I Tried it. And I Liked it.


As I mentioned somewhere around here recently, I wasn’t always a dirty bird. I know – it’s hard for me to believe too but it’s true. Until I was about 25 I was pretty conservative about my ish. No dirty talk, no doggie style, and I swear if someone had tried to choke me in those days I would have been screaming for the police.  Thank goodness a certain asshole man I still can’t believe I wasted three years of my life with turned me out I grew out of that.  Nowadays the list of things I am categorically opposed to trying is pretty much confined to acts involving excrement, and I’m okay with that. But had I not opened my eyes at some point I would have missed out on the singular joy of some pretty epic orgasms sex acts that would have had me recoiling in horror in my innocent days.

Sex with the lights on

Like most women I had my phase where I would only do it in the dark and didn’t want him to see me in all my naked glory. But please believe I grew the fuck out of that. So if any of you are still holding on to this bullshit notion that you can’t fuck in the daylight because you’re self-conscious about your bodies, please seek therapy and take a vow of celibacy until you resolve your issues. Sex in the light when you can see everything in exquisite detail is such a beautiful thing that it makes sex in the dark seem pointless. Except of course we know that no sex of any kind is ever pointless. 

Silent sex

As some of you may know, my biggest sexual pet peeve is a silent man. But that’s only if he’s being quiet while I’m being loud like I usually am. In that situation, silence is not hot. However. There is something effing hot about sex when you are both being silent and all you can hear is the sounds of uglies bumping against one another. It may be the fact that this type of thronx usually occurs when you’re doing it someplace you’re not supposed to be and/or there is imminent danger of being discovered. Either way, silence when slamming can be golden. 

The younger dude

I used to be vehemently opposed to younger men. I didn’t think a man in his twenties could do a thing for me but squeegie my windows. And I don’t have a car. Then I met one that convinced me otherwise. The story of the first time we got down n dirty goes something like this: he came over, gave me a massage, ___ my ___, ___ my ____, then he ____ my ____ and he left. I didn’t have to do a damn thing. Not that I publicly advocate being a starfish during sex on a regular basis, but a man who has enough youthful energy to not mind putting in all the work is a nice treat every once in a while. Plus you know what you get from younger men that most older dudes can no longer provide? Round two. FTMFW. 

The Tossed Salad

Whenever the subject of tossed salads comes up people want to know if I’ve given or just received it and I’m not telling I say the same thing I was told when I first heard about it: don’t knock it til you try it. Trust me on that. 

Sex with an audience

Before I ever experienced this, if a man had suggested it to me my response would have been a big fat hells to the no. But I was once #swindled into this and it made me a believer. It’s like this: you know the feeling you get when you’re putting it on someone and you look at their face and you can see exactly how good you’re making them feel? Well you get that plus you have someone watching you and wishing they were the lucky one who was getting it from you. Trust me – being the object of envy gets your mojo rising higher than Jim Morrison’s. 

But what say you guys? Were there acts that you didn’t think you’d like until you tried them? Is there anything you haven’t done because you’re convinced you won’t like? It’s Friday – overshare your little hearts out in the comments. 

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 58

  1. I’m not even gonna. I did enough oversharing. But since you insist…

    Exit only. Audience. Recording. In my ear Molly wopped. Upside down. Red lights. 3s a crowd

    1. max says:

      Sukez it disturbs me that you are like 15 years younger than I and I have no idea what half that shit is.

      1. 15 years? Really..? Hmm. And come onn. I just didn’t wanna put the actual terms. You know what all of those mean. exit only? anal. audience? you’ve done. 3’s a crowd & upside down? too obvious? Red lights? I should have said monthly red lights.

        Lmao Molly Wop is the zinger. It’s so simple but the name is funny.

  2. Starita34 says:

    Yay Friday! I’ve waited for you all week baby! I may have kicked it hard with Wednesday, but you know you’re my Main, I swear he’s just a friend. I know you’ll just leave me again for that bitch Monday, but I just can’t quit you; and even though sometimes it seems like it takes forever, I know this good good will keep you you always come back.

    TOE SUCKING! Never sounded all that intriguing, till dude took it upon himself to suck heartily on the tootsies. Wow…what else can you suck and make it feel that good?

    ANAL- don’t know if it was media, propaganda, other girl’s talking, prison rape or what, but I used to always cring and think “ouch!” when anal was even mentioned…then a young enterprising dude threw a shocka my way and changed my everloving tune!

    RUFFFFF – watching p0rn as a young completely innocent girl, I thought it looked oh so violent and painful for the women…now ya can’t hardly pull, spank, slap, dive, bite, or choke me hard enough.

    I’m sure the other ladies’ll have some gems for me to cosign 🙂

    Perhaps next week can be things you thought you’d like but were #EpicDisappointments beginning with cunnilingus.

    1. Starita34 says:

      “cring”? Seriously? *sigh* Kindly insert “cringe” where the overly excited, so sexually frustrated that this is the biggest post of her week, drooling at the thought of a little naked tug and pull, ignoramus said “cring” above…

    2. Southern Poise says:


      Conjures up something intense… nerve endings that you never knew you had…

  3. Kema says:

    Hmmm… I’ve never had an audience. But I love public places. The thrill of getting caught!

    I have tried anal and I do not like it. But a finger is ok especially during cunnilingus.

    1. Southern Poise says:

      “I have tried anal and I do not like it. But a finger is ok especially during cunnilingus.”


      1. fixedwater says:

        YES!!! the only thing i get from that is gas. And its hard to be cute when you cut one, it kinda ruins the moment.

        1. SOUTHERN POISE says:

          not sexy…lol

  4. Alovelydai says:

    I wouldn’t mind keeping the lights on but I prefer to keep my eyes closed most of the time. I find everything more pleasurable when eyes are closed or blindfolded. So being in a well lit room eyes shut would seem weird.

    I cosign everything else. Except the younger man. Never tried that. Hmmmm…

  5. melissaaaaaaa says:

    i will try almost anything. i don’t believe in saying no before at least trying. and i tend to like most of the things i’ve tried: backdoor, public places, my parents house, filming, stripclubs and strippers….and a few other things i can’t say because you know me in real life. hahaha…..

    the only thing i can’t get with (right now, anyway) is getting it full on with another woman. i don’t want to touch another girl’s bits. but she can touch mine. cuz i can close my eyes and think it’s a dude. haha….

  6. Reecie says:

    I’m good with this list except the audience. haven’t ever had one and I’m not really interested…

    but I used to loooooove me a young guy. *whew* I agree with Star on the toe sucking as well, feels great… never done anal either, but I would/will. maybe. lol

  7. NotMyVirginEars says:

    I’ve done everything on this list except the tossed salad. I feel like I’m missing out.

  8. I tried it and I didn’t like it…

    This b*tch is Cali punched me in the face. And I shoulda known some sh*t was up because she said Brian Pumper and her go way back.

    S*x on the beach. Sand just ain’t sposed to go everywhere.

    Once had a situation in a hot tub go down, wasn’t really that mad about it until the breezy tried to swallow under the water. Like that was cool. Until I thought about how many other dude’s had probably done the same thing in this here hot tub.

    1. Starita34 says:

      I’m pretty open, but if anyone EVAH thinks about donkey punchin me, they’ll leave sans balls. Point blank.

      1. max says:

        I confess I’m mildly curious about donkey punches. I wonder if any girls actually like it.

        1. Starita34 says:

          I have a guy friend that swears that this girl he smashed just loved it, but my #swindle-dar was beeping like a street pharmacists pager on the first of the month in 1987. 0_o You need more people and no I will not let you “show me”.

  9. LaLaBakir says:

    I didn’t think I would like the salad tossing, but it felt good,lol.

    I don’t know about toe sucking. I don’t think I’d like that. Or anal. No one can convince me that sh*t feels good. I’m sorry. That would be a week long project and dude would get fed up. I’m not saying I’m opposed to it, but it’s not on my to do list.

    And I know why: Health Class, year 2000. Mr. Crisafi told the class anal sex was an act of violence and there’s no organs back there for it to feel good. That the anus was for exiting not entering.

    Add to that the fact that my then BFF told me when she went to #2 the day after she did anal, blood was in the toilet.

    Yes, I’m shook.

    1. Sam Sharpe says:

      Mr. Crisafi gets a fail. How much you wanna bet his sex life with the Mrs. was stale, but on the side he was paying some prostitute to F*** him in the ass while he called her mama…then he felt so guilty about it that he went to church twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday and felt the need to tell kids anal play was bad….

      …but I’m really just speculating here.

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        LOL!!! You’re comment made me think of a character from this show, Boardwalk Empire

      2. Starita34 says:

        I feel like you know Mr. Crisafi personally, cause that sounds TOO right.

        Why’d my dad teach my Sunday School class on the day it was on the evils of p0rnography…trying to straight faced tell me how terrible and evil it was. I’m thinking if these people know that my dad has the most extensive porn collection with toys, they wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face either.

        If someone’s not into anal Mr. Crisafi, cool. But let’s not miseducate our youth. Cause let some lil dude get his prostate stimulated and realize how great it is, then he won’t believe ish that Mr. Crisafi taught re: actually important stuff like condoms and birth control. Same as the demonization of marijuana. If you can’t make an argument against something with the truth then don’t bother.

        1. LaLaBakir says:

          Yeah, I agree that was some of Crisafi’s personal views mixed in with that message,lol

          But I’ll never forget that shit!

    2. Starita34 says:

      “I didn’t think I would like the salad tossing, but it felt good,lol.”

      To give? Meh. To receive? Divine. Surprised me too!

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        Oooo, to receive darling…to receive

  10. Sam Sharpe says:

    By the way maxie, you were in my dream last night.

    1. max says:

      Oh reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally? I hope it was pornographic.

      1. emti says:

        Didn’t you tweet recently how it turns you on when a man calls you Maxie?

        1. Starita34 says:

          That’s funny, I always wanna call her Maxie, but wasn’t sure how she felt about it…I’m not a man though…

          1. emti says:

            I call her Maxie and i’m definitely not a dude

        2. Sam Sharpe says:

          I just looooove, love, love calling her maxie. I’m sure it would feel and sound nice whispered into an ear after a serious round of “bed rattling, sweat inducing, this feels so good I’m about to pick baby names and china patterns” sex

          1. emti says:

            Mr. Sharpe talks a good game but I really have to wonder if he can back it up…;-)

      2. Sam Sharpe says:

        Let’s just say I know what you look like nekkid. With the lights on. At least in my dreams I do.

  11. Capricorn says:

    I feel like I’ve found my people. *sniff*

    As a radio show here says, the shaky thing. A good friend got me one for fun and I love it!!

    I haven’t had enough experience to like anal yet, but most of my partners have been larger than average and I’m five feet even so maybe that’s why. (How do I do the strikethrough?)

    Only had my salad tossed and that was. . interesting. In a good way.

    Sex in public places. Like a park during lunchtime. *whistles*

    And having my hair pulled, especially if we’re doggy style. Oh. My. God.

    When he orders me to do certain things whilst we are entangled.

    1. max says:

      “(How do I do the strikethrough?)” killed me dead. Just put whatever you want struck out in between these

      “When he orders me to do certain things whilst we are entangled.” Yes girl. Orders are hawt and I didn’t know about that until the first time I got one.

      1. Starita34 says:

        I think I thought I’d like domination. But I didn’t realize how much I’d need looooove it.

    2. SOUTHERN POISE says:

      Orders are sexy…..you ASK me to do something, it aint happening….you order me…it’s DONE.. WAIT…still on the fence about some thangs… We might need to talk through it first

  12. jessiejess says:

    Yes, the tossed salad. An old hook up and I got together for dinner over his crib. After chicken, rice and peas and rum punch, he finally tossed my salad. At first, It wasn’t something that turned me on, but I was a good sport and bent over. (Grinning) it was such a turn on….(Snapping out of it) I gotta find his number… Lol

    1. max says:

      Okay I have to rate a dude who tossed your salad after you ate all that. That’s a brave motherfucker right there.

      1. Starita34 says:

        MAX! Why was I thinking the SAME DAMN THING! LOL. A$$ play is grrrrreat. Tony. But there are rules and precautions. I’ma need a freshly detailed and empty tank to work with on both ends!

        1. max says:

          Yeah he clearly did not read my guide to tossing salad. I’m pretty sure I mentioned that. I mean, more power to him and everything but I would not be taking that chance.

  13. Southern Poise says:

    Max, we are soo similar in the past chex experience category. I too was, young, and cursed with the ‘good girls don’t do that’ syndrome. And yes, it was a young man (10 yrs my jr) that…ummm.. turnt-me-out… … I was 33, and fresh out of a 10 year long…long…. marriage, in a new city, and for some damn reason, I was only attracting these young ass men. Finally, I was like, “why the hell not?” I gave in, and IT….WAS….ON…..

    1. max says:

      It’s such a shame that young men are so damn unruly. They are such a win in so many ways.

      1. Starita34 says:

        *conducts search for this article for a guaranteed nice afternoon chuckle*

        1. max says:

          it’s linked in the post love.

        2. Starita34 says:

          *smh blushing*

          1. max says:

            Oh wait. That’s the one from before I found out how unruly they are. This is the one: http://max-logic.com/2010/04/28/older-women-101/

            1. SOUTHERN POISE says:

              I read the article >>>>>>”But to me, the whole point of the arrangement is to achieve the zipless fuck. Easy, no strings, no muss, no fuss. So why you young bucks must muss and fuss it up with your bullshit is beyond me. But stop it right now before I put your ass in the naughty corner.”

              **eHigh 5** and doing the big girl dance… Lol this was great.

  14. average chick says:

    I swear to muthaf@#kin g&d you are the f@@kin sh$T!!!!!!!!! I agree with EVERYTHING you wrote. Especially the last one with people watching.

  15. fixedwater says:

    thumbs up, max. isn’t it amazing how opening yourself up to more can increase your pleasure.
    sometimes we are long lost twins, except I was always a dirty bird. maybe that’s the scorpion in me.

    1. max says:

      It probably is. You Scorpios seem to take the the smut more easily. Libras need to get over their fixation on appearances first.

      1. We’re pretty much DFA. (if that’s an acronym for ‘down for anything’)

  16. keisha brown says:

    during my bday (aka caribana) weekend..i ended up with a dude/audience (although he too was occupied). ’twas hawt.

    my problem? there are many things that i’d like to try..but require trust. but if a dude has my trust and lust..he tends to be vanilla.

    until then..the young buck buckin me will have to do!

  17. streetztalk says:

    Quiet sex is awkward and scary, lmaoo

    Overshare Fridays is on n poppin lmao

    1. keisha brown says:

      i forgot to comment on that. forced quiet sex is EFFEN delicious!!!
      a) there is probably a scandalous reason for having to be quiet
      b) the soundtrack
      c) the fact that you work twice as hard to make the other person make noise…

      excuse me while T.R.O.Y….

  18. KayBee says:

    This is my 3rd (or 4th….or 7th) time visiting your blog; didn’t wanna be rude and show bad manners, so here’s my comment: hi there…

  19. VEE PAIN says:

    Well I must say *ANAL* may not be performed on me…. I refuse to *Toss* anyone’s salad. Who wants an *IRISH CREAMER* or a *Dirty Sanchez*? Not sure what they are but sounds degrading.
    I refuse to do an *ATM* I’ve never tried giving *oral* from behind *on a man*. May be a sign of devotion, and I am not quite ready to be obsessed (or at least show it). Never got kicks from having my toes sucked… And please believe, no man may cover my face with his sticky nectar….{{{NO wonder I tell men I am not a freak, and don’t proclaim to be}}} (in other news, having ur salad tossed is a dirty guilty pleasure!)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *