Sex, Smut, and Porn (All I Need in This Life of Sin)

20
Jan
2011
dilbert

I cannot start any more posts talking about the fact that I love sex. You guys already know this. Sex to me is the most important factor in my well-being. When I’m getting sex regularly I’m calmer, more pleasant. I smile at strangers and give up my seat to little children on the streetcar.  I [...]


I cannot start any more posts talking about the fact that I love sex. You guys already know this. Sex to me is the most important factor in my well-being. When I’m getting sex regularly I’m calmer, more pleasant. I smile at strangers and give up my seat to little children on the streetcar.  I sleep better, eat better, and am an infinitely more interesting conversationalist because I’m able to talk about something other than how much I need to have sex. The Max who is getting dicked down on a regular is the Max you want to know.

Unfortunately, as previously discussed ad nauseum, Max cannot always get the right kind of sex with the person I want  at the exact instant I decide whenever I want it without having to ask for it. Which means that, as often as not, I’m in a bit of a drought.

Now Max in heat is not really the Max you want to be around. Once I get to about 5 weeks sex-free, I start to feel the pinch. I start to get cranky and then I start to get angry. Three more weeks and I’m officially mean. It’s like all the horniness builds up inside me and blocks out the part of my brain that governs humanity and manners. Left unchecked, the untended-to state of my pussy makes me very unpleasant.

As you are all well aware, I belong to the holy church of masturbation, but in order for that to be a truly beatific experience, I need a little smut to get me going.  Now I’m not sure how the dictionary defines smut, but in my world smut is anything from  dirty text to a faux sex transcript to this post to a penis or pussy pic. These are the things that kick my dirty mind into high gear and get the “creative” juices flowing. Pause?

Whatever form the smut takes, it does wonders in easing the pain of a sexual drought. I have a folder in my gmail called “best of” that is filled with enough inspiration to drown all of you in 0.05 seconds (see what I did there?).  So whenever I get to jonesing (or I’m in a boring meeting, or don’t have enough room to read on the streetcar, or I’m on the phone with my mum and my blood pressure is starting to rise) I can open up my smut folder and be soothed by all the filth it contains.

The trouble with smut is that there’s a wear-out factor. When I get to the point where I can recite verbatim the transcript of an epic gchat sex session or I can describe in minute detail the location and angle of every vein in my favourite penis pic, the smut begins to lose its power. Instead of gigantic waves of horny passing over me I get tiny tremors. While fresh smut can take me from 0 to a hundred thousand trillion in a nanosecond, old smut doesn’t have quite the same power. I need to let it lie for a bit and gather its strength before I return to it.

This is when I turn to porn. See the thing about porn for me is that although I really really (really) love it, I don’t need it. I think I made it through all of 2010 without watching porn once and I didn’t really miss it at all. Because porn is just a little too…labour-intensive for my tastes. Like I told you guys last week, I’m a little picky about what I want to see and that means I have to dig. And it can be a little hard to maintain a quality ladyboner when I have to search through the abyss of internet porn to find something that will allow me to shoot my load. But when the situation gets dire, when sex eludes me and smut has worn thin, porn…gives life.

Funny story: a couple of nights ago I was on the phone with a couple of my girls when the subject of porn came up. One of the ladies – being the kind, generous soul that she is – sent over links to some of her favourite videos (all of which featured Jazmine Cashmere who will one day be responsible for the completion of my transition from bicurious to full-on gay if Rosa Acosta doesn’t get to me first). Each of the three of us opened the first link and began watching the video and….all was silent for about 15 minutes straight. I don’t know what the other ladies were doing but  I do know I was painting the shit out of my nails nobody seemed mad when I blurted “gotta go!” and rushed off the phone to deal with the case.

That doesn’t have much to do with the post, but I like that story.

Anyway, there we have it: sex, smut, and porn – the holy trinity of mental health in Max’s life. But what about you guys? Is there anything out there that eases the pain of a drought for you? What three things do you need in your life of sin? Share with us in the comments.


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30 Comments

  • Menelaus says:

    My name is Dr. J and I approve this post.

    Great one!

  • Blackbuttafly says:

    I had to take a break from masturbating. I accidentally read some wholstic sexy website that said I could numb my nerve endings. Now I have to find a special occasion to do it.. *sad smiley face*

    • Yoles says:

      Dear Blackbuttafly

      as a medical professional (a real one) i can tell you that masturbating does not wear out your nerve endings unless you are doing so with the assistance of something mechanical (the intensity can cause you to need more than you did before to get the same results-think of it like building a tolerance). rubbing, touching, squeezing yourself is no different than if someone else did it for you! my solution is if you do use battery operated assistance switch it up sometimes. opting for the purist route more often.
      Happy cumming to you!!

  • Starita34 says:

    In my smut life I need a rough/aggressive man, talking, and a woman that is enjoying herself or in a lot of pain, same thing, right?.

    Your friends are obviously whores. Who ear bangs their girls? Freaks.
    :-)

    If I had to guess I’d bet your girlfriends were getting hot and bothered too. That’s probably why they both rushed off the phone too…I mean, I assume. Possibly. That’s what I’d guess. Allegedly.

  • Yoles says:

    if i am in the midst of a drought porn, porn and more porn is what helps me through. the further into said drought brings out more smut in the porn all the way to things i won’t ever do but apparently like to watch so it goes from easy going girl-on-girl to 2 chicks 1 dick 3somes to monster cocks to lesbian orgy to rimming/blow jobs to girl eating creampie etc…
    droughts are the devil ☠

  • Alovelydai says:

    “That doesn’t have much to do with the post, but I like that story.” <<<This just made my day. You just gonna slide in a story like that…LIKE THAT??? Smut dialing FTW!

    Anyhooo all I need is for this work day to be over & take my azz home to the hubby…yeah…that's about it.

    Thanks Max! LOL!

  • *giggles*
    Jazmine FTW!

  • am i the only one who’s not that impressed with jazmine cashmere?

  • For me, porn serves as inspiration for my own fantasies. So, when I’m watching and painting my nails, I can mentally substitute the people in the scene with characters of my own. Pushes me over the edge every time. And now, I have a new scene in my head to replay at work the next day. And those day dreams help me during my droughts. Visions of men past, co-workers, bloggers, twitter followers basically anyone who’s name I can attach to a face can become a part of the fantasy. And that fantasy make me look forward to the next time. Good ish…

  • Cheekie says:

    1. I LOVE the holy church of masturbation. Don’t have to pay NA’AN tithes.
    2. “Whatever form the smut takes, it does wonders in easing the pain of a sexual drought. I have a folder in my gmail called “best of” that is filled with enough inspiration to drown all of you in 0.05 seconds (see what I did there?). ” *giggle* I did, I did! Even with these eyes >> -_-
    3. LMAO @ your “gotta go” at the end of the porn-fest. YES.

  • SaneN85 says:

    16 weeks and counting for me and I start to get moody in week 6, so I feel your pain.

    I use any and every thing available to get my motors running when painting my nails (wow, did that expression stick or what) including memories, fantasies, pron, etc. I tend not to keep any electronic (or hard) copies of questionable conversations I’ve had, so I usually have to rely on my memory in that case.

    Even so, masturbation is just not the same. I need a real life, hard stick to play with to really relieve the pain of a drought.

  • I love this blog & I heart you too Max because every time I come here I learn something new. LOL I have no idea who Jazmine Cashmere is but I’ll definitely be looking her up, strictly for research purposes of course.

    Another site I visit for research purposes is Kink.com. If you can’t find it on Kink.com, it hasn’t been done. With the exception of midget clown porn. Still haven’t been able to find that yet. It’s for a friend, lame but totally true. Clowns scare the bejesus out of me but if I find it I win money. I’ll deal with a few clowns if moneys involved.

  • Kema says:

    I like Kapri Styles and love Jada Fire.

  • keisha brown says:

    ps: please fwd links to gmail account on file.
    thanks. ;)

  • KayBee says:

    @MadScientist17: I just looked up ole girl, and Naw, you’re not the only one that’s left unimpressed by the “illustrious” Jazmine Cashmere….idky, but I just don’t like her. My fave would have to be Misty Stone; Ooh, that woman makes my soul do double-air backflips, so you could just imagine what she does for the rest of me…

  • Dear Max….

    Can I be a phone friend?

    Okthanksbye.

  • Adonis says:

    Max, for some reason I believe that your being sexually depraved makes your post much better… So, I might be in the minority, but I am rooting for the Max without sex for like a six month stretch #dontjudgeme


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