5 Random Things that Get My Motor Running


If you measure horniness on a scale of 1-10, my resting rate is about a 4. I’m never not at least a little bit revved up and it doesn’t take much to push me from a 4 to a 10. Like most normal people I’m a sucker for conventional things like dirty talk and porn but, being the weirdo that I am, there are a few random things that will get me going. And because there’s nothing that I love more in life than sharing my randomness with all of you, here are 5 random things that get my motor running:

1. Massages

Not the kind that take place in seedy parlours by the airport and are given by women named Tawny. Actual professional massages in brightly-lit clinics by real RMT’s. I’m pretty sure the purpose of these massages is to relax you, relieve chronic pain, maybe to improve the quality of your life in general but all that flies out the window once I get naked and lie on that table. I can’t even relax properly because all I’m thinking about is whether I’m gonna get a surprise happy ending. And when I inevitably do not, I’m even more aggro than I was when I went in there. I’ve had to stop going because I can’t take the pink balls.

2. A neat turn of phrase

As a certain man in my life can attest to you, a well-crafted point of view or $10 word gets me open like I don’t know what. No matter how banal the topic of conversation, if you get all articulate and well-spoken my eyes start to glaze over because now all I’m thinking about is getting down n dirty with you. I must point out though that this only works if it’s genuine. I can tell when a man is putting it on in the hopes of getting me worked up. That has the opposite effect.

3. Stretching

I hate working out with a deep and abiding passion, but I’ll occasionally do it just for the opportunity to stretch out afterward. Stretching gets me hotter than dog shit in a skillet. Especially hamstring stretches since so many of them involve bending over with your legs splayed…

5.  A nice ass…on a woman

I mean, I’m not a lesbian (at least not as far as I know) but there’s just something about a woman’s ass that just…sends me. On any given day you can spot me sitting outside my office checking out the ass of every woman who passes me.  When I see a good one it’s like SCHWING!!

5. The holy grail of gear

White t-shirt (bonus points if it’s cleavage-baring) + well-fitting jeans + all-white Air Force Ones = max’s panties on the floor. That’s all I can say about that.

So that’s my random list, what about you guys? Are there any weird things that get you worked up? It’s not Friday but over-share with me a little.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 33

  1. Sukez says:

    Pink balls?! I say Blue Eggs!!

    Weird things that get me worked up?
    – Pouting on a cute face. Makes me want to grab him by the cheeks and slide my tongue down his throat cuz I just want to bite his lip saw “Awww”.
    – A man’s ass. The way it bounces when it moves.

    That’s all I can think of.

    1. max says:

      If you like pouting on a cute face you need to check your boy Streetz. No one pouts like him!

  2. Dash says:

    Floetry’s “Say Yes”

    Comfortable couches.

    Libraries and librarians.

    The great outdoors.

    1. MsEsquire77 says:

      I love your list but especially “Say Yes”. That song gets me every time and its the 1st song my SO ever played for me on his sax.

      1. Dash says:

        I was once in an assembly in high school. It was freezing cold in the auditorium. You could see people’s breath when they were talking, until one of the AV cats decided it would be hilarious to blast “Say Yes” over the sound system. Before the first bar was finished everyone in the auditorium was perspiring heavily. The song is an automatic raiser of temperatures, and is the true cause of global warming.

        1. max says:

          I of course have never heard that song.

        2. max says:

          Okay just listened to it….sweet JESUS!

    2. SdotYouknow says:

      OMG. That song and “My Apology”. I’ve had it on repeat for the past hour now.

  3. Nick@Nite says:

    I just can’t with you, Max.. just… *sigh*

    – falling asleep naked fresh out the shower..
    there’s something about the way that sheets feel against my skin..
    – laying in the middle of a field.. extra points if i can feel grass against my skin..
    – right after a workout- when i’m sweaty.. i often say, this is when i feel my sexiest.. maybe it’s because there’s blood flowing…… everywhere..
    – cassandra wilson’s- “you move me”

    there’s more, but let’s just say those are the most important..

    1. CHeeKZ Money says:

      ” falling asleep naked fresh out the shower..”

      I co-sign
      there is something about Nick fresh out the shower that gets my going too.

    2. Sam Sharpe says:

      Cassandra Wilson’s “You Move Me” is a super-underrated tune. Absolutely mesmerizing. Love it.

      1. max says:

        That song….does things to me.

      2. Nick@Nite says:

        I bought her album based off of that song alone.. It’s “candlelight music” at it’s finest..

    3. max says:

      I’m with you on the fresh out of the shower thing…with the water and the oil glistening…jeez I’m getting turned on by myself. That’s a bit much isn’t it?

  4. BGirl says:

    It really just takes a cool breeze to get me going.

    -Touching the small of my back makes my knees give out, on accident or not.
    -Full lips on a man, some nice soup coolers….yummy!

    -I agree with 4ish/ the first 5, except I like cleavage/big breasts. I too don’t consider myself a lesbian, unless I’ve had a few/5 shots of Patron.

  5. MsEsquire77 says:

    1) I 100% co-sign #5a! I love the read and have a great appreciation for vocab and its proper use. So. effin. sexy!

    2) I’m a sucker for a good smelling man. A great combo of personal chemistry/phermones+ a touch of cologne = puddles in my panties.

    3) A man who’s good with kids will melt me! I especially love seeing dads with their daughters. *swoon*

    I’m sure there’s more but that’s all I can think of right now…to be continued (maybe)

    1. Dash says:

      You, Max, and myself need to get together and go on a donk safari.

  6. CHeeKZ Money says:

    I’m so sensitive, there is very little that doesn’t get me going. Seriously, my list would changes week to week b/c everyday I think the female species exposes my to something else that puts me further under their control.

    Revealing conversation: If you tell me something private, something secret, something personal.. I’ll go crazy for you. I’ll think so highly of you, the physical aspect is really just the tip of the iceberg. I’ll get emotionally attached. You trusted me, that means we are now best friends. And if you are a girl, that makes you 4 pts higher (depending on the secret)

    Skin. Anything backless. Love soft skin. Smooth, no hairless. That really healthy skin that almost looks like it is glowing.

    The smell of freshly permed hair. I guess this isn’t the most pro-black thing to say… whatever #dreadlockssmelllkeoldpeople

    1. max says:

      Oh so that’s why you love me so right Cheekz? Because I tell all my secrets up here!

      1. CHeeKZ Money says:

        **Kanye Shrug**

        Ehh. I have a feeling you are holding some secrets back from us.
        I’m sure there is alot more to you.

  7. thefabfoodie says:

    Pink balls is no joke…that is a definite no bueno experience.

    I do love a man that can give me good conversation. If you can stimulate me mentally I’m open. a few others…
    -Eric Jerome Dickey wrote a book called Pleasure. I came upon it by chance at the library…it was erotica at its finest. I had ALL of my friends reading it…and my SO was the recipient of some afternoon delight.
    -a nice summer rain always gets me moist – for some reason, the first snow does the same thing.
    -angry sex…mmmm.

  8. streetztalk says:

    Seeing a woman lick her lips

    A nice walk

    a woman dressed down who still looks seyxy (sweats, t shirt, no makeup, chillin0

    1. emti says:

      a la drake “sweat pants, head tie, chillin with no makeup on”

    2. SdotYouknow says:

      I hear you’re the go-to guy for a cute face and a pout. *raises shirt* Can I hit? (stomach reads boom kat)


      Someone say they’ve seen Affion Crockett’s making the band spoof. lmao

  9. Alovelydai says:

    I totally get turned on Jay Z songs. “U Don’t Know” off the Blueprint, “American Dreamin'” are 2 of my favs.

    1. max says:

      Ah a girl after my own heart. U Don’t Know can definitely get the motor running…and Mobb Deep is an instant panty dropper for me.

    2. This might be the most wonderful sentence I’ve ever seen a woman write. Wow.

  10. SdotYouknow says:

    Speaking of music, I kinda get nice hearing “Got It Twisted”

  11. Tisha says:

    Why did I just download Say Yes off ITunes??? Lol…and pink balls suck donkey balls

  12. HLBB says:

    Let’s see what’s gets my motor running?

    Besides the $10 words thing (gawd smart is sexy) the following rank high on my list…

    Cologne…stuff with vetiver is dangerous for me. I want to bury my head in the nape of his neck (well that and other places…)

    I think I have a neck fetish, because I love when a man is wearing a collared shirt (no tie) and I can see the base of his neck. That spot under the adam’s apple, or the jugular…

    (I swear, I’m not a vampire)

    A nice ass (on a man) – in a nice pair of jeans… when he’s standing bow-legged.

    A chuckle…it’s weird yes, but let me be clear… not laugh, NOT GIGGLE, but chuckle (usually at their own little private joke). An okay looking guy once whispered a sarcastic comment in my ear and chuckled…I had to excuse myself.

    A man who can dance. I mean really dance, not just stand there an nod his head to the beat or fist pump. I see a man dance well…it does things.

  13. Tisha says:

    Another thing…watching and even listening to Untitled (how does it feel) by D’Angelo…sweet baby Jesus…why hello pink balls thanks for joining me today

  14. Marie says:

    # 5: someone is talking about me ?

    I love nice fingers, legs and feet on a man.
    Hairless black men, I wonder if they taste like chocolate.
    A man wearing boxer briefs that match his shirt/t-shirt. More points if it’s orange, red or pink.
    Strong tights and firm ass.

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