There are a lot of amazing and wonderful things when you are a woman who blogs about sex. You get free blow job workshops, sometimes the comments make really good smut, and…well. Let’s say there are two wonderful things that happen when you are a woman who blogs about sex. But there are a few things that come with being a openly dirty bird that make this life less than ideal. So I thought I would share with you the not-so-glamourous underbelly of life as a sex & relationships blogger.
1. You basically sacrifice your reputation for the sake of validating your readers’ feelings.
One of the most gratifying things about this blog is the emails I get from readers thanking me for putting my thoughts out there. A lot of women tell me that they never knew anyone else thought like they did, they’ve never heard anyone say what they were thinking, they don’t know how I get inside their heads so well. This makes me happy. Really. The idea that someone feels validated by the fact that I openly discuss my willingness to toss salads, warms my heart to no end. But here’s the thing: I wrote that post and now everyone knows my point of view on it. I am now “the girl who isn’t mad about a tossed salad”. I have people pointing and whispering about me everywhere I go. Whereas you – who kept your confession confined to my email inbox – have a shot in hell of being wifed down some day because you are not a fallen woman. See how I stay losing here?
2. People think they know you.
While I am totally honest about just about everything I write on here, this blog does not actually represent the sum total of my personality. There are whole other sides of me that you will never see on here, just like there are people who will know me in the 3-D world and never have an idea that the part of my personality that is this blog even exists. This seems like a pretty basic concept, but you wouldn’t believe how familiar people will get with me just off the strength of having read a couple of posts on here. Women will run up on me like I’m their long-lost homegirl and men? Men need a section all on their own.
4. Men treat you differently.
When I first started this blog, finding a man who read it was like winning the relationship lottery. I thought it was the greatest thing ever. 265 posts later, if you’re a regular reader of this blog you are automatically ineligible for Mr. Max status. I have had one too many encounters with male readers who think a) because I write about knowing when to leave your feelings out of a discussion that means I don’t have any, and b) expect me to swallow their kids five minutes after I meet them because I wrote a post telling women not to rule out swallowing. The last reader I dated was totally appalled that I wouldn’t sleep with him the first time we went out because – according to him – from what I say in my blog it seems like I’m down for whatever. So then I had to explain to him the difference between being honest about sexuality in a controlled environment and being a slack whore. And then I decided he wasn’t worth the trouble.
5. Don’t write about me and please write about me.
The two biggest pieces of feedback I ever get from this blog are “please don’t write about me/this” and “please write about me/this” and they are both kind of annoying. For one thing – and this might be an asshole move on my part – I have a strict everything is fair game policy when it comes to this blog. Anything I read, see, hear, say, or experience is eligible for writing about unless there is a really good reason for me not to do so. I mean, it’s not like I go around exposing people and breaking up marriages. I do a pretty good job of disguising identities and changing details so that at most, only people who already know the backstory will identify the characters. And that’s all I really think I should have to do. In my opinion, part of being supportive of my blog is allowing for the possibility that I might use your life to further its cause.
The flipside of this is the people that always have something I should write about. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate the suggestions, it’s just that
they are stupid not everything makes a good post. I have plenty of stories that are hilarious in real life but they just don’t translate into a post; there needs to be a hook. And you know what? Not a lot of the ideas I get have hooks. So I have to shelve them and then dodge the people for the rest of my life so that I don’t have to endure the “why haven’t you written about my great idea yet?” conversation.
The best part about both of these is that 90% of the people who say these things do not read my blog.
6. The blogging double standard.
In blogging – as in life – it’s a man’s world. Male bloggers have fans, female bloggers…just don’t. Readers don’t meet me and say they want to date me or marry me like they do with the blogging boys. I’m not ruining the lives of my male readers by showing them just how dope females can be. Which is really not fair if you ask me. And if any of my male readers want to right this wrong by sending me some homemade porn, please feel free (Sam Sharpe I’m looking at you here).
But there are other ways that female sex bloggers get the short end of the stick. And my fellow over-sharer Jozen touched on it in his blog this week. In his post about the double standard he mentioned that his “controversial” behaviour has no negative effect on his dating life. Which – as previously stated – is not the case for me. And I’m not naive to the fact that women just cannot act the way men do and escape the consequences. I accept that what’s good for the goose is absolutely not good for the gander when it comes to dating and sex. But still – and picture me whining here – it’s not fair!
So that’s my rant for today. What do you guys think? Do you feel sympathy for the plight of the female blogger? Any of you feel my pain? Do male bloggers have their own set of woes? Speak on it in the comments.