You on Top


In all the years that I was with my first love, I don’t think I ever rode his dick. I have no idea what the reasoning for this was, but I can only assume it was some silly girl combination of “I don’t know what to do” and “I don’t want him to see me naked”. I swear that man must have had the patience of Job because I don’t remember him ever complaining about it. The only thing he said is “if we ever break up and I found out you rode anyone else’s dick I’m going to be really mad”. I assured him he had nothing to worry about because a) we were never going to break up and b) I was never going to do it ever. Good thing I’m not a betting woman because I would have lost my shorts on that one.

All praises due, I eventually grew up and grew out of my aversion to woman on top. But it wasn’t without help. See the next man I was involved with had no patience for the stock “I don’t do that” answer I gave anytime he tried to get me to do anything other than lie there and take it. If I wanted a pass on a sex act I had to make a case for it. And after he shot me down on all my objections to getting in the saddle, he proceeded to give me a crash course, which basically consisted of the following tips:

1. The way you move
Whether you slowly rock your hips slowly back and forth, lift  yourself up and lower back down, or grind on his joint in small circles, you need to find your rhythm and work it.

2.  Help helps
While part of the beauty of dick surfing is the feeling of being in control, many women shun it for that very reason. Letting the man take hold of your hips and ass and gently (or roughly if that’s what you’re into) pull and push you according to his whim is a win for everybody.

4. Change the angle to achieve your desired result
If you sit up straight, you get a deeper, fuller feel. But this can be uncomfortable if you win the cock lottery are working with a man who is blessed in both the length and girth departments. Squeeze your legs together and you can grip his lovestick tighter – great for my ladies who are desperate and are dealing with a less than endowed dude. Spreading your legs lets him go deeper. And of course if you don’t know that leaning back lets him hit the money spot, you probably shouldn’t be on this blog.

3. Turn around
Reverse cowgirl is a win. That’s all there is to say about that.

At the end of the crash course there was a practical exam. Which I passed with flying colours.

Actually – now that I think about it, there was one time that I lifted my ban on dick riding with my first love. We were in that phase where one person wants to get back together and the other is not quite convinced. You guys know how that goes. So I had to climb up there and jump for joy until each one of his doubts was vanquished.  And of course once we got back together I never did it again.

Anyway, I have to admit though that although I’ve been thoroughly schooled on how to ride the beat like a motherf*cking freak, I rarely do it. If I’m going to ride your Pony Express, you must be either Mr. Max, extremely persistent or someone I’m trying to dazzle. I know I know – the shame of it! But as much as I’d like to be an equal-opportunity sausage straddler, I’m lazy I have bad knees and I need to save that for my VIP customers but only the ones who ask for it. I don’t offer it up gratuitously.

For the longest time I thought I was the only woman who was choosy about pogo sticking, but in researching this post I encountered quite a few women who either don’t do it or relegate it to special occasion status. So tell me readers – how do you feel about woman on top? Ladies where does this rank among your preferred positions? Are you stingy with it or do you give it freely? Do you have tips to share? Men – are there any of you who don’t enjoy this? Because if so I want to sleep with you. Overshare with me in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 59

  1. Starita34 says:

    I’ve only been put in that position (SWIDT) once and I immediately had an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy since I’d never been in that kind of control before. I just need practice. That’s the only reason that I’m wary of it…someday…

    Well that and the fact that what works for me in that position (most likely more hip grinding) is not what’s best for him (quick up and down motions, I’ve heard hovering around the tip is especially appreciated and hard on the quads and knees) so I’ve gotta make Sophie’s choice. #NoBueno. #JustHitItFromTheBack

    Geesh and also my ass is unimpressive re: the reverse cowgirl…
    No wonder I have no riding experience.

    1. Sam Sharpe says:

      No such thing as an ass too unimpressive for a little reverse cowgirl.

      1. Starita34 says:

        I LOVE men, if for no other reason than this right chere! <3

        1. max says:

          Plus I thought reverse cowgirl makes your ass look better….isn’t that true? otherwise why have I been wasting my time with it?

          1. Starita34 says:

            *makes note*

    2. ChloeRayne516 says:

      “I’ve heard hovering around the tip is especially appreciated”

      Oh Indeed It Is!!!!!!!!

      I like to hover around the tip as if I am letting it come out completely then I will grip it with my sugar walls and slowly start riding just the tip up and down and just when he looks as if he is about to have a seizure I’ll come half way down on his beam and continue up and down for a few and then I take it back up to the tip and just come all the way down. Repeating this manuever a few more times…….. — GAME OVER!!!!!!

      1. ChloeRayne516 says:

        Oh and for those with bad knees or who tire easily. A chair like a high barstool is a great substitute which I actually prefer.

      2. Starita34 says:

        THANK YOU! Love the details! 🙂 *high five*

  2. ” beauty of dick surfing” made me giggle…lol..

    “If you sit up straight, you get a deeper, fuller feel” Sooo ageeing with this right herr, Yes, herr…

    I am one that thoroughly enjoys it. I don’t have a problem. I see it as the best part of riding on the roller coaster. After settling into your seat and fastening your belt, when it takes off there’s a lot of twist and turns, but being up top and dropping low is the highligt of the ride..

    I’ve guess I’ve never really thought about ‘saving it for Mr Poise’, as much as I would say about him enjoying the view from behind. And at one point they both were reserved attractions. But I’m older now. But still, depending on the patron, just cause you got a ticket don’t give you all access to the amusement park.

  3. Ashley says:

    I hate “girl on Top”…and even though every man I sex wants to give me a tutorial I pass…Like you Max its just not my fave and I’m lazy. I feel like the purpose of me sexing is to be pleased if I have to do all the work then,where is the joy in that *shrug* I mean I do pull it out for birthdays and make ups to breakups like you described above but other than that…get on top or behind me for offical buisness

  4. missk says:

    I always appreciate the honesty (and humor) within your posts, but I was really suppressing the urge to side-eye this entire post (mea culpa). Don’t get me wrong, I can definitely relate to the insecurities and laziness. My first boyfriend during my late teenage years never benefited from my rodeo game because of big girl to smaller girl body issues. *However* I was completely unaware (until this post) that regularly not riding the stick was a possibility in the grown ass woman dirty bag of tricks. For me this comes standard, no upgrades required. *cue “the more you know” shooting star* On a practical side, I also think that position allows you to really be the star of the show, to be touched without some of the obstructions of other positions, to showcase the rhythms that make us women. Different strokes, I guess.

    1. ” I also think that position allows you to really be the star of the show, to be touched without some of the obstructions of other positions, to showcase the rhythms that make us women.”


    2. luxemansion579 says:

      On a practical side, I also think that position allows you to really be the star of the show, to be touched without some of the obstructions of other positions, to showcase the rhythms that make us women.

      I cosign as well! Couldn’t have said it better myself….

  5. Melissa says:

    I too was unaware that being on top was something saved for special occasions! What do you do? Just missionary and backshots?

    1. max says:

      I would tell you…but I know you in real life 😉

  6. RedLady821 says:

    *scratchin’ head* really?

    I didn’t know that there were positions for special occassions either…that’s kinda corny to me because if I’m going to bother to have chex then I’m going to do everything that I can think of to have the most fun possible. I always start out on top…who knew? *shrug*.

  7. Ms.G says:

    I am on the same page …. I never knew it was special
    my dude loves it when I am in control its my way of saying


  8. Sam Sharpe says:

    Not much to say here. Any woman who refuses to get on top (at least sometimes) is more than lazy: She’s selfish.

    And for all those ladies out there who claim “it’s all about me”, let me tell you, if you’re with a lover who’s even halfway interested in your pleasure, the more you make it about him, the more he’ll make it about you. So you win either way. But I guess some women aren’t interested in a man’s pleasure or they assume that just being there is enough…

    …I’m also gathering from some of the comments on here and from personal experience that way too many people out there are just damn selfish lovers. It’s a pity really.

    1. ChloeRayne516 says:

      “Not much to say here. Any woman who refuses to get on top (at least sometimes) is more than lazy: She’s selfish.”

      I totally agree and not only is she being selfish but ladies you are doing yourself a great disservice by not seeing the looks (that you are creating) on ole boy’s face while you’re riding that beam and talking that nasty *ish* to him. #Shakeshead

      1. “you are doing yourself a great disservice by not seeing the looks (that you are creating) on ole boy’s face ”

        That’s the best part. Well, not quite the best part…But will get you to the best part faster..

  9. Alovelydai says:

    Ooooh Max we were in cohorts for a minute sis but you lost me on this one. Special Occasion D*ck Riding? Huh?

  10. Starita34 says:

    OOOH! Hot topic!

    Let me just clarify for myself. Yes, I have some inhibitions surrounding getting my Annie Oakley on (I thought of that in the shower this morning Max! lol). Almost purely based on inexperience. This in NO way means that I will not do this in the future or that I am lazy or selfish, I just haven’t built up my confidence in being great at it yet. And I like to be at the top of my class. My partner’s pleasure is paramount to my own. Selfish, I am not.

    Furthermore, even if I did reserve it for special occasions – that’s my prerogative. My body, my rules. It’s cool if you choose not to sleep with me because I’m not that experienced in the hymen hammer hula – I only need one man that’s willing to take on the challenge anyway. And he will reap the entirety of the benefits.

    On another note, ladies! It’s Nasty Friday! Overshare!! Teach a girl with no experience how to ride the baloney pony (that ones not original – whomps)! Tips ladies, TIPS!

    Menz too! How do you like it done? That just the tip jig really work for you?

  11. Drew-Shane says:

    And like you, I can be lazy or sometimes like to take a break. I prefer to be rode and the ‘cowgirl’ position. It feels good and I don’t have to do anything but thrust my pelvic a little bit. I actually like to start in that position to get everything open. Afterwards, I can move and get things going.

    I’m glad your next ‘interest’ did help and guide you. God bless him! If you’re not riding, you will be by the time you finish with me. Like him, I’ll tell you what to do. It’s the least I can do…

  12. Studley says:

    I really can’t believe I’m hearing this BS! Only on top for special occasions. So tell me what occasion does this happened. Don’t get me wrong I like to put in the work but I need a break sometime. Plus I don’t know any woman that doesn’t want to put it on a man like that. For her its control. A good hood ride makes me bust a nut. A woman who doesn’t ride is selfish and lazy! I would have to think twice before I would hit that again.

  13. HLBB says:

    Wait! HUH?!?

    This is a special occasion thing?

    I guess this is what happens when you start reading Cosmopolitan at 12! I figured this was standard…yes? No?

    The benefits of “pole dancing”:

    Agree 100% about the length and girth advantage that some men are blessed with. If you find that it hurts with him on top, you both definitely win if you switch it up.

    Grinding can lead to a very wonderful orgasm because of the clitoral stimulation it provides

    Guys: you get to play with the boobs while she rides your disco stick. Win!

    It’s great in the morning when your back muscles may not have fully stretched. Or if the guy has a bad back in general.

    Men love watching you lose control.

    Get on top, lean back, but not so far that it hurts him and go to town… and well. Erm. For the record. I learned all this from Cosmo…yes. Cosmo.

  14. Melissa says:

    (Max, i dunno how to reply to comments from my phone and my work hates your blog)

    From your blog, I’ve learned that there’s a lot of special occasion acts that I thought were standard fare!

    When I was a rookie and fatter, being on top was so scary to me. But now that I’m less of a rookie and less fat, I like it a lot more. I still like being on the bottom more, but being on top is my 2nd fave.

    And it gives your legs and thighs a good workout. Haha.

  15. SimplisElegance says:

    So uh, I like riding *shrug* And for several reasons
    Someone above said something about how it’s great to see the looks on your man’s face when you’re giving it to him. It makes you feel powerful and sexy and just damn good. Plus it feels wonderful (assuming your man is averagely to well endowed)

    Special occasions though? I never knew folks held positions in reserve for specific occasions…that seems off to me. Like, I can understand researving things like head or anal for folks you’ve been with for sometime but not positions. Doesn’t it get boring and tiring to do tr same thing over and over?

    1. Starita34 says:

      “Like, I can understand researving things like head or anal for folks you’ve been with for sometime but not positions. Doesn’t it get boring and tiring to do tr same thing over and over?”

      Now see, reserving head for a special occasion reeks of high treason to me…we’re all different. I was once with a man that was not so big on receiving head. *holds for the gasps and for the ushers to remove the fainters* This was a serious issue for me, never would’ve been ok, that’s important to me. He’s no sexual deviant, I wasn’t being selfish, we simply didn’t complement each other well. We just gotta find someone that’s compatible or willing to experiment cause once I was done with him, brother loooooved head.

      As far your “boring without cowgirl” question…I’m sure Max’s lovers can attest that are are oh so many more positions than just missionary, backshots, or cowgirl! And that sex with Max is anything but boring! IJS

  16. SmartFoxGirl says:

    Get out of my head! lol These are the same things that I preach to my friends all the time. I give alot of s.ex advice and almost everytime I say that riding the D well IS the key to a good s.ex life (amongst other things ). I actually show my friends how to do the reverse cowgirl well. Men like it because you can’t see much when you’re facing him (except tidees which can be boring after a few mins) especially if you are bending forward. When backwards, he can see your bootey and his D going in and out and this is a win. Plus I feel like I have more control backwards than I do forwards. Llike you said, you are in control and can control what you get out of it. All women should perfect their d*ck surfing skills…like a champ. This can literally save lives. If you do it well, you’ll love it. You just have to be strong cause it gets tiresome. I prefer being on top to most positions except froggy cause my ex would make my eyes twitch while sitting on the back of my thighs. It was like a massage after a long days work. Okay I’ve shared too much. Good post!

    1. Sam Sharpe says:

      LOL @ “This can literally save lives”.

      And I don’t think it’s possible to overshare on maxie’s blog.

      1. max says:

        Stop calling me Maxie 🙂

        1. Sam Sharpe says:

          Ha. what would you rather be called? Shit, who am I kidding, even if you’re all the way serious on this one I just can’t stop calling you….maxie…it just rolls off the tongue….


          1. max says:

            You only like to call me that because you know it gets me revved up. I’m hip to your game.

    2. keisha brown says:

      no matter the place.. still love sfg. LOL.

      1. SmartFoxGirl says:

        I luv yuh lyk fresh veg-e-tabel

  17. MsEsquire77 says:

    Maxine, we are >>>>HERE<<<<. #ThatIsAll

  18. B_P says:

    First, please excuse any typos I’m writing this on my blackberry in between meetings.

    MAX! You’re my sex heroine! What is this I read about not being a rider? *Clutch the pearls* I’ve always been a “RR” aka Richard rider, even when I was chunky. My favorite move is to get in froggy position (bracing myself flat on my feet) and lift myself up almost to where his Richard is out of my love. Then I slowly come back down and repeat. I had my boo stuttering once with this move. I also love when he can fondle my breasts and caresses my clitoris softly while riding. Nothing like climaxing while riding my mans Richard.

    Damn! I’ve over shared…..I should change my info to make me anonymous!

    1. max says:

      Hahaha no anonymous comments on Fridays. Concealing our identity takes the fun out of oversharing.

      1. B_P says:

        Its hard to not overshare…..because your blog makes me so damn randy!!! Oooh chile….

        1. Starita34 says:

          *chanting* Embrace the oversharing, embrace the oversharing, embrace the oversharing – are you getting horny sleepy?

  19. SimplisElegance says:

    Oh wait, I meant sticking to one or two positions lol Not everything BUT cowgirl. I know all too well what other positions there are lol

    But treason, really? lol Maybe I’m a lil selfish lol I’ve just always been type to hold off on head until I’m in a clearly established relationship for a lil….hmmmm….maybe I should think about this a bit more

    1. max says:

      Well when I wrote my post on head and I said that I reserve it strictly for VIP customers there were all kinds of people on here talking about how that’s backwards and we should be giving head to anyone we’re willing to sleep with. They would probably say you should re-evaluate your position.

    2. Starita34 says:

      You don’t have to reevaluate anything for me…but a man that I’m sleeping with? *Officespace voice* Yeaaaaaah, I’m gonna need to be able to give him head whenever I so choose. That’s a given. It’s my love language what? you didn’t know that there were 6 love languages? Yeah: 1 Acts of service, 2 gifts, 3 quality time, 4 mindblowing head, 5 words of affirmation 6 physical touch

  20. keisha brown says:

    this is interesting..
    i think confidence is the biggest factor in DR.
    sex for us ladies is more psychological than anything usually, so if you dont feel sexy or feel (despite his hard d*ck in ya face/mouth) like he’s going to consider your breast/body sexy in its wont do it.

    it also always depends on the size of the dude. some positions work better depending on what they are working with – but half the fun is figuring it out!

    the key for me while DR’ing is him sitting. easier to get leverage, change tempos/movements. so grab him, drag him to the couch and sit on it. you’ll be glad you did.

    bonus if you aren’t shy, leaves your hands free for all sorts of things.. play with your own breasts, suck on em if you can, rub on ya clit, reach round and play with his balls. all these things = good times.

    thank. me. later.

    1. SmartFoxGirl says:

      It’s gotta be hard riding the D and having body issues and worrying about how he sees you and lacking over all confidence. Whew just typing that was exhausting. I laughed out loud (i’m at work) at your recommendations for a good time. I cosign all dat der. 🙂

    2. Starita34 says:

      Well played, I’m certainly liking what I’m hearing. Seriously appreciating the tips…

      1. ChloeRayne516 says:

        Ms. Rita..

        You need to quit it with (I’m liking the tips bizness) #BBMtalk2theHand#


        But seriously chile please girl I read your comments before on certain topics on SBM that had me blushing and clutching my pearls (cuz I am a F@#$in lady in these Streets) you GOOD GIRL. YOU GOOD!!!

        But at the end of the day men know we may have a little celluite, stretch marks for whateva reason and a little pouch around our navel region but from what I was told THEY DON”T CARE if they are really feeling you like that. JUST DO IT!! (NoNike)

        1. Starita34 says:

          LOL, thank you madam, but trust me on this one, I have a lot to learn 🙂 Always appreciate the encouragement though. *tip my hat*

  21. VEE PAIN says:

    Being on top was hard at first, because of the pain associated with a blessed johnson “filling me”. Young and tight, but still, you have to move on it. I must say in the first three or four years of my sexual activity, I just did it clumsily until they made me stop ;).
    These days, I reserve REVERSE COWGIRL for my most devoted lovers. Once I have dropped my guard COWGIRL is my fantasy. If a man seems like he is too tired to finish me off, or doesn’t have the proper motion in his ocean, I just might take over!(with a gentle ride) If I have longed for that man that brings the beast out of me, as soon as we meet again, I take him to the rodeo. (Show him how much cowgirls don’t like to be alone) YEE-HAW

    1. B_P says:

      DEAD @ YEE-HAW! Tell’em Vee…they can do it just put your back into it.IceCube

  22. Nick@Nite says:

    I’ve missed you guys… This working is effin up my social ERRTHANG!!

    Now for the topic..
    I like being on top.. but then again, I’m a control FREAK! I like seeing his face twitch and his eyes roll in the back of his head.. I like spinning on it like a top..(not that fast, but you get the idea) I like figuring out different angles and I like working up a sweat.. (I don’t get that sweaty on the bottom) I like a lot of things about being on top.. But the control factor is a big one.. I get the feeling like I’m putting it on him and I like that.. I like leaning forward and making him stare me in the face… I like reverse cowgirl and putting a chair in front of the mirror so I can see too.. It turns me on, I get excited and more into it.. and then everyone’s happy..

    I figure that if I’m already having s*x with someone, then there is no holding back.. that only effs me up.. But I’d been dealing with the same dude for 3 years now, and no one else has really come on the scene.. so I don’t know how I’d act about being on top with a new guy now..
    *only the shadow knows..*

    1. ChloeRayne516 says:

      ^^^^^ ALL OF THIS!!!!^^^^ Just minus the sweat because I have to be really getting it in at like 80 degree temp to break a sweat BUT I See U on this Post!!!! *e-daps*

  23. Tada says:

    Great post Max. Lol

  24. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeez I’m late again but I had to comment ‘cuz I actually have a question pertaining to sex!!!

    B_P’s move (I call it Crouching Tigress) is GUARANTEED awesomeness controlling for me and absolutely winning for him. To see him writhe and whine and moan and want to control you but can’t??? Oh damn. And HL_BB? Yes to everything you said. Except I came across dad’s Playboy at 12 and decided at that tender age that I was going to be THAT sexy. And that’s as sexy as Playboy can get *side eye*.

    But Max….besides his pleasure, what’s the deal with Reverse Cowgirl? I’m hesitant to actually admit that I’ve NEVER come this way. Doesn’t it all depend on his penis direction re: your spot? School me please.

    And ChloeRayne516…..what do I do with the chair??!?!?!?!?!

    ANNNND, as far as I can remember and as far as I’ve been preaching to my 22 year old cousin who can’t orgasm…..girl on top is being selfish. That is the most common position to guarantee the woman’s orgasm!! And that’s where you go when you just wanna “wham-bam-thank-you-sir-I-don’t-even-wanna-use-your-washroom-before-I-exit”. Again, all depending on his size ‘cuz heaven knows I can’t sit on current dude even if I was skinny. *winks* Confidence is key.


  25. Papaya says:

    I love being on top!!! I am a control freak but in the bedroom I like to b dominated!! My guy leans up and holds me while I’m on top

  26. Papaya says:

    I love being on top!!! I am a control freak but in the bedroom I like to b dominated!! My guy leans up and holds me while I’m on top

  27. Illithid says:

    The first time I ever had sex was cowgirl. And the second. And the third was reverse cowgirl. *shrug* The first time I ever brought a guy home (not for sex) I ended up grinding on top of him. I love being dominated, though. I could do that all day. *drool*

    So… yeah. Some ladies dont do this unless they have to? Wow. Learn something new everyday, I suppose.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *