Am I Crazy?

crazy-ex-girlfriend

See I’ve been operating under the misapprehension that men who do things like pretending to like a woman when you don’t, outright lying, or sneaking off in the middle of the night never to be heard from again, were doing such things because they were assholes. But apparently I’m mistaken. Apparently they do things like this to avoid the wrath of the crazy woman.

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a man say “I have done [insert egregious act here] before. But I had to do it that way because women go crazy when you [insert the normal grown-up thing they should have done instead of the egregious act]“, I’d be a rich woman. And if I was only hearing this excuse from jackass men, I’d be calling bullshit all over the place. But since I’m also hearing this from men whose intelligence and judgement I admire, there must be something to it, right?

Up until recently, I’ve been pretty much of the opinion that men use crazy as a euphemism for “vocal”. To me it seems as though any less-than-ecstatic reaction a woman has to anything her man does or says is grounds for having the crazy label slapped on her. In my mind, crazy has always been an excuse and a #swindle to rob women of their God-given right to react to the shitty things men do. No sane woman wants to be called crazy, so if getting angry when her man is 3 hours late to pick her up from work makes her crazy, then I guess she’s pasting a smile on her face and assuring him that everyone needs to spend a few hours sitting on cold cement in sub-zero temperatures. I’ve always thought that crazy is one of those qualities that a man actually wants in a woman until it becomes inconvenient for him. Then it’s suddenly a problem.

Confession: when I sat down to write this post my intention was to put out a scathing rant against all the men in the world who attempt to control women with their reckless and haphazard use of the label crazy. I was going to scream bullshit from the highest heights on any man who uses the word crazy to describe all but the seriously deranged acts committed by women. I was going to eat men’s food, hand them their hats, and show them the door. Or something like that.

But then I started thinking and I realized something…well, crazy.  Most of the women I know say they’re not crazy and most of the men I know think that all women are crazy. Even to a math retard like me that doesn’t add up. Therefore I’ve come to the conclusion that men and women must have vastly different definitions of what crazy is.

In my mind – and the minds of most women I know – a woman achieves crazy status if she’s ever done one or more of the following:

1.  Uttered the phrase “I called you 15 minutes ago and you haven’t called me back yet”.
2.  Called a man to tell him to never contact her again.
4.  Showed up at a man’s home unannounced and become furious when he asked her to never do it again.
3.  Called a man to tell him she will never call him again.
5.  Locked a man in her house.
6.  Jumped on the hood of a man’s car.
7.  Thrown herself on the ground and grabbed a man’s knees to stop him from walking out.
8.  Gone through a man’s phone and called every person whose name she didn’t recognize to inquire how they know her man.
9.  Afflicted bodily harm on a man.
10. Boiled a man’s pet.

In a woman’s mind, if she hasn’t done any of these things she’s obviously not crazy and her man is automatically not eligible to use the crazy excuse for any of the shitty things he does to her. But I have a feeling that men have set the bar for crazy way lower than this.

Now ordinarily I would try to speculate as to what constitutes crazy in a man’s mind, but today I’m not going to do that. I think that a man’s definition of crazy is one of those things that only men can tell us. So I’m going to leave it up to my dear male commenters to school us today. What officially makes a woman crazy in your eyes? What warning signs are there that she might go crazy some day? When are you going to finally admit that calling women crazy is a #swindle to rob women of their God-given right to react to the shitty things men do? Do crazy women know they’re crazy or are we all deluding ourselves? Educate us oh wise ones.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 23

  1. *cracks knuckles* Let me open by saying – and most people know this – I like crazy women. I don’t know why, perhaps their irrational acts and willingness to express emotions, even if crazy, fascinates me, because I lack the ability to freely do so myself. Who knows.

    I also found your list of what constitutes a crazy woman to be pretty comprehensive. With that said, men’s bar, in my opinion, is indeed much lower. I personally think all women are crazy, maybe not by definition, but in the sense that I do not understand them. You just have to pick on a scale from 1 to 10 how much craziness you’re going to deal with – how hot she is on a scale of 1 to 10 usually runs perpendicular to this line. (I wrote a blog in this)

    In essence, I don’t understand how women act, I don’t understand how they react, and I don’t understand how they logically arrive at either conclusion because most of the time I can see no logic in it.

    I believe this is because women tend to approach situations from an emotional perspective (we can agree to disagree on this point); therefore, most of your actions will not make sense to me because I approach very little based on emotion. In fact, if possible, I will wait until my initial emotions subside so I can logically assess the situation.

    Is this a #swindle? I don’t know. I’m essentially labeling women “crazy” because I don’t understand them. I imagine most women don’t understand men either, and could therefore label men crazy if they wanted to. However, I think we’ve already monopolized this term. Sooooo, good luck with that.

    1. Alovelydai says:

      “I personally think all women are crazy, maybe not by definition, but in the sense that I do not understand them.”

      I think this pretty much sums it all up. It’s like the whole Venus/Mars thing, we will never fully understand each other.

      Also Max I think your list is on point and brings to mind that perhaps we should stop using the word crazy so much. Maybe insane or certifiable would hold more water.

    2. Lidia-Anain says:

      From the points you made above I truly think you haven’t ever truly dated a CRAZY woman. You just have dated emotionally underdeveloped and illogical women…you label them crazy because you don’t understand that.

      True craziness usually is an illogical emotional reaction to an illogical cause…at least that’s when I go crazy.

  2. Nick@Nite says:

    When Dave Chapelle gave his interview on “The Actor’s Studio” he said that he hated being called crazy (after the Africa move) because it’s dismissive. We slap negative labels on everything that we don’t understand. The things my mother doesn’t understand are labeled “weird” and I think it’s annoying.
    I realize that it’s more work than we’re willing to put in trying to understand each other. I also find that a crazy woman in bed is the catch of the century, yet when that same woman wants to kick out your taillights (which I have done) then you don’t know where it came from.. Which leads me to believe that ya’ll don’t know what the hell you want..
    then again, I’m ranting today, so I’ll be back in the morning.. (when I’ve slept..)

    1. Starita34 says:

      *nodding my head furiously at your 1st paragraph*

  3. Lidia-Anain says:

    I’ll start off by admitting that I am the most craziest, yes, I know that is improper English but it fits my inappropriate behavior. Have I done things I am not proud of when relationships have gone south? Yes. Many times.

    Like @WisdomIsMisery sees a pattern in his dating which reveals he likes crazy women…I see a pattern in mine which reveals I like men who bring the crazy out of me. I have since I first started dating picked mostly all the wrong men. If he was capable of sleeping with my best friend he was more than likely my boyfriend. If he was capable of having sex with me then minutes later driving down the street to have sex with the girl in my 7th hr class…he was my boyfriend. If he could grab a pregnant woman by the neck, shake her like a ragdoll, and hit her…yup, he was my boyfriend. All of those men were boyfriends of mine in my formative dating years.

    When, I went nuts over the first guy having sex with my best friend of several years I was labeled CRAZY for leaving nasty messages on their answering machines. Oh, how I miss the days of answering machines when you could leave a message that would actually get heard and usually by the wrong person! ::laughs like a mad woman:: When, I grabbed the white girl who sat in between my closest girlfriend and I in 7th hour by the hair and drug her from one end of campus to the other, then began to make a scene which culminated with me busting the boyfriend’s lip…I was labeled CRAZY. Let’s not even mention the wrath I suffered from the US Air Force for admitting that yes, I slashed all four of the exes tires when he got zero punishment from them for beating me…a pregnant woman.

    Now, I’ll admit I was much younger then. I did all that between the ages of 16 and 19. I tend to not let men bring the crazy out of me these days but there is ALWAYS that one guy who is extra special at pushing the crazy button. What is the fastest way to my crazy button lying because it does not allow me to make informed decisions about our friendship, business arrangement or romantic relationship. I hate liars!

    Again, I agree with @WisdomIsMisery…all women have some crazy in them! While some women will constantly nag about the dumbest things because their own insecurity won’t allow them to live peacefully others are sleeping monsters who go in for a clean kill when you wrong them. I am a sleeping monster. On the crazy scale I am a ten. Most men don’t fear the perfect crazy ten because most men aren’t committing the crimes that set us tens off. What men fear are the 1-6 crazies…who nag, whine, bitch and are constantly looking for things to get crazy over. These women enjoy arguing, hearing their own voices, orating about how perfect they are and he is not, male bashing in general and well, usually have never gone through any real pain in their lives. Women who know true suffering usually avoid drama.

    1. BP says:

      I enjoyed the honesty of your post. You brought up some very valid points regarding the men that women date that have the ability to push them to the point of craziness.

      1. Lidia-Anain says:

        Thank you. Although after I his post comment…I thought I was crazy for being so honest.

        Max, should do a post about irrational male behavior that brings out the crazy in women. Just like her list above…I’m sure she could come up with another list for men.

    2. Starita34 says:

      Disclaimer: I do not condon property damage as a means of conflict resolution.

      Buuuuuuut if you were to engage in any future tire slashing. Might I advise you to be sure to flatten only 3 of them, not all 4. Insurance will pay to replace them if all 4 were “damaged” but not if only 3 were. #ThingsIHeard #Evil

      1. Nick@Nite says:

        I didn’t flatten tires.. I busted out tail lights and wrote on the car.. in a thick sharpie.. I slashed her clothes and wrote a note to be discovered later in her drawer.. I dated it so that she couldn’t doubt me and the story.. Years later..
        him: There was just something about you..
        me: yeah, I know.. and those who don’t see it are stupid.. and i don’t deal with stupid..

        he named his son Raekwon.. (really?)
        but that was a long time ago..

        1. max says:

          He did NOT name is son Raekwon. Girl, don’t lie!

    3. CHeeKZHole says:

      you have a great concept on what men would qualify as crazy. and I love your scale system. I really do believe that point you made about people not really knowing pain who nag about everything.

  4. Diggame says:

    Crazy is irrational behavior plain and simple. For instance any insecure behavior vould be deemed crazy. This isn’t always just attributed to women but men as well. Love makes us all crazy in a certain extent. Moreover at the end of the day without any real idea of truly trying to understand the opposite sex than we will always say the person is crazy in general terms.

  5. Sam Sharpe says:

    Broad (and probably tired) generalization: Men don’t understand women. Women don’t understand men.

    Fundamental difference between men and women:Men recognize that women often see the world and react to it differently than we do and we accept that difference.We may bitch and moan about it with our friends, but we ultimately accept that difference. Women recognize that men see the world and react to it differently than they do, refuse to accept it, get together with their friends wondering why men can’t be more like them and go on Oprah to talk about it….

    Why the big preamble? Well, many if not most conversations I’ve had about gender differences can be boiled down (in my opinion) or understood with the aforementioned points. I’m constantly listening to women talk about how men don’t do this or men are so complicated or men are so simple or men are so immature or whatever….and there’s no room for discussion on the issue. The most enlightened of my female friends still use this line of reasoning when contentious issues come up in their relationships. And guess what? That’s when they are talking about things rationally. That’s when there has been sufficient time and distance from an event or incident for them to process information. Yet they are still spewing this nonsense. Imagine what that debate or conversation is like in the heat of the moment. Can’t imagine it? Well let me describe it for you:

    It’s crazy.

    1. Starita34 says:

      “Broad (and probably tired) generalization: Men don’t understand women. Women don’t understand men.” and it’s a man’s world. Therefore we are crazy.

  6. honestly i truly haven’t dealt with a crazy woman. i’ve seen crazy behavior though. when women place rational behavior for a brash and absurd demeanor i deem that crazy. now men can act crazy too. but since today we’re talking about women we’ll stick to that. all the examples you listed above would get a woman ex-communicated from my life with the quickness. number 9 is the worst thing you can do though. don’t ever put your hands on me.

  7. Sam Sharpe says:

    You know max, I was just going through your list again and realized that (using your numbering system) #’s 1,2,4,3 and 7 have all happened to me…Number 8 as well if you just count going through my phone and there was an attempted #9….

    ….not sure what that all means.

    1. max says:

      It means you’re the type of dude that drives women crazy. Which comes as no surprise to me.

  8. MsEsquire77 says:

    I’ve never done any of the things on your list. Even as a youth I knew I wanted to be a lawyer so I couldn’t take the risk… With that said, I define crazy as: any behavior that results from extreme insecurity and/or is criminal. Ex: property damage, stalking, snooping, trying to put “roots” on someone, etc.

    Sidebar: My absolute favorite line of this post is:

    In my mind, crazy has always been an excuse and a #swindle to rob women of their God-given right to react to the shitty things men do.

    Priceless, Max!!

  9. streetztalk says:

    yall b*tches crazy!

    lol

    good post max.

  10. Marie says:

    According to your article, I am SANE. I admit one man almost had me doing #9. Since I am not a violent person, I broke up with him and moved on. 1 ex was mad at me because I did not try to stop him from breaking up with me 0_0…. Why should I if a man does not want me ? I guess his ego was hurt . Looks like that one wanted a cray woman… Maybe he was crazy because he did #7….

  11. CHeeKZHole says:

    isn’t the defination of insane repeating the same action in the hope of a different result?

    If you are constantly nagging and annoying. Constantly calling my phone when you know I am not answering you are crazy. Max list is close to complete but she is forgetting several cases

    1)Repeating any unwanted action multiple times after being asked to stop
    2)Enraged Crying
    3)Manipulating a person’s words to into your own personal meaning
    4)thinking that a physical act means I owe you something.

  12. Iceburg says:

    LOLOLOL. I think you hit the nail on the head with this one I can honestly say I had 8 of those things on your list done to me by CRAZY women.

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