My Parents Know Nothing About This Blog
2011
My parents know nothing about this blog. Actually if you want to get technical about it, most of my family knows nothing about it. Only one of my sisters and a couple of my cousins have ever read it and I aim to keep it that way. As you guys know, I’m not a secretive [...]
My parents know nothing about this blog. Actually if you want to get technical about it, most of my family knows nothing about it. Only one of my sisters and a couple of my cousins have ever read it and I aim to keep it that way.
As you guys know, I’m not a secretive person. But I go to major lengths to conceal all evidence of this blog from my family. Because there would be hell to pay if they ever found out. My parents…while it’s a slight overstatement for me to say that they would kill me, the truth is that I would be in major shit. MAJOR shit. My mum would never stop yelling and talking about how she cannot believe the unladylike things I discuss and the unladylike language I use to discuss them. And my father? My father would just act like I didn’t exist. He’d stop talking to me and stop looking at me.
My parents are only a very small part of the governing body that rules Max. My aunties and uncles, my godparents, my older cousins all have a pretty significant say in what I do and how I do it. Then of course there are my nieces and nephews for whom I’m supposed to be setting a good example. There’s a whole gang of people who would lose their shit if they ever knew that this blog existed and could be linked back to my family.
I’ve written in the past about the emphasis my family puts on propriety and “ladylike-ness”. Those of you who know me in real life have heard about our ultra-formal Christmas dinners (there’s a programme, structured discussion, formal gift-opening, and then an hour of “free time”) and our ultra-structured Family meetings (we have a logo and a mission statement. Someone chairs the meeting. There are minutes and a keynote speaker). My family members are linked by blood and marriage but we govern ourselves like a multi-national conglomerate that is poised to take over the world. And Nasty Fridays appears nowhere on my family’s manifesto.
So yeah if my family found out about this blog there’d be trouble. There would be lectures and speeches and an emergency meeting. There would be special prayer circles to release Satan’s hold on me. Emails sent out to remind all of us that we have an image to uphold. The little ones would not be allowed to hang with Aunty Max and my status as official black sheep of the family would be on a hundred thousand bazillion.
Whenever I try to explain to people how bad it would be if I was ever “caught” by my family they don’t believe me. They think I’m exaggerating or joking. “Max,” they say, “you’re an adult – how much trouble can you actually get in?”. Or they say “Oh don’t worry Max – they’ll come around”. “What if your blog got so big that Oprah invited you to come on the show to talk about it?” they ask. ”What if it turned into a best-selling book? Your family would be proud of you then, right?”
Wrong.
My family would not approve of my blog no matter what. And although I’ve never been one to lead my life in accordance with my family’s rules, it bothers me. Or scares me, would be the better way to put it. No matter what ambitions I have for my blog, I never want it to be so big that I have to see the look on my favourite auntie’s face if she found out about it. I never want to get a “you’re embarrassing the family” email again. Wayward woman though I may be, there is a limit to the amount of family disapproval I can handle and them finding out about the blog is beyond that limit.
So I should stop, right? I guess I should but – for whatever reason – I don’t. Maybe it’s because I love the blog, love the readers, love the commenters, love my blogging peers. Maybe it’s my passive-aggressive way of protesting the ways in which my family does not allow its members to be themselves. Maybe it’s that teenage rebellion that I didn’t have back then surfacing in my mid-thirties. I don’t know which of these is the real truth, but there are two truths I do know: I would die if my family found out about my blog and I have no plans to stop writing it.
What do you guys think? Am I past the age of caring what my family thinks? Should I just say “if you don’t like it, fuck you?” to my family? If you were me would you continue to write a blog that would bring shame on your family? What dirt are you guys doing that you’re hiding from your parents? Share with me in the comments.
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Your family meetings are … to use your favorite word: EPIC.
And I feel ya to an extent. I was just discussing how my family “kinda” knows of my blog, but not really. I just dropped a link one time (when I was first starting it) to a couple folks and shrugged it off. They’ve never mentioned it since. As far as the language I use at my place, I can’t say that Mama Cheeks would react the same way as your parents, but I don’t use that kind of language around her out of respect. She’s pretty open-minded in that I can drop a few here and there, but the way I cuss ’round my friends? Naw, not around Queen Cheeks. I’m old-school in that way, at least.
I like your comparison to teenage rebellion because I think blogs CAN be a form of that for the future generation. It’s the techie way of dabbling in drugs or some ish. lol
Anyway, yeah Max, as your blog gets bigger, you create QUITE the fucking conundrum.
Mama HLBB would lose her shit…she’d agree with the concept secretly though…
My Uncle would say “get married and then give advice”…
My cousin just learned about my blog today…
My other cousin couldn’t tell you what I do, but he knows I’m creative…
My Aunt would say “good for you…can you get paid for it?”
My older cousin who has a high profile job “back home” would chalk it up to me being “North American” (he doesn’t say “foreign”)…
My younger half sister…it’s not discussed…
So, no…you’re not crazy.
Apparently, you’re not the only one who lives a double life online. Some other folks I’ve met throughout the black blogosphere [and some ain't eem Black] seemingly go to great lengths to hide their “fabricated” online personas. Which is just funny to me, because if you’re one way online but something completely different on another social networking site it kind of makes me wonder which one is the “real” you and which one is just made up for the entertainment of the folks reading down thread.
Both my natural parents are deceased and my Step-Mom still can’t figure out an ATM so I’ve nothing to fear from anything I post in cyberspace.
If it’s regarding your professional life….then I understand. Especially in this economy, where jobs are hard to come by and even harder to keep. But I just couldn’t see myself at this age worried about what my parents thought. If you’re adult enough to post certain things, you should be adult enough to stand behind what you write/say. Just my .02…
I agree with you Eddie – I’m a firm believer in “if you can’t stand behind what you say then don’t say it”. It’s part of the reason why I don’t have an online persona really…I’m pretty much the same person online as I am in real life; outside of being “Max Lite” around my family of course; but like Cheekie said, that’s a respect thing.
I’m lucky though in that at least I don’t have to worry about hiding my blog in my professional life; in fact it helped get me my new job. Yesterday as I was making my welcome tour at the new gig when I stopped by my SVP’s office the first thing she said to me was “I read your blog today…LOVED it!”.
Let’s see if she’s still loving it when Nasty Friday comes around though.
As we’ve discussed before on this blog though, it’s not a “lie” or a “fabricated” self, just a different, more liberated in my case, side. You don’t speak to work people the way you speak to kick it friends; the way you speak to love interests; the way you speak to family; the way you speak to tried and true friends…it’s just a different aspect of your personality/level of comfort/level of respect/none of some people’s damn business….
I don’t want my Mom or Dad to read any of the sex related stuff that I’ve posted, but if they did….they did. *shrug* They wouldn’t be happy, but they’d manage. I’m an adult and they know what kind of person I am.
I believe you. I totally believe you. If my family ever found out just how really “crazy” I am, no one would ever speak to me again. Ive already been disowned / kicked out once for dating a boy when I was 18 and it was the worst period of my life. My parents don’t yell or scream, they just act like you don’t exist as well.
Hell, i dont even have friends that i can honestly get on this level on. It’s why I seek outlets like your blog to express and explore my freakocity.
Wow…. Wow…. Wow… Wow…
idk what to say… But my grandmother is BANANAS…
She comes from Jamaica, she live in extreme poverty…
She is ashamed/scared when the police show up to her house cause in Jamaica it was an embarrassment for the police to come see you… (but she is FASCINATED by crime)
In Jamaica, the men treat their women like sh*t, but they serve their men hand in foot (alot of domestic violence all throughout my fam…)
And although she is a Jehovah’s Witness and believe in the LORD, she is so image conscious it is nauseating… My balls need to BREATHE, I can’t be uptight for more than a day…
WHAT PISSES ME OFF ABOUT FAMILY is that if you are a ROUSING success they will tell the whole world… but it you are a “failure” they disown, as if they didn’t play a small role in your success/failure… you can’t have it both ways
reading this blog post… it was a little difficult grasping the complexity of your family (all of my families are pretty liberal) so I never really been under the umbrella of a strict conservative family… In conclusion…
Women like you are great sexual partners because you are SO RESPONSIVE to the taboo… being so proper & conservative sets up real nicely when I am ready to tied you up & make you my b*tch…
But I WOULD NEVER want to be Mr. Max & have to go to one of your family gatherings… HELL NO… I am the antithesis on what is proper & conservative… They would eat me alive…
“Back to reality” post
One thing I don’t do is bring any Mr. Max to any family gatherings…it’s a bad scene. I brought my first love to a family BBQ once and had to answer a million questions from my aunties about why he was wearing a track suit….didn’t he know how to dress properly? Apparently he should have worn slacks to sit on a dirty picnic bench :-/
I would love to go to one of Max’ family gatherings (though, were Max and I an item, I would not ever allow her to call me Mr. Max – not even in jest – and not even on her blog). I would want to go just for the sheer challenge of winning over her family.
No Mr. Max? How about Mr. Flyy? Lol.
absolutely not… you guys would be Mrs. Most.
Lol! Ok… but what if this “Mr. Max” doesn’t have an online persona? I’m kinda assuming that he doesn’t… which is why he became Mr. Max.
Maybe I am in the minority, but it is fun for a woman to keep her last name…
Oh, and all that stuff about Jamaica sounds like you might be projecting your families experiences on the entire country. I have like tons of Jamaican friends and none of their families are like that, whether they come from extreme poverty or affluence.
The jury is still out on Jamaican men… obivously they get a bad rap from the people I speak to… idk about the DV, it may be exclusive to my family… Idk how widespread DV is in Jamaica o among Jamaican couples
*does the butterfly*
wow Jamaica sounds pretty bad :/
i’ve always blogged, but just started blogging about “love” and kinda forgot i had so many family members on my FB…now whenever i see them “liking” a post I get all squeamish….but its whatever i guess
When I told my mother about my blog she asked me if I was getting involved in pornography. Repeatedly. Anyway, we’ve adopted a don’t ask don’t tell policy. And max, about those formal dinners that you described as such:
“Those of you who know me in real life have heard about our ultra-formal Christmas dinners (there’s a programme, structured discussion, formal gift-opening, and then an hour of “free time”)”
That sounds like a prison dining schedule.
Oh and for the all Jamaican men are bad/Jamaica is bad convo here I’d like to point out my long list of uncles, cousins and friends and my personal experience with the country and the people that lay waste to the broad generalizations….
ez
“When I told my mother about my blog she asked me if I was getting involved in pornography. Repeatedly.”
Bwhahahahaha. Your whole comment was chuckle-worthy Sam but this. line. right. here. LMAO. Maybe it’s funny b/c I can relate. I could sooooo see Mama Flyy doing the same thing.
Where can I get a copy of that young Sam Sharpe sex tape though? DM me for my address. KthankxbyeThis is kinda like the return of the “Max in Real Life” series – which I adored.
I think this is an interesting situation you’ve found yourself in. You have a hugely popular blog, that seems to take up a great deal of thought and sweat equity in your life, but, you can’t really share it with your family. I don’t presume to know your family and its nuances, but, I can’t help but believe in the forgiving nature of people who love us. What I’ve also found is that family, particularly the folks who raised us, usually know a lot more about who we are then we give them credit. There were times with my grandmother where I thought I was keeping something about myself from her to maintain her pristine image of me, and she’d just come out of left field and cut right through all of my B.S. with a stinging and revelatory comment that showed she knew exactly who I was. And she still loved me the same afterward.
So, I’m not saying you need to come all the way out of your closet, but, maybe you can slowly but surely begin to let them see who you really are. I have a sneaking feeling they’ll know more than you think and I doubt your blog will alter their perception of you. They were young once too.
Besides all that, your description of your family is hilarious and sitcom worthy. The family meetings and the family seal killed me. Do you guys follow Robert’s Rules in your meetings? If so, I’d like to make a motion:
I move that Max begins the slow process of revealing who she is to her entire family.
Clearly this is the blog post of the day… @Most
You need some TELEVISION cameras at you family functions… there is money to be made… & because I LOVE my new favorite show Wife Swap (#dontjudgeme) & your family is borderline Arch-conservative it woud be fun to see them clash with some hippies
You see Max, i LIKE TO believe that there is an EASY solution to this like Most is providing… But there is NONE
that won’t take a HELL of alot of work & persuasion…… esp. when people are closed minded like that… & you are better off leaving it the way it is…Bananas
I dreamt about you last night Max. No lie. Weird huh? I’m not even crushing on you anymore…I’ve moved on
or so I thought. Lol.Anyways, I just want to say I think its pretty awesome how much your site has blossomed in a little over a year. I LUHUUVE it and hope your family never finds out about it. #thatisall #teamMax
‘Am I past the age of caring what my family thinks?’
I don’t think one EVER grows too old to stop caring what her family thinks…
That is it, it is nice to believe you can escape the perceptions of others about you, but it is not that easy…
Max, I don’t think we ever get too old to worry about what family thinks. When my grandmother who was a French Professor at Lincoln University would call me, I would sit straight up and my answers would consist of “Yes Grandmother Louise” and “No grandmother Louise.” I can hear her voice to this day “Now Nori, you’ve got to get it TOGETHER!” I hated it when my mom would sic her on me.
That whole side of the family (My mother’s) was a chapter right out of “The Right Kind of People” and yes they’re in the book. I still get flack about my choice for a husband — but that’s a whole other story. Just letting you know that I can relate and I don’t even have a blog, but I’m sure they would look down on me for having a Twitter account.
If it makes you feel better my family doesn’t know about my site either. Well, I think my sister does. The difference in my case is that my family and I aren’t that close in the first place. Outside of my parents I really have no idea what anyone is doing at any given time. This is (part) of my motivation for not getting on Facebook. I don’t think my family would care but they would be nosey and that’s just as annoying. Lol
My parents know I write. I’ve even shared some various write-ups with them but I SELECTIVELY email them certain posts and they seem content with that. I’m sure they wonder how the hell I get paid or even the projects, but like SAM mentioned above, they have a don’t ask don’t tell policy. They’re probably curious but they’ve probably also learned they don’t want to know tooooo much about their crazy ass son. For both peace of mind and legal purposes.
I care in a very limited sense. It’s not going to stop me from being me. I have but this one life to life and I aim to live how I want. My belief that everyone has made their own choices and I will make mine. And my family is West Indian and if I brought home another woman my father said that the won’t talk to me. But if that happens and he decides not to-it’s his choice. As long as he talks to his grandkids I’m cool. My life. I refuse to have too many regrets.
Max
i completely understand… i also come from a very conservative plus religious family and any and everything is looked down on and spoken about and passed around a minimum of 3 countries…
i wish i had a solution for you… mine would be just try to stay secret… good luck
I’ve seen the minutes from a family meeting, and I believe you when you say it would not be any small thing to them. Also, it was one of the most hilarious things ever and I’m still slightly jealous.
Am I past the age of caring what my family thinks?
i dont think that point ever comes. esp if you are the child of west indian parents.
Should I just say “if you don’t like it, fuck you?” to my family?
you could..but hate it or love it (nofiddy) – they are the only fam you have. how would you feel if your pops disowned you. likely not too good right? if you can keep the 2 worlds from colliding, continue to do so!
If you were me would you continue to write a blog that would bring shame on your family?
my mom is suuuuper private and since she’s the only parent i have… i would hesitate to start a blog that would bring shame to her/ruin our relationship.
What dirt are you guys doing that you’re hiding from your parents?
Dirt? I brush dirt off my shouldas!
The reason why this blog is so spectacular is that it discusses the things we are all thinking about and wondering if others are thinking about too.
I would be proud if I were your parent. I went through something similar when I introduced my book LAID to my parents. I sent them to the website that had the story of my first time written in graphic detail. My mom was livid but here biggest concern is that boys would be “laughing and masturbating to my words” after awhile she started to see the respect people had for not only my vision but for me as well. I’m sure after your parents see this post the first thing that will come to mind is visions of you out and perfect strangers grabbing your ass and slipping their numbers into your bras – they are just being protective though.
After awhile they will see what a valued and highly regarded voice you are in your community and how strangers who know of you through this blog would be more likely to breakdown crying infront of you than to make an inappropriate move.
But you’re right about the initial shit storm, that is inevitable!
Good afternoon!!!!!
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So Marilyn Monroe showed up and sudednly the women have taken over the gym 5 of us in this morning!Anna, you are an amazing rower 1:40 is soooo fast!DL 145X5 and Rows were 2:09, 2:06, 2:06. Good to see Becky and Corrie this morning!