See I’ve been operating under the misapprehension that men who do things like pretending to like a woman when you don’t, outright lying, or sneaking off in the middle of the night never to be heard from again, were doing such things because they were assholes. But apparently I’m mistaken. Apparently they do things like this to avoid the wrath of the crazy woman.
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a man say “I have done [insert egregious act here] before. But I had to do it that way because women go crazy when you [insert the normal grown-up thing they should have done instead of the egregious act]”, I’d be a rich woman. And if I was only hearing this excuse from jackass men, I’d be calling bullshit all over the place. But since I’m also hearing this from men whose intelligence and judgement I admire, there must be something to it, right?
Up until recently, I’ve been pretty much of the opinion that men use crazy as a euphemism for “vocal”. To me it seems as though any less-than-ecstatic reaction a woman has to anything her man does or says is grounds for having the crazy label slapped on her. In my mind, crazy has always been an excuse and a #swindle to rob women of their God-given right to react to the shitty things men do. No sane woman wants to be called crazy, so if getting angry when her man is 3 hours late to pick her up from work makes her crazy, then I guess she’s pasting a smile on her face and assuring him that everyone needs to spend a few hours sitting on cold cement in sub-zero temperatures. I’ve always thought that crazy is one of those qualities that a man actually wants in a woman until it becomes inconvenient for him. Then it’s suddenly a problem.
Confession: when I sat down to write this post my intention was to put out a scathing rant against all the men in the world who attempt to control women with their reckless and haphazard use of the label crazy. I was going to scream bullshit from the highest heights on any man who uses the word crazy to describe all but the seriously deranged acts committed by women. I was going to eat men’s food, hand them their hats, and show them the door. Or something like that.
But then I started thinking and I realized something…well, crazy. Most of the women I know say they’re not crazy and most of the men I know think that all women are crazy. Even to a math retard like me that doesn’t add up. Therefore I’ve come to the conclusion that men and women must have vastly different definitions of what crazy is.
In my mind – and the minds of most women I know – a woman achieves crazy status if she’s ever done one or more of the following:
1. Uttered the phrase “I called you 15 minutes ago and you haven’t called me back yet”.
2. Called a man to tell him to never contact her again.
4. Showed up at a man’s home unannounced and become furious when he asked her to never do it again.
3. Called a man to tell him she will never call him again.
5. Locked a man in her house.
6. Jumped on the hood of a man’s car.
7. Thrown herself on the ground and grabbed a man’s knees to stop him from walking out.
8. Gone through a man’s phone and called every person whose name she didn’t recognize to inquire how they know her man.
9. Afflicted bodily harm on a man.
10. Boiled a man’s pet.
In a woman’s mind, if she hasn’t done any of these things she’s obviously not crazy and her man is automatically not eligible to use the crazy excuse for any of the shitty things he does to her. But I have a feeling that men have set the bar for crazy way lower than this.
Now ordinarily I would try to speculate as to what constitutes crazy in a man’s mind, but today I’m not going to do that. I think that a man’s definition of crazy is one of those things that only men can tell us. So I’m going to leave it up to my dear male commenters to school us today. What officially makes a woman crazy in your eyes? What warning signs are there that she might go crazy some day?
When are you going to finally admit that calling women crazy is a #swindle to rob women of their God-given right to react to the shitty things men do? Do crazy women know they’re crazy or are we all deluding ourselves? Educate us oh wise ones.
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