While you’re reading this I’m freakng the fuck out. As many of you know, today I leave on my very first grown up vacation. For the first time ever I picked a place I wanted to go, booked a ticket, and paid for it myself kinda. Unlike every other non-business trip I’ve ever taken, I [...]
While you’re reading this I’m freakng the fuck out.
As many of you know, today I leave on my very first grown up vacation. For the first time ever I picked a place I wanted to go, booked a ticket, and paid for it myself
kinda. Unlike every other non-business trip I’ve ever taken, I have no family functions to attend while I’m there and neither my parents nor my sister are travelling with me so I am free to be as slack as I want to and no one will be the wiser .
I’m sure many of you are wondering how it’s possible that at age 35 I’ve never been on a grown up vacation. There are many reasons for this; one is that I love shoes and books more than travelling and that is where most of my money goes. Another is that I don’t like being too far away from the things I love like Timothy’s and Fresh & Wild. But mainly it’s because I am scared to death of flying. I hate being in planes and the last time I had to fly somewhere my little sister had to spend the entire 5-hour flight trying to keep me calm enough that I could contain myself by clutching the armrests rather than screaming my fucking head off, which is what I wanted to do.
I’m not going to get into the reasons why I’m afraid of flying as they are as complex and bizarre as I am, but suffice it to say it has nothing to do with thinking the plane is going to crash or not understanding aeronautics or anything like that. It’s basically completely irrational and therefore cannot really be dealt with in any logical way.
All the same, tomorrow I’m going to voluntarily get on a plane alone, something I haven’t done since I was about 24. I’m scared shitless and to be honest if it wasn’t for the happy pills I recently acquired (from my doctor don’t worry) I probably would have found an excuse to back out of the trip. That’s how much I hate flying. My stomach is clenching in fear just writing this post. But I am assured that these little pharmaceutical gems will ease the anxiety and allow me to get through the flight without frantically clutching my sister’s hand and counting backward from one hundred one hundred times. In the past I have always eschewed drugs as a way to cope with anxiety, preferring deep breathing and visualization tactics
which basically don’t do shit all 99% of the time but this time we’re going for the big guns. Let’s hope I don’t end up an addict.
But as scared as I am, there is a little teeny tiny part of me that is proud of myself for sucking it up and getting over my bullshit in the name of doing something I really want to do. It’s very un-Max and I can really only attribute it to all the involuntary changing I’ve been doing lately. The old max did not subscribe to the “feel the fear and do it anyway” school of
brainwashing thought, she was much more of a “feel the fear and run screaming in the opposite direction” kinda girl.
Whether this change is a good thing or a bad thing remains to be seen.
But what about you guys? Any silly or irrational fears that stop you from doing things you really want to do? Do you like drugs to deal with your fear or do you prefer to soldier it out? Share you stories of silly behaviour so I feel better about myself.
Oh and fret not – there will still be posts while I’m away. I had originally planned to have “Man Week” while I was gone and feature a guest post from a different male contributor every day but that plan did not work out
because not one of the flopshow males I asked to contribute a post actually sent it to me. Assholes so it will be a mishmash of me and a few guest appearances. Make sure you read and comment so that I don’t feel like I wasted my time blogging while on vacation.