10 Things I Secretly Believe

20
Sep
2010

It’s Sunday night. I’m tired as balls. Let’s get to it. 1. Of all the islands of the Caribbean, Jamaica produces the sexiest (and most unruly) men. 2. “He’s just not that into you” is the explanation behind 80% of men’s egregious behaviour. 4. Visiting a blog more than 3 times without leaving a comment [...]


It’s Sunday night. I’m tired as balls. Let’s get to it.

1. Of all the islands of the Caribbean, Jamaica produces the sexiest (and most unruly) men.

2. “He’s just not that into you” is the explanation behind 80% of men’s egregious behaviour.

4. Visiting a blog more than 3 times without leaving a comment is bad manners.

3. Great gchat sex > Good real-life sex

5. Streetz tweezes his eyebrows.

6. The dumbest age for a woman is 22 and for a man it’s 27.

7. It is impossible to feel sad while listening to soca.

8. Male bloggers get as many panties thrown at them as male R&B singers.

9. Soccer is the most boring thing to watch on television ever.

10. At least 10 of you read this post just to see if I got the numbers right.

What do you guys think of my secret beliefs? Do you have any of your own? Share in the comments.



62 Comments

  • Roberto says:

    Number 7 is incredibly true! And this comment is because you called me out on number 4, lol — keep up the great work

  • sweet tea says:

    I 100% agree with no. 7 and I’ve always wondered about no. 8.

  • Streetz says:

    You will stop sullying my good name woman!! lolol….

    And please explain to the community your fetish for bucking normal numerical trend

    • max says:

      I’m sorry Streetz – I ran out of beliefs so I just threw that in there.

      The only explanation I have is that I can’t count! You know this about me already.

  • BP says:

    I LOL’d at # 4. I used to love being a lurker. I totally agree with # 2 and # 8 ( although I blame thirst) and I disagree w/ #1 Puerto Rico is my fave

    I secretly believe:
    Diet Pepsi is made w/ crack like Coke was back in the day.
    My productivity at work has plummeted since I found my new fav blogs.
    I would be a great Christian if the Bible said nothing about fornication.
    My mother needs to stop Googling me.
    That true love is a good look.

  • Nick@Nite says:

    #8 is the TRUTH!! but we’ve already talked about that.. chuh!
    #9 almost got my agreement, then I remembered that golf is worse!

    I believe

    that my blog could be greater, but my computer isn’t. So i have to deal with it for now.
    that he’s holding on to my other computer so he has a reason to see me..
    that Jamaican men are homophobic beyond all normalcy.. and dress gayer than pussy-willows..
    that my writing in patois weeds out certain people (and i like it)
    that Cold Stone Creamery is both from God AND the Devil
    that I’m still waiting for that mind-blowing sex..
    that if you watch Sound of Music without smiling at least once, you are a robot..
    that he could get it from me.. like, in a “legs behind neck” kinda way.. (and he don’t even know)
    that October has the potential to massively “wreck up shop..” and don’t forget “dunn di place!”

    and like BP.. I would be the perfect Christian if God was alright with fornication..
    I’m workin my way up though, because I’m “off that”

    I’m sure there’s more.. but it’s 3:30 in the morning..
    Peace and Love

    • Nick@Nite says:

      I ALSO believe

      that my keyboard purposely turns letters around when I type.. in order to make me look like an idiot..

      and for everyone Jamaican man that says “bad man nuh suck p*ssy”.. there’s 10 that will lap up every drop like a good doggy…

    • BP says:

      I had Coldstone last night. I could have died after the first bite!
      Cosign about the sound of music! It makes my insides happy
      Jesus and me are working on that fornication thing. Real talk.

  • Sukez says:

    I came…here for #10! And I told you. 1(Ready)…2(Set)…4?(Go?)

    #1 screams at me. No further comment.
    #2. *giggle*
    #3. I mean, #4 I have manners…unlike some… #noShots
    The real #3, LOL. What is sex?
    You have no real #5
    #6, so does that make me safe? :-D Oh and I know a dumbass or 5
    #7 Heavy cosign. And I’m a dancehall type? Soca does something to you… Moist Loinsss
    #9 One word: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!! #thatisall
    #10 I came for this… like I said lol

  • Tisha says:

    Lol…I think Golf and Baseball are more boring…at least with Soccer they take off their shirts when they score…and point number 10 is absoultley correct lol

  • melissa says:

    golf is more boring than soccer.

    i’m sorry but i cannot get on board with #3. isn’t cybersex just sex with yourself?

    • max says:

      No girl. Gchat sex with the right partner? It gives life. And if it’s the wrong partner you just close the chat, sign out, and blame connection problems. What could be more beautiful than that?

    • Dash says:

      Golf is pretty good as a television sport. I enjoy it because of how much mental toughness, creativity, and luck factor into the outcomes. The courses can play differently by the hour, and seeing guys scramble to make par after an errant tee shot went into a bunker is compelling television. Golf also provides great scenery porn.

  • max says:

    Oh and all of you who think golf is boring are just crazy.

  • Dash says:

    GChat sex must be on that Kiely Williams ish…

    Secrets hmmm….

    I sometimes sit in the dark and listen to my cells divide, or at least I try to.

    I am a tease. I am not sure this is really a secret anymore.

    Project Pat has my favorite hip hop discography.

    I am not truly a villain. Anti-hero describes me best.

    I sometimes sit out dog-eared copies of Ulysses, Roots and War and Peace, three books that I have not read, to impress women, and throw them off of my love for graphic novels.

  • Reecie says:

    I do believe that #6 is correct. I don’t miss the age 22 for ANYTHING in life. lol

    my secret belief: monogamy is NOT natural but learned/socialized behavior. it is accomplishable (made up word) however…

  • average chick says:

    Good post (as usual). My beliefs:

    I think self professed born again christians are the meanest, most judgemental people.

    When I hear women say they get along better with men than women I feel they are just bitches and makes excuses for their behavior.

    Facebook is the land of imaginary friends.

    Denzel Washington is the most overrated actor. He acts the same in every movie (but I would screw him).

  • emti says:

    ok here we go

    i did read this post to see if maxie got the numbers right…she didn’t and it made me giggle
    i don’t like spike lee movies because he thinks his audience is stupid
    i think Bills and Raptors fans suffer from lack of self esteem – that’s the only reason they’d stick around through all those losses
    i think people who claim they like toni morrison’s books just don’t want to admit that they don’t understand them…it’s ok she makes no sense admit it

    • max says:

      “i think Bills and Raptors fans suffer from lack of self esteem – that’s the only reason they’d stick around through all those losses”

      #shotsfired??

  • fail on number 3. no type of virtual sex will ever compare to actual sex. number 8 is not true in my case either. i get no panties thrown my way. not that i want to.

    my secret beliefs:

    east coast women are the best region. although i do have a soft spot for southern women as well. i love both accents (especially new york & georgia/mississippi).

    penetration >>> oral fixation (per a question asked on twitter yesterday).

    autumn is the best season. 9/30. that is all.

  • Cheekie says:

    “9. Soccer is the most boring thing to watch on television ever.”

    Since I played, it’s not to me, but naw during the World Cup…that ish is SUPER exciting. Even folks who don’t usually watch soccer have enjoyed the World Cup. No fans react crazier and more hyped than fans during during the cup. This most recent one especially was GREAT. Yeah, I cosign he others. Gold…*yawn*. lol

    I secretly believe:

    Outlook is racist. They STILL saying Barack Obama is spelled wrong. WTF, he’s the president. His name should be recognized. lol

    • Cheekie says:

      Oh, what’s NOT so secret? I am the typo queen. Gold should say, “golf”. OF COURSE, gold would not make me yawn. While we’re talmbout it though, anybody got any spare gold bars on them? ;)

  • funms says:

    LOL @ 5

    I agree with 6…i did a lot of extremely dumb things at 22….
    I love soccer :)

  • Tisha says:

    Monogamy is NOT natural it’s a choice just like i believe loving someone day in and day out, good, bad, right, wrong is a choice

  • gp says:

    #7 is true… if #6 is true then there is no hope for my ex. We dated when he was 26 and after we broke up, I forgave him for his stupidity on the basis that this must just be a “bad time” for him. Apparently, it’ll get worse next year. LOL

  • fixedwater says:

    #4 – *hangsheadinshame, but I don’t always have time to comment. I’m with BP my prodcutivity at work is already suffering for the fact that I keep trying to read all my favs. but i am a fan

    #3 – don’t have time for this. so no comment

    # 5 – o_O @Streetz

    #9 – i’d take soccer over golf and/baseball anyday

    #10 – yeah that was me too, I saw the title and knew I’d get a chuckle out of this

    secret beliefs of mine:
    1. there are more black republicans than admit it, ya’ll know you are conservatives but somehow i think its just not black enuf so…ya know how that goes
    2. honesty is overrated and the truth hurts, but if you can “take the meat and leave the bone” we will get along just fine. i am a sensitive person, but i have a sharp tongue, so know that I don’t mean to hurt your feelings but its not malicious.
    3. marriage and kids are not my destiny. and for those who say i’m selfish *takesabow yes and i’m self aware enough to know it, so stop trying to argue me into changing my mind. i don’t remember signing a contract with the world promising to produce offspring, this is not owed to you.
    4. i’m too chicken and lazy to start my own blog; and love to lurk (sorry @max, @nick@nite and @ cheekie – i am a fan though)

  • Lockhart says:

    You have some good points on this list! You’re pretty spot on, especially with #1 (then again I am biased) But one thing, why is 22 the dumbest age for women? I would ask about men and 27, but I mean… Yeah so just wondering why that age… and yes I’m 22; hence my inquiry lol. Oh, first time commenting! Hello! Lol

    • max says:

      22 is the dumbest age for a woman because you are so painfully young and know nothing about life or who you are but you feel like you’re grown so you have no idea how dumb you are. Trust me, when you’re 26 you’ll look back at this time and cringe at how little you knew.

  • Bokar says:

    Didnt mind 1-8, matter of fact I wholeheartedly agree with #7

    BUUUTTTTTTTT

    that number #9 – how can you like J’can men and not their favorite sport, or the favorite sport of the Islands that produce that soca. It’s not the #1 world sport for nothing! It takes time to like if you didnt grow up with it (like foreigners with American sports) but if your looking into getting your groove back like Stella – change yuh bloodcl@@t attitude!! :-)

  • I am most certain that 8 is true…. but- I think that skype sex anticipation is greater than regular sex anticipation. Something about the build up you get from seeing a piece on your computer screen and knowing you can’t touch it just makes me hot.

    **ahem excuse me while I go….**

  • Sam Sharpe says:

    I’m very late to the game, but you know I had to comment on this one…

    I’m definitely not gonna argue with #1 (oh wait Sam Sharpe, where did you say you were born? Kingston, Jamaica! Oh, that explains it)

    #2 is just indisputable…

    I’m still waiting for you to throw those panties so I’m not sure about #8 and as a lifelong soccer player I’m gonna have to disagree with #9….

    I’m out.


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