Your 101 Guide to Dating a Hot Boy

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Let me tell you a story. One morning not long before my ex and I called it quits we were outside taking out the garbage. We were late as usual so by the time we got to the end of the driveway the garbage truck was just pulling up. As we were frantically dashing the bags onto the corner of our lawn (they don’t get picked up if they’re in the wrong place) one of the garbage men gets off the truck to pick them up. He looked at my guy and was like “Yo [Name Redacted]! Is that you? Oh man what’s up?”.

That’s the kind of dude this guy was. We could not go anywhere without seeing someone he knew. Even the end of our driveway.

But that’s the kind of man I like. A hot boy. Or a sagabwoy as we Trinis would say. They don’t necessarily have to be the best-looking men but they have….wait for it…swag. Sorry – no better word to describe it. They know everyone, they’re confident. They dress amazing. They’ve been everywhere and done everyone everything. They’re larger than life. They’re superstars.

Unfortunately these looky looky (Hi Dr. Jay) dudes have some idiosyncrasies. And any woman who wants to date them without tearing her hair out had better learn how to deal with them. So here’s my guide to dating a hot boy:

They rarely introduce you

Hot boys know a lot of people, but even more people know them. So in addition to the fact that you can’t take more than two steps with him before you bump into someone who knows him, 9 times out of 10 you will be standing there extraneously while he chit chats idly with some fan. Now many women get antsy in this situation because a) they don’t like standing around observing a conversation and not being included and b) they feel like if the hot boy doesn’t introduce them it’s because he doesn’t want to claim them. Well actually that might be true. But then again it’s also possible that the reason hot boy isn’t introducing you is that he can’t remember the rando’s name. Either way, if you want to have a harmonious relationship with your hot boy you have to learn not to take these things personally. 

They’re busy

I think you guys know how I feel about this. But hot boys and busy go hand in hand. So if you need constant contact with your man and want him on 24-hour call, find a lukewarm boy because hot boy and available are opposites. 

Girls check for them

The thing about landing the guy that every girl wants is that girls don’t stop wanting him just because you locked him down with your head game. As far as these fast ass heaux are concerned, as long as there is breath in your hot boy’s body he’s fair game. So expect – and learn to shrug off – thirsty bitches playing him extra close everywhere he goes…especially if he’s within your eyesight. If you can’t say to yourself “he knows where his bread is buttered” and keep it moving you might want to downgrade to a facially-challenged dude. They get far fewer panties thrown at them. Unless they’re bloggers of course. 

They have to look good

The hot boy is not a get-up-and go kinda dude. He needs prep time and has wardrobe considerations just like you do. Once a man reaches hot boy status people are watching every move he makes so it’s important that he doesn’t fall off.  If you’re the type of woman who is unnerved by a man who uses more products than you do, or who won’t wear his baby blue polo because he wore it six Saturdays ago and he’s on a twelve-week cycle, you might want to miss the hot boy. 

And so do you

With all the time and energy your hot boy is putting into his sexy, what does he look like stepping out with you look all raggedy? That doesn’t make sense. So if you’re one of those women who worship the unholy trinity of sweatpants + no makeup + messy bun, don’t be surprised to get some gentle tips from your hot boy. He has a reputation to uphold and your au naturel look isn’t helping. 

Streets are watching…and talking

If there’s one thing people like more than watching a hot boy it’s talking about him. For every swaggerific dude walking the streets there are at least three panty meat dudes watching his every move and sending broadcast messages to the masses; truth optional. Be prepared to hear rumours about your dude and don’t be surprised when you hear some about yourself as well. It just means you’ve arrived, darling. 

So that’s my take on dating a hot boy, what do you guys think? Ladies do you love a hot boy or are they more trouble than they’re worth? Men do any of you consider yourselves hot boys? 

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 54

  1. Nick@Nite says:

    So, I go down the list and almost every trait you mentioned described someone I dated.
    We met in the 10th grade, when he was still rockin the Kwame “rock da polkadots” fade. So I knew him before he became someone. I guess that helps the situation because NOW, he’s a DJ (Max knows who I’m talking about) and with the exception of caring about what I wore, everything you listed has happened.
    I remember I went to a party in white cargo pants, a wife beater and white chucks and he still looked at me like I was the only chick in the room.. I guess it comes with the years of history.
    Now though? I’m not sure I can deal with a hot guy. I like to be a bit “get up and go” and don’t want a guy that’s more work than I am. I don’t want to be involved with the whole “my image” “i gotta look a certain way” type of thing..
    I ain’t got that kinda time..

    1. max says:

      I know exactly whom you’re talking about. And he is the epitome of hot boy.

  2. Melissa says:

    This is pretty much on point.

    Lol at “facially challenged” haha

  3. LaLaBakir says:

    I haven’t dealt with a hot boy in a while, although your list is right on point.

    Not sure if I have the capacity to date one now. Besides all of the hot boys that come to mind…don’t work in a ummm…legal field of business or are party promoters…and I just can’t with them.

  4. RedLady821 says:

    Girl he sounds EXHAUSTING! Actually my gf married a hot boy and 12 years later he’s the bane of her existence. She constantly tells me, “I never should have married his pretty ass!” He gave her 3 beautiful boys and he has 1 on the side from another woman. He earns a ton of money and really for the LIFE of him can’t understand why she has a problem with him supporting two families at once. I mean, after all, she doesn’t work — she has a good life and a beautiful home.

    He went on a road trip recently with my husband. My husband said he bought about $1,000 worth of clothes! I said, “For the kids?” He said no…FOR HIM! He said “I did not see ONE thing in there that was child sized” OMG! I’m laughing. Everyone knows him, everyone loves him. I can’t even stay mad at him and I know what he’s doing to my friend.

    I recently saw him at his oldest son’s football game. His son’s team was playing against my son’s team so we were on opposite sides of the field. I called his cell phone when his son made a touch down. I was late to the game. He answered and waved from across the field. I said “I’m late? How’s my baby doing?” He said, “I’ve been keeping an eye on that scrub. He did OK for 1 play, but tell him I’m coming over to that side if he doesn’t do better!” How can you not love him? He will treat your children like he’s one of his own and even gave my youngest a ride home when his wife had kicked him out of the house. I’ve never seen him stressed. But he’s handsome and can dress his behind off. He drives a Mercedes SUV. Hot Boy..Hot Man…Exhausting. Sorry for rambling on your site Max, but this was a good topic.

  5. Deeds says:

    I’ve def. dated a guy like that, but not for me. The whole thing seemed so surfacey and phony. Or maybe I just wasn’t the one to that he wanted to get to know better. Well whatever it was, it’s not my cup of tea.

  6. Paddez says:

    You are so on point with this. It takes a special kind of girl to date this type of dude. You have to be confident & independent. He’s not going to want to do any “emo management” because you’re insecure he has lots of girlfriends or is on everyone’s most wanted list. All you can do is keep your shit tight and stay on your own game.

    1. max says:

      Exactly. It’s not for the faint of heart; but there are definite benefits to this type of dude.

  7. B_P says:

    My name is BP and I am attracted to hot boys. I think I dated the younger brother to Redladys friend’s husband. Hell, I almost want to ask his name. I have dated/been booed up with a few swaggerific dudes but there is one in particular I will talk about today. Lets call him Paul. I met Paul through a friend at his house warming party and the minute I laid eyes on him I was feening smitten. He is 6’2, 210 brown skin and had the smile like http://www.edwebproject.org/bali/gallery/pics/amed.sunrise.jpg. At the end of the night when he asked for my number my empty womb leaped because I wanted to have all of his pretty babies. ALL.OF.THEM. However, as we started to date and time went on his “swaggerisms” became too much. Yeah, he took me to some nice dinners and fun/beautiful places but he was always telling me what to wear, buying me clothes and critiquing my hair. Then the other women started calling at random hours. To this day he’d swear he never cheated on me but I ended up leaving him. He is a good person but being his women was drained my soul a little bit. Hmm, I wonder what he is up to?

    1. RedLady821 says:

      Hmm, I wonder what he is up to? *Laughing* Don’t do it girl. You left for a reason, don’t do it!

      1. B_P says:

        Deleting text I know, I know…LOL!

        1. max says:

          Do it and then come back and write me a guest post about it

          1. B_P says:

            He just replied to my text, oh goodness!

            1. RedLady821 says:

              Nooooo!

              1. B_P says:

                RedLady821, it was just a “how are you?”….nothing serious. :-D Although, that is how it all starts. Next thing I know I am tip-toeing in the tulips.

                1. RedLady821 says:

                  Exactly! A how are you can lead to dirty talk and then…omg….I trust you though BP!

  8. i guess i could be a hot boy. a lot of people (from all walks of life) know me. #tundeshit (shout out suki). that probably is because i’m well rounded and i get into a lot things. from hanging in the projects (they have the best hooping spots) to rubbing elbows with high class. you’ve described me in all of your points. sometimes it’s hard being me though. *shrug*

    1. max says:

      I want you to know that Suki jacked #tundeshit from me.

        1. max says:

          She did indeed. I coined that phrase in an email to her and she ran with it.

          1. Wonder woman says:

            I sent that tweet to twitter!! It said i duplicated it!! >_< eff u both on your tunde and max shit. I don't take credit for it.

            1. sheesh why so much sass? lol

              1. Wonder woman says:

                Lol. Bite me.

                1. such negativity. where’s the old suki?

  9. PKGM says:

    This post is all about my life! LOL! Now matter how I clown them I love dating hot boys! You know Jamaicans and their hotness! My goodness, it’s an addiction that is why I can’t seem to shake the one in my life now. Well, I am going to email this to him right now and I’m sure he will read it and say something like “Yuh dun know!” before continuing his online shopping. Ugh! LOL!

    1. B_P says:

      PKGM…your entire post was hilarity! Thank you!

    2. max says:

      There are no hot boys like Jamaican hot boys….those men will be the death of me!

  10. Starita34 says:

    but Maaaaax, they’re so pretty!! Please, please can I keep him!?? I’ll feed and water him and exercise him every day!

    I know this man. And I rebuke him til he wises up and wants to wife me.

    1. max says:

      Girl one thing I will never tell my readers is to stay away from a hot boy. Unless they’re weak sauce, which none of my readers are. Well, none of my female readers that is.

      1. damn way to play us though. lol

        1. max says:

          Oh come now. I only have one weak sauce male reader and it’s not you.

  11. funms says:

    Oh Lawd! why am i only attracted to hot boys? this post is on point…..no doubt i think i sold my soul for hot boys to the dating gods…..although, i get hurt most of the time…sigh

    1. max says:

      Every man I’ve ever dated has been a hot boy. I just can’t get it up for anything else.

  12. Wonder woman says:

    Anyway because i hate max on a new level hot boys are just that: hot. But they’re annoying at times. Two of them are mentioned today.

    I didn’t know you were trini.

    1. max says:

      What two were mentioned today?

      1. Wonder woman says:

        I’m not saying. =X

  13. How does one tell if he is even a hot boy or not..

    1. emti says:

      “He is 6’2, 210 brown skin and had the smile like http://www.edwebproject.org/bali/gallery/pics/amed.sunrise.jpg.” (c) B_P

      also when your empty womb leaps because you want to have all of his pretty babies “ALL.OF.THEM”

      yup that’s how you know

      1. B_P says:

        iDied!
        But I got a lunch date on Saturday though!

        1. emti says:

          you’re just asking for trouble

          1. BP says:

            You’re so right……

    2. max says:

      A hot boy is just hot! No way to explain it. It’s how he looks, how he dresses, how he moves, how he speaks…he’s just…HAWT.

      1. But my question is, how does a guy know if he is one?

        Seems like you need to be self-aggrandizing to be a hot boy…or do I have it confused? Can a modest guy be a hot boy?

        1. max says:

          No I don’t think you have to be self-aggrandizing and by the way the fact that you used that term made my love come down a little bit in fact I think that’s the opposite of hot boy behaviour; they don’t need to puff themselves up because they’re just innately confident.
          So confidence is one thing. The key thing actually. Being a mover and a shaker is another. Well-dressed, smart, well-read, well-travelled. Sexy.A lady-killer. Charming – charming is a big one.
          I don’t know – I think if you are a hot boy you definitely know it. But you don’t go around telling people.

  14. streetztalk says:

    This post screams at me!

    I know a majority of this adheres to me, but I’m far from high maintenance. I do know MAD people and have a hand in every circle #noIlluminati

    Biggest thing ladies is CONFIDENCE and SECURITY. If you dont have those than walk on by

    Fellas, if you are a “hot boy” make sure your lady doesnt have reasons to be insecure. Be a man and remind her of her positive qualities. never give her a reason to question or when she does, she’ll know shes line steppin in her head at least.

    1. max says:

      Streetzie is a hot boy but he’s a benevolent hot boy.

  15. keisha brown says:

    ah max….
    my brother is a hot boy. i saw the kind of foolishness i could put on over the chicks in and out of his life..so i vowed never to date one. and i haven’t.
    they are nice to look at, but they are like point toed stiletto shoes. sure..they are effen hot, turn heads, make you feel and look sexy..but usually dont last long (ha!) and aren’t worth the pain.
    i’ll eff the hot boy, but wont eff with him. ya feel me?

  16. Belle says:

    This was ooooon point! I was involved with one of these off and on for a while, my first and only, hot boy :/ and i have to say that I wasnt strong enought to deal with it. He sure did know how to break a spirit -_-

  17. Max I would turn gay for you. That is how much I have come to love this site.

    The end :)
    Shannon

  18. Caterpillar says:

    Once I went to see a band with a hot guy I barely knew this guy but we had a mutual friend and met over drinks. This hot boy was a teacher and he was the only one who wanted to see this new band that no one else wanted to see and I had a spare ticket, he was happy to pay for it and come with me. I was so disappointed after the show was over he left me to catch up with friends that he ran into randomly at the gig. Eventhough this wasn’t a date I thought he could do the courtesy of chatting to me a little about something we both had in common. Just wanted to share this storey with all of you because your article made me think of it again!

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