sexual libertine that I am, I recognize that there are some situations that do not warrant a post-sex call. If you knowingly went into a one-night stand, there is no reasonable expectation of a phone call. If you slam a dude the day you meet him, you have no right to expect a call. And if you have sex that is clearly without attached strings, can you really expect a phone call? And wouldn’t a call just confuse things? To be honest, I rate a dude that doesn’t call a woman he slammed if he knows he has no intentions toward her. I think it’s the honest thing to do.
But still…I judge men who don’t call after the first time they hit the nani. I think it’s just rude.And it bothers me that I think this because I feel like I’m just “being a girl” and you guys know how much I hate that. So the purpose of this post is just to help me determine whether I – and those who agree with me – am being unreasonable in expecting contact the day after the first time or are the men who don’t do this vaguely assholey as I suspect they are?
So weigh in, my dear readers, and let’s come to an understanding about this. Men please let me in on the thought process behind not contacting a girl the day after the first time fuck. Is it a respect thing? Like you don’t call the women who don’t warrant a call? Does it just not occur to you? Are you oblivious to the significance some women assign to it? Are you afraid that calling after the first time you have sex automatically means you’re in a relationship?
And women – how important is the post-first-time call for you? Does its absence sour the experience for you or are you unfazed by it? Do you judge men who don’t call after sex? Discuss in the comments.
Oh and p.s. – a lot of you have been asking me where you can watch my guest appearance on Everyone’s Stupid But Me this past Sunday. First of all, stick out your hand and let me slap your wrists for asking me how you can watch a live debate that occurred in the past. Secondly, you’re in luck because the lovely host Shannon actually recorded it and you can watch it here if you have an hour to kill.