As a perpetually single gal I’ve had a fair amount of dalliances with men. Some longer than others, some more hurtful than others, some more memorable than others. It would stand to reason then that I’ve also had a lot of break ups, wouldn’t it? But no – I can think of only a handful of times where I’ve been involved with a man and then one or the other or both of us has had a conversation that led to the end of our dalliance.
What I’ve had instead (besides a couple of disappearances) is a whole lot of drift offs. A drift off, as one of my favourite people recently described, is an “inexexplicable altering of the nature and direction of the relationship – signified by an abruptly sharp decrease in the amount and depth of our communication with one another” and it fucking sucks.
It’s not that I don’t recognize a man’s right to change the frequency/quality of his communication with a woman; it’s a free world and I suppose he has the right to do so. But what makes the drift off a dick move is that some point during the drift off process the woman is going to ask him point blank if his feelings have changed and he is going to lie. He’ll tell her nothing has changed, he’s just been busy (I think you know how I feel about this). He’ll say his feelings are the same but he has family stuff going on. He’ll say he’s still feeling her but he just has a lot on his mind. He will give every possible explanation for the change in his behaviour except the obvious truth: he’s not feeling her the way he once was.
Now men, you know I love you but I don’t get why you do this.
Actually that’s a lie. I do kind of get why men do this. Sometimes it’s to retain pussy privileges. Sometimes it’s because they feel guilty that their feelings have abruptly changed. Sometimes their feelings haven’t changed but for some stupid reason they no longer want to show them. But most of the time men do this because they’re too chickenshit to just admit that they’re no longer into you.
Granted, there are a fair amount of women in the world who will ask a question like “Don’t you like me anymore?” and turn fool when the answer is “No, I do not”. But these are the types of women you have no business dealing with in the first place. When you’re dealing with a normal, grown-up woman, please believe me when I tell you that if she gets to the point where she has to come out and ask you this she pretty much knows you’re not feeling her and just wants final confirmation so she can move on with her life.
Not answering this question honestly is the greatest #swindle perpetuated by man. In no other scenario does one small lie accomplish so many things. Let’s examine it, shall we?
Woman: I haven’t heard from you in two weeks, what’s the matter – you don’t like me anymore?
Man: Of course I still like you. Of course I do. Why would you ask such a thing? Of course I still like you, I’ve just been busy.
Let’s look at what Man has accomplished with his answer:
1. Man’s vehement protests that he still likes Woman make her feel a little bit crazy. Now she no longer trusts her own judgement and will concede to his superior assessment of the situation (in other words, he just poured syrup on shit and got her to think it’s pancakes).
2. Woman now cannot bring up the issue again without looking like a nagging bitch.
3. Because Woman is still dissatisfied with Man’s behaviour she will likely just break up with him.
Now maybe a better woman than I wouldn’t bother asking a man if he still likes her, she’d take her cues from his behaviour and just bounce when it started to suck donkey balls. But in a dalliance between two grown people, why should she just have to assume that his feelings have changed? She asked the question – grow some stones and tell her the truth instead of acting like a fucking jackass.
That’s my rant, but what do you guys think? Ladies have you ever been in this situation? How did you handle it? Men I know you’ve all pulled this shit before – who will be man enough to admit it?