Your 101 Guide to Dating a Hot Boy
Let me tell you a story. One morning not long before my ex and I called it quits we were outside taking out the garbage. We were late as usual so by the time we got to the end of the driveway the garbage truck was just pulling up. As we were frantically dashing the [...]
Let me tell you a story. One morning not long before my ex and I called it quits we were outside taking out the garbage. We were late as usual so by the time we got to the end of the driveway the garbage truck was just pulling up. As we were frantically dashing the bags onto the corner of our lawn (they don’t get picked up if they’re in the wrong place) one of the garbage men gets off the truck to pick them up. He looked at my guy and was like “Yo [Name Redacted]! Is that you? Oh man what’s up?”.
That’s the kind of dude this guy was. We could not go anywhere without seeing someone he knew. Even the end of our driveway.
But that’s the kind of man I like. A hot boy. Or a sagabwoy as we Trinis would say. They don’t necessarily have to be the best-looking men but they have….wait for it…swag. Sorry – no better word to describe it. They know everyone, they’re confident. They dress amazing. They’ve been everywhere and done
everyone everything. They’re larger than life. They’re superstars.
Unfortunately these looky looky (Hi Dr. Jay) dudes have some idiosyncrasies. And any woman who wants to date them without tearing her hair out had better learn how to deal with them. So here’s my guide to dating a hot boy:
They rarely introduce you
Hot boys know a lot of people, but even more people know them. So in addition to the fact that you can’t take more than two steps with him before you bump into someone who knows him, 9 times out of 10 you will be standing there extraneously while he chit chats idly with some fan. Now many women get antsy in this situation because a) they don’t like standing around observing a conversation and not being included and b) they feel like if the hot boy doesn’t introduce them it’s because he doesn’t want to claim them. Well actually that might be true. But then again it’s also possible that the reason hot boy isn’t introducing you is that he can’t remember the rando’s name. Either way, if you want to have a harmonious relationship with your hot boy you have to learn not to take these things personally.
I think you guys know how I feel about this. But hot boys and busy go hand in hand. So if you need constant contact with your man and want him on 24-hour call, find a lukewarm boy because hot boy and available are opposites.
Girls check for them
The thing about landing the guy that every girl wants is that girls don’t stop wanting him just because you locked him down
with your head game. As far as these fast ass heaux are concerned, as long as there is breath in your hot boy’s body he’s fair game. So expect – and learn to shrug off – thirsty bitches playing him extra close everywhere he goes…especially if he’s within your eyesight. If you can’t say to yourself “he knows where his bread is buttered” and keep it moving you might want to downgrade to a facially-challenged dude. They get far fewer panties thrown at them. Unless they’re bloggers of course.
They have to look good
The hot boy is not a get-up-and go kinda dude. He needs prep time and has wardrobe considerations just like you do. Once a man reaches hot boy status people are watching every move he makes so it’s important that he doesn’t fall off. If you’re the type of woman who is unnerved by a man who uses more products than you do, or who won’t wear his baby blue polo because he wore it six Saturdays ago and he’s on a twelve-week cycle, you might want to miss the hot boy.
And so do you
With all the time and energy your hot boy is putting into his sexy, what does he look like stepping out with you look all raggedy? That doesn’t make sense. So if you’re one of those women who worship the
unholy trinity of sweatpants + no makeup + messy bun, don’t be surprised to get some gentle tips from your hot boy. He has a reputation to uphold and your au naturel look isn’t helping.
Streets are watching…and talking
If there’s one thing people like more than watching a hot boy it’s talking about him. For every swaggerific dude walking the streets there are at least three panty meat dudes watching his every move and sending broadcast messages to the masses; truth optional. Be prepared to hear rumours about your dude and don’t be surprised when you hear some about yourself as well. It just means you’ve arrived, darling.
So that’s my take on dating a hot boy, what do you guys think? Ladies do you love a hot boy or are they more trouble than they’re worth? Men do any of you consider yourselves hot boys?