As I mentioned somewhere around here recently, I wasn’t always a dirty bird. I know – it’s hard for me to believe too but it’s true. Until I was about 25 I was pretty conservative about my ish. No dirty talk, no doggie style, and I swear if someone had tried to choke me in those days I would have been screaming for the police. Thank goodness
a certain asshole man I still can’t believe I wasted three years of my life with turned me out I grew out of that. Nowadays the list of things I am categorically opposed to trying is pretty much confined to acts involving excrement, and I’m okay with that. But had I not opened my eyes at some point I would have missed out on the singular joy of some pretty epic orgasms sex acts that would have had me recoiling in horror in my innocent days.
Sex with the lights on
Like most women I had my phase where I would only do it in the dark and didn’t want him to see me in all my naked glory. But please believe I grew the fuck out of that. So if any of you are still holding on to this bullshit notion that you can’t fuck in the daylight because you’re self-conscious about your bodies, please seek therapy and take a vow of celibacy until you resolve your issues. Sex in the light when you can see everything in exquisite detail is such a beautiful thing that it makes sex in the dark seem pointless. Except of course we know that no sex of any kind is ever pointless.
As some of you may know, my biggest sexual pet peeve is a silent man. But that’s only if he’s being quiet while I’m being loud
like I usually am. In that situation, silence is not hot. However. There is something effing hot about sex when you are both being silent and all you can hear is the sounds of uglies bumping against one another. It may be the fact that this type of thronx usually occurs when you’re doing it someplace you’re not supposed to be and/or there is imminent danger of being discovered. Either way, silence when slamming can be golden.
I used to be vehemently opposed to younger men. I didn’t think a man in his twenties could do a thing for me but squeegie my windows. And I don’t have a car. Then I met one that convinced me otherwise. The story of the first time we got down n dirty goes something like this: he came over, gave me a massage, ___ my ___, ___ my ____, then he ____ my ____ and he left. I didn’t have to do a damn thing. Not that I
publicly advocate being a starfish during sex on a regular basis, but a man who has enough youthful energy to not mind putting in all the work is a nice treat every once in a while. Plus you know what you get from younger men that most older dudes can no longer provide? Round two. FTMFW.
Whenever the subject of tossed salads comes up
people want to know if I’ve given or just received it and I’m not telling I say the same thing I was told when I first heard about it: don’t knock it til you try it. Trust me on that.
Sex with an audience
Before I ever experienced this, if a man had suggested it to me my response would have been a big fat hells to the no. But I was once #swindled into this and it made me a believer. It’s like this: you know the feeling you get when you’re putting it on someone and you look at their face and you can see exactly how good you’re making them feel? Well you get that plus you have someone watching you and wishing they were the lucky one who was getting it from you. Trust me – being the object of envy gets your mojo rising higher than Jim Morrison’s.
But what say you guys? Were there acts that you didn’t think you’d like until you tried them? Is there anything you haven’t done because you’re convinced you won’t like? It’s Friday – overshare your little hearts out in the comments.
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