So You Smashed the Homie

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As you can see, I’m trying something different today. I’ve been getting lots of requests for video content so I’ve decided that whenever I get a reader question I will answer it via video and see how that rocks with you guys.  If you hate the idea or want me to answer your question with a video you can get at me via the contact form or find me on twitter. If you like the idea you can tell me that in the comments hahaha.

For those of you who can’t or would rather not watch the video, the first question comes from a woman who has been propositioned for sex by a man whose close friend she has banged. She wants to know if she should tell old boy that she smashed his homie. Watch the video to see my response and then tell me what you guys think she should do in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 42

  1. Well, I say it’s better to let him know right off the bat instead of him finding out. Even if he knows, I think he just wants to know if you’ll tell him.

    p.s. I didn’t know what kinda voice to expect. Lol

  2. Yoles says:

    max first, i like the video makes it seem even more personal…

    secondly i would say to the girl in question, if it was a guys good friend he KNOWS yall had at it, no if ands or buts about it.. the thing is will it be ok to you for you to be passed off and around like that? if that doesn’t bother you, do what you like, just be prepared for any consequence of said action…

    my recommendation is pass on the homie of the previously smashed one.. call an old faithful if dust is building up…

    1. Yoles says:

      oh yea if you do decide to go ahead with the homie, yes tell him…

  3. i like the video responses.

    i agree with everything you said in your reply except that i wouldn’t suggest that women have sex with the homie. its just not a good look. what probably happened is the first dude she slept with told all his boys how she puts it down and he now wants to see first hand. i don’t think a nut is worth your dignity.

  4. Mrs.Brightside says:

    The video response is pretty cool.
    I agree with what everyone is saying. It depends on her intended end of the situation; relationship or a nut. Is she into this guy or did he just say “wanna fcuk”? If there is potential for a relationship not that “I made it up in my head” thing we sometimes do but serious relationship potential, definitely tell him about the smashed homie. After she tells him she should give the relationship time to grow before smashing because it lowers the probability of getting hit and quit.

    If it was just a “wanna fcuk?” type proposal and she is seriously considering it she probably want fcuk so just do what feels right. If its just sex she owes him nothing, he probably already knows and like someone else said it’s the reason he’s even going that route with her. Whatever she decides she should just be confident in that decision and prepared for the good and bad that will come from it.

  5. It’s so precious to hear you say “smash the homie” in such a prim and proper way. lol

    But yeah, good advice all around. Ladies, don’t play dumb when it comes to this! LOTS of men talk w/ their friends the way women talk to theirs.

    1. Starita34 says:

      LMAO! I told her the same thing. That Canadian accent is so refined :-)

      1. keisha brown says:

        LOL. why did i know Star would bring up the Cdn accent.

        1. Starita34 says:

          Cause I love you hose :-*

          1. keisha brown says:

            oh.

  6. Great Advice Max. And the video is dope.

  7. RedLady821 says:

    Max, I really got a kick out of your video (SMOSH the HooMIE) that doesn’t even sound right coming out of your mouth so I am dying laughing. It’s like it would be more realistic if you were doing a video on Martha Stewart home decorating.

    With that being said, I really like the video response. It makes me feel like i know you better — like oh yeah, that’s my girl Max.

    As far as actually smashing the homie — I would think the guy already knows and I would say, “well, I smashed your homie” so now go away please. I wouldn’t even give him any f* outta here.

  8. LaLaBakir says:

    Max…I don’t know what I expected your voice to sound like…but it’s cute,lol. I can’t imagine you cursing like a sailor

    Anywho, thumbs up on the video response and great advice :)

  9. ME_84 says:

    I have smashed the homies, and looking back it wasn’t the best idea but who cares that situation is over and done with. The original friend was just that a friend at one point we were cool went out a few times, but we were never in my mind dating, never bf or gf, and although he wasn’t upfront about it I had a sense that he had this on and off again gf. I did have feeling for him but realized he was talking a lot of bs! Eventually it died down and we stopped talking. He had a friend who was totally my type, great convo, understood my humor a genuine friend (original friend wasn’t at all and wasn’t even cute by the way). So me and the homie have always been cool but started talking more over a period of 6 or 7 months. We hung out a few times and “smashed”. I did feel really bad and worried about the situation for like a few weeks but:
    1 I was not the original guy’s gf or dating exclusively
    2 I am single and can do whatever I want
    3 The homie is the friend of the original dude so I think it would be up to him to tell him, not me!
    4 If any of these homies and friends went to college were in a frat , or anything like that I’m like 98.334% sure that they have did the same girl… come on people. Why is it such a big deal for woman?

    I think it comes down to how close they are and the type of relationship you had with the original guy!

  10. Starita34 says:

    “The thing about grimey dudes is they love to judge women for the shit that they do”
    SAY THAT MAX! Say that in that perfection diction you beautiful ballerina with killer collar bones! This is truth!

    LOL @ your lil jab that we can’t have sex as easily as some men believe.

    Love the video idea, it’s genius and I can’t wait to see more.

    Now on the topic…let me be the lone voice of dissent; with some qualifiers of course. “Smashing the homie” for the sake of smashing, horrible idea. No doubt. Reputations are real, factual or perceived, this is just reality.

    But having a relationship with someone who’s friends with someone that you used to date (and have sex with), I have very little issue with. But I grew up in a very small town. If you didn’t date anyone that dated (and most likely had sex with) one of your acquaintances, if not friends-you just couldn’t date. And the more I live in the city, the more I realize that no matter how many people live here, we’re all connected somehow.

    I have a girlfriend that is happily married to a man that she met while he was having a casual sex relationship with her roommate at the time. Like she witnessed the roommate riding him, waving a cowboy hat. That didn’t work out well, I mean, that night worked out great, but the quasi-realtionshit didn’t work out. He was interested in my girlfriend. My gf asked the roommate if she minded if she went out with her ex eff buddy. Roommate said sure thing. They dated, got married, the roommate was the “Maid of Honor” #irony in the wedding, he walked in on me stark naked, fresh outta the shower the morning before the wedding, we joked that he’d seen half the bridal party naked, they have two lil girls and are living happily ever after. *shrug*

    So, if ole girl that asked the question is asking, I dated Bill and we had sex and that relationship didn’t work out, but his friend Dan wants to date me…should I? I say go for it. Bill’s old news, give Dan a chance.

    But if it smells anything of “it ain’t no funnnnn, if the homies can’t haaa-aaa-aaa-aa-aaa-aaa-ve none” run for the hills.

    1. LaLaBakir says:

      Good point (about small towns, inner circle)

      I wonder how long ago she smashed the homie. shouldn’t time be a factor? I

      1. Starita34 says:

        Tell me that on college campuses, homies did not indeed get smashed by respectable girls. I will show you a liar and/or a delusional, naive person…worry about who they’re sleeping with now, not before they knew you. #ItsASmallWorld

  11. FLYY says:

    While I’m sure the video response is great… gubmint slackers like myself, can’t see it b/c Uncle Sam is a hater. ::sigh:: I will have to watch at home to see my Maxie in action and then comment later.

    Carry on.

  12. Diggame says:

    Yo!! diggin the video blog!!

    I have to agree with you on all points! I laughed because it was on point. The only way I think it can work is when your homeboy hasn’t told you who he smashed cause he was trying to keep some of his ish discreet about the chick for whatever reason

    1. Starita34 says:

      Maximillion, Diggame is Diggin your vlog. It’s official. You’ve arrived. Enjoy your stay. Can you digg it?

  13. Danielle says:

    Well this were me and I decided to smash him I wouldn’t tell him shit. In this situation I don’t think divulging that is required.He’s not looking to wife me and I’m not looking to husband him. This is not an Eric Roberson song and Obstacles are getting in the way. We just fucking. Let’s not complicate this. He would not be welcomed in my home. I’d probably get me a very nice hotel that offers spa services and room service etc…And after I’ve cum to my satisfaction, I would thank him he would have to kick rocks. No shower, no nothing. He would be leaving as room service arrived with my dinner.
    But unless his crew looks like the ones from Takers, I probably wouldn’t want to smash him anyway.

  14. Cheekie says:

    Max gives good collarbone. Fin.

    1. lol i was waiting on dr j to come in here with his theory on fat/thick chicks and collarbones.

      1. Cheekie says:

        LOL I take it he thinks it’s an epic swindle? ;)

        1. max says:

          He just basically uses the collarbone as the line of demarcation between thick and fat. As in – if you can’t see her collarbone, she’s not thick she’s fat.
          As previously discussed, my collarbone is mad jutty so I’m definitely in the clear.

  15. streetztalk says:

    Great Vlog!

    Your advice is excellent! You still frontin though that women cant get sex easily. lol

    And i dont think that its that cut n dry. all dudes are different and some dudes will be comfy with a woman who smashed the homie, after an assessment is made

    1) Is she being grimey

    2) can your ego handle it?

    3) What level of friend is it that she smashed

  16. keisha brown says:

    hmm….
    i’ve been there (smashed da homie) – it wasn’t on purpose, but i kanye shrugged it off because i know im not the epithet that would be inferred.

    i’ve also been in your EXACT situation, with a dude hollering (with and without knowledge that homie has been smashed) and walked away because the ensuing drama wouldn’t be worth it.

    example? dated a dude for 2 yrs. broke up and floodgates opened. his best friend tried to chop me and it was dikembe mutumbo denied. (this was maybe 6 mos after the breakup). i recently ran into best friends brother and he offered to ‘keep me company’ the other day. i dwight howard’d the ish outta that offer. moral of the story? i thought there was a man code and some chicks that were off limits. i guess not! please note that both men (brothers!) in this case know FULLY well i was intimate with their boy.

    s/n: this of course in theory supports the men when they say we can get sex whenever we want, which is of course true in theory if we didnt care about WHO we are getting sex from and the fallout that could follow.

    i approve of max being straight-up cuz then it puts the onus on dude on whether he wants to go there or not. and if max doesn’t give an eff about what dude or dude’s friend will think.. then go for it. he’s cute. and then she can tell me alll about it. LOL!

    1. max says:

      If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that the man code is highly fluid and there’s a direct correlation between the strictness of a man’s adherence to the code and the chance that he can get away with whatever ish he’s trying to pull.

      1. keisha brown says:

        i think you have a future post there max (the code).
        *strokes chin…

  17. Awww, you’re so Canadian. lol. Cute…

    Your advice great. Fuck him, lose his number, lose his friend’s number, and be happy with the casual sex. You are dead on about trife men. Those who do the biggest dirt talk the most shit about everyone else, especially women.

  18. I won’t lie… I’ve been a homie smasher. In fact I still hope and pray to this day that my ex-bang buddy doesn’t know I smashed his homie.

  19. BP says:

    I have tried to post a million times! WTH!

    Ok, Max I love the video blog idea…a lot. You look super cute too *roarrrr*

    I don’t agree with the whole idea of telling this chick to smash the homie though. I mean…he sounds dirty….BP doesn’t do dirty. Somethings are better left undone.

  20. luxemansion579 says:

    Totally love the video responses!

  21. max, i love you. every time you say “smashed the homie” i want to call you up and hear your canadian accent again and again. you’re so cute. oh, and regarding the post, i couldn’t agree with you more. although, i do believe that smashing the homie is something every 20 something year old should experience once (outside of a relationship). i mean if it’s just about smashing and curiosity is killing the kitten, why not? it builds character. ;)

  22. Melanie says:

    Love the video response Max and you sound just as I thought you would, so that was kind of cool. Advice? I think each situation is different. I’m more inclined to agree with your advice, but Star has some valid points. “Small worlds” exist even in the largest of cities. I think it all boils down to perception, needs, wants, past history, future expectations… blah, blah, blah… just like every other situation in life.

  23. Adonis says:

    Congratulations… No Comment On The Video…

    Women can’t smash the homie & have anything good come out of it..

    Men maybe… (better odds)

    Double standard rears its ugly head again…

  24. Video responses are fun, I dig it.

    I think that cross-smashing definitely needs to be assessed on a case to case basis. Heavy consideration of the consequences would be worthwhile because even though generally speaking, I’d say no because it’s not worth the drama; there can always be exceptions.

    Co-sign on the informed decisions though, anything less is absolutely grimy.

  25. beth says:

    sadly, i stumbled upon this blog post when googling this exact situation after an…interesting weekend…anyone wanna offer advice to my specific situation??

    basically, had a casual f buddy(ish) who i slept with twice. it was strictly a booty call relationship, where we would call each other to hookup, but timing only worked out for us twice.

    at the same time, i was trying to get to know another guy, who i met at a completely different time…ironically, after one instance where i drunk called my f buddy looking to hook up (but didnt end up happening), new guy sends me a message the next morning asking what i’m doing that night. ended up hanging out with him, kissed…

    had kinda a suspicious feeling the whole night…later figure out that they are actually roommates (!!!) no clue what to do…had my f buddy texting me the next day asking “how my night was” and “what i did” and i had nooo clue what to say…can any kind of relationship with the guy i ACTUALLY like be salvaged??

    1. max says:

      Girl roommates? I don’t know. That’s tricky. I would say it’s possible but I wouldn’t bet the ranch on it. If I were you I’d lay low and see if the one you like pursues you; that’s the only way to avoid making yourself look even more like a fast ass hoe. Not that I think you’re a hoe but you know men and their double standards.
      If he comes after you – assuming as we do that he knows you smashed the roomie – at least half the battle will be fought. It will likely still be an issue, but at least you’re not having to convince him to overlook it; he’s already trying.

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