I love you, I miss you, I’m sorry


One of the things most bloggers will say about themselves is that they find it easiest to express themselves through words. For mere mortals other people, it’s easier to show their feelings through action or affection. Then you have the people – my daddy is one of these –  who express themselves best through gifts.

But no matter if we are a talker, a doer, or a giver, the fact is that some words and phrases are more difficult to roll off the tongue than others. So today we’re talking about what I think are the most difficult things for most of us to say.

I’m sorry

It seems like for most people, I’m sorry is the hardest thing to say. People have all kinds of hangups and rules about it. Some people refuse to apologize if they don’t feel they’ve done anything wrong; even if what they’ve done has hurt someone they love. Some people won’t apologize if they’re asked to; even if they know they’re wrong and they are in fact sorry. I see people all the time keeping a tighter grip on their apologies than they do on their wallets.

Personally, I’ve never had a problem with saying I’m sorry. Even if I don’t think I’m wrong, I recognize the value in apologizing for hurting someone, even if I’m not sorry for the act itself. In fact – and here’s a word to the wise in case any of you might end up in a relationship with me one day – when I’m in a relationship, I view apologies as the currency with which I buy peace and quiet. Which is not to say that my apologies are insincere, just that I’m quicker to give them up than other people might be. I figure the sooner I say sorry and pat down his feathers, the quicker I can get back to my book.

I love you

For most people it seems saying I love you is a grave and monumental thing. People have rules and timelines for when it’s okay to say it and who should say it first. To which I say hey – whatever works.

Personally I’m…I don’t want to say I’m indiscriminate with this word, but I’m definitely generous with it and I’ll tell you why. When I was in my twenties, a very good friend of mine passed away suddenly. And without getting too morbid about it, when I was looking at him at his wake I suddenly realized that – although I did love him very much – I’d never told him that I loved him.

What I took from that experience is that the people I love will always know that I love them. Whether they say it back or not, whether I express it with words or sex actions, I try to be free with my affection.

I miss you

Now see here is where things start to go left for me. I’m not sure how other people view this, but for me there is no phrase in the English language more difficult to utter than this. To me, saying I miss you is like exposing my soft little underbelly and waiting for you to plunge a knife in it.

I don’t really know how or why I developed this aversion to saying I miss you, but I do know that for a long time I just refused to say it to people. I was probably in my 30’s when I lifted my ban on it, and even now it’s pretty rare to hear me say it; even if the other person says it first. I’m much more likely to say something like “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in centuries” or “I haven’t seen you since Jesus was a wee boy” than to come out and admit that I miss you.

So what about you guys, are you talkers, doers, or givers? What words do you find difficult to say? I dragged myself out of bed with a migraine to write this, so share with me in the comments please.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 28

  1. thedopestethiopian says:

    ahh first time writing on this blog but I’ve been creepin for far too long!

    I’d say I’m a doer, my motto is… actions speak louder than words
    Saying “i miss you” is the most difficult for me .. usually when I’m thinking ‘i miss you’, chances are I’m talking to an old flame…and saying I miss you to me is like saying that they added something to my life that I wish you could have back…and regardless if I feel that way I’d rather not share…that once slipped out during ex sex, and I had to do damage control reeeal quick!

    1. max says:

      Welcome…and thanks to you I have Passing Me By stuck in my head!

  2. MsEsquire77 says:

    I don’t have a problem saying any of those phrases. If anything, I don’t know when to shut up. The older I get the more comfortable I am with saying what I want to say when I want to say it. I still have a filter but I’m not as shy with expressing myself especially when it comes to my love life.

    1. max says:

      One of the reasons I adore you so is that you are so generous with the I love you’s.

  3. Funms says:

    Sadly, i can’t seem to control myself…i am always uttering the 3 phrases, even when i know i need to stop being vulnerable and shut up…lol

  4. LaLaBakir says:

    I have a problem with “I love you” if we aren’t family. Just yesterday, my BBF said “I love you” and I said nothing back at first. I thought it in my head, like “yeah, I love you too homie”. I said it back though, and I meant it. But I don’t know what my problem is with saying that phrase. Perhaps b/c I feel it makes you vulnerable. *shrug*

  5. Capricorn says:

    I say I love you a lot. Life is too short to not say it, if you love that person, be it romantical, friendship, “youdahomie” or whatever kind of love. “I miss you” is harder for me to say.

  6. I have no ‘problem’ saying any of these words, but, I never use them if I don’t mean them. I tell my wife ‘I love you’ all the time and I also tell say it to my closest friends. I don’t mean it in that warm, fuzzy, emotional sort of way. It’s just a way of me letting them know the extent to which I will act on their behalf. It’s kinda like when two people are communicating in English, but for one of them English is a second language and there’s no real word in English to describe what the other person is trying to say, so they just use something else in it’s place. I say ‘I love you’, but only because there aren’t short, quick, affirming phrases for what I’m actually trying to express.

    I’m not big on “I’m Sorry”, but I do say ‘I apologize’ often. Not really a fan of “I’m Sorry.” That phrase typically indicates that, if you had it to do over again, you’d make a different choice. It indicates a regret of some sort. I’m rarely sorry, but I often apologize for the ramifications of my words or actions. In my mind, there’s a subtle difference between saying ‘I apologize’ and saying ‘I’m sorry.’ For me, that difference is everything.

    I miss you is probably the least used because I rarely miss people. I’m definitely an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ kinda person.

    Great post Max.

    1. max says:

      I like your distinction between “I’m sorry” and “I apologize”. I tend to only use “I apologize” when I’m being sarcastic.

      1. Me says:

        If I want to be an ass, I’ll say “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  7. Drew-Shane says:

    I think these phrases coincide with actually maturity. Pending the circumstance, it could even make it more difficult to say these phrases. I think it comes over time with certain situations. At first, I would never apologize for anything, let’s just move on but I’ve grown.

    1. max says:

      Really? You never apologize for anything? Ever?

      1. Drew-Shane says:

        I can admit I used to be very bad at it but I’ve gotten better and have no problem with taking ‘ownership’ when I’m the root problem or even messed up

  8. Me says:

    I can say all three buy the hardest will be the I love you… I don’t open that wound up so easily anymore. I will miss and be sorry out my ass. But love? Ehh.


    1. The psychoanalytic side of me finds it interesting that you describe it as ‘opening a wound’.


      1. Me says:

        Lol Most. It’s true

    2. Me says:

      *buy should be BUT

  9. emti says:

    i say them all…a lot.

  10. I agree with MsEsquire77…..the older I get, the more superfluous I get with my words.

    However, I differ slightly wherein it is MUCH easier to say “I miss youuuuuuuu” in my girly, whiny voice than “I love you” in my mature, womanly voice.

    Admitting love shows vulnerability and I’ll be damned if I show anyone my weak side!!


    Great post as always Max darling. Love ya!! 😉

  11. SmartFoxGirl says:

    I have an ego but saying sorry hasn’t been that diff for me…one because I’m never wrong. 🙂 lolol okay no really, it’s not hard for me to say sorry because I hate it when people I love are upset with me. I’m one of those loyalty people and I put alot of value in my relationships with others. I feel like if someone doesn’t want to apologize to me, it’s cause they don’t care that much about me. Extreme, I know. As far as I love you, I say that alot. I believe in love and expressing it in more ways than one. I agree with the “I miss you”…it’s very uncomfortable to say. Even now, with people I’ve known for years, it’s hard for me to say. It means alot. It’s like saying “I want you” and def leaves you open. My biggest fear when saying it is “What if they don’t miss me?”

  12. Starita34 says:

    If there is one thing that you should be absolutely positive about with me it is that I am open with my positive feelings. If I love someone, they know it. If I made a mistake or even regret the pain that my actions caused, I apologize. If I miss someone, I tell them after they tell me. If your shoes are cute, I’m telling you. Anything less feels dishonest and unauthentic. I’m an emo, sappy, overthinking type of gal that came from an open, honest, oversharing family.

    Of the three though, “I miss you” is probably the most difficult and it’s rarely difficult. But when we’ve been apart because I asked you to release me and let me be and I know that I shouldn’t miss you but I do with every fiber of my being…I hold back not to lie to you, but to lie to myself…that I’m strong enough to move on. #emo. But don’t let him say it first (and he always has…) cause then the flood gates open and I’m oversharing my feelings like Max talking about bootie pleasures on the Friday after lint. *le sigh*

    One day I’ll get over that man <–see, I stay lying to myself…

  13. streetztalk says:

    I echo Mosts sentiments with saying them when its meant. Other than that nothing to add

  14. Cheekie says:

    AHAHAHAHAHA @ “I haven’t seen you since Jesus was a wee boy.” I must use this in my lifetime.

    Hmm, I totally get what you’re saying about “I miss you” leaving you super vulnerable and soft. I’m also more lenient with saying that “I love you.” Now of course, there are different types of love so I am definitely VERY cautious with uttering this word to a guy who has passed the friend level. Which is odd since I crave it so…

  15. It used to be hard from me to say I’m sorry, but I’ve grown now. If I’m wrong, I’ll admit it.

    I MISS YOU, leaves you open to rejection, that is, if you’re looking for a genuine reciprocal response from. So it’s not as easy to say.

    I LOVE YOU, I do tend to wait till the time is right. I actually planned my last, first “I love you”. Now that I think about it, was the first time I ever said it first. I had felt like saying it for a while. But was too afraid, I though it might be too soon, or wasn’t sure how he felt. But I could sense that he felt the same way. It took me a while before I would even commit to him, but he finally won me over. Then after the love affair began, fell head of heals. So, probably sounds crazy, but I love you, was on of my Christmas presents to him.

    Nice post!

  16. Nick@Nite says:

    Hmm.. (goes through mental file cabinet)

    I have a tendency to not say things I don’t mean.. This goes for everything.. I used to apologize profusely, even for things that weren’t my fault.. Then I grew up..
    I come from the school of “scarcity breeds value”.. So someone knows that when I say any of the above, it must really mean something because my mouth doesn’t fix itself to say them often..
    I can find a way to alter almost anything.. I can tell you I’m sorry without saying the words.. I can get the point across just as fine..

    It’s been my experience (growing up) that people overuse the “I’m sorry”.. so maybe it’s held so tightly with me as a way to overcompensate..

    -the things I think-..

  17. luxemansion579 says:

    I most definitely have a problem with saying “I miss you”. I know it’s because it exposes my vulnerability. I mean…what happens when you say “I miss you” to a person who doesn’t say it back? Talk about a punch to the gut…

  18. Papaya says:

    It’s harder for me to say “I miss u” than I love u! Lol N even harder to say I’m sorry !!! I think I say I love u for the same reasons, afraid that I won’t ever get the chance to tell that person. I can love u from afar but missing u is wanting u n wishing u were n my world! & I’m sorry?? Smh.. That comes from the loins!

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