5 Women You Don’t Want To Befriend
2010
Notwithstanding yesterday’s post, female friendship is a beautiful thing. Something special happens when women get together and it can be so intoxicating that sometimes we just want to add every woman we come across to our inner circle. Unfortunately not every woman is eligible for friendship status and I’ve learned the hard way that friendship [...]
Notwithstanding yesterday’s post, female friendship is a beautiful thing. Something special happens when women get together and it can be so intoxicating that sometimes we just want to add every woman we come across to our inner circle.
Unfortunately not every woman is eligible for friendship status and I’ve learned the hard way that friendship between two women with conflicting agendas can be a recipe for disaster. Like I mentioned yesterday, women can be catty and sometimes the urge to use inside information against a friend is stronger than the friendship itself. So though no one wants to be the kind of woman who can’t get along with her own kind, there are some women in life that a smart woman should run away from.
1. The suspected side piece
A few months ago a reader told me a crazy story about some chick she barely knew who suddenly got all hot and sweaty to be friends with her. Apparently the chick got the idea in her head that this woman had caught her boyfriend’s eye and so she thought….actually I don’t know exactly what she thought. I’m guessing it was some kind of “keep your enemies closer” type of thing though. At any rate, her attentions would have been better spent trying to rein in her man’s wandering eye. Befriending someone you think is pumping your man is only gonna result in making your man look extra desirable to someone who probably wasn’t studying him in the first place and you’re gonna expose yourself as the insecure psycho you so clearly are.
2. Your fuck buddy’s fuck buddy
Now I’m a huge proponent of being a grown up when it comes to these no-strings relationships. If I ever found out that one of my readers went apeshit on her fuck buddy’s fuck buddy I would be so crushed. There is no good reason on God’s green earth for you to get mad at some girl you don’t know who happens to be sharing a peen with you. That being said, there also is no reason on God’s green earth why you should be friends with this girl either; yet I continually get friend requests from my FB’s other jump-offs see women trying to make this friendship work. Ladies, recognize this for the #swindle that it is: she wants you to come to love her more than the penis in question so that you will fall back and let her have it all to herself. Don’t fall for it!
4. Your ex’s new girl
I’ll admit that I have become quite friendly with one of my ex’s subsequent girlfriends; but it was as a result of an extraordinary set of circumstances that I’m not gonna get into here. Regardless of how much I adore this particular woman, this is not a friendship that I can support. I mean I get the logistics of it; you and this man had things in common that he probably also has in common with her so it stands to reason that you would get along famously, right? Yeah maybe – but I still forbid you to do this. I can barely tolerate you being friends with your ex, being homegirls with his next is over-doing it. Keep the lines clean ladies.
5. Your boyfriend’s ex
Similar to the previous one, this is just a recipe for mess. I understand that it’s an appealing prospect to become close to someone who is well-versed in your man’s particular brand of bullshit, but please don’t go there. Befriending your man’s ex-girl is just an invitation for her to be all up in your nut. Then you’re gonna want to cry when you find out she’s cracking it. Just skip it.
6. Your boy’s girl
Now ladies we all waxed poetic yesterday about the joys of our male friends so I’m sure this has come up a time or two in your lives. I have a firm policy of no more than a hi, bye, and polite chit chat with my boys’ girls; and this has nothing to do with whether I actually like the girl. I probably don’t though. I never like any of my friends’ girls. This is to prevent me from being in situations where I am going to have to be disloyal to someone; which is inevitably going to arise. Just imagine if you befriend your male friend’s girl and he starts cheating on her and you know about it. Now you’re torn right? All of a sudden your puss brain is spinning with questions like should I say something? Should I play dumb? How am I going to smile up in her face when I know what her man is up to? He was my friend first but what he’s doing is wrong. No matter how you proceed you’re screwing over someone and coming out looking like an asshole.
What do you think ladies? Are there women that you automatically deem ineligible for friendship or are you more of an equal opportunity friend? Men are there men that you won’t hang with or is it a totally different ballgame for you? Speak on it in the comments.
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yea i’m staying far away from this one. lol
you pretty much covered them all..
I was talking to a friend tonight and I told him that I barely like people, much less people that come with too much overweight luggage..
The friendships outlined seem to possess a bit too much luggage from jump.
I started talking to this guy and this girl that liked him was pressed to be my friend.. Overtly so.. I knew this was her steez and she was so obvious in her wackness that I shut her down.. To this day, she calls me “the mean girl.” and looks scared whenever we’re in close quarters together at parties. That’s fine, I can live with that.. Not a problem..
I was friends with this girl in high school. Whenever she was absent from class, her boyfriend would try to talk to me, and out of respect I shut it down.. Later I find out that she was only my friend because one day he confessed to her that he liked me initially.. Once I heard that, then I started doing things out of spite..
That stairwell will never be the same..
But I’m grown now… (I’d like to think so)
Lived through #6. It involved my hubby’s best friend. He started bringing his side piece to “family” events. He literally brought his wife to a NYE event & then the side piece to a NYD event. Like the next day I had to act like I didn’t just see his wife. My hubby was the best man in their wedding. We were all (our friends) in their wedding!!! It was crazy. We had to pull him aside & say listen it’s all too much for us. You do your dirt by your lonesome. We can’t keep smiling up in your wife’s face. Another friend even told the side piece she had to leave b/c his wife was a good friend. Because of this I can’t be friends with another friend’s girl. She calls & wants to hook up & take the kids to the playground & I can’t. I know her man. I graduated high school w/ her man. Her man used to date my best friend. There is just no way that “girl friendship” would work.
Great post..as usual!
I don’t have any of the “friendships’ and never will. Who has the time and energy for all of that drama? I’m too old for that mess.
I will add your boyfriend or husband’s baby mama
#6(5) is the one that gets women in a lot of trouble. Its even worse with men. You have to worry about the “bros before hoes” manlaw and all that… crazy. I tend to be a centrist on this one.
“Are there women that you automatically deem ineligible for friendship…”
Yes, I cant hang with Debbie Downers. I had to x one of my friends a while back because she was so depressing to be around. Your day could be going well….until you talk to her. After a convo with her, you start looking at everything you didnt think about (or tried to forget) that is wrong or going wrong, making your day shot to hell. smdh.
Just imagine if you befriend your male friend’s girl and he starts cheating on her and you know about it. Now you’re torn right? All of a sudden your puss brain is spinning with questions like should I say something?
++++++++++++++++++
So wait… if it was your homegirl cheating would you fret about keeping your mouth shut?
This is never a problem for me or my crew. I know who my friends are. I like their GFS, some cases love. But Man Law literally wipes my conscious clean of any wrong doing. That is why a girl can never get the bachelor party nod. B/c only a dude can watch a man eff a sheep six hours before he says his vows and still look his wife in the face.
**don’t judge me**
“So wait… if it was your homegirl cheating would you fret about keeping your mouth shut?”
To be honest I’ve never been in this situation. For one thing I don’t befriend my girl’s men any more than I befriend my men’s girls. For another, I’ve never knowingly had a female friend who was cheating on her man.
But I don’t tell when it’s the boys so I doubt I would tell if it was the girl either. I just don’t like the feeling of cheesing in someone’s face and knowing that her man is making her look like a fool. I’ve been on the other side and it sucks.
I am gonna have to co-sign my dude there. Man law has to kick in! You dance with who you came to the dance with
I would never betray my friends like that….but that doesn’t mean I feel good about keeping my yap shut.
I guess men are more comfortable with playing that role than women are because they can see the other women in their plight…for men not so much
I think you stepped on my toes a little bit Max. #6 hit the nail on the HEAD. I’ve been in, around, up, down, and all through this one, on both sides. One situation:
*I played “accidental matchmaker” with two of my friends about 8 years ago, and things progressed between them. I knew that my male friend had a female roommate (according to him, he was “staying with a friend for a while”), but I’d known him since high school, so I didn’t think he was a slimy dude, and I didn’t want to interfere in their thing. Fast forward about 6 months… My female friend calls me and tells me that she got a call from him “roommate” saying that she was planning a surprise birthday for her “boyfriend” and that she got her number from his phone. Stories start getting swapped, calendars are compared..needless to say, my male friend is caught with his penis in more than one cookie jar.
My matchmaking days were done after that.
see I actually feel bad for this girl. She was just trying to do something sweet for her man and stumbled on to his affairs……
that being said stay away from my phone
Yowtch. She pulled the surprise party #swindle eh?
Yeah #6 is a big one for me. I learned it the hard way after spending way too many years listening to stories about what my boys were getting up to then having to cheese up in their wives’ faces like nothing was amiss. I felt so grimy. At least you were truly innocent in your scenario.
happened to me because i made friends with my man’s friend’s girl
so of course I knew he was cheating on his girl and when she found out i had nothing to say when she asked why I didn’t tell