There are few things in life that provide more opportunity for self-expression than sex. With the right combination of people, a simple “insert tab A into slot B” situation becomes a blank canvas for two
or more people to make their marks on one another. And the fewer holds barred when it comes to chexy time, the better it can be.
That being said, there are certain things that should not ever take place during the act of thronxing. And while both genders are guilty of going rogue in the bedroom from time to time, today we’re focusing on the ladies and going over some things that a lady should never ever do when she’s sexing.
Ready? Let’s begin.
1. Unauthorized Rear Entry
I cannot tell you how many stories I have heard from slightly traumatized men about women ruining a perfectly good fuck by trying to insert something into a man’s asshole. Now I would never be so naive as to say that no straight man is into ass-play
although I do kinda think that any straight man who is into it is probably not as straight as he thinks, this is not the kind of surprise ending men enjoy. So ladies, let me be clear: it is impolite to try to stick something into a man’s bumhole unless he asks you to.
I’m mad I even have to repeat myself when I already went over this, but in the immortal words of Father MC, girl I told you once and I don’t feel I should have to tell you anymore. It is not okay to cry during sex unless it’s because the shit is so good you can’t help it. Any other reason is automatic grounds to be banished from the man’s bed. And my blog if I find out you did it.
4. Ask Dumb Questions
While sex can serve many persons, it should not be a reconnaissance mission. When a man is three pumps from glory, it is not the time to be asking him if he loves you, if your pussy is the best he ever had, or if he’s going to get you that KitchenAid mixer he promised you unless a lie and a limp dick is what you’re looking for in life.
3. Dropping Names
I love to talk shit during sex as much as the next girl, but there are certain things that should remain unsaid. I don’t care if the two of you take a pause and start chit chatting about unrelated things, don’t get comfortable and think anything goes. Nothing causes coitus interruptus more quickly than mentioning one man’s name when a next man’s richard is inside you.
5. Mark territory that does not belong to you
Now we already discussed the concept of pissing in a circle, right? So I think you know how I feel about it. However, if you choose to mark your territory with scratch marks or hickeys that’s your business…if it’s your man, that is. If you’re taking a borrow, please refrain from doing childish shit like leaving evidence of your slackness behind; it’s unbecoming.
6. The starfish
There are many, many circumstances in which I would advise a woman to do nothing and let a man go to work, but sexy time is not one of them. If all you’re gonna do is lie there with your legs spread and do nothing more you’re officially a starfish (word to Sam Sharpe) and you’re failing at life. And fucking. I mean, it’s not like I can’t understand the singular joy of having the objet of your affection swoop in and run the show, but if you’re not even so much as moaning enthusiastically, you suck. Or I guess you don’t. But you should!
So that’s my list of sexual faux pas for ladies, what do you guys think? Ladies are you guilty of any of these egregious acts?
I know I am. Men – your turn is coming soon but in the meantime tell me what you think of this list? Did I leave anything out? Remember – Fridays are for oversharing so tell me some good stories in the comments.
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