I Wish Someone Would: The Ex-Girl Edition


[dropcap]I[/dropcap]t’s Monday and I have another I Wish Someone Would for you. This one has a twist, but I won’t be revealing what it is until later on today if the post gets enough comments. Ready? Let’s begin.

So Man and Woman meet, date, and fall in love. They stick it out for an acceptable 3 years before calling it quits. Although they’ve gone their separate ways, they remain close friends and see each other often. For a while both Man and Woman are committed to nothing but the bachelor lifestyle, and their boundary-free friendship flourishes with no signficant other’s feelings to be considerate.

After a couple of years of being the best of friends despite their history, Man falls in love. He tells his friend Woman about it and Woman is happy for him. Man decides that Wife is the one for him and proposes. And after a few bouts of cold feet (which Woman helped him to overcome) Man puts a ring on it.

Man’s friendship with Woman continues to flourish though and there aren’t many more boundaries than there were before Wife came on the scene. He and Woman still hang out alone together, they spend hours on the phone, and when something exciting or dramatic happened to him, he called Woman first to tell her about it. Wife doesn’t mind though because she trusts Man and knows that opposing their friendship is only going to make Woman more alluring to Man.

Until one day when Man and Wife are on their way to a family function and Man receives an urgent phone call from Woman. Her toilet is clogged – can he come over and plunge it? Man – knowing Woman as he does – doesn’t have to ask why she doesn’t plunge it herself; he already knows that she finds it nauseating. So despite the fact that Woman lives in the opposite direction of where he and Wife are going, he agrees to stop by and do the job for her on their way. He arrives at Woman’s house with Wife in tow; leaving her in the car while he runs in the house to handle the emergency plumbing situation. Woman thanks Man profusely for his help and Man and Wife continue on to their function.

Woman realizes later that it may have been slightly inappropriate for her to ask her ex-Man to perform a household task for her. She apologizes to Man and asks if Wife was bothered by it. Man says “no it’s cool” and the matter is dropped.

A few weeks later Man and Wife are in bed at about 2:00am on a Saturday. Man’s phone rings – it’s Woman. She is out with her girlfriends and they are stranded at a club downtown – can Man please come and pick her up? Before the question is even out of Woman’s mouth, Man says “I’m on my way” and jumps in his car. He races downtown to rescue Woman and her drunken friends, dropping them home and staying to chit chat at Woman’s place for an hour or two before returning home to Wife.

Now I pride myself in being the coolest of girls but I would lose every ounce of my shit if my man was jumping out of my bed to go rescue his girl at 2 o’clock in the damn morning. And the toilet thing? Just – no. But tell me dear readers, what would you do?

If you were Woman, would you have stayed friends with Man after he married? Have you ever asked an ex for these kinds of favours?
If you were Man, would you have helped Woman in these situations?
If you were Wife, how hard would you kick Man’s ass?

Speak your piece in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 43

  1. ivplay says:

    The friendship would have definitely changed after he married. Its just a tad disrespectful to the relationship and a little overboard in the friendship. Putting myself in wife’s shoes, I would have an issue. That being said I would not be that Woman. There are some great people out there but, you gotta know where to draw the line.

  2. Melissa says:

    If I was woman, I’d still be friends but know my boundaries and not run to man for something as trivial as a clogged toilet.

    If I was man, I’d be smart enough not to run everytime woman called. That’s so rude and unconsiderate.

    Wife let him get away with too much. There’s being a cool laid back chick and then being foolish. You have to set some boundaries.

    1. Starita34 says:

      Worshiping at the alter de Melissa this morning…i.e.-what she said.

  3. Cheekie says:

    WOW @ this situation. (*as I cross my fingers that you reveal the twist eventually*) Yeah, if I were Woman I’d remain friends with the guy since our friendship was built before Wife and if it still remains strong…it does. What I would NOT do, is cross that line over to wifey favors. And calling dude in the middle of the night to pick your DRUNKEN self up is not the bidness. Sure he cares about Woman, but I am hard-pressed to believe that he’d swoop in to save the day so quickly for his male homies which is why her being a woman makes the situation iffy and dangerous waters. And she’s drunk, let’s not forget that.

    So yeah — since I end up being the friend/confidant for a lot of men — I have to put myself in the wife’s shoes. Would I want my man to do that to me? Even though I completely convince myself that it is only platonic, how hard would I be able to convince myself if the shoe was on the other foot. Right.

  4. r0cktheMike says:

    As a guy I don’t really burn bridges and I’m friends with most my exes. The toilet thing would not have happened probably not even for my current girlfriend. I’m a realist and she can plunge it just as good as I can. Picking them up from the club, not unless she was absolutely twisted. Its disrespectful to get up out the bed and I would like to be dating a chick that really wouldn’t let it go down unless it was life or death. I’m not getting out the bed at 2AM unless my mother needs a ride and her ass better have a valid reason too. I would need to feel like I’m the last resort for me to deem it acceptable to leave current chick for friend.


    I’m smashing lol. That hour long chit chat must be code for world class blowjob lol

    Because if I did get her she would need to be hopping her drunk ass out the car while it was still moving as I drove past her spot.

  5. Woman of Inspiration says:

    This situation right here is the reason why men make women turn “mad”.

    The friendship between this man and Woman should have changed the minute Man said he wanted to wife his woman. It is disrespectful to his new relationship to allow the Woman to be a priority over existing relationship.

    I don’t blame Woman in this situation though, I blame the man for not saying “No”, it is his responsibility to manage his existing relationship with the Woman and his Wife.


    1. MilesMichael says:

      I think it’s wrong to blame the man and not the woman in this case. I think all parties have some blame.

      The man is allowing himself to be put in a potentially dangerous scenes where the situation can be deemed as fishy.
      The woman is out of line for the excessive use of the “friend card”.
      The Wife might needs to be a little more particular on the Woman’s use of friend benefits.

      However, from a Male’s perspective that has only a few real friends and the majority female. The majority of women men keep around, they have had some type of attraction to at some point. But, it’s often that those relationships that just don’t work out turn into true friendships. I will not sacrifice a friendship with someone I have known WAY longer than my girlfriend/wife for her insecurities. Will I take her concerns into consideration and pull back on the favor doing for the Woman, yes. Will I cut her out completely? No.

      There’s a point where Male’s affection turn from love interest to Brotherly love. However, “big brother” shall not do menial tasks. She probably is developing feelings again for him because she is finally realizing he is out of her reach. Fall back on him but gently check her. Chances are, if he was going to creep, she wouldn’t be in his Fav 5.

      The real twist would be if Wife was cheating.

      1. Woman of Inspiration says:

        Hmmmm while I appreciate your insight coming from a man, I have to question your loyalty to the person you said your “vows to under God”. So your Wife will be forever penalized because she met you at a different time in life? The length of a relationship/friendship does not dictate its level of committment jusssayin’. The reason I feel the Man is most at fault is because he has allowed the Woman to become a priority over his Wife, that is within his control because the relationship is between him and the Woman, not the Woman and his Wife. He does not need to end his friendship but he does need to set the appropriate boundaries.

        Insecurity has nothing to do with it either. I have a boyfriend of almost 3 years and he has plenty of female friends. He has friends that he has known far longer than myself and they are more or less his family. He has never answered his phone at 3:00am (or any other un-godly time) when we are together. He looks at the #, kisses his teeth, and wraps his arms around me. I am his woman and he treats me with the same level of respect and prioritization that I treat him with. You are right, the Woman over-stepped her boundaries and that is because she can, and that has been proven in this situation.

        Love healthy debate, keep it coming!

        1. MilesMichael says:

          For the record, unless someone is mortally injured, or being stalked after leaving the club, I am not moving at 2am in the morning. A cab can be called. HOWEVER, as equally as you say, he should set up boundaries. Both the Woman and Wife know of each other and each others place but both are afraid to completely deal with each others existence.

          Case in point, the Woman helped the Man over cold feet. From that point, I am guessing that the Man kinda feels that he owes the Woman for Wife. Then, because of his perceived debt, he continues to answer at her beck and call.

          Woman feels like I was here first and still get occasional Man privileges due to duration of relationship. She also sees nothing wrong with her actions as long as she doesn’t sleep with him under the “I had him and didn’t want to keep him, so there is nothing wrong asking for a little help. Plus, if I didn’t want him with her, I could have messed that up for her a LONG time ago.”

          The Wife feels that Woman is Man’s friend and she doesn’t have the right to say she don’t want Man around Woman anymore because it will make her appear insecure and she doesn’t want that.

          The truth behind the matter is because of Woman’s relationship with Man being so long lasting, she is just asking him to do stuff that he always did. She is not realizing that they can’t stay up talking all night, he can’t do her chores and she might just have to do things herself.

          Man needs to realize that he has someone else’s feelings to account for besides his own and by him having a Wife that loves him, she won’t speak up about everything that bothers her, just like he brushed off the issue when Woman asked if it was okay, Man didn’t consider Wife’s feelings.

          They all just need to talk about it before it gets any further out of hand. BTW, congrats on your Man and that’s how he’s SUPPOSED to act.

          1. Woman of Inspiration says:

            Point taken and I understand, I think we are both saying relatively the same thing!

            Thanks for compliment, I am lucky to have him, trust me!!

  6. ChloeRayne516 says:

    Oh word. So rotor rooter doesn’t exit in the city that ex chick lives? O__o. Okay I’ll let that one slide but calling my man 2am in the morning in need of a favor of any kind is NO BUENO and I will audibly say so. Where’s her boo at or other male friends? Why is my man now mr fix-it/

  7. LaLaBakir says:

    After Man married, we could remain friends…but some serious boundaries needs to be set in place. I can no longer reap the benefits of him being the man in my life so to speak. Its just a respect thing.

    And calling at 2am is a BIG no no…bish you ain’t got no other friends? REALLY? Call a f*cking cab or tell one of the drunk broads you’re with to find a ride.

    See Wife got the game messed up, b/c I would’ve went w/ him to pick her up on some cool sh!t, smiling ever so psychotically (is that even a word?) and proceeded to beat the f*ck out of them and knock the caps off both their knees. And the home girls if they feeling froggy.

  8. ChloeRayne516 says:

    Oh word. So rotor rooter doesn’t exit in the city that ex chick lives? O__o. Okay I’ll let that one slide but calling my man 2am in the morning in need of a favor of any kind is NO BUENO and I will audibly say so. Where’s her boo at or other male friends? Why is my man now mr fix-it/driving miss daisy, etc.? F that!!!

    And him jumping out of bed to come to her reacue… Shiiiit. yeah he may jump out of bed

  9. ChloeRayne516 says:


    Yeah he may jump out of OUR bed but he’s landing face down on the floor. #SwiftKicksManinSpinalChord


  10. Funms says:

    wow, i think in this situation, both man and woman are just taking the piss and Wife has every right to start opposing their relationship.

  11. SmartFoxGirl says:

    I’m one of those women that always respects a man who is in a relationship. Taken is NOT my flavor. Also, I think there are certain rules that should be in place for a relationship to work. One of them is no friends of the opposite s.ex that you used to have s.ex with. I know some women will throw a stone at me but trust me I am right about this. If he’s ever seen her naked, do not, I repeat, DO NOT allow this girl to call your man and see him alone. I wish a man would try me like that. He wouldn’t have made it to the car.

  12. Sam Sharpe says:

    I’m all about maintaining friendships with exes if possible. In fact, an ex is one of my best friends in the world. When she got engaged, she asked me to the “best man”. So, yeah, I get why and how you can maintain a deep bond with someone. To this day, my ex knows that she can call me at all hours and I’ll be there for her if she needs something. However, she rarely uses and abuses this privilege b/c she respects the fact that I’ve got other shit going on……

    ….Now that I’ve finished my preamble: This situation is f***ed up. This woman has no bizness calling up a man at those kinds of hours for rides b/c her and her drunken crew need a ride or she needs to plunge a toilet. This is sheer madness….

    By the way, I have a sneaking suspicion that the “Woman” in this scenario is you Maxie….Please, for the sake of my blogcrush, say it ain’t so……

    1. max says:

      I’m insulted that you think I’m capable of some wack shit like this.

      1. Sam Sharpe says:

        Didn’t mean to insult…you had me worried with this whole story has a twist thing, so…my bad.

  13. emti says:

    I’m pretty sure I already know the twist…but here is my opinioin

    Woman – Needs to hire a handy man or call her father or somebody other than this man. She is totally taking advantage of the friendship AND taking advantage of the wife’s seemingly good nature.

    Man – Looks like he likes to feel needed but he has a wife/family he can fulfill that with.

    Wife – Needs to stop thinking she’ll look like a jealous wife and tell the man and woman what’s what.

  14. Boom says:

    Woman is you! Ha. You inspire me with your humility. It compells me to smell my own shit.

  15. MsEsquire77 says:

    I posted a comment this morning but it’s not here! Am I trapped in moderation?? I didn’t use any dirty words. *pouts*

    1. max says:

      I don’t see you in moderation. It might just have been lost in the vortex.

  16. Tisha says:

    This story seems very familiar…

    The Man should have set some boundaries from when he started believing Wife was The One. Woman will continue to ask for help/favors b/c he allows her to. If The Wife is ok with her man jumping up at 2am to go rescue Woman more power to her, if she isn’t then she needs to say so. She’s not running a Rent A Husband business

    1. Woman of Inspiration says:

      LOL at “Rent a husband business”…!

      I co-sign this statement 100%. Boundaries should have been set A LONG time ago.

  17. before I start…*waving* hi Max!

    1)If you were Woman, would you have stayed friends with Man after he married? Have you ever asked an ex for these kinds of favours?
    2)If you were Man, would you have helped Woman in these situations?
    3)If you were Wife, how hard would you kick Man’s ass?

    1- My ex-boyfriend (who I was with for 6 years) recently married his girlfriend of two years. We were still good friends, and I trusted his judgement on all things relationships because he was the first boyfriend that I actually felt was also my best friend. Before he proposed to Wifey, he told me so that I wouldn’t find out about it in Facebookland. We’re still friends post-nuptials, but our relationship is different. Before, I wouldn’t think twice about calling and shooting the shit for a few hours. Now, I keep my ramblings to short wall posts on FB…a la “hey whats up how are you”. Our relationship was long-distance, but should I find myself in a situation in his hometown, I definitely would not call him for help. It’s a matter of respect.

    2) Man is a blind idiot. Man is probably rationalizing his actions (a habit some men tend to have) saying that this is a friend in need and that’s all. Woman knows that Man is gullible as hell and since neither he or his Lady hasn’t shut her down yet, she doesn’t respect their relationship and will continue to get what she wants.

    3) If I were Wife…I would pick out a beautiful headstone for his grave. The inscription would read “He felt froggy…so I jumped.”

  18. Starita34 says:

    Reading everyone else’s comments I feel like I should be more enraged. I’m just not. I think it’s silly and there are lines being abused and crossed repeatedly and no one is speaking their mind effectively except Woman and she needs to speak her needs a little less often or at least speak them to an AVAILABLE man. Perhaps I don’t have enough relationships and/or cheaters under my belt to be truly enraged…

    I think Man should tell Woman that she’s gotta have a different backup after hours and when he’s otherwise engaged (which will be A LOT because, well, he’s MARRIED). I mean, if I’ve been romantically linked to a man in the past or not, I just don’t call men at 2 am. Particularly married men. #WDDTA? Also Wife has got to be honest with Man about how this makes her feel. Simple solution IMO. No need for drama or fisticuffs. Just some communication and boundary setting.

  19. Starita34 says:

    FYI – I love how you’re holding us hostage with your “number of comments for an ending” threat I dig S&M. LOL, only Max, only Max…

  20. Jemsstar says:

    I feel like something is going on between the two of them, NO man is that nice and he’s not getting something in return!! There is simply no reason he should be unclogging her pipes, LOL nor picking her and her drunk friends up from anywhere. But I tell you, for me the blame goes to his Wife, she should have put her foot down along time ago. There is nothing wrong with being a friend with an ex, as long as the new relationship is respected by both parties, and neither Man nor Woman is doing that, and either Wife is blind or she just doesn’t care.

    I have a rule in my relationships, if my man is going to be friends with an ex that is fine, but he can never do ANYTHING that can be construed as boyfriend like activities, i.e., Going to the movies or dinner, fixing cars, appliances or anything around her house, and picking her up and driving her to and from ANYWHERE, at anytime.

    but hey that’s just me

  21. luxemansion579 says:

    Oh HEYAL no…I am friends with some of my ex-boyfriends as well, but when they are in a relationship I respect the relationship enough not to go doing shit like calling him at 2 o clock in the morning asking him to come pick me up somewhere…did this heifer not have any female friends (or single male friends) that she could have asked? Sounds to me like homegirl is testing her boundaries to see how far she can push the envelope. And, when I get married, if my man EVER gets out of our bed at two in the morning to go “rescue” a woman that is not a relative…he better be prepared not to get back in it for a looooong time.

  22. luxemansion579 says:

    And I wanna know what the twist is too…

  23. Kema says:

    I have had an ex do random stuff like that for me while he had a girlfriend. I do not think it is the woman’s fault. It is the man’s. He is the one who should have changed their relationship. In my situation since he was still available to do those little tasks I didnt think his relationship was that serious yet. I’m sure it would have stopped if he would have gotten to the point where he was thinking marriage.

    Waiting for the twist!

  24. Suki says:

    What the fuck?! If I was woman, man and I wouldn’t be talking more than 2x a month. If I were man, I’d pray Wife doesn’t kill me. If I were Wife, someone better get my fucking gun. 2am in the morning? Toilet? What?? Now where’s the twist?

  25. Marie says:

    where is the twist ?
    If I was woman ? Taken is not appealing. I can call a plumber, a taxi, a friend, CAA…
    If I was wife ? I can’t be married to a fool.
    If I was Man ? I must be dumb…

  26. streetztalk says:

    Man is a wild boy and is asking to get cut…. that is ALL

  27. The Goddess says:

    WOW, just WOW!!!

    Ok, I see no problems remaining friends, however it seems that Woman has NO boundaries or respect for Man’s marriage.

  28. The Goddess says:

    Didn’t get to finish my comment, damn keyboard…..UGH!!!

    But back to my point. I think that it is totally unacceptable for Woman to call man, knowing he’s married at 2:00 am. She should maybe try calling some single male friends, or better yet, how about catching a cab. It’s appearing to me that she may be a tad bit jealous that Man wifed someone else instead of her and is trying to passively cause friction within their marriage….But that’s just MY opinion.

  29. lavonda says:

    What happen to the twist??????

  30. lavonda says:

    What happen to the twist?????? Miss Max

  31. Yaya says:

    Wow this friend is wrong. Once the guy got married, boundaries should be set and she should respect them. At least respect his wife. Don’t call my husband at 2 a.m. to come pick your drunk tail up. Thats what cabs are for. Call them.

    Where is the twist Max?

  32. Papaya says:

    I think woman needs to find a new “man”! Firstly woman needs to understand that there’s a wife now whom SHE encouraged he wife up! He can’t be her super save a h0e anymore.. Secondly man needs to let go of that previous relationship he had with woman! He needs to give woman a limit as to what can go on in their friendship. Think about his WIFE who’s laying next to him. If I was in wifes shoes u best believe I’m n the passenger seat at 2am. Whoever cant fit in the car betta lap the hell up!Lol no late nite chit chat nonsense! Wife has a high tolerance! Or trust him.where they do that at?? Hahaha jp

  33. SaneN85 says:

    Listen here woman, you can’t just tease a “twist” and not deliver. Even Shamalamadingdong delivers some sort of twist when promised. I am boycotting until I see one.

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