An Ode to Balls


If penis is my one true love, balls are my eternal sidepiece. I really don’t know what it is about balls, but I effing love sucking them. They are just hours of entertainment…you can hold them, rub them, kiss them, suck them, lightly squeeze them, and if your man is acting up a swift kick to them will put him in his place a lot faster than an hour-long cussing.

My idea of a perfect Sunday involves a coffee by my side, a book in one hand, and the balls of a man who just put it on me in the other.

Thats if they’re good balls of course. Because there is such a thing as bad balls, and let me tell you there is nothing worse than bad balls. If you don’t know what bad balls are, look at this and this (very, very, NSFW).

I don’t know why no one ever extolls the sheer beauty that is a man’s balls, but let just say thank you men, from the bottom of my heart, for your nuts because balls…give life.

Oh and PSA of the day:
Ladies, if you are not sucking balls, you are failing at life.

What do you guys think? Ladies do you love balls like I do or are you sleeping on the wonderfulness? Is there another random male part you’re fixated on? Overshare in the comments Men…I don’t expect you to do much today but smile and say thank you and let me play with your balls.

Happy Nasty Friday everyone!

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 37

  1. Satya says:

    lol @ this post. Is it me or did that guy have a vagina under his penis is the 2nd photo? And why did his peen look enflamed?

    Ummmm I can’t say I have a special love for balls. They’re just balls. They receive attention when I speak on the mic and that’s about it. I do like to put my hand in my boos underwear when we’re laying in bed though.

    1. BP says:

      ” Is it me or did that guy have a vagina under his penis is the 2nd photo?”


      1. alexa says:

        hiz penis looked good…id suck it

        1. cyril says:

          me to

  2. Dash says:

    Why were white balls used for this post? I am sure salty-chocolate balls were available.

    1. Nick@Nite says:

      CHEF!! FTW!!

      classic episode..
      pale balls were used because black men don’t usually have bad balls..
      I lie

    2. BGirl says:

      Chocolate Balls are the best!!! lol White/Pink ones always make me nervous.lmao

  3. Nick@Nite says:

    I’m “ehh” about balls.. Like Satya, they get love when I’m “spittin on the mic” and that might be it.. there’s some other times too, but other than that nah, not really.. I do like juggling both in my mouth though.. I’ve felled a soldier or two with that move..
    However, I DID have a situation with this guy last year. He had a nice sized peen and the tiniest ballzac I’ve ever seen.. I was like, “What in the great day is THAT!?” I couldn’t stop laughing. I can be such a meanie..
    I could’ve done without the balls pics.. but then again, I just HAD to look..

  4. BP says:

    I give them attention but if they are gorilla hairy it’s a turn off. Can you say clippers?!?!….and no, not the whack NBA team.

    1. CHeeKZ Money says:

      i am really growing fond of BP, unlike the oil spill she shares a name with she is quick and sharing.

      ball shaving is an art in itself. Its not like you are shaving one round hard object, its a round object that it in a big sack, and you have to shave this moving sack with a bunch of creases and folds.

      and yes I have cut myself before!
      Not to mention the pain of dipping your balls in rubbing alcohol.

      beauty has its price

      1. I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve used my wife’s nair. It works perfectly, it doesn’t burn or anything like that. Put it on and leave it for like 10-12 minutes then jump in the shower, wash it off and it’s like you’re a baby again.

        The best part about it – you can’t cut yourself. If you nick yourself on your balls with a razor, when the scar scabs, it’s gonna look like you have some sort of STD or something, which will be a turn off to any chick looking to give them some attention. And you sound stupid saying, “nah babe, I just cut my balls shaving”…

        1. CHeeKZ Money says:

          does nair leave a chemical smell?

          I have used other ones that I can’t use the same day b/c they leave your skin smooth but tasting funny. (pause!)

          1. Reecie says:

            veet has a less chemically smell than nair. and they even have a spray on so its less mess.


        2. Sukez says:

          I hate being late to posts like this 🙁

          But I love balls. Even ball flavored tea. Hehe.

          Nair? I hate nair. But I will definitely recommend Veet. And you leave it on for FIVE minutes. Don’t do that 10 to 12 min unless you want to lose skin of your balls. 🙁

          Yay to balls!

      2. B_P says:

        @ CheekZ why thank you. I know about the dangers of hairy balls and clippers. Lets just say I have umm…”assisted” a time or two. I am with Most and Reecie, use Nair or Veet** it will make your life easier.

        **Just make sure you don’t leave it on too long. How awful it would be to have spillage out of your beans instead of you frank.

        @ Most. I can appreciate a man who isn’t afraid to Nair. High 5 to the wifey for sharing with you.

      3. shaving the ball sack is a tricky endeavor. one that should be taken with great precision and care. i might have to look into that nair thing.

      4. Ashley says:

        That sounds horrible! but greatly appreciated though lol.

  5. Sam Sharpe says:


    I’m gonna go ahead and assume that this post is a loving and longing letter to me….Thank you, I’m flattered, yes my nuts are nice….

    And you’ve done it again, in one line you’ve done the world a huge solid:

    “Oh and PSA of the day:
    Ladies, if you are not sucking balls, you are failing at life.”

  6. melissa says:

    lol at this post!!!! Hahhhaaa…

    as you know, I like everything so I’m cool with balls…altho I think I like them in my hand more than my mouth

  7. streetztalk says:

    Dead at all these comments!

    Dead-er at Most and the Nair. Thats a smart move though. Salute!!

    Balls are to be treated with care ladies!!

    1. Streetz… #DontJudge me, or tell any of our other Bro’s (pause)

      1. streetztalk says:

        LMAOO never that son i was payign homage to your grooming endeavors!

  8. killa says:



  9. I luv you. You got me howling in my office. I can’t speak on b@lls, cuz I’m a lady and sh*t.

    1. screw it…i luv balls too. le sigh…

      1. max says:

        I’m telling you girl. Real women appreciate the sack!

        All these little heaux out there talking about loving d*ck are just talking shit. You cannot truly love the penis if you don’t love the scrotum.

        1. cyril says:

          exactly..well said, i too, salute the sac, especially those low low hangers and the gravy they produce

  10. ChicagoRose says:

    Not exactly obsessed with the balls themselves, but with the reaction I get during/after showing them some love.

  11. thefabfoodie says:

    Hi Max! I had to catch up on the week’s posts (word to the wise: when someone tells you that “dry heat isn’t bad”, they are lying to you). First, I’m bringing up old stuff… the “hush mama” is CLASSIC. LOVE IT. My boo piece has it down – and it is DEFINITELY a sexy thing.

    As for today’s post – I’m definitely a fan of the scrotum, and not just for speaking on the mic. It’s something about them that intrigues me – and if you treat them right when you’re speaking on the mic….there’s some good sex coming your way.

  12. Deb says:

    The most sexy part of a guy. I love balls!

  13. LaLaBakir says:

    Just last Friday I was in a room full of women in which only 2 rocked the mic AND gave the balls special attention. I was trying to explain to them the benefits of “juggling”…for instance, its a break for your jaw.

    Get tired, try some balls

  14. Dee says:

    I like the balls more than the penis

  15. Dee says:

    THe 2nd pic are not bad balls! I love them low

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  17. rea says:

    Highly energetic article, I enjoyed that bit. Will thyere be
    a part 2?

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