The natural result of being a relationship blogger is that everyone wants to talk to me about their relationship issues. I don't mind it at all - part of the reason I wanted to blog about relationships in the first place was to get people to see the error of their ways. I like helping people work through their problems and see a different perspective.
The problem is of course that the vast majority of people who want to talk to me about their relationship woes are women. And the problem with women is that when it comes to relationships they are largely….stupid. Now I know that, as a woman, it’s not the done thing for me to put it so baldly, but whatever euphemism we want to wrap it up in – naive, misguided, too trusting, unrealistic – what it boils down to is stupidity. See I’m of the opinion that while most men’s relationship mistakes are rooted in ego and selfishness, most women’s mistakes are rooted in stupidity.
Now anyone who knows me in real life knows I’m not too good at holding water in my mouth. I believe in speaking my mind and I’m not much of a fan of sugarcoating things. If I think you’re being stupid I like to tell you to your face that you’re being stupid so that way, when shit blows up in your face I can sleep at night knowing that I tried to stop it. The trouble with this of course is that women do not take too kindly to having the truth served to them raw dog. As the lovely and talented @hl_bb stated in the comments of this post – you just can’t tell a woman “you’re being a fucking idiot right now” no matter how true it is.
It seems the older I get the more female friends I acquire. And the more female friends I have the more I realize how completely irrational and stupid women are and the more my head feels like it’s going to explode with the effort of not telling them how stupid they are. So I came up with the brilliant idea to create a handy dandy guide for women to tell whether they’re stupid. Read these descriptions of the most common types of stupid and if you recognize yourself, cease and desist immediately.
1. The I’m afraid to stand up for myself stupid
If you have reached the age of majority in your geographic region and you are continually asking people for advice on how to get out of doing something you don’t want to do, chances are you are stupid. If you frequently find yourself being pressurized into doing some shit you know you shouldn’t and don’t want to do, you’re probably stupid. And when these things blow up in your face and you’re asking God why bad things always happen to you, you’re definitely stupid. So please, in the name of adulthood and autonomy grow a pair and stop being a pussy.
2. The I don’t care what he says I know what he’s really thinking stupid
We all know this story. Woman pressures Man into talking about his innermost thoughts and feelings and when Man does, Woman doesn’t believe it. If you have ever told your friends “yeah he says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship but he’s really just intimidated by me”, guess what – you’re stupid. Even if you are right and the man is obfuscating or lying about his needs, thoughts, feelings, or desires, it is completely stupid to base your resultant actions on your assessment of what is really going on with him. Let me put it to you like this: if you ask a man for directions and he tells you to go left but you don’t believe him so you go right and then get lost, you have no one to blame for that but your
4. The why can’t he read my mind? stupid
This kind of stupid can best be demonstrated by this story about my mum. I hit her up last week to wish her a happy Valentine’s Day and find out what she got. As soon as she answered the phone I could tell she was salty and I knew I was about to get an earful about how Daddy forgot all about Valentine’s Day and how 36 years of marriage and 2 children obviously means nothing to him. Filled with trepidation I asked “so…what did Daddy get you for Valentine’s Day?”. She grunted and then said “A big bunch of flowers” with the same tone of voice one would use to say “a big pile of steaming shit”. I was like “oh that’s nice, isn’t it?”. To which she replied that no it is not nice, she did not want roses for Valentine’s Day she wanted a pizza. And since she stuck the pizza delivery menu on the fridge last week to make sure he could see it she cannot for the life of her understand why he would buy her some flowers for Valentine’s Day. How much more clear does she have to make herself?
If you’ve ever gotten angry at a man for not psychically intuiting your every want and need, you’re stupid.
5. The repeat the same action and expect a different result stupid
If you are a woman who keeps meeting men, banging them on the first date, and then having conferences with your girlfriends to figure out why he never called you again, you’re stupid. If you keep getting involved with emotionally unavailable men and then wondering why you don’t have a boyfriend, you’re stupid. And if you are in your mid-thirties asking yourself why none of your exes ever left their wives for you, you’re fucking stupid.
6. The refusing to see what’s right in front of your eyes stupid
A woman I know was once dating a man who would only communicate with her during business hours. From 9-5 Monday to Friday he was totally into her; blowing up her IM, passing the long hours of a slow workday on the phone with her, emailing her pictures of his dick taken in his office bathroom. But once the clock struck 5, he was ghost. Would not answer her phone calls, return her texts, nothing. After a while she became a little concerned and would ask him probing questions like “what did you get up to last night?” or “where did you disappear to on the weekend?” which the dude would either evade or ignore.
Now to anyone with any sense, it is perfectly obvious that this man had a girl and that’s why he was MIA during peak relationship times like evenings and weekends. But to my friend it took weeks of soul-searching, hours of discussion with her friends, and running into said man with his girl by chance for her to see what was so obvious to everyone else. And why is that? Because she was stupid.
But what do you guys think? Do you agree that most women are relationship-stupid? How do you deal with your stupid friends? Do you recognize yourself in any of these descriptions of stupid? Speak on it in the comments.