Any Ten on Tuesday with @IDoAlready
It's Tuesday and that means it's time for “Any 10 on Tuesdays” where each week I ask some poor sucker an interesting person a bunch of questions.
This week we’re talking to Brent Piaskoski and Barbara Haynes, writers who split their time between Toronto and LA and creators of I Do Already; a seriously hilarious “he said/she said” blog about marriage. You can check them out at www.idoalready.tumblr.com and follow them on Twitter at www.twitter.com/idoalready.
Describe yourself in three sentences or less.
HE SAID: I am just a guy with a great sense of humor and a wonderful penis. Most people know either one or the other of these facts. Very few can affirm both.
SHE SAID: My legs are as long as many gymnasts’ entire bodies. The Pentagon used the curvature of my buttocks for scientific experiments. Only one of those sentences is a lie.
7. What is your favorite sexual position?
HE SAID: Sexual positions are like children to a parent. I love them all the same, just differently. Except for maybe the Croatian sideways throat-twister. That’s always a crowd-pleaser.
SHE SAID: He masturbates, slowly but passionately bringing himself to climax. I’m in another room watching Nurse Jackie.
8. Name the most interesting place you have had sex.
HE SAID: In the den of her parents’ house right after they’d met me. Maybe not interesting but hot… well, until her mom made me put a coaster under my balls so I wouldn’t leave a watermark on the coffee table.
SHE SAID: His parents’ guest room with about 400 dolls watching. It was the plastic and porcelain version of Eyes Wide Shut.
HE SAID: We need to get out of our parents’ basements…
9. Picture your most memorable partner in your mind and share what made that person so memorable.
HE SAID: Okay, so you obviously aren’t married, hate marriage and don’t want my marriage to last. This would be my wife because she is awesome.
SHE SAID: My first boyfriend – mainly because he still does my taxes all these years later. For free! Damn, I must be good.
11. What is something you have always wanted to try, but haven’t yet?
HE SAID: I have tried everything I have ever wanted. My wife is a heavy sleeper.
SHE SAID: Puppetry. It would make hand jobs better for both of us.
12. Best piece of relationship advice you’ve ever been given?
HE SAID: Every single person you’ll see today has been as hurt as you feel right now. You will get over it. (My mom)
SHE SAID: Some day, you will meet a man whose mom gave him wise and sensitive advice. Call me when you’re bored and we can laugh about him. (My dad)
18. If you had a super power what would it be? Why?
HE SAID: Invisibility because of the whole “seeing women naked” thing. I’d also trip opposing football players so my team would win.
SHE SAID: To be faster than a speeding bullet. It would save him a lot of apologizing afterward.
20. Which habit of yours most annoys the people you date?
HE SAID: I’d always think I was more interesting than the women I used to date. They were probably annoyed by the truth of this.
SHE SAID: The guys I date always get annoyed when they meet my husband.
23. How often do you believe it is normal to want sex?
HE SAID: I have masturbated twice filling out this questionnaire.
24. If your friend was cheating, would you tell their partner?
SHE SAID: No. He asked me to keep our relationship a secret.
25. Name three famous wo/men you’d put a hurting on if you had the chance.
HE SAID: Sandra Bullock, Jessica Pare and Phyllis Diller.
SHE SAID: Taylor Kitsch, Colin Farrell and Ken Jeong (Sure, it seemed like Jeong had the genitals of a Ken Doll in “The Hangover,” but watch this clip and tell me you’re not in love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FdJlKc4W68 )
27. Do you know what a dirty sanchez is?
HE SAID: Yes. I wish I didn’t, but it was all my mother-in-law could talk about last Christmas.
SHE SAID: To be fair, she mainly talked about the importance of having a bottle of Shout nearby.