I’ve always been kind of a nerd. You guys already know this about me. Most of what appeals to me in life is cerebral
and carnal rather than physical. That’s the way I’ve always been. You would think then that my relationships would be with those artsy-fartsy Darius Lovehall type of dudes with whom I can sit around and discuss the relative merits of Ellison vs. Wright or the different cinematographic techniques used by Steven Soderbergh and Spike Lee. But you’d be wrong. And while two years ago I would say I’ve never been in a relationship with a man like that because none exist, nowadays I’ll tell you that I never wanted to.
I’ve always been wary of the idea of being in a relationship with man with whom I share a profession or a vocation. On the surface it seems like a great idea; if I could date an advertising executive he would understand without being told when I come home from a shitshow of a day wanting to stab someone. Advertising people understand the special type of stress that comes with the job. Or dating a blogger…seems like it would be amazing to have someone I could have “writing rooms” with, someone whose opinion I respect and who I trust enough to allow him to read what I write before I publish it. In theory these seem like ideal situations.
But what happens if both my advertising dude and I were pitching the same multimillion dollar account and I won and he didn’t? I know he should be happy for me, excited for me, supportive of my new crazy workload. But would he really be? Or take my fellow writer. I’m sure he’ll be a great and patient teacher if he feels his writing is better than mine, but what if it’s not? What if we both bring the ether on our respective blogs on the same day and his post gets 50 comments and mine gets 150 comments? Will he be happy for me? In theory he should be, but the reality is that we all – especially creative types – let our egos get in the way of being the best partner we can be sometimes.
So as I said, I’ve always preferred to be involved with men whose tastes and talents are quite different from mine. I’m a great athlete’s girlfriend; I understand the rules of most sports, cheer enthusiastically, and would never beat him if we were to play one on one. And because my tastes are so out of his realm I have no real expectation that he will understand them; all I ask is that he leave me be so I can get what I need done when I need to. I don’t like to feel competitive with the people I’m close to and I especially don’t like feeling that my partner is witholding his support because he’s jealous of my accomplishments. Which is why I’ve always skipped this.
Lately though I’ll admit that the idea of being involved with someone who does what I do is becoming more appealing. I’m beginning to wonder if my skill as a writer or talent as a media strategist would be strengthened by being in a relationship with someone who understands it personally. And more than that, I wonder what it would be like to have a partner who was proud of my accomplishments not just because he cares for me, but because he understands as well as I do what it took for me to acheive them.
What do you guys think? Would you want a partner who had the same job or the same talents as you do? Or do you prefer to keep them separate? Do you think dating someone who does what you do puts greater pressure on them to be understanding? Speak on it in the comments.