How Safe is Your Sex?

Safe_Sex1

So I have a little story for you. As some of you guys know, in addition to this blog I also write a Sex Etiquette column on a site called PinkMafia.ca. One day I was chatting with my editor and we were throwing out post ideas. So being the dirty bird that I am, I brought up losing your anal virginity as a post idea. We were discussing various points and she was like “make sure you stress the importance of using condoms and how being on the receiving end of anal can put you at greater risk of contracting HIV”. I’m like *blank stare* um okay then. And never ended up writing that post.

I am many things on this blog – funny, dirty, stern, insightful, and even occasionally wrong well not really but it just seemed like I should say that. One thing I rarely am is responsible. And being that it’s World AIDS Day today and shit I figured a post about safe sex was in order.

Now because I am always somewhat honest with you guys, I will tell you that AIDS and safe sex are not things I really think about. Like, ever. I watched Gia on Sunday so I thought about AIDS a little bit but before that…yeah I have no idea when. I don’t know anyone who has AIDS, nor have I ever. Well not that I know of anyway. So it just seems pretty remote to me.

Which is not to say that I’m lackadasical about my ish. I believe in condoms (although I refuse to keep them in my house because they’re a jinx). I get tested once a year during my physical. And contrary to what you may have heard I don’t have questionable sex or a high volume of partners. So does that mean I’m safe? Not according to this quiz I took over at the World AIDS Day website. The thing damn near bursted a blood vessel telling me I need to get tested…even though I would have thought I was in the clear.  Which just goes to show that I should have done a better job of lying about my answers maybe I don’t know quite as much about HIV as I thought I did. I mean really, pretty much anything I have to say about safe sex is on that picture at the beginning of this post.

That being said I’m not even going to bother copying and pasting a bunch of facts about AIDS and safe sex…I’m sure plenty of other bloggers will be doing that today. So I’ll ask you – are you flopshow about safety like me or meticulous about your parts? How much do you think about safe sex?  Overshare as always in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 17

  1. Starita34 says:

    Meticulous about my parts, except when I’m not…
    I’m very informed, but to be honest I can’t imagine a world that involves a condomed blowey…*gas face* That sounds like no fun whatsoever…yes, yes, neither are diseases, I already hear the chorus. I really am not blase about protection overall. But I’ve had unprotected oral sex way too many times, that’s just the ugly truth. I know all the right things to say and do, but I haven’t always practiced what I preached. The one man that went in on the love below certainly didn’t use any cling wrap…

    Interesting tidbit: I’ve read that swallowing is actually safer than doing like the p0rnstars do and letting it chill in your mouth until you spit it out…your stomach acid kills whatever is in the spunk before it crosses the blood barrier.

    I do think about disease all the time though. Every time I’m with a new person I get tested. Every time I’m waiting for results I freak out that I would have contracted something. Every time I’ve been clean. Thank the Lord. My doc thinks I’m crazy paranoid, but you don’t have to have actual sex to contract a disease, just need a frothy frat boy shake and a mucus membrane or opportunistic microscopic tear.

  2. MsEsquire77 says:

    Good job, Max! I always love how honest you are :)

    I venture a guess that the majority of sexually-active people could be having safer sex. I know that I’ve made some questionable choices and have had bad practices in my past. Today is an excellent day to reflect, reassess and get an updated STI screening.

    AIDS is no joke but other diseases like herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. are also present and prevalent. Sex is awesome but not worth your health.

  3. B_P says:

    Good job Max! I appreciate this post greatly!

    As some of you know I work for one of the nations largest public health agencies. I educate youth ( adults too) about diseases and HIV and AIDs is rampant in our urban cities amoung young black people. HIV is the second leading cause of death for young Black women, ages 25-44. I met a young beautiful 22 year old mother that was HIV infected 3 years ago at a summit that changed my life. I decided then that I didn’t want to become another negative statistic.

    I have so much more I want to write but I am actually headed out for a presentation. Knowledge is power…that is not a cliche. http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/

  4. SmartFoxGirl says:

    I have to say I like your honesty. eWomen never want to admit to not using condoms. The truth is, once you are in a committed relationship, the gloves are off literally. I know that’s true for me. In a day when it’s nearly impossible to trust anyone, we really do take that “trust risk” with our partners but what else are we to do? Especially when you have consistent s.ex. Relying on having a condom all the time gets pretty unrealistic a few months in. THIS is why I’m so meticulous about who I have s.ex with. I have never had casual s.ex (I know this is rare) nor would I take the glove off with a man who wasn’t my man. I know this isn’t much of an insurance policy but I’m 30 and completely disease free and NOT promiscuous. I lost my point but cosign.

  5. Cheekie says:

    Thanks for writing an honest piece! A lot of bloggers write a list of statistics and while I appreciate and adore that as well (because numbers hit you with a blunt force), I think a more personal account on AIDS is needed as well.

    And in a committed relationship, I know condoms are far less likely, but I hope regular testing (together) is still a priority!

  6. emti says:

    Great Post Maxie!

  7. jessiejess says:

    thanks for this post max!

  8. Woman of Inspiration says:

    I am so happy to see Urban bloggers attack the topic of AIDS in a responsible way, I applaud you! I think we have all made questionable decisions in our past when it comes to sexual responsibility, but I am a firm believer in you live, learn, and grow.

    I have been in a 2 year relationship with my man, and we have s*x on the regular WITH a condom EVERY time. Is it hard when y’all are in the moment and have to stop to find the right protection??? Damn straight! But at the end of the day until we are both ready to say “I do”, neither of us wants to deal with an unexpected pregnancy (or worse) and are very meticulous about cleanliness. And yes we “BOTH get tested together”. Be smart and safe out there, it is so easy to get ‘caught-up’.

    Great post!

  9. Sukez says:

    Aww Max! ^_^ I’m glad you wrote this post. About time you let that nasty shit go lmao I kid (really, I do)

    I’ve had my crazy times but I still get grossed out at the thought of STDs, Is and the HIVs.

    A lot of people need to be aware but like Pete Rock said in his poem Truth Is

    But ignorance is bliss and niggaz love this so, niggaz take pride in not knowin

    1. Starita34 says:

      Kudos on the poem Suki, very apropos.

  10. SaneN85 says:

    I have to admit that I haven’t been as careful or consistent as I should have been with one person. This was only after seeing his very recent test results every time we reconnected as we both get tested faithfully. I still should have known better, especially how freaked out I was finding out that the ex-hubby cheated and was doing who-knows-what-kind of drugs. It’s just not worth it, especially when he could get tested in January, sleep with someone and contract HIV in February, and you get it in March. Especially considering that there is generally a 3 month period where HIV would not show up in tests anyways (hence the 6 months test that you take after exposure). No matter how recent the tests are, it’s still just not worth the worry and risk.

    However, I do get a full STI screening (including blood test like HIV and Herpes) at least twice a year (once in a while it’s 3 if I’ve had a new partner).

    1. Starita34 says:

      Great point! You gotta ASK for the herpes test! It’s not part of the regular screen…be specific! Tell them you want to be tested for E-V-A-R-A-Y-T-H-A-N-G!

  11. streetztalk says:

    Safe sex is the only way! Good shyt Max. Hopefully awareness is raised!

  12. SOUTHERN POISE says:

    Ironically, just tested. Clean bill of health! Great post!

  13. Matthew J says:

    I have to say I def. appreciate the honesty and I’m right there with you.

    I’ve grown comfortable going back and forth with and without condoms or even with a partner off the pill. The comfort stems for the belief that your partner would not step out on you or evidence that they are clean and you have nothing to worry about.

    The reality can be much different. Its really deceiving when you think about.

    I feel like some of us still look @ HIV and AIDS as something we would be able to physical spot out of a crowd. I mean we know differently but I feel like that idea still prevails. ” I would know if she has something”. That kind off sentiment.

    I find that once we have gotten to the level of comfort we tend to be more lax about the things we let slide.

    I def. Feel that there should be more open communication especially within the urban community because aside from the few off us having this open dialogue I don’t see it happening in many other settings

    Like you I have the platform to address the issue, so I’ll take this as a reminder.

    Thanks Max

    @thematthewj. – Letstalkaboutsexes.com

  14. Matthew J says:

    have to say I def. appreciate the honesty and I’m right there with you.

    I’ve grown comfortable going back and forth with and without condoms or even with a partner off the pill. The comfort stems for the belief that your partner would not step out on you or evidence that they are clean and you have nothing to worry about.

    The reality can be much different. Its really deceiving when you think about.

    I feel like some of us still look @ HIV and AIDS as something we would be able to physical spot out of a crowd. I mean we know differently but I feel like that idea still prevails. ” I would know if she has something”. That kind off sentiment.

    I find that once we have gotten to the level of comfort we tend to be more lax about the things we let slide.

    I def. Feel that there should be more open communication especially within the urban community because aside from the few off us having this open dialogue I don’t see it happening in many other settings

    Like you I have the platform to address the issue, so I’ll take this as a reminder.

    Thanks Max

    @thematthewj. – Letstalkaboutsexes.com

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