The Bookmarking Man

10
Jan
2011
bookmark

In the battle of the sexes, men and women often throw boomerangs at each other. By this I mean that we each bemoan the other’s propensity to do effed up things that we are guilty of ourselves. Throwing over “bad” ones for “good” ones is something both men and women do. Saying one thing when [...]


In the battle of the sexes, men and women often throw boomerangs at each other. By this I mean that we each bemoan the other’s propensity to do effed up things that we are guilty of ourselves. Throwing over “bad” ones for “good” ones is something both men and women do. Saying one thing when we actually mean the exact opposite is not the exclusive domain of men or women. We both lie, cheat, and hurt the ones we love and we both make decisions with our little brains instead of our big brains

But if there is one egregious act that is absolutely the exclusive domain of men, it is bookmarking. Bookmarking is when a man meets a woman and likes what he sees but wants to save it for later. Maybe because he’s in a relationship, maybe because he needs to lose one of the b!tches in his triangle before he adds any to his roster. Maybe it’s because he deems her the “relationship type” and he’s not ready for that right now. Whatever the reason is, the basic premise of bookmarking is that he knows he wants her, just not right now.

It sounds relatively innocuous I know, and it would be if they just left it at that. But that would leave their prey vulnerable to an attack by another hunter, and what bookmarking man wants to do that? So in order to secure his future position he’s going to do two things:

1. Be flirty but non-committal

The bookmarking man has to let the woman he’s bookmarking know he’s interested, but not let her think that he’s so interested that something is about to happen. So he will flirt with her but not make any concrete moves. He might stare in her eyes a little too warmly, or squeeze her hand a second longer than is necessary. His hugs will be extra tight and his cheek kisses will be thisclose to the side of her mouth. He’ll definitely ask for her number but he might not call her; although he will be flirty and responsive if she contacts him. He’s drumming up just enough enthusiasm to stay on her radar, but not so much that she’ll start to expect time or attention from him on a consistent basis.

1. Piss in a circle

Of course if the dude is leaving his target at least partially open, he has to do what he can to stop other shooters from aiming in its direction. So what’s he gonna do? Some good old-fashioned c*ck-blocking. He’ll introduce her to his friends as “the woman I’m going to eventually marry”. Any If asked what the deal is between him and her he’ll be evasive he’ll set the highest possible step-aside fee for this girl and if it comes down to it will outright lie to stop any man he knows from hollering.

Now as you can imagine, I’m not a fan of bookmarking. I think it’s selfish and stupid. But I also have a niggling feeling that I may not be looking at it the right way. On the one hand, I almost want to applaud the man for not getting into some sh!t he’s not ready for with a good woman but on the other hand all this c*ck-blocking and confusing the woman is just rude and stingy. Ultimately though I think that if you meet a good woman at the wrong time in your life, you’re either supposed to step up and get your house in order so you’re worthy of her or you’re supposed to introduce her to your hot friends let her go because she’s obviously not the one for you. Or you let her go with the faith that if she’s meant to be yours, she will be when the time is right. But all this putting a pin in her is just stupid and I think men should stop doing it.

But what do you guys think? Men am I missing something? This is an asshole move in my book – am I just looking at it wrong? Ladies have you ever been bookmarked?


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34 Comments

  • “But if there is one egregious act that is absolutely the exclusive domain of men, it is bookmarking.”

    i call bullshit. women do this as well. i’ve been bookmarked (in both ways that you’ve mentioned) before.

    i can not tell a lie. i have also bookmarked women in the way of being flirty but non-committal. it happens. you like a person and you flirt. i’m sure even you have been guilty of this max. *shrug*

  • HLBB says:

    You know who bookmarked me way back when. Just saw him yesterday. Lol.

  • Nick@Nite says:

    I’ve been bookmarked..
    Man likes me, wants me around.. but doesn’t want to be in a relationship..
    I said to him, “if dating is leads to a relationship.. but you don’t want a relationship.. then what are you dating me for?”
    he didn’t know what to say..
    I just needed the ish to make sense..
    then I told him to go——-> thataway

    I think I bookmarked someone.. but there was no communication.. no talking.. so i really can’t say he was bookmarked.. how can i be flirting if the only time we communicate is when I’m answering his text?
    I must ponder this further…

  • streetztalk says:

    Women are the ultimate culprits of this, and I will expose this soon

    • max says:

      Please enlighten me Streetzie because I don’t believe it.

      • streetztalk says:

        No.

        lol.

        I think women bookmark for the future. You may tell a man who doesnt want to wife you that teres no chance, but a yr down the line if you’re in the same spot, and he’s around, you’re what if gene kicks in and will be willing to give son an opportunity. Men do it with women more on a quantity based aspect. A woman to satisfy all areas I guess.

        Were all effd up! lol

  • Melissa says:

    I’m pretty sure im bookmarked. :/

  • Danielle says:

    Not quite sure if this is bookmarking per se but I am the chick that people come back to freackin years later. I think I’m a more of the book and they are the mark. I get misplaced then they find me again(thru facebook or some other random venue) and then they’re that book was awesome! Or I never finished it-let me pick it back up. Le sigh…
    While I am flirty, I am not a bookmarking sort. If I want it, I go after it. Life’s too short for all the hemming and hawing. Or if I’m not in a situation where I can do that, I let them person know where I stand. And if they want to wait then it’s up to them.
    But I really do try not keep to anyone hanging. But then I have a problem saying no to people to because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling but technically I’m not bookmarking because although the question of getting back together was brought up the other people never fully stepped up and made a full commitment.

    • MsEsquire77 says:

      *slow clap building to standing ovation* I’m so glad that it’s not just me!! (Misery loves company, huh?) I’ve had guys pop up months or years later and act like the time hadn’t passed. As if my life had somehow been on pause while they were off doing whatever with whomever. This is a practice that I just don’t understand. When I like someone I act on it. I put in some work and see where it goes. If it leads to a happy, healthy relationship great. If not, it was a learning experience. Either way there’s a clear beginning and ending.

    • KSImmi says:

      “I think I’m a more of the book and they are the mark.” THIS JUST MADE ME SNAP MY FINGERS!!!!

    • keisha brown says:

      @Danielle…
      get outta my life/head!! lol.

  • BreezeBayou says:

    HAHAHAHA Now this is funny…. I must confess, I’ve bookmarked, and have been bookmarked *sigh* It’s def a major evil. Bookmarking is definitely selfish, part of our human nature, to want our cake and eat it too, with less regard for the other’s feelings at a particular time.

    I don’t like the term bookmarking though, I would call it more of a safety net, like at 35, if I’m not married and I want to have kids, I know I can call on Mr. Safety, and he’ll probably be right there willing and ready to pop the question and knock me up! And yes its selfish but I do like having that little bit of security, in this crazy world…I know I should probably lock that down, but there are some things that need to be corrected in him…before Im willing to throw in the dating towel.

    but if I do end up marrying someone else, even though he’s still on the hook, he doesn’t come after me with a machete & and I end up with BBQ on my forehead in the freezer…… man the chances you take messing with someone’s emotions.

    Disclaimer…I really am a good person though, I just don’t wanna hurt his feelings lol

  • LaLaBakir says:

    Good post Maxie!!!

    I think I’ve been bookmarked…more than once. Hell, now that I think about it…I’m 99% sure I’m currently being bookmarked.

    When you’re the bookmarkie…hell yeah, it’s definitely selfish. Leave me alone until you get your ish together. But as the bookmarker…it’s a strategic move. And if everything falls into place…can benefit both parties.

    Perhaps I should dabble in this….

  • B_P says:

    MAX! I’m damn near half asleep and writing this on my phone from my bed but I had to say THANK YOU! I love when you speak such truth…men are the #1 culprits of bookmarking. Even the ugly dudes get away with it! Just say NO ladies….gett’m a library card let them bookmark something else! #endrant

  • Yoles says:

    this is soooo true, just the other day i was having this very same conversation with my girls but we call it “being put on ice”… have i been put on ice.. oh hell yea so hard til the point that i could even confront him about it… its evil… pure evil and needs to stop… i dont personally know women that bookmark men but im sure it happens too!

    signed,

    President of the End of Bookmarking/Being Put on Ice Foundation

  • JusMe says:

    I had to cut communications with my last guy cause he was clearly bookmarking me. He pretty much let me know it, too. And I stuck around for a lil bit until i realized he wasn’t worth it. And now I’m with the love of my life. Funny thing is, he bookmarked me too smh… But he was worth it :-)

  • VERY well said. I also secretly feel that the bookmarking technique is used when the person is great on paper but doesn’t REALLY grab you. Like when you go to a store, try a shirt on, love it but don’t buy it “I’ll come back for this later” what you really mean is “if I don’t find EXACTLY what I really want”

    Bookmarking is like: I should want you but for some reason I’m not gonna be too mad if I miss my chance with you

  • KSImmi says:

    I honestly think we all bookmark. Who doesn’t leave food to the side for later? Who doesn’t save an outfit for a special occasion? Who doesn’t save that man for when you actually need him?

    I’m not saying everyone does it but I think it’s definitely happening more than we think. Without looking at it so closely, maybe your “friend” is bookmarking you or you could be bookmarking them without even realizing it. While I understand it can be viewed as playing with someone’s emotions….toughen up and enjoy it. Every encounter, shiny smile or special touch doesn’t always have to end in a relationship.

  • SmartCat says:

    Guilty as sin, guilty as charged.

    I was bookmarked last year. In the end, I let him know that I really enjoyed his company, as a “friend.” (Steps 15 feet back from man).

    That said, I’ve bookmarked others for various reasons – timing, being all undone by someone else- so I’m not calling foul on anyone who played the same game I did.

  • SmartCat says:

    (Addendum: But that was then, this is now. I’m no longer bookmarking) :)

  • luxemansion579 says:

    As I read this post my mouth dropped open because as I read further and further along I was hit with a sad, cold reality.

    I’m currently dating a “bookmarking man”. I will now be in a foul mood for the rest of the evening….

  • Joi says:

    Good lord girl, I swear this has been the story of my life here of late b/c the first (and only) guy I’ve ever “loved” is pulling this same exact shit right now! >:-( Just when I was so over it (or so I thought), he hits me (and out of the blue, might I add) with “I love you & wanna be w/ you, just not right now because I can’t give you the life I want you to have as…my wife.” o_O Hell am I supposed to do w/ THAT information? *crickets* Seriously the older I get I’m realizing that the way men think, while very logical, it still makes absolutely NO sense when you factor in the hurt and damage it brings about in the process.

  • So it has a name lol.

    I’ve bookmarked and (I believe) I’ve also been bookmarked. I can agree that men do it more often, but I don’t believe men are the only ones. I think everyone’s done it at least once. Doesn’t make it right, but it is what it is.

  • B7 says:

    I’ve been “put on ice,” same as bookmarked. Homeboy actually came out and said: “You’re my future gf, I just have you on ice.” WTF, do I look like a severed limp that needs to be put on ice to preserve in order to be reattached to the main body later?? I don’t stay on ice, I told dude that I melt ice.

    I’ve bookmarked before but loss interest quick in things I’ve bookmarked. It’s like with actual books I read. If I mark my page and don’t go back to it relatively quickly I just forget about it all together.

    Nice post :-)

  • Berriblk says:

    Yay! My first comment on your blog.

    I am a lady bookmarker. Yep thats all I ever do lol
    My recent bookmark backfired. Well, he didn’t remain single long enough then got trapped…let me stop lol, he has a lovely family now with a nice young lady. The act really is selfish. I had this gentleman’s head on constant spin….but to my defense I wasn’t ready or quite sure about what I wanted or whether or not I wanted all he had to offer at all. There was no other man, no list of gentlemen. I just wasn’t ready and had to stay focused on school, etc, but I definitely enjoy the chase more…

  • keisha brown says:

    the truth hurts so bad max…it hurts so bad…
    i clearly am being bookmarked. and while i know it. understand it. dont quite like it..have still not walked away for known and unknown reasons.

    i will say that men are not the only ones that do this.

  • RAE says:

    I don’t think this is the exclusive domain of men. I do it all the time, but I refer to it as having guys “on my radar” (and sometimes they are promoted to being on the “list”- you know, the to-do list…). There’s also the phenomenon of meeting a boy a little too young for you, and “calling dibs” for when he grows up…

  • TheLeoGrl says:

    Work has been a beast, I’m so far behind on my blog reading….this right here is FIYAH!!!! Thanks for giving a name to this phenomenon….it sounds like imprinting’s evil cousin!

    “It’s not like love at first sight, really. It’s more like… gravity moves…. suddenly. It’s not the earth holding you here anymore, she does…. You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that’s a protector, or a lover, or a friend.”
    ―Jacob Black to Bella Swan on imprinting.

    OK even I know to shut myself down after quoting Twilight………until next time……..


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