The Trials and Tribulations of the Female Sex Blogger


[dropcap]T[/dropcap]here are a lot of amazing and wonderful things when you are a woman who blogs about sex. You get free blow job workshops, sometimes the comments make really good smut, and…well. Let’s say there are two wonderful things that happen when you are a woman who blogs about sex. But there are a few things that come with being a openly dirty bird that make this life less than ideal. So I thought I would share with you the not-so-glamourous underbelly of life as a sex & relationships blogger.

1. You basically sacrifice your reputation for the sake of validating your readers’ feelings.

One of the most gratifying things about this blog is the emails I get from readers thanking me for putting my thoughts out there. A lot of women tell me that they never knew anyone else thought like they did, they’ve never heard anyone say what they were thinking, they don’t know how I get inside their heads so well. This makes me happy. Really. The idea that someone feels validated by the fact that I openly discuss my willingness to toss salads, warms my heart to no end. But here’s the thing: I wrote that post and now everyone knows my point of view on it. I am now “the girl who isn’t mad about a tossed salad”. I have people pointing and whispering about me everywhere I go. Whereas you – who kept your confession confined to my email inbox – have a shot in hell of being wifed down some day because you are not a fallen woman. See how I stay losing here?

2. People think they know you.

While I am totally honest about just about everything I write on here, this blog does not actually represent the sum total of my personality. There are whole other sides of me that you will never see on here, just like there are people who will know me in the 3-D world and never have an idea that the part of my personality that is this blog even exists. This seems like a pretty basic concept, but you wouldn’t believe how familiar people will get with me just off the strength of having read a couple of posts on here. Women will run up on me like I’m their long-lost homegirl and men? Men need a section all on their own.

4. Men treat you differently.

When I first started this blog, finding a man who read it was like winning the relationship lottery. I thought it was the greatest thing ever. 265 posts later, if you’re a regular reader of this blog you are automatically ineligible for Mr. Max status. I have had one too many encounters with male readers who think a) because I write about knowing when to leave your feelings out of a discussion that means I don’t have any, and b) expect me to swallow their kids five minutes after I meet them because I wrote a post telling women not to rule out swallowing.  The last reader I dated was totally appalled that I wouldn’t sleep with him the first time we went out because – according to him – from what I say in my blog it seems like I’m down for whatever. So then I had to explain to him the difference between being honest about sexuality in a controlled environment and being a slack whore. And then I decided he wasn’t worth the trouble.

5. Don’t write about me and please write about me.

The two biggest pieces of feedback I ever get from this blog are “please don’t write about me/this” and “please write about me/this” and they are both kind of annoying. For one thing – and this might be an asshole move on my part – I have a strict everything is fair game policy when it comes to this blog. Anything I read, see, hear, say, or experience is eligible for writing about unless there is a really good reason for me not to do so. I mean, it’s not like I go around exposing people and breaking up marriages. I do a pretty good job of disguising identities and changing details so that at most, only people who already know the backstory will identify the characters. And that’s all I really think I should have to do. In my opinion, part of being supportive of my blog is allowing for the possibility that I might use your life to further its cause.

The flipside of this is the people that always have something I should write about. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate the suggestions, it’s just that they are stupid not everything makes a good post. I have plenty of stories that are hilarious in real life but they just don’t translate into a post; there needs to be a hook. And you know what? Not a lot of the ideas I get have hooks. So I have to shelve them and then dodge the people for the rest of my life so that I don’t have to endure the “why haven’t you written about my great idea yet?” conversation.

The best part about both of these is that 90% of the people who say these things do not read my blog.

6. The blogging double standard.

In blogging – as in life – it’s a man’s world. Male bloggers have fans, female bloggers…just don’t. Readers don’t meet me and say they want to date me or marry me like they do with the blogging boys. I’m not ruining the lives of my male readers by showing them just how dope females can be. Which is really not fair if you ask me. And if any of my male readers want to right this wrong by sending me some homemade porn, please feel free (Sam Sharpe I’m looking at you here).

But there are other ways that female sex bloggers get the short end of the stick. And my fellow over-sharer Jozen touched on it in his blog this week. In his post about the double standard he mentioned that his “controversial” behaviour has no negative effect on his dating life. Which – as previously stated – is not the case for me. And I’m not naive to the fact that women just cannot act the way men do and escape the consequences. I accept that what’s good for the goose is absolutely not good for the gander when it comes to dating and sex. But still – and picture me whining here – it’s not fair!

So that’s my rant for today. What do you guys think? Do you feel sympathy for the plight of the female blogger? Any of you feel my pain? Do male bloggers have their own set of woes? Speak on it in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 29

  1. Good Post.

    I actually don’t feel for the plight of female bloggers simply because there are so many. I love what you do here, but like the rest of us, you know what you sign up for when you pick a niche. As a male that’s tied to the sex and relationship blogger niche, I have my own set of woes since that isn’t all that I wanna talk about. Being in this niche has also catapulted me further along than any of other topic area would have probably taken me otherwise. Nonetheless, the struggle continues for both of

    1. sanen85 says:

      Well, unlike cold-hearted Slim up there ^^^, I feel for you. Actually, I feel for all bloggers with even a modicum of popularity. Except Slim.

      1. Slim Jackson says:

        Why I gotta be cold-hearted for? I’m warm and I understand the strife, but I don’t “feel for folks” because of it. Gosh! *Dynamite Voice*

  2. BGirl says:

    “And if any of my male readers want to right this wrong by sending me some homemade porn, please feel free (Sam Sharpe I’m looking at you here).”

    Im going to go ahead and pre-order my copy. Thanks.

    be back laterz

    1. Sam Sharpe says:

      LOL. You (and Max) are crazy. Unfortunately you may have to get your homemade porn from other sources….unless of course the pre-ordering includes a little bit (which really means a lot) of cash.

      1. Adonis says:

        Co-Sign…Put that bread up…

  3. 2. People think they know you.

    I think this could be said about all bloggers

    But as far as being a sex blogger: Do you have a regular 9-5? How does the blog affect that?

    1. max says:

      Unlike a lot of bloggers, I’m fortunate in that I work in an industry where my blog is an asset rather than a liability. It’s on my resume, I talk about it in interviews, and it serves as a showcase of my professional abilities. It also means that I don’t have to worry about hiding it from my employer or not having my real identity tied to the blog – which works well for me since I’m not too good at concealing things.

      Time-wise, it’s a problem though for sure. And that, I’m sure is the case for every blogger. A blog is like having a second job and when you add that to a demanding day job it doesn’t leave much downtime.

      1. Slim Jackson says:

        “A blog is like having a second job and when you add that to a demanding day job it doesn’t leave much downtime.”


  4. Adonis says:

    I’m not sure what I feel about you Max… But all I know that you haven’t stop writing interesting things yet… (sigh)

    1. This is where I sympathetize with you love because I live my life to make others better… (which is selfish of me, because it makes me feel good that other feel good) and that means that I am not afforded regular people benefits & I get celebrity benefits (which neither is better, just different)… Like police officers, fire fighters… (most of the time) you know what you signed up for…

    2. I fall for that swindle sometimes… thank you for reminding me that Max is more than her WHORISH blog…

    3. You forgot how to count, but I can’t expect you to be perfect…

    4. That is inevitable… Because of my rejection count with women… I go HAM & I take nothing for granted And leave nothing to chance… aka She swallowing my babies before the first date…

    5. That sounds like a natural perk of being a blogger… sounds like a rich man’s problem… #NoSympathy, but understand

    6. The more I think about the double standard, more I start to resent it… The only way Max would seek some real fame is to do a (don’t click the link)
    but then the would further exacerbate Trial & Tribulation # no. 1… And getting a Mr. Max will be all but impossible…

    I’m not at the place to start and maintain a blog… Gotta alot of self-improvement to do… & honestly don’t see myself having the swagger to gain a following… HOWEVER… I understand the being a “living sacrifice” so others won’t have to bump their head as much & not feel like they are alone in their thinking…

    Good Post

    1. emti says:

      Max can’t count. That’s a known fact and her readers love her for it.

  5. Merci Merc says:

    Hey Sister Logic,

    I just wanted to chime in here and speak to the fact that as a writer you’re going to get a mixed bag of people who love or hate what you do. Albeit racy this blog is what people count on you to keep bringing it.

    (I think you’re doing a fine job and no sympathy or apologies are necessary)

    I do understand that as a writer and you stand firm in your honesty there is a certain amount of vulnerability there. That’s normal, I wouldn’t sweat it. Just keep on flying away from the norm sister and do your thing. Folks that judge you, you don’t really need them anyway. Ciao

  6. Alovelydai says:

    You know what I love most about your blog? That YOU still remain the focus. At this stage in the game most other bloggers stop writing about themselves & the blog becomes more about the community & what everyone else wants to discuss (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing…just eh). This is MAX-LOGIC not Chick-logic & I for one appreciate that.

    1. max says:

      Oh thank you girl! I never thought about it like that but you make sense!

  7. Muze says:

    so i’ve been following you on twitter courtesy of my SBM folk telling me too, but until Slim’s ustream last night, i hadn’t come to this blog. i wanted to chat with y’all but i was too lazy to create a ustream account. so, here i am. i think you’re awesome.

    now, as a former *popular* woman blogger myself, i have to disagree with you about the fans thing. now granted, my blog is more personal and has(d) a variety of topics, the least of them sex, but girl… i STILL to this day get emails from random strangers asking to take me out or admiring my writing or offering me a flight to whatever city they’re in, all based on my blog. and it was much worse back then. so … i think you may be being modest… or you have shy male readers. lol.

    i totally understand the point about people thinking they know you… which is a gift and a curse, really. i was shocked by the intimate life details people would share with me or expect me to tell them, but it also means that you’re connecting with your audience in a personal way, and that’s great.

    LOL @ the don’t write/please write. i’ve never really met any bloggers besides one that is like my acegirl, but i’d probably put that caveat in there as well, don’t write about me. lol… esp for male bloggers. lawd. it is true that the people that offer the most topics don’t ever read the blog though. funny.

    anyhoo… i’ll be back. yay for a new blog to read.

  8. FLYY says:

    We had a piece of this discussion yesterday… I already told you, if you want the men folk falling all over themselves to marry you… you need an oiled up booty shot as your avi. That isn’t gonna change them wanting you to swallow the kids in 0 to 60 but at least you get a sparkly ring 😉 Lol.

    Good post Maxie.

    1. Adonis says:

      I don’t fall for the Oily booty avi swindle (anymore, sometimes lol)…

      Oh, and BTW Max is a*s-deprived… So I don’t know how that influences her chances

  9. B_P says:

    “So then I had to explain to him the difference between being honest about sexuality in a controlled environment and being a slack whore.”

    THAT made me laugh.out.loud. Silly men.

    I read your blog ( although I don’t get to comment nearly as much as I’d like anymore) because you are so damn honest and a BAWSE. I have learned so much from you I feel like I need to write you a tuition check.#thatisall

  10. Marie says:

    I met you once and read your blog everyday however it would be presumptuous to assume that I know you.
    I didn’t have a clue about how to deal with relationships here and decided to stay away from it.
    Now that I know how to deal with the disappearing man. I am waiting for the article about how to handle him when he comes back… Please enlighten me…. Meanwhile I ”play my position” and choose not to cross the line.
    Thank you ! And please don’t stop writing.

  11. Kema says:

    I read that post from Jozen and you were exactly who I thought of. Thanks for taking one for the team.

  12. Drew-Shane says:

    I think all bloggers have the same issues, pretty much. I try to stay away from sex so much just because I don’t want everyone to know about… well yeah. I commend you for your platform. I don’t think any of the negative because I know where topics can stem from. Just keep me entertained. I got your back!

  13. ThickCurls83 says:

    I actually wondered if you did have any type of backlash from writing all this. I have been judged just cause someone saw the title to one of your post I was reading. So I’m sure that your real life judgments are much worse. I have been hesitant about commenting cause I don’t want any extra judgment. But after reading this….I don’t care what ppl think. I don’t think it is fair that there is such a double standard but such is life.

  14. GirlSixx says:

    Dear Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome

    I’ve been reading your blog for a minute now (although I am too e-shy to comment at times) your openess, honesty, cander, etc. in regards to your posts has taught me alot and you are definitely Ms. Bossy.

    Don’t stop being you!!!


    1. max says:

      How much do I LOVE you for the beyond Thunderdome reference?
      That never gets old.

  15. Sam Sharpe says:

    Can’t say that I face the exact same issues you do, but I guess things are similar enough….Though I must admit I haven’t had more than 1 woman sweating me in “real life” because of something she read on my blog. But that might be because unlike you I don’t write under my real name and the offline me doesn’t tell every Susie, Pamela and Jane about my online exploits…

    …I love your blog maxie, and if anyone has a problem with it or with you because of it tell them to eat a dick. A small, hairy, saggy balled one………….

  16. streetztalk says:

    Its hard out here for a pimp Maxie!

  17. TheLeoGrl says:

    The MAX FACTOR is the best part of my day, thanks for being you and sharing it with us!

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