Let me tell you a story about my last good first date. I met the dude at a mutual friend’s New Years party. A few days after the party he sent me a nice note on Facebook saying he’d enjoyed meeting me and would I like to have dinner that week. And although I took a couple of days to accept (I had to overcome an objection that I don’t want to get into right now), when I finally did he wrote me back right away firming up the date and time. The day before the date he wrote me to tell me he had chosen a great place for us and he was really excited. Of course I had to burst his bubble by telling him he needed to let me know where it was so I could check the menu to ensure I’d actually be able to eat. But he was gracious about it and it turned out the spot was fine.
When the day came he picked me up in a cab and off we went. It was a Mark McEwan restaurant, which if you know anything about Toronto you know that means it’s pretty nice. He was a total gentleman throughout the night; helped me on and off with my coat, stood when I approached or left the table, did not bat an eye when I didn’t eat anything at dinner. After dinner we went for drinks at a little spot in Yorkdale and then he took me home in a cab. He gave me a kiss – on the lips but no tongue, the HG of first-date kisses – and thanked me for a great evening. The next afternoon he wrote me a note telling me what a good time he’d had and asking if I wanted to come over that night to
bone watch the Raptors game.
Pretty great date right? I can’t think of how it could have been any better. And do you know why it was such a good date? Because he was over 40. What – you didn’t know? Men over 40 have the dating game on lock. Every date I’ve ever had with a man over 40
except for the last one where the man let me walk home to the hood by myself in the freezing cold at 1:30 in the fucking morning and didn’t call me again for 6 months has been like this. They’re just on a whole different level than men in their 20’s and 30’s. And yet when I read this article the other day about why women in their 30’s don’t want to date men in their 40’s I was nodding my head in agreement the whole time. Because – although the vast majority of the best dates I’ve been on have been with men over the age of 40 – I really just don’t want to get with older dudes.
In the article the author mentions that women in their 30’s feel like they’re too youthful for men in their 40’s and I think that’s true. For one thing; while older men have an amazing innate ability to make you feel dainty and ladylike just by their very presence, they also have a tendency to make a woman feel….juvenile. Let me tell you another story. Many years ago I went on a date with an older man I’d had a crush on since I was about sixteen. We had a great time, until the end of the date when he brought me back to my sister’s house and I invited him to come in. When we got in the house, my sister’s DJ boyfriend was in his studio playing records. He put on Masta Ace’s Top 10 List, which starts with the words “At 8 you’re a sucker/7 a motherfucker” screamed loudly and repeatedly. My sister and I leapt out of our chairs, gunshots inna de air, prancing around the room rhyming along with the song. Old man was sitting on the couch looking at us with something approaching disgust. He clearly wasn’t interested in hearing “10,9,8,7,6,5,4/3,2,1 reasons [he’ll] never be this raw”.
See this is the thing. I might not have the
stupidity innocence of a woman in her 20’s but I’m still pretty youthful. I still get giddy over dumb shit like Gossip Girl. I like to wear skimpy clothes in the winter time if I think I’m going to be run into my favourite hot boy. I’m a little older and wiser but I still have a fair amount of growing up to do. All of which usually makes my older man just….shake his head at me. And maybe it’s with affection but it feels like judgement. So I reign myself in a little, I don’t bray in outrage when Chuck cheats on Blair for the millionth time and I don’t regale him with stories of the ratchedness I saw on Twitter today because he doesn’t “get” Twitter (that’s another thing – older men aren’t as heavily plugged into social media, which makes it harder for me to e-stalk them us to relate to one another). After a while it just gets exhausting having to be the grownup version of myself.
The other thing about older dudes is this: they are assholes just like younger dudes. Even worse actually. Because unlike men in their 20’s and 30’s who usually come out of the gate with some kind of low-key shitty behaviour, older men lull you into complacency with all their manners and chivalry and sweet talk before they do some fucked up shit
like break up with you over email or airing your relationship issues in the comments of your blog and the whole thing goes left. And because the craptastic behaviour comes out of nowhere, you’re totally blindsided and unprepared for it. Which makes it way more upsetting and way more difficult to get over.
Then of course there’s the sex. When it comes to sex, older men win in only one regard: they tend to not be bothered by
how many men you’ve been with before him dumb shit that can send younger men running for the hills. That’s it. Oh and older dudes stay on their #foreplayshit, but you guys know how I feel about excessive foreplay right? Yawn. Other than that…let’s just say if you get Viagra-free sex, you’re winning. And while a man in his 30’s can occasionally pull off round two if he’s moved enough, you can forget about that shit with the forty-plus man. It’s strictly one and done with these guys.
So that’s my take on older dudes, what about you ladies? Have you dated a man over 40? What do you think? Men – how do you feel about being an older man? How do you feel about dating older women? Speak on it in the comments.