Whenever I get to talking to new people about my blog, one of the first questions that comes up is “how do know so much about sex and relationships?”. The answer I give varies according to the situation and the person asking the question, but the truth is that – if you subscribe to the theory that I do, in fact, know a lot about sex and relationships – I learned most of it from magazines.
In my ultra-impressionable teens and early twenties, I devoured every issue of women’s magazines like Sassy, Allure, Glamour, and the ever-vapid Cosmo. Now that I’m an adult, the interest I once had in them has been diverted to blogs. But the process is the same; salivate in anticipation of the next issue or post, read it voraciously, post it up at eye-level above my desk if it’s particularly resonant, and begin applying the lessons I’ve learned to my daily life.
As you guys are all well aware by now, I have my own bizarre and byzantine method of navigating life. So it should come as no surprise to you that I often hear about things that people are doing and am completely stunned because I had no idea. This happens a lot when it comes to dating and relationships. The more I read about how people navigate the murky waters of sex and romance, the more I ask myself, why didn’t I know about this? And the answer is usually either that I did know about it and just fail at applying it to my life and have therefore blocked it from my consciousness, or more likely that I flat out missed the memo.
So here we go – 5 memos I missed (or completely ignored)
Mirroring falls under the category of things that I ignored. Actually – more like I forget about it when I need it and then remember when it’s completely useless. But when I was a young pup, it was the number one most-dispensed advice for how to get a guy to like you. I’m no psychologist, but the basic concept of mirroring is that if you mimic the body language of the person you have your eye on, you can somehow #swindle them into developing an affinity for you. So if you’re chatting up a man in the club and he leans against the bar, you lean against the bar too. I first read about this when I was about 17 years old and whenever I’m going somewhere where I know the object of my affection will be, I think to myself – I’m gonna try this mirroring shit and see if it works. But I never fucking remember to do it so I have no idea if it’s genius or utter malarkey.
2. Dazzle and Befuddle
Dazzle and befuddle is max-speak for the common “flirting” tactic of be all up in a man’s face one minute and then disappear the next. Then you come back and dazzle him some more and retreat again. The point of this is to make him completely enthralled by you but then retreat before he gets too comfortable. Then you reappear right before he forgets about you, suck him back into your vortex, and then leave him wanting more by disappearing. Does it work? I have no idea. I’m an utter failure at this move because what likely happens is either a) in the dazzling phase I become so utterly besotted by the dude that I completely forget about retreating or b) I retreat and get sidetracked and forget to return.
4. The Bowl of Popcorn
I learned about what I call the bowl of popcorn theory when I first read Why Men Love Bitches. In the book they tell you (and I’m paraphrasing wildly here) that when you invite a man over to your house for the first time you should resist your womanly inclination to get to his heart by cooking him an amazing meal and instead pop some corn and offer him a handful. This will teach him that he should not be expecting you to feed him – if he wants to eat something substantial he should take you out for dinner. What it ultimately comes down to is if you want a man to like you, Don’t do nice things for him. let him do nice things for you. This is a classic example of something that made me look around in confusion like – does everyone know about this but me?
6. Calling men Daddy
Up until I read this article, I was under the impression that calling men Daddy was reserved for porn stars
and one particularly freaky man I dated. I had no idea that regular women like me were calling their men Daddy during sex and that both they and the daddies were loving it.
6. The Foodie Call
Ah the foodie call. This is what inspired this whole post. When I read this over at Until I Get Married, I was like waitWHAT? (Hi Saks!) We invite men we’re not in a relationship with to come over just to eat? For real? I’m still so confused as to how I reached my mid-thirties without ever having heard of this.
Anyway, that’s my list of moves that I either didn’t know or forgot to know about, but what say you all? Do you know about these moves? Have you ever used them? Do you think they work? What dating memos did you miss?