I Wish Someone Would: The Narcolepsy Edition

man_sleeping

 

And we’re back with another edition of I Wish Someone Would. This is a good one. Ready? Let’s begin.

Okay so Man and Woman meet. They talk on the phone, they get together a few times. All signs indicate the chex is imminent. Woman undertakes all the typical pre-sex grooming rituals. Man does whatever it is men do when they know they’re about to bone a chick for the first time.

The big day arrives. Man and Woman get together, they hang out. They indulge in a few cocktails during their pre-sex conversation and then retire to the bedroom. Foreplay ensues. Woman breaking my #1 rule of no first-time mic checks descends to her knees and begins to suck Man’s brains out through his penis. She looks up at his face; expecting to see his eyes rolled back into his head in unparalleled ecstacy but instead finds them closed. His head is also tilted back at an angle that seems to indicate slumber more than the best head of his life, but she perseveres because NO WAY can Man be sleeping while he’s getting the blow job to end all blow jobs. Until she hears a faint sound beneath her moaning. Woman pauses in her ministrations to be sure she’s hearing what she thinks she’s hearing. Yup. He’s snoring. Man has fallen asleep.

Can you imagine? I WISH a man would fall asleep with his dick in my mouth. Maaaaan I would bite that shit off faster than…I don’t know what. But with a quickness. Of course one does have to wonder whether Woman’s head game was really on point if Man could have dropped asleep. But regardless. That is just rude!

So tell me ladies and gents what would you do? If you were giving someone head and they fell asleep would you cut his/her ass in both the literal and figurative senses ever see or speak to him/her again? If you were the one who fell asleep would you think you were justified? How profusely would you apologize? Speak your piece in the comments.

Oh and I have an update for you guys on last week’s scenario. Would you believe that Woman called Man up a week later at 1:30 in the morning asking if he was home so she could come over to bone? And yes – that trifling hoe still has a boyfriend. Can you believe it? He didn’t let her come over though; probably because he knows that if he did I would write about him like a dog I am so proud.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 25

  1. Woman from last week: What the FUCK? Smh is the only acronym (besides WTF) that can describe how I feel about that scenario. Now on to the one at hand:

    Narcolepsy.
    Because I’m pro mouth hugs, If homie fell asleep while inside my rima oris, I would be offended. I think I’d have to find some way to get over it Because there is NO WAY..i RE-PEAT..NO WAY that my suckity sloppity whoppity is not on point. FUCK that. because maybe he had a really long day and I need to keep at it like my name was Hoover & suck him awake. Maybe he got rid of his first nut at home & is extremely tired. Sleep it off. -_-

    If I fell asleep under someone’s mouth…yeah, that’s not happening. Unless there’s an oral lullaby that’s made orally and especially for Suki.

  2. fixedwater says:

    hmmm, i have received lullaby licks head so good i could have fallen asleep before but never actually nodded off b/c it IS RUDE. if i were the one providing the pleasure and a dude fell asleep on me, it had better be after he’d done me. i’m just saying that would be the only way he’d have a chance in hell of feeling my sugar walls i’d ever speak to him again.

  3. Marie says:

    The scenario is funny, I can’t believe it happened to someone.
    In case this is not fictional, she should STOP giving head NOW.
    However if she really likes it she can read your article (I can’t find the link anymore…), ask her male friends etc…

  4. Yoles says:

    Woman from last week is just unbelievable… God was right when he didn’t make me a man because i would be grimy.. i would have let ole girl come over, gave her the master stroking and told her to leave because she got a man and shouldn’t be spending the night with me… but again God knew better and made me a woman.. whomp whomp

    as for the sleep inducing fellatio… nah, i don’t believe that either? how many drinks did said dude have? i’m not a man but even when the head is wack there is still the conquest of new toto to get to so shouldn’t he have just stopped that jaw action and moved onto the next step?? i can’t say it was her skills or lack thereof, maybe he does have narcolepsy or some other medical issue… i need more details… what did she do? what did he say once he woke up?

    1. max says:

      All I know is the dude blamed it on the fact that he’d had a lot to drink. And knowing him, he probably apologized but not profusely.

  5. RedLady821 says:

    Max your blog makes me chuckle…No, I have never had that happen to me and if it did happen to me, I would probably be SO OFFENDED! I really don’t think that gf’s head game was as on point as she thought it was.

    If I was with a man and he fell alseep while I was doing that I would be tighter than tight. I probably would stop speaking to him — that’s the best I can muster.

  6. TheLeoGrl says:

    “He didn’t let her come over though; probably because he knows that if he did I would write about him like a dog I am so proud. ” – i bet he did let her come by and he knows he can’t admit that to you Max! *grin*

    Loving your blog girl!

  7. William Templar says:

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    Sorry to say, I did once. It was 7AM and I drove half an hour of country roads, after NUMEROUS Extra Old and Cokes…………….

    Just cause I had promised her the knob….

    But after I realised I was nodding off, I stopped her.
    Still not forgiven me to this day

  8. Mel says:

    This happened to a good friend of mine and I told her she better not tell anyone else that story. So embarrassing. This has never happened to me but if it did, best believe I will wake the dude up with my teeth.

    Then again, one of my other gfs has fallen asleep while getting the pumps, something I can imagine either.

    Note to all the dudes out there…don’t try to get with my girls cuz they are apparent lame in bed.

    NEITHER OF THESE HAVE EVER HAPPENED TO ME. Just making that clear. Hahaha

  9. PKGM says:

    High end comedy right here!!! HAHAHA! If I continued to deal with him, I wouldn’t let him live it down. I would clown as often as possible–especially since I didn’t get mine!! Hmmmmpth!!!

    Max I can’t stop laughing!! Pre-climax sleep has only occurred when we (or individually) have been too drunk to even kiss each other correctly. LOL! But just suh…sleep? No sah!!! LOL!

  10. Starita34 says:

    …and now that I’m all warm and fuzzy inside, let me address THIS shullbit right HERE! lol

    First, I’m a complete hypocrite, let’s get that out of the way…I have fallen asleep while receiving…but is wasn’t really working for me. So I guess I’m not a hypocrite, because the reason that this would infuriate me to no end is that it would mess with my world view.

    Let me explain. In my world view – I give the best head ever given in this life or any other; and the only acceptable explanation for you being unconscious is because you’ve literally died from amount of pleasure that I’ve brought you (I’d accept a pleasure coma-with a note from a doctor; but you were so overcome with pleasure that you took a nappy? Maaaaan, EFF you and the horse you rode in on.)

    So if you fell asleep, then I wasn’t really knocking your socks off, and for that unforgivable, egregious silent accusation; you my friend are excommunicated. No longer exist. No bodily harm, because how can I harm a nonentity?

    Errrrrr, I’m angry just THINKING about the gall it would take for a man to fall asleep while I’m gettin’ the ‘Tussin from him. No. Sir!

    1. max says:

      You fell asleep while he was eating at the salad bar? Let me guess – he forgave you right?

      I have never fallen asleep during any chex act, but I have fainted. Twice. Which I think can be construed as a good thing.

      1. Starita34 says:

        Of course he forgave me, lol…he tried to prove himself the next time…still whomps.
        In completely related unrelated news, that was the last time he was granted any access whatsoever.

        Fainting would be accepted. Knee buckling is encouraged. “Damn girl!”, random obscenities, stuttering, wide eyed wonder, pulling me off it with my hair because you can’t take anymore, running away like Mr. Marcus did from Supahead, passing the eff out afterwards, even being a little scared (true story) = all okey mcsmokey. :-)

      2. Starita34 says:

        Know what’s almost as bad? Watching TV…I say this because that’s what I did right before taking my midcunnilingus siesta… If I look up and you are anything less than at the heights of ecstasy, fighting to maintain your composure; I’ma be offended. Right or wrong, that’s how it is. #IGotThatGoodIsh

        1. max says:

          I don’t know. I’m not always mad at a man watching TV….what’s a halftime blow job if he’s not watching the halftime show? Just a regular garden-variety blow job.

        2. Starita34 says:

          *lays down her king* “Half Time Blowey” implies that the game is on so, you got me there. That is an acceptable time to watch the TV…but I’m still gonna need it to be a lil hard for you to concentrate…I’ve got a rep to maintain. World view and all… ;-)

  11. average chick says:

    Unfortunately the same thing happened to me. I NEVER had complaints about my skills before this horrilbe incident. All I could do was stop and watch TV. It did hurt my ego till the next guy I met. Then I knew it was him and not my skills.

  12. Starita34 says:

    Oh and that triflin’ heifer old girl from last week…we all saw that BS from a mile away, you don’t get into bed NAKED with a dude for nothing. Crazy, cheating slag giving us all a bad name…

    Props to your boy. When a man learns that all pucci isn’t good pucci, an angel gets it’s wings…or some corny thing like that…

  13. streetztalk says:

    The woman from last week is a grade A whore.

    I know ppl whove fallen asleep during sex (drunk swindle) head? IDK chief thats crazy.

  14. Southern Poise says:

    WOW, falling the sleep, not acceptable… but a definite nip at the tip…would be STRICKLY ENFORCED….

    1. Southern Poise says:

      OK…just finished last week’s scenario….WTF???? ARE YOU SERIOUS??? ok, that was some DUMB B*TCH-A**NESS going on right there. Where dey do dat at??? NO, she would have to go. In my Ceddy voice, “I wish a MF would… ??”

  15. keisha brown says:

    my name is keisha brown and i’ve had this happen to me.
    it was alcohol induced.
    trust me when i say it was the biggest -40degree, 140KM/hr wind hurricane katrina tsunami bitchslap ever sexually (actually.. prob the 2nd) – i didnt take it personal past that moment because a) alcohol is a depressant b)we know that a man can get hard with a light breeze he can also go soft for a myriad of reasons as well.
    that and he was wack anyways.
    i in no way ever assumed it was me..cuz well.. lets just say the rest since..were satisfied. no money back.
    *in forrest gump voice: and that’s all i got to say about that.

  16. luxemansion579 says:

    Awwwww FAWK no….I don’t know what I would do if that ever happened to me…I do know though that if we were at my place it would involve me shoving his s**t into his arms and telling him to get out of my bed and my house…

  17. Perry Delva says:

    One of the many problems that some narcoleptics experience is cataplexy, a sudden muscular weakness brought on by strong emotions (though many people experience cataplexy without having an emotional trigger).^*-`

    Our very own blog
    <http://livinghealthybulletin.com

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