I’m making a guest appearance over at Three Ways To Take It today but my lovely and talented friend MsEsquire is back with a follow up guest post. Show her lots of love in the comments.
On July 14th I wrote my first guest post (ever!) Ready for Love. In summary it was an open letter to my future husband. At the time I was struggling with my singleness. Since then things have taken an unexpected turn for the better so I decided to give ya’ll an update.
After reading my post my friend and co-worker, Cherie, became vexed at my single status and decided to find me a date. Within a few days she’d found a candidate: enter Larry, a friend of a friend and an colleague from our law firm’s main office. [Sidebar: Larry and I initially met at a party during a staff
retreat in 2008. We laughed, drank and took pictures that night but the next morning I heard he was in a relationship so I chalked it up to a fun night with a cute guy. I saw him again in passing once or twice but we never spoke again. ] Cherie gave him my info and we had our 1st conversation on July 19th…we haven’t stopped talking since. I’m pleased to say that we’re in a relationship and things are going
beautifully. I can’t tell you if he’s “the one” but he’s wonderful and I absolutely adore him.
Meeting Larry reminded me of three important dating truths that I’d like to review with you. These are geared towards the ladies but fellas feel free to read along:
1) Great (not just good) guys still exist.
Don’t believe the hype. Ignore the statistics about marriage and specials on Dateline. Yes, some men are diva dudes; unfaithful, immature, scared
of or unwilling to commit, etc. I get that but…it’s not true for every man. Just like all women aren’t gold-diggers, baby hungry and/or whores. Don’t let your past experiences (or those of
your friends/family) make you bitter and disillusioned. It’s a waste of time and energy and it’s guaranteed to keep you alone.
2) If a man is interested in you he’ll pursue you.
I’m not suggesting that a woman can’t initiate contact or present herself as available but chasing a man is unacceptable. Period. If a man wants to get to know you and develop a relationship with you he’ll:
A) Call. Not just text, tweet, send Facebook messages, etc. (My two cents: technology is great but it’s killing dating softly and swiftly.)
B) Make definitive plans with you, generally in advance. For me definitive=date/time/place and advance= more than a few hours notice. Spontaneity is great and it’s appreciated but every date shouldn’t be a list minute situation.
C) Make you a priority.
We all have responsibilities and commitments: work, family and friends, church, volunteering, etc. and that’s a given. However, people make time in their schedule for the people and things that are important to them. Don’t fall victim to the busy dude.
3. Do. Not. Settle…EVER!
Being single for a while can lead you to compromise your standards. I’m not talking about preferences like height or weight. I’m talking about standards: shared values and goals, compatible communication styles, mutual respect, etc. Every woman is different but
we should all know what we really want in a relationship. If you want kids, don’t date a man who doesn’t. If you need a lot of quality time, don’t date a man that travels often for work. Some things you can find out on the first date and some you find out over time. Whatever the case may be have enough love for yourself to exit when you need to. Being single can suck at times but it’s not as bad as feeling alone while you’re in a relationship. You are better than that.
Nothing I said here today is new but I wanted to share it with you in case you forgot. Also, I’d like to take a minute to say thanks to
1) Max for sharing her blog with me and being such a beautiful friend,
2) Cherie for being an excellent match-maker
3) Larry for being such an easy man to love and the answer to many prayers.
What do you guys think of these dating truths? Do you have any of your own? Speak on it in the comments.