Can You Claim Him?


So I’m back with another reader question. Read the question below and then watch the video to see my answer.

I have “seeing” a guy for about 3 months now. He is the first and last thug I will ever date. We met at hood club in Brooklyn, NY. We didn’t become sexual until a month into it. He usually comes by once a week to hang out and most of the time have sex. I don’t mind it because I have a strong sex drive and like doing it albeit it isn’t often enough for me. At around the 2nd month he started saying that I’m his girl. I don’t claim him as my man because we don’t go anywhere. I make suggestions to go out and it’s always some excuse why we can’t. On the few occasions he asked me to go with him to a club we ended up not going because he claimed he didn’t have enough money.

He says he isn’t into Valentine’s day but gave me diamond earrings. I haven’t worn them because he is a thug and I don’t know whether they are stolen or what.

What do you guys think? Can she call him her man if they’ve never gone anywhere together? Is this guy a dud or worth sticking it out with? Weigh in in the comments.

Also – check me out this Sunday March 6 on Everyone’s Stupid But Me – a live one-hour debate show with my homegirl Shannon of We’re talking about whether Friends with Benefits is a viable relationship or are the people involved in them just desperate folks in denial. You guys know how passionate I am about meaningless emotion-less sex, so it should be a good discussion. Check out the preview here:

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 19

  1. L Boogie says:

    Like you said in your video, she can call him whatever she wants to…what he’ll answer to is a totally different thing. As he’s proven, he can call her whatever he wants to as well, but it’s up to her to determine if she’s really going to be in a relationship with him or not. I think (as you said) she has bigger fish to fry, because if the only place he’s making effort is to come to her place and get his rocks off, then…no real titles need to be thrown around anyways.

    Just my $0.02; nice video post!

  2. Danielle says:

    I wouldn’t. He’s a bootycall. Leave it at that. But make sure he knows it though. You don’t want any confusion later.

  3. Adonis says:

    God Bless you Max, I’m glad YOU are answering the question, you operate between love & indifference…

    Instead of the video blog, just lead her to this article (I know, I know, TOO harsh)

    Some chick from Canada wrote it, and I found it VERY insightful…

    Loved the video BTW, and I agree… Claim him if that is what you want… you have bigger issues to deal with

    But as for Mr. Right Now dare I say THUG I applaud him… He set up the relationship PERFECT for him, and if his sex game is a SOLID “B-“, he will be stringing her along until he grows tired of her…

    As for the woman, I don’t like the relationship frame she accepted from him unless it is ONLY about SEX hopefully she doesn’t catch feelings… Cause she is setting herself up for failure…

    Interesting Post…

  4. Starita34 says:

    “I haven’t worn them because he is a thug and I don’t know whether they are stolen or what.”

    Ummmm, does it matter what you call him? You obviously have no respect for him whatsoever I won’t even bring respect for self into the equation…not to mention, I think you know the answer…it’s a booty call plain and simple. He’s doing what he thinks is necessary to keep you from feeling dirty and cutting him off. Worst part of it is, he’s not even breaking you off often enough…what the heck are you getting outta this arrangement? Buy some toys and go nuts.

    @Max, ummm, why is everyone in that second video so beautiful? Mmmmm to them all!

    1. sanen85 says:

      Thank you! Clearly she is feeling some kind of way about him and I don’t think she’d want to be with him if he actually came correct and tried to seriously date her.

  5. Malik says:

    This reminds me a New Hampshire common law which say that if you co-habit a space for 3 years and refer to each as ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ you’re deemed legally married by the state regardless of it you ever go down to the courthouse.

    As for the friends with benefits thing, it depends on what the context of the friendship is prior and during the ‘benefits’ phase. If someone is just some random third tier friend that you may text every couple weeks when your real friends are busy, then sure. Someone that you go way back to from Elementary school, went to college with, or just outright hang out with the majority of your free time? No.

  6. you kickass on video! Invest in a good ass lamp and do more!!!

  7. RedLady821 says:

    I’m stuck on the earrings. I mean, were they in a gift box with a ribbon and a receipt or did he pull them out of his pocket along with some change and some lint and say here are some diamond earrings?

    If he is a “thug” is that short for street dealer? Unemployed? If he’s always broke, then maybe this is the best relationship that he can give you. I wouldn’t stress it. I agree with Max, call him what you like, just don’t call him late for dinner. LMAO.

    1. MeowCat says:

      What I wanna know is why she thinks they’re real diamonds… o_0

  8. streetztalk says:

    Agree 1000% with Maxs assessment. Son got you Diamond rings, but you cant goto the movies? Sus-Pect!

  9. I think she’d be a dummy if she considered his “claim” on her to be legit; he’s more than likely telling her what he thinks she wants to hear.

    I think she’s doing good by not claiming him as anything. If she can take it or leave it w/ him, she should let him know that she doesn’t claim him as anything more than a sometimey fuck buddy.

    However, if she wants more from him, she should let him know that he should seriously step his intentions up; if she doesn’t want anything more from him, keep fucking him every now and then like she’s doing now. Or stop altogether (since he seems to be trying to run game).

  10. good response. ole girl is getting played. any man who won’t take you in public is hiding something. also i checked the second video and that thosegirlsarewild site. nice work. you stay putting me on. no pause.

  11. Here’s the thing. She’s not that into him, so why should he call him anything other than her Maintenance Man? It kind of seems like she feels guilty for not calling him her man because he calls her his girl. Whatever! He doesn’t take her out, but my guess is that she wouldn’t want him around her people anyway. However, she should tell him emphatically that he is not her man so there is no confusion about what’s really going on. Personally, I would not have accepted those diamond earrings.. he’s not your man, don’t waste time in letting him think you think that he is your man.

    1. LaLaBakir says:

      Good point Nia! She doesn’t even seem interested in dude! And why is him being a thug an issue when you don’t seem all that interested.

    2. Adonis says:

      I disagree, i think she is into him more than she leads on, But her saving grace is that she has the awareness to know what kind of f*ucked up situation she’s in

      I mean, how many times we knew the right thing to do, but didn’t do it…?

      O boy should have BEEN cut off, but she likes the D and she has some feelings for him, so he is getting a pass…

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        *strokes chin*

        Good observation

  12. LaLaBakir says:

    Great vid and response Maxie!

    I also agree with Star…how is it possible that EVERYONE in the 2nd vid is beautiful?!!! Sheesh!

    Umm, yeah. This is one of those rare examples of a stupid question? Why would you be concerened about claiming a dude as your man that’s only giving you hard d*ck and bubble gum? Or shall I say diamond earrings. Which is mad suspect. Why would she think they’re stolen? Like RedLady said, where they in a box when he gave them to her?

    I’m gonna end here. I have so many questions about this situation.

  13. luxemansion579 says:

    I don’t have anything to add that hasn’t already been said…but I love the video posts Max…keep them coming!

  14. migi says:

    I had an afair with this oder guy for three year his lady of 12+ caught us in bed and left him good for me right but he still willnot interduce me as his woman he wont give me a key or let me leave any article of clothing at his house I can come over and spend the night he lets me drive his can when mines is not working (he has 4 cars) he has taking her picture down after 7 months and put a small picture of me up and has taking me on 4 trips one big 3 just quick get aways so my question am I his number one or still chick on the side and will I ever get the key to his heart

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