I’m a bit of an asshole, but if I have one redeeming quality it’s that I have a big heart. If I take you into my circle I will shower you with the full force of all of the affection I have for you until you cross me and I cut you off for life. [...]
I’m a bit of an asshole, but if I have one redeeming quality it’s that I have a big heart. If I take you into my circle I will shower you with the full force of all of the affection I have for you until you cross me and I cut you off for life. The thing is though that I am nothing if not a weirdo my methods for showing love often have the effect of making the people I love think I hate them. Ooops.
This has been a recurring theme as of late, so I thought I’d create you all a cheat sheet so that you know the difference between when I’m acting like an asshole because you’re useless to me and when I’m acting like an asshole because I care. So I give you the top 5 weird ways I show my love:
1. I yell at you
If you tell me that last night you had sex with a girl while she was sleeping and I laugh and applaud your stealth techniques, it’s because you’re a lost cause to me. I do not value you enough to waste my precious breath explaining to you why that is f*cked up and you should never do it again. However, if you are my friend and I start yelling and sputtering and typing in all caps because you’re trying to wear skin-coloured stockings or a football jersey on a date, that means I love you. I really love you.
2. I take forever to respond to you
If we’re engaging in some kind of text-based conversation and my answers are coming fast and furious, it’s because I’m comfortable enough with you that I don’t feel the need to pre-screen my responses before I type them. But if the answers come slowly, with lots of “Max is typing” followed by “Max has entered text” that means I’m taking my time and carefully considering what I say before I say it. Because I like you and I want you to love everything I say. Is this dumb? Maybe. But there you have it.
3. I don’t swear or talk dirty
This really applies more to the men in my life than the women, but as you guys are all aware I’m a dirty girl with a potty mouth. So if we’re talking and nary a “fuck” leaves my tongue, that means I respect you. And if I do let one slip and I apologize afterward, you have just won the Max lottery. And as far as dirty talk is concerned, you guys know I love it, but I think it’s bad for business to engage in too much of it with a man I’m actually interested in (did I write about this before? I think I did). So if I go all demure on you that’s a sign that I’m feeling you. Which brings me to my next point…
3-b. I’ll make you wait for sex
I know my boy Linc thinks this is the dumbest thing ever, but if I’m digging you I am not going to give up the nani in a hurry. I’ll want to get to know you and I’ll want it to be special. I’m not going to go too far into depth in it here because it’ s another post for another blog and another day, but if I’m continually swatting your hands away, that means I really really want you.
5. I call you fuckface
This is the all-time weirdest and most hilarious thing about me. When I really really love someone I call them fuckface. I don’t know why, but it’s just an inexplicable urge that I cannot control. So if you ever get a “hey fuckface” from me, don’t be offended. Be happy because that means I love you more than all the other people that I’m calling honey and sweetie.
So that’s my random list, but what about you guys? Do you have weird ways of showing you care or am I the only one? Share with me in the comments.
Related Posts
14 Comments
Trackbacks and Pingbacks
Tags
Popular Posts
- Make Your Hand Job Great
- The After-Sex Phone Call
- Deep Throat 101
- Mastering Missionary
- So You Wanna Be a Freak
I’ll bathe you. Really, I’m just making sure before I lick your balls that you’re my version if clean. But if I bathe you, I must really like you if I’m licking your balls. I mean, I’ll suck your dick, but licking your balls…that’s personal.
I’ll actually make time for you. I may be busy, busy, busy, but if I carve out some time to speak to you or see you….I must actually like you.
I’ll call you. I don’t.call.anyone. Ive never been a sit on the phone and chit chat kinda person. But if I do that, you must really stand out to me.
I actually care about your thoughts and feelings cuz with everyone else, I could give a rat’s ass.
Ball licking definitely equals love!
“I’ll actually make time for you. I may be busy, busy, busy, but if I carve out some time to speak to you or see you….I must actually like you. ”
that’s me in a nutshell . If i make time for you then you know you are golden.
I write about the people I love. Not just blogging, but I write poetry, letters, and if I lust them love them, erotica. I do most of this on my phone, so my memopad is full of letters to h.e.r. It drives me nuts.
I also buy them things. Not in a “I want to buy your affection” sort of way, but if I’m out shopping and I see something that is SO THEM, I’ll get it. If it’s too pricey, I take a pic and send it to them.
As much as I hate #4, there are penty of ways to solve it…
#1 I am a life coach by nature… I will always look to make your life more efficient, richer & happier…
#2 If you make it to my close circle… I will be a pain in the ass… especially when it comes to being a better human being…
#3 I will keep it unbelievably real with you… I can’t help you if I have to hold my tongue…
Good Post Max… It’s funny I was just perusing some of Linc’s posts & I was on that exact post you referenced (it showed up on his page…)
I’m kinda stumped…let’s see….weird ways I love you…hmmm
I think it’s interesting that you would clean up your potty mouth for a guy you are interested in. i have a horrible potty mouth but that comes from years of being called a motherfvcker by my dad (even though to this day i have yet to fuck any mothers. i’ve done a couple fathers but no mothers). I don’t want a guy to be surprised when we hang out with my peeps and i start in on my bitchalisms.
The number one way to know i care about you is if i yell and talk mess about you. if i don’t poke fun at you then either i think you are too sensitive to get that i’m joking or you have asked me not to. When need be i’m loving and encouraging but just hanging out i’m going in about how gay you are for smiling about that text. But that’s just me hate it or love it.
if i argue with you period. i avoid confrontation at all costs so usually if you don’t mean much to me i’ll just remove myself from your presence.
if i randomly buy you things. it might be as little as me picking you up your favorite ice cream. that means i’m thinking about you even when i’m not with you.
if you’re seen with me in public. i think that’s self explanatory. you are the company you keep and i don’t like being associated with people i don’t care for.
Dead at your #3
its the truth. for instance lets say we’re having sex but we never go out in public. [redbox dates anyone?] then you should know where you stand in my life.
duly noted
Ok, ok I think I have a few:
I’ll cook for you…there are those rare moments when I need to eat and someone happens to be around and they benefit from that. But generally…I’m not cooking for just anybody.
I allow you to call me Vonnie…Only a chosen few can call me by that nickname. Now that I think about it…if you’re calling me any nickname period…I loves ya
I rough house with you…I can only do this w/ people I love b/c I know it wont’ get serious.
Hmmm let’s see now……..*thinking*
Well for one if I can engage in lengthy phone conversations with you without rolling my eyes up at the ceiling and/or multitasking due to boredom with the convo at hand then that means I REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU. And if I am willing to hook up a meal on the weekends during the summer months….. then Yeah, you Good Money.
“But if the answers come slowly, with lots of “Max is typing” followed by “Max has entered text” that means I’m taking my time and carefully considering what I say before I say it. Because I like you and I want you to love everything I say.”
Awww, Maxie really does love me because I’ve seen this while we’re having our semi-weekly disagreement about some random topic.
I’m with Lala on the cooking. If I take the time to cook for you, you can rest assured that you mean a lot to me.