Here are two fundamental truths about my relationship history:
1. The thing I’ve liked best about every man I’ve fallen for is how different he is from all the others
2. I have had the exact same relationship with the exact same man about 25 times in my life
Now I know I’m not exactly the queen of logic, but even I can deduce from that that the men I’ve been involved with have really not been that different from one another. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it definitely ain’t good.
I think that for most women, when we travel the road to wifedom, what we’re really looking for is a man who is different from all the other men we’ve known. And when we find one we think is that mythical magical “different” man, we’re as much excited by that difference as we are by any of his actual qualities. We like to attribute bad experiences to the qualities of the man rather than to his actions (or our own), so we try to find someone who doesn’t have whatever quality we’ve decided is troublesome.
For some it’s going outside their race. For others it’s going older or younger, more or less educated or wealthy. I’ve tried switching from tall men to average heights (I’m convinced that the height differential between a man and a woman has a profound effect on their relationship, but that’s another post for another day). These days I’m convinced that giving up hot boys and going for a more bohemian type is the move.
We look at differentness as insurance against experiencing the same hurt we’ve been through in the past. A woman who gives up Leo men in favor of a docile Taurus thinks this will save her from getting her face kicked in like she did the last time.
The thing is though that – however much men may differ from one another on or just below the surface – at their core most men are pretty much the same. My male readers are probably strenuously disagreeing with me, but there are certain fundamental principles of dating a man to which you almost never find exceptions. Just trust me on that men.
Of course this means that every woman who becomes involved with a so-called different man will experience the most disappointing thing a man can do to a woman: the revelation that he is exactly the fucking same as all the others. There’s always a moment when he does that thing that you know he’s gonna do but you’re hoping against hope that he won’t do. But of course he did it, because it’s what men do.
So what happens when your different man turns out to be the same? Well smart girls recognize that you can’t fight nature. They accept the fact that they’re dealing with a man not unlike the others and alter their behaviour and expectations accordingly. Dumb girls continue to believe that their man is different. They come up with bullshit excuses for his exactly the same behaviour and refuse to accept the fact that the only thing different about that man is the fact that she wants him to be different. Until she eventually clues in that the different man does not fucking exist.
But this is just my theory, what do you guys think? Ladies do you believe in the
myth of the different man? Do you know any? (No one is allowed to use Most as an example here I’m telling you that right now). Men do you think you’re different? Are women fundamentally all the same? Speak your piece in the comments.
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