"Good girls say "no;" bad girls ask "when?""
I’ve talked a bit about my upbringing in here so you guys know I was brought up to be a good girl. And for a long time I was. After the fiasco of the busting of my cherry, I didn’t have sex again for two years and that was with someone I loved. And for a long time afterward, that was the only circumstance in which I had sex: in a monogamous relationship. I
almost never cheated. I kept track of how many times I swore in a day and strove to keep the number at zero. I rarely drank, never got high, and dressed modestly. I was a good girl.
Then some shit happened and I broke the fuck out.
The new Max isn’t much like the old “good” Maxine. I make it a point not to go two years without sex anymore; it does bad things to my disposition
not to mention my judgement. I still don’t cheat, but then again I’m single so who would I really be cheating on? I swear like a sailor and there isn’t enough fucking paper in the world to keep track of my curses. I still don’t drink or get high but given my fondness for going bra-free I don’t think we can say I dress all that modestly anymore.
But does this make me good or bad? I wasn’t sure, so I took to the internet for a little research.I wanted to see if I could find a definitive set of criteria that would tell me if I’m bad or good. I came across this quiz which told me emphatically and in no uncertain terms that I am a bad girl. Then I came across this article that basically said that bad girls are untrustworthy and expensive and selfish while good girls are boring, sexual duds, and don’t dress well. Basically a good girl is someone who wants love, romance, and sex with her guy. A bad girl wants the same thing with every guy. I want neither, so what does that make me?
If you asked the people I’m close to, some of them would say I’m a good girl. But that’s because they love me. To be honest, looking at me on paper might make a weak-hearted man run for the hills. I’m not exactly a bad girl, but I definitely ain’t good. And I’m okay with that. Life is more interesting on the bad-ish side.
But it seems that there is a contingent of women in the world and on the internets that aren’t so okay with us bad girls. It seems some “good girls” don’t appreciate us bad girls talking openly about our sexuality. It seems the blogosphere cannot discuss women’s sexual liberation without some
hating ass self-righteous good girl coming in and talking about how us bad girls have self-esteem issues. Or we’re hoes. Or we’re not classy. And while this might be the case when it comes to some bad girls, it certainly isn’t true for all of them. And even if it is, I don’t quite understand why these so-called good girls find it necessary to judge and villify them for it. I mean – if I read a blog post about a woman who is saving herself for marriage I don’t leave comments about her being frigid or uptight, do I? I let her stay there with her pink balls if that’s what she wants to do. So why are these so-called good girls running amok on the internets telling the bad girls to keep their legs closed?
Even when I was a “good girl” I was never too fond of the expression. I find it dismissive and divisive and to be honest, I don’t even really know what it means. I think that whatever antiquated and arbitrary criterion it was once based on have pretty much become extinct. Now it seems to be the exclusive domain of insecure men who want to marry virgins so they don’t have to feel self-conscious about their lack of sexual prowess and women who are uncomfortable with sexuality and hide their discomfort behind judgement and self-righteousness. And those are not clubs I choose to be a member of. Forget being a good girl, I’m aiming to be a good person. Or better yet (to paraphrase Meteor Man over on SBM the other day) I’m trying to be “a good woman that’s a bad girl”. I think I might make that my new motto.
But what do you guys think? Ladies do you identify as bad or good or somewhere in between? Do you care about these labels or are they played out? Men – I’m keen to hear from you on this. Do you categorize women as good girls or bad girls? Which are you looking for? Speak on it in the comments.