A couple of weeks ago I schooled the ladies on shit they shouldn’t be pulling in the bedroom. Men now it’s your turn.
1. The Jackhammer
Okay really – WHY do you guys do this? Why? Are you trying to pound the woman straight through the mattress so she ends up on the floor under the bed? Do you consider it a testament to your manhood to give your woman a UTI? Did your mother not hug you enough? Actually you know what? I don’t care what your reason is, do not do this. Find some other way to work out your misogyny issues.
3. Taking liberties
Now you guys know I’m a big fan of the um, less gentle sex acts. But like I already told you, there’s a time and a place for this shit. When a girl is into this stuff, it’s hot. When she’s not and you know she’s not and you do it anyway, you’re an asshole. And a borderline rapist. And officially bad in bed.
2. Make her orgasm your personal quest.
Dudes. It doesn’t always happen. It’s not always because of you. Don’t embark on a one-man mission to drag me kicking and screaming to the summit. Chafing is the opposite of a turn on.
4. Unauthorized Rear Entry
We have already been over the details involved with a woman granting rear-entry access. It’s a process and and usually comes after a lot of
drinking lube expensive gifts careful consideration. Therefore I forbid you to attempt to just shove your manpiece in there all willy nilly without getting express permission from her. It’s not hot.
Yeah it’s not cute when you do it either.
6. Attempt to establish ownership.
Even if the pussy is yours, asking “whose pussy is this” does not always achieve the desired result. Some
uptight misguided women really don’t like this question. So if you ask the wrong woman and her response is “Oh, you don’t know him.” (© @NicknotNikki) don’t get your feelings hurt or lose your wood. I warned you.
7. Write cheques your dick can’t cash
Just about every woman I know has fallen victim to this #swindle. This is when my dudes meet a woman, establish a mutal desire to bone, and start to engage in a little pre-coital talk. Your talk about how you’re gonna put it on her all night and make her scream your name, coupled with references to the largesse of your equipment has her open like a clam shell. Until showtime comes and you’re a two-stroke wonder who made her yawn and who is packing little more than a #2 pencil worn down to the nub. You fail at life. And fucking.
And that’s my list of sexual faux pas for men, what say you all? Ladies are you okay with any of this stuff? Men are you guilty of it? Overshare in the comments.