If you measure horniness on a scale of 1-10, my resting rate is about a 4. I’m never not at least a little bit revved up and it doesn’t take much to push me from a 4 to a 10. Like most normal people I’m a sucker for conventional things like dirty talk and porn but, being the weirdo that I am, there are a few random things that will get me going. And because there’s nothing that I love more in life than sharing my randomness with all of you, here are 5 random things that get my motor running:
Not the kind that take place in seedy parlours by the airport and are given by women named Tawny. Actual professional massages in brightly-lit clinics by real RMT’s. I’m pretty sure the purpose of these massages is to relax you, relieve chronic pain, maybe to improve the quality of your life in general but all that flies out the window once I get naked and lie on that table. I can’t even relax properly because all I’m thinking about is whether I’m gonna get a surprise happy ending. And when I inevitably do not, I’m even more aggro than I was when I went in there. I’ve had to stop going because I can’t take the pink balls.
2. A neat turn of phrase
As a certain man in my life can attest to you, a well-crafted point of view or $10 word gets me open like I don’t know what. No matter how banal the topic of conversation, if you get all articulate and well-spoken my eyes start to glaze over because now all I’m thinking about is getting down n dirty with you. I must point out though that this only works if it’s genuine. I can tell when a man is putting it on in the hopes of getting me worked up. That has the opposite effect.
I hate working out with a deep and abiding passion, but I’ll occasionally do it just for the opportunity to stretch out afterward. Stretching gets me hotter than dog shit in a skillet. Especially hamstring stretches since so many of them involve bending over with your legs splayed…
5. A nice ass…on a woman
I mean, I’m not a lesbian (at least not as far as I know) but there’s just something about a woman’s ass that just…sends me. On any given day you can spot me sitting outside my office checking out the ass of every woman who passes me. When I see a good one it’s like SCHWING!!
5. The holy grail of gear
White t-shirt (bonus points if it’s cleavage-baring) + well-fitting jeans + all-white Air Force Ones = max’s panties on the floor. That’s all I can say about that.
So that’s my random list, what about you guys? Are there any weird things that get you worked up? It’s not Friday but over-share with me a little.