Don’t You Like Me Anymore?


As a perpetually single gal I’ve had a fair amount of dalliances with men. Some longer than others, some more hurtful than others, some more memorable than others. It would stand to reason then that I’ve also had a lot of break ups, wouldn’t it? But no – I can think of only a handful of times where I’ve been involved with a man and then one or the other or both of us has had a conversation that led to the end of our dalliance.

What I’ve had instead (besides a couple of disappearances) is a whole lot of drift offs. A drift off, as one of my favourite people recently described, is an “inexexplicable altering of the nature and direction of the relationship – signified by an abruptly sharp decrease in the amount and depth of our communication with one another” and it fucking sucks.

It’s not that I don’t recognize a man’s right to change the frequency/quality of his communication with a woman; it’s a free world and I suppose he has the right to do so. But what makes the drift off a dick move is that some point during the drift off process the woman is going to ask him point blank if his feelings have changed and he is going to lie.  He’ll tell her nothing has changed, he’s just been busy (I think you know how I feel about this). He’ll say his feelings are the same but he has family stuff going on. He’ll say he’s still feeling her but he just has a lot on his mind. He will give every possible explanation for the change in his behaviour except the obvious truth: he’s not feeling her the way he once was.

Now men, you know I love you but I don’t get why you do this.

Actually that’s a lie. I do kind of get why men do this. Sometimes it’s to retain pussy privileges. Sometimes it’s because they feel guilty that their feelings have abruptly changed. Sometimes their feelings haven’t changed but for some stupid reason they no longer want to show them. But most of the time men do this because they’re too chickenshit to just admit that they’re no longer into you.

Granted, there are a fair amount of women in the world who will ask a question like “Don’t you like me anymore?” and turn fool when the answer is “No, I do not”. But these are the types of women you have no business dealing with in the first place. When you’re dealing with a normal, grown-up woman, please believe me when I tell you that if she gets to the point where she has to come out and ask you this she pretty much knows you’re not feeling her and just wants final confirmation so she can move on with her life.

Not answering this question honestly is the greatest #swindle perpetuated by man. In no other scenario does one small lie accomplish so many things. Let’s examine it, shall we?

Woman: I haven’t heard from you in two weeks, what’s the matter – you don’t like me anymore?
Man: Of course I still like you. Of course I do. Why would you ask such a thing? Of course I still like you, I’ve just been busy.

Let’s look at what Man has accomplished with his answer:

1. Man’s vehement protests that he still likes Woman make her feel a little bit crazy. Now she no longer trusts her own judgement and will concede to his superior assessment of the situation (in other words, he just poured syrup on shit and got her to think it’s pancakes).
2. Woman now cannot bring up the issue again without looking like a nagging bitch.
3. Because Woman is still dissatisfied with Man’s behaviour she will likely just break up with him.

Mission accomplished.

Now maybe a better woman than I wouldn’t bother asking a man if he still likes her, she’d take her cues from his behaviour and just bounce when it started to suck donkey balls. But in a dalliance between two grown people, why should she  just have to assume that his feelings have changed? She asked the question – grow some stones and tell her the truth instead of acting like a fucking jackass.

That’s my rant, but what do you guys think? Ladies have you ever been in this situation? How did you handle it? Men I know you’ve all pulled this shit before – who will be man enough to admit it?

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 66

  1. Drift are my preferred mode of breaking up. It avoids scenes, keeps the option of poontang open a lot longer, allows me to stealthily remove my items from her home, and gives me suitable time to find a new partner so I can smooth transition from one relationship to another.

    1. Lidia-Anain says:

      O_o That’s a “smooth” transition for you not the woman. See that’s why I tell ALL my girls, “If he ain’t acting right CUT him off!” More women need to realize that men are just as disposable as women and to date a few of y’all at the same time isn’t that bad of an idea.

      1. Being cutoff is not the end of the world. If the cutoff is sceneless, then it is superior to the drift.

  2. CHeeKZ Money says:

    Yeah I pull it all the time!

    So what?

    Max you kill men for our break up tactics but you know better than most the truth. women are crazy. I don’t feel like we owe any explanation for the way we cut ties because we are put into such ugly situation by your emotions. Its only right we look out for our best interest b/c once you scorn a woman, no one is safe.

    I just helped a friend thru a breakup. My God if you could hear how delusional she was.

    Max I love you, but you continue to make excuses for female lies (fake orgasms, tans, and make up) as excuses to stroke the ego. But when men lie we are ruining society. You can’t have it both ways. We are use to disappointment, the princesses of the world can’t deal with the fact that they are just not that interesting or the catch that they think they are.

    Every woman swears she is Cinderella, than we the clock strikes midnight mental hell breaks lose in the the pumpkin. I refuse to waste my time dealing with your daddy issues just because your juice box didn’t live up to the hype that you said it would. So I make a sneaky exit. Think about it. If I am breaking up with you b/c I don’t want to share in anymore of your drab conversations, why would purposely open up another drab conversation?

    Honesty is valuable. You have to earn the truth, knowledge isn’t free. And to be honest, some of these ‘relationships’ just aren’t worth the cost of being honest.

    1. Lidia-Anain says:

      I don’t think Max was saying that all women are Cinderella but sometimes a simple verbal…”I’m just not that into you,” would make everything better. You’d be surprised at how many women are not crazy or crazy emotional.

    2. *Standing Ovation*

      If women consistently exhibited the ability to deal with brutal honesty men would not hit em with The Drift.

      1. HLBB says:

        Ahem. Hold your applause

        If men behaved in a consistent manner don’t you think women’s behaviour would be more consistent?

    3. Nick@Nite says:

      My heart was pounding by the time that I finished reading your comment.
      I just have one point…
      The same way men want a fair shake when you meet them. “Don’t judge me by the last man, I’m not him. Don’t punish me for what other men have done to you.” is the same way that you should at least try and believe that each woman might be different from the last one you knew (because honestly, if you think they’re all the same, all crazy, then what’s the point of meeting any new ones?)
      Is it possible, maybe even probable that each woman might handle the truth differently, more maturely than the last one? It’s a double standard. I don’t ask anyone something that I’m not willing to give myself. I can’t wish for someone to not think I’m crazy (and hopefully treat me like i’m sane) if I’m judging him like the last dude.
      It is possible that your honesty (even said in a tactless manner) might make her a better person. I realize that might be asking too much from some people. So I can understand if you don’t care in that way.
      What was the cost of honesty? her thinking you’re an a-hole? It’s alright, because she already thinks that. .

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        *lays down offering at Nickles feet*

        You better PREACH!!

        I sent my BFF the link to this post, and she said it got her riled up too. In conversation I expressed the same sentiments you did…just not as nicely,lol

        1. BP says:

          *Passing around offering bucket with LaLa*

    4. E says:

      What you clearly don’t understand is two things.

      If you think ALL women are crazy A. you’re dealing with the wrong ones…GIRLS not women.

      and B. We act crazy when you lie to us!! Personally, it makes me more crazy to be lied to than to be told “I think you should move on because what is going on between us isn’t going to develop into anything”.

      GROW a pair of BALLS, man up, and be honest with a WOMAN.

  3. Miss Jenkins says:

    *waves kerchief* at this whole post

    iCan’t stand the drift off. Although, I can’t front. I’ve done it once or twice myself. I always feel (a little) bad about it though. *shrugs*

  4. i’ve done the drift off before. sue me. if men behaved exactly like women wanted them to then they would be women. sometimes are feelings really don’t change. sometimes we really are busy. sh*t happens. life happens. doesn’t mean the way we feel about you has changed.

    “But these are the types of women you have no business dealing with in the first place.”

    so how would a man know that a woman is like this upfront? most women won’t come out and say well you know i’m gonna act a plum fool if you try to break up with me. they just do.

    1. BP says:

      Not only are you a Laker hater you are a repetitive drifter off-er? See, I was excited about wanting to be your e-boo w/ your chocolately, tall self. iCan’t….iCan’t.

      Thank you Max for allowing the truth to set me free. lol!

      1. repetitive? when did i say that. i can’t even count the amount of girlfriends i’ve had in my entire life on one hand. *shrug*

        1. BP says:

          My bad for assuming. But that whole “sue me line” screamed “I need a lawyer because I do this often.” #BPshrug

          Forgive me?

            1. BP says:

              That settles it! Tu is now officially my e-boo! I don’t care that he is a tad bit arrogant, may drift and e-leave me or that he didn’t even agree to this union yet because this is 2010 and I can appreciate a handsome man with cahones!

              *Puts laptop down to open up a bottle of e-champagne*

              1. wait how did i get the arrogant label? lol

                1. BP says:

                  My memory is impeccable at times…a blessing and a curse. You were right above my comment 😉


                  1. damn it you got me. i am cocky. *shrug* 🙂

  5. LaLaBakir says:

    The “drift off” is lame. Especially when a lot of dudes now a days are preaching “good communication” and sh!t. Well part of good communication is telling the truth or notifying the other part of something has changed on your end.

    I think its safe to say everyone, whether male or female would want the same courtesy

    1. BP says:

      See Lala that’s why you are my girl! Co-sign your entire post w/ 10K down. Although, I am guilty of the drift off I was young and dumb last year and would never do it again.

      People need to man up!

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        Hey girl, hey!!!

        LOL!! I’ve done it in my younger days no doubt…but now I will be quick to tell you why this ain’t working and why

    2. Lidia-Anain says:

      I think women use the drift off technique a lot less than men but like you said it is lame for anyone to use it.

      Tired of men saying they use it because women are too emotional and can’t handle the truth.

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        Basically…it’s a bit of a cop out.

        If I ask you a question, be honest. It may not be what I want to hear…but that’s life. It’ll sting…but I’ll get over it….don’t flatter yourself dude.

  6. Melissa says:

    Max I agree with you. Honesty is a huge issue im dealing with now and it’s obv that this topic is a battle of the sexes. Bottom line, dudes need to man up and not be such (ode to emti) panty meat.

    Especially if the woman is asking and esp if the woman is someone you once cared about. As a woman it takes a lot for me to ask hard questions when I know that I might not wanna hear the answer. So pls have a little respect for me asking the hard questions and give me an honest answer. I’d rather be hurt by the truth than to be deceived by a lie.

  7. jsn_p says:

    By any means necessary

  8. !BB! says:

    I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of the drift, but I’ve accepted it and sort of adopted it for myself.

    I like to think I can take hints and if you stop calling me I’ll stop calling you. I made up my mind a long time ago that I’m not going to chase anyone. So I won’t even ask if you like me anymore.
    And since I have the memory of an 99 year old and a f* load of other ish going on as well, 9 times out of 10 in 4 months I will hardly remember you.

  9. Lidia-Anain says:

    As a woman there is nothing more frustrating than the guys who won’t verbalize what their actions have been saying and make up excuses for those actions. They only do this because they don’t have the balls to deal with the possibility that “she” might cry or act a fool. But like it was said above: “Honesty is valuable. You have to earn the truth, knowledge isn’t free. And to be honest, some of these ‘relationships’ just aren’t worth the cost of being honest.”

    This translate to…men date to fuck and court to marry. When a man TRULY likes you he won’t show his ass because he will be in court mode. Chivalry isn’t dead it is just reserved for the one “he” feels is valuable enough and therefore worth the cost of being honest.

    1. BP says:

      “This translate to…men date to fuck and court to marry. When a man TRULY likes you he won’t show his ass because he will be in court mode. Chivalry isn’t dead it is just reserved for the one “he” feels is valuable enough and therefore worth the cost of being honest.”

      THIS! Well said Lidia! I have been telling my girlfriends this for years. If he is showing his @ss why would you want to stay with him anyways? I have never understood that mentality some women have. #teamtoomanyfishinthesea

    2. CHeeKZ Money says:

      I’m not arguing….

      you hit the nail on the head.

      The only thing I will say is that I may be courting to marry than transition to a relationship with less respect at a later point due to my loss of interest.

      Likewise, I may start off being dishonest and only looking for action than gain respect for you. As we all know that is very rare, but like my man Concise once said “its funny how the woman I might wife/ will start off as a chick I tried to fukc on the first night”

  10. i remember when max asked this question on twitter last week. it’s really like a taking a band-aid off. the quicker you do it, the less painful it is and the more things can go back to normal.

    “i don’t think things are going to work out. i’m just not feeling you anymore.”

    it seems harsh but in reality it isn’t.

    1. Lidia-Anain says:

      ::claps for you:: Yes, just say it. Most of us will be okay with it. Sometimes she just wasn’t that into you either but enjoyed the company.

      1. naw most of the time she really was that into me. wait. we’re speaking in generalities. lol

        1. Lidia-Anain says:

          I spit ALL over my computer at your “she was that into me”

          BP was right about you. You ARE cocky. lol!

  11. Paddez says:

    I have to admit, I’ve been totally guilty of initiating the drift off. I agree it’s lame and the cowardly thing to do. This last go around, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell the guy that not only wasn’t I into him now, I wasn’t ever into him. I know it was a punk thing to do and I’m probably bringing bad karma upon myself, especially since this guy was really nice to me. Maybe it’s because I don’t mind the “drift off” myself. I don’t feel like I need to hear those words from a guy “I’m not into you anymore”. You can generally pick up on the cues and save everyone from the humiliation of it all.

  12. streetztalk says:

    I don’t drit as much as I Tokyo Drift: I fade away with style.

    I will never oversell anything. I wont swindle or sell dreams. If we are jsut FWB Im not going to call everyday or whatever. Its convenience on both sides.

    At the same time, women need to be real. Dont act like you’re doing the same thing and then get mad out of nowhere like “you stay disappearing”. Women should stop trying to thug out FWB relationships if they know their feelings != their actions.

    Goes both ways

    1. BP says:

      Tokyo drift? Negro you ain’t Japanese…sit down somewhere. Arigato! lol
      No, but seriously Streetz I wasn’t going to comment because I don’t want you think I am heckling you but drifting is not where it’s at. No one said you needed to “sell a dream” its about being upfront. So ole girl isn’t at home wondering why dude (read YOU) stopped

      1. streetztalk says:

        You do heckle 😛 lmao chistes

        but nah they stop callin too, then try to reverse swindle to tell me “what happened” lol

        But i keep it real. Miss Cleo.

        1. BP says:

          I do not heckle Senor E-bragas….but I hear you though.

  13. Diggame says:

    I have done the drift off before. I understand why a brotha does it though because of many people can’t handle forms of truth.Many women say they do but in actuality they can’t. If I would just be like I aint feeling you no more good night…I maybe deemed as an asshole.Sometimes for a man its a double edged sword. You are not going to like it either way I bring it that I am not interested in you.

    But on the real it comes down to both parties being great communicators and the sad part most of us can’t even get out of Communication 101

    1. LaLaBakir says:

      If I would just be like I aint feeling you no more good night…I maybe deemed as an asshole.

      ^Yes, you would b/c that’s tactless….for anybody. If my friend looks fat in an outfit, I’m not gonna say “Bish, you look like a stuffed sausage”. I’d tell her she should try something that compliments her figure a little better. Same message…delivered differently.

      So yeah, if you’re not feeling her anymore and it’s as simple as that…cool. But I’m sure there’s a tactful way to express that w/o being rude or misleading.

      1. BP says:

        IDied at the stuffed sausage comment, one of my besties uses that term all of the time. Great point LaLa, it is all about HOW a person conveys their feelings/opinions. People just don’t believe in the “golden rule” anymore I guess.

        Btw, I ordered the “Little Bee” during my online shopping earlier. Yay!

        1. LaLaBakir says:

          Yay! I can’t wait for an offical e-discussion about it.

      2. Diggame says:

        LOL! Yeah you can be tactful but who really likes to hear that. I have been bluntly honest and been put into the asshole box because of being overly honest. We live in a society of deception so why not just drift off instead…Cue A Tribe Called Quest song “Drifting”

        1. LaLaBakir says:

          Well depending on what you said, it may very well be some asshole ish, but if you were blunt and said “I don’t think this is working for me and it’s best we part ways”…that’s honest w/o being hurtful, ya know?

          Being honest does not=asshole, however if you’re rude and purposely hurtful…well then…

          1. Jemsstar says:

            You, know I was gonna disagree with you, because a big part of me feels like no matter how you say it the other person is going to take it bad.

            But THIS: “I don’t think this is working for me and it’s best we part ways”…that’s honest w/o being hurtful, ya know?” makes a lot of sense, but on the other hand, I don’t think that men and communication always go together, and they just may not have the tools to articulate it, even though it sounds sooo simple.

            But Im going to go on the record and say that sometimes women just don’t listen. A dude can be trying to tell you that he’s not into you, whether it be verbal or non-verbal i.e. not calling and not coming around, or straight out telling you that he doesn’t think this is working, and SOME women will convince themselves that they can fix things. I had a friend who’s S/O was clearly not interested anymore, and she started doing things to try to get them back on track to no avail, needless to say dude did the drift of, and I honestly couldn’t blame him for it.

  14. !BB! says:

    I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of the drift, but I’ve accepted it and sort of adopted it for myself.

    I like to think I can take hints and if you stop calling me I’ll stop calling you. I’ll ask if your ok, but I won’t harass you about not communicating. I made up my mind a long time ago that I’m not going to chase anyone. So I won’t even ask if you like me anymore.
    And since I have the memory of an 99 year old and a f* load of other ish going on as well, 9 times out of 10 in 4 months I will hardly remember you stopped calling anyway.

  15. Nick@Nite says:

    So, as I searched the catacombs of my brain to see if this has happened to me, I came up empty..
    If a fade out has been done, it’s been before emotions and bumpin uglies have gotten involved. Thus it lessens the blow. I can’t lie, it has usually been my decision to call things off. The thing is that the guys usually know that this can’t go anywhere, but would like to pretend I’m clueless enough (and silly) to have them keep pursuing til they get my draws. Then “magically” the Heavens are gonna open up and they’ll realize that we’re not compatible..
    I’m not gonna generalize and say that men are cowards (although I believe this to be the case most of the time) but the reasons for “fading out” all look like “Rationalizations From An A-Hole” Volumes 1-10

    I had more, but I’ll end that there…

    1. i remember one time i flat out told my ex that i didn’t want to be with her anymore. we were fighting all the time. i wasn’t happy. one time i got so mad i punched a hole in a wall. that was my sign that our relationship was unhealthy. i never get that mad. when i finally told her we were better apart than together she literally begged me to stay with her. i felt like such a jerk but i stuck to my guns. not saying that the drifting thing is cool but i can understand why some guys do it. because they want to avoid that feeling that i felt.

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        Yeah, no one likes to be the “bad guy”…that doesn’t feel good either. But I’m sure the person experiencing feels 10 times worse, ya know?

        *mental note to watch out for walls around Tu* j/k :p

        1. they probably are but at that point in the relationship i’m more concerned with how i’m feeling. not that i don’t care what she is feeling at all but my happiness is more of a priority.

          and no need to worry about walls. that was in college (ages ago) and i don’t think i’ve been that mad since then.

          1. LaLaBakir says:

            I was more so talking about the drifters(who just aren’t interested anymore)…in your situation, I totally understand your actions. You were unhappy. And if you drifted to avoid punching a wall :p…well, I could understand that.

      2. Nick@Nite says:

        I was with someone that once got me so mad I threw a vase at my floor length mirror… I understand what you’re saying..
        He broke up with me and I asked him to stay (hell, I was 22) but when he layed out what led us to this point, I couldn’t argue with him..
        But you know what I realized.. It’s a courtesy.. Asking someone not to do a “fade out” is asking them for a courtesy.. and the same way that someone will knock you over trying to get on the bus before you, or bump you and not apologize, is the same way that courtesy in human interaction is not guaranteed..
        it would just be nice.. but it damn sure ain’t guaranteed..
        you’d like to think that sharing time (or space, or emotions) with someone would render you a grade higher than the person they knock over on the bus, but that’s not always the case.. I get it now…

  16. Starita34 says:

    I see my ladies got this. As you were.
    Good post Max. *daps*

  17. There is nothing left to discuss after this post, it simply is…truth

    I feel a strong connection to your line of thinking right now, I should go before this gets awkward lol

  18. max says:

    Jemsstar I agree with you that some women need to learn to take a hint. I can even get down with the idea that the drift off is sometimes a man’s only choice. What I cannot abide though is the outright lying. If you don’t like me anymore and I ask you “hey do you not like me anymore?” and you lie? I’m sorry – no one cam ever convince me that’s not a weak, amateurish, asshole move.

    1. Jemsstar says:

      Max, you are right, it is very childish. I’ve been there before, and looked like the nagging bitch who is just not getting it. It’s hard to even understand the motivation behind not coming out with the truth even when you are asked point blank! It makes you question yourself like: maybe i’m crazy, or i’m reading the situation wrong.

      Sometimes in those instances you are tempted to “do more” to keep that person around or interested.

      I have this thing I have developed in the last two years though, if dude i’m seeing is starting to act like they can care less, then I will do the same. Its hard as ish though, but you save yourself a lot of drama/heartache if you act like you don’t care too. I find that a lot of times, that person will hit you up talking about “hey, whats going on?, you don’t like me no more?” but IMO, they are just noticing that you are not on it like that anymore. It’s almost like we basically have to play games to get a dude to just be honest or just communicate.

  19. Pingback: Am I Crazy?
  20. tom says:

    I am a gay man. In the process of a drift. It is completely and utterly my fault. I am quite insecure and I have pushed him away because I don’t think I am worth having him. After I did that, I realised that I had never told him that I love him. Which I still do. So terribly much. Now, I ache daily and I’ve suggested meeting him a couple of times but he says he’s busy. I feel so stupid. I can’t stop thinking about him at all. 🙁

  21. julia says:

    I really enjoyed reading this, Thank you for speaking the truth 🙂

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