Everywhere we go in life there are lines. Invisible lines that designate the zone of acceptable behaviour in any given situation. Sometimes the lines are explained explicitly to you, other times you’re expected to intuitively know where they are. Sometimes the lines move around fluidly. But always, always there are lines that we must not [...]
Everywhere we go in life there are lines. Invisible lines that designate the zone of acceptable behaviour in any given situation. Sometimes the lines are explained explicitly to you, other times you’re expected to intuitively know where they are. Sometimes the lines move around fluidly. But always, always there are lines that we must not cross.
There are many ways to cross a line. An inappropriate comment in mixed company, the drunken groping of an employee, or my personal favourite sex with the wrong person. No matter the situation, crossing the line usually results in irreparable damage; especially when feelings are involved.
But does it always have to be that way? Once you accidentally on purpose grab your co-worker’s nuts after one too many cocktails at your office Christmas party, is it really impossible to return to making small talk at the water cooler? Or if in a fit of anger you tell your bff about her parts in a rude and stink way, is that something you can’t return from? What if you find yourself getting too close to your boo’d up homeboy? Is it really too late to pull the reins in and return to a platonic friendship?
I think that popular wisdom dictates that once you cross a line you can’t uncross it. And that’s why we’re supposed to be careful and strategic about our actions; to ensure we don’t go too far. That’s what smart people do anyway. Reckless people such as myself act first and consider the consequences later. Which I think is not such a tragic thing since it taught me that it is possible to return to the safe side of the line.
How do you do that? I’m glad you asked. By following my exclusive 5-step guide to uncrossing the line patent pending:
1. Admitting it is the first step.
Everyone’s favorite excuse for their wrongdoings is “it just happened” but that’s bullshit. A pigeon releasing his droppings on your head just happens, bumping uglies with your bestie does not. So if you want your friendship to resume as if you’ve never seen each other’s privates, the first thing you need to do is admit that you probably made it happen.
2. Remove the triggers.
If you’re the jackass boss that got shitfaced and grabbed your employee’s arse, then I guess the first thing you need to do is stop getting drunk around your employees. That way when you promise that it will never happen again there’s at least a hope in hell that you’re telling the truth.
4. Accept the consequences.
If you slipped up in an argument and called your bff out her name, you can’t be surprised when she tells you about your parts too. That’s the natural consequence of going off on someone, they usually strike back. So take your lickings like a man and don’t try to act like the injured party because you started slinging mud and some hit you in the face.
5. Accept the fallout too.
If you got up close and personal with a man who has a woman, don’t be surprised when that woman hates your guts. She has a right to; and trying to plead your case and get her to understand your point of view just makes you a bigger asshole. Sometimes when we cross a line, we end up hated for it. That’s life. Deal with it.
3. Know when you’re beaten.
You can only uncross a line if someone lets you. If you steal from your best friend and she never asks you to hold her purse again then guess what? That line will never be uncrossed. And you can’t get mad about that…you’re the asshole who stole from your best friend, remember?
What do you guys think? If we go too far in a relationship can we really recover from it? Have you ever overstepped your bounds before? It’s not Friday but share a little with me in the comments.
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This post came together GREAT!!
I’m dealing with some “Crossing the line” business right now.. I’ll let you know how it turns out when a resolution comes together.. I find that the more I think about it, the less I care about getting the line “uncrossed..” I want to do a quick “fade to black” and call it a day, but I can’t..
Sigh…
Just… mutha effin sigh…
I took that mud slinging quote and put it on my tumblr. Great post Max. As usual, you do so well with relating to us all.
Won’t go into details but so many lines have been crossed in the past 2 years. I mean the sh!t is, fxckin ridic-alous. People just don’t know where to quit. In relationships, it’s hard to comeback from line stepping. A million apologies couldn’t fix it. It’s always easier to cross the line than to come back from across it. [duh] So I dunno. You can’t take back a stabbing, right? Oh. I’m sorry. I know I just stabbed you and all. Lemme get some tissue. See if we can clean this mess up. I’ll stitch you up and we can start over.
(-_-)
Shit ain’t happening.
iDied at the back stabbing analogy!!
I’m pretty cautious so I don’t cross lines often but I did date a college for about 9 months from late-’08 to mid-’09. He doesn’t work at my office but he’s a lawyer that I work with often. After we stopped dealing with each other “like that” it was awkward at first but we’re professionals so we got over it. Now we’re pretty friendly and except for rare instances of flirting we get along fine.
Some lines can be crossed but if the issue is about trust then I think it’s hard to come back from that. I couldn’t stay with a man that cheated on me or that hit me. I could forgive him but we’d be done.
You dated an entire college?! wow…
Leave it to this one to say that. Lol
I’m fighting a cold so I can’t be blamed for my typos!!
Ma, don’t worry. I got you. Streetz is just being a bully. *shakes fist at Streetz* Why you little
dick n!ggabully… O_OKissed a co-worker last week… I’m so ashamed! Help me cross that line ! Lol
Um I think we need to hear some more about that? What kind of kiss? Male or female co-worker? Was it hot???
I hate you Max for asking if it was hot. iCant.
Do not act like you didn’t want to know Sukeydukez
I did!
Lmao u got me
Like you said, most times it’s always hard to uncross a line
I rarely give second chances, so when people cross the line, that’s it
I think maybe i should start allowing them uncross it, if and only if they admit to their faults, especially in friendships and relationships
Great post as always
Well… We were always cool.
It was kind of a bet! We had to close an account. So he said, if we get it, you have to kiss me! A real kiss. I thought we honest had no chance. But I was wrong.
So I gave him a real kiss and he enjoyed a bit too much.. And told me he liked it. I didn’t! It sucked!
So… I want to act like this never happened. I’m just glad we got the account.
Good post!
I’ve crossed a line or too…and I don’t bother uncrossing for the most part.
great post. you’re right. some things once done can’t become undone. i’ve been there before. great advice.
I have crossed lines 1 time too many. I just deleted 2 people out of my crackberry ( late last night) because of lines that were crossed.#thatslife.
Crossing the line is easy. Swindling your way to the other side is whats difficult.
That’s right. You kind of have to be an evil genius such as myself to pull it off.
Great post. Hopefully between crossing the line and uncrossing it, no one is hurt.
I’m not sure how I would react if someone randomly grabbed my body part at an office party. I might cross the #donotbeatcoworkersarse line!
Amen, crossing the line with me used to be detrimental to your health.
I am a sensitive person and I tend to hold grudges (Scorpio), but I’ve learned a few things:
My feelings will get hurt
I make mistakes
I will get embarrassed
But
I get to choose my reactions
I do not get to choose others’ reactions
So
I accept that my feelings are hurt but try to learn something from the experience
and remember that other people may not react the way I want so I must accept the consequences whatever they may be.
Good post