I’m blessed to have (what I consider to be) a lot of friends. They may not all be of the ride-or-die, would pick me up at 3am in the middle of nowhere variety, but there are a lot of people out there whom I rock with and who rock with me. I do however, have [...]
I’m blessed to have (what I consider to be) a lot of friends. They may not all be of the ride-or-die, would pick me up at 3am in the middle of nowhere variety, but there are a lot of people out there whom I rock with and who rock with me. I do however, have a few friends that I would rather not have and who, if I wasn’t such a puss-puss, I would tell to take a flying leap somewhere. What kind of friends are those? I’m glad you asked…
2. The friend who always wants my advice…but never takes it.
I’m not the smartest person in the world by any stretch of the imagination, but I do give good advice. I’ve talked about this before: I think friends + advice is a recipe for disaster more times than not. But when a friend in need asks me for help I give it. And if they don’t listen and come back and ask me what to do because the situation has blown up in their face, I tell them. But if this happens repeatedly and you never learn that I am always right, I start to regret the day I met you.
3. The friend who shows no interest in my life.
This “friend” irks the shit out of me. Why do I know your crush’s middle name but you don’t know my sister’s first name? Why is it that if I tweet “I’m having a bad day” 50 people I’ve never laid eyes on will send me e-hugs but you won’t ask me what’s going on? Why am I getting the side-eye if I don’t listen to every minute, unimportant detail of your work day but you’re nodding off the minute I try to turn the conversation to me? Why? Why? Oh that’s right – because you’re a bad friend.
4. The friend who can’t open her mouth.
This is the friend who has a problem with you but doesn’t have the balls to tell you that so instead acts like an effing panty meat by making veiled comments and talking shit behind your back. Oh wait – this isn’t a friend at all, is it? Never mind.
5. The “I have a dream” friend.
These friends earn their name because they never miss a chance to make a speech. If I say “That dude Tyrone hit me up last night looking for p*ssy. As if!” she wants to give me a 2-hour long diatribe about how Tyrone ain’t sh*t and I’m better than that and I don’t need him in my life and blah blah blah. It’s the most self-indulgent thing ever because they really only want to hear themselves talk but they wrap it in a cloak of concern for me so that I feel bad to say “bish stop talking already!”.
6. The friend who always has to take it there.
Now I’m the first one to say that friends between opposite sexes always go wonky sooner or later but this friend…makes me tired. I don’t know if girls do this to men but this is the male friend who – no matter how many times you tell him he will never smell your ladyflower – never stops going in. Not in a joking, I just have to try kinda way but in a seedy, I might be a rapist in the right circumstances kinda way. It’s obnoxious. This person wouldn’t even hold friend status if it weren’t for the fact that 95% of the time he is cool, funny, helpful and smart. But damn, just fall out of love with me already!
What do you guys think? Any of you have annoying friends like this? What types of friends do you wish you didn’t have?