Funny Stories


If you know me in real life you know that I have a wicked toothache this week that is wreaking havoc on my sleeping pattern. As a result I am ass-exhausted and could not get it together to write something for today. So we’re gonna tell funny stories today. Here’s mine, tell me yours in the comments.

If you know me in real life you know that I recently moved to the hood into a new place. Although I was living alone before I moved, this is the first place I’ve lived that was totally mine, which is great because unlike my last apartment, nobody else’s stuff is in here and I can put everything exactly where I want it. Problem is when I lose things I have no one else to blame. Or so I thought.

Case in point: ever since I moved I have not been able to find my bible. I know I own one, I know where I used to keep it, and I know I moved everything but it was nowhere to be found. This has been bugging me for weeks now so yesterday I decided I was going to search top to bottom and not give up until I found it.

Do you want to know where I found it? In my “goodie” box under my bed buried underneath certain um, toys and suchlike. I know I did not put it there and only two people helped me pack – my little sister and my father. This tells me that depravity runs in my family.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 17

  1. I think your dad put it there so that the next time you’re looking to use your goodies, you have a second thought… That’s a great story.

    1. max says:

      Ugh. The idea that my dad saw it is just sooo horrifying.

  2. jessiejess says:

    Belly laugh…

  3. B_P says:

    I love this story. Especially because I can relate. My mom would have sprinkled holy water in my goody box. Ha!

    Here is my story. Its not recent but its still a bit funny. One Friday night I had a hot date. My plan was to work out at the gym when I left work, shower and change there. But I ended up having an extensive directors meeting and not being able to leave on time to go to the gym. I work at a public health agency and we have a shower in our executive bathroom. So I then decided to just shower ( had to freshen up the goodies) and change at work because I don’t want to have him waiting. No biggie, I have showered at work before and it’s Friday so everyone has left. So I quickly rush into the bathroom and shower but when I get out I realize I have left my towel in my office….down the hall. I was dripping wet and had nothing to dry off with. Soooo I make a split second decision and ran down the hall NAKED. Everyone is gone…what’s the big deal right? Wrong! Half way down the hall I hear my fiscal director call out from her office “Is someone here?”


    Dear God I never ran so fast in my life. I was thinking these 2520s are going to think I lost my damn mind running down the hall butt naked with a scarf on my head. So I ducked into an office and said nothing and waited for a few minutes so she would think she was alone. I then caught my breath ran to my office snatched up my towel and ran back to the bathroom.

    Next time I am just going to be late.

    *side note. I am sorry that you have such a bad toothache!

    1. max says:

      I died, came back to life, and died again laughing at this!

      1. B_P says:

        I don’t have it all…..LOL.

        1. CHeeKZ Money says:

          work place nudity WTF.

          great story.

    2. This, is hilarious… wow… The image of you sprinting, through the floor sans clothing is priceless. Then, I can only imagine the thoughts going through your mind sitting in that office.

      1 question though… are you sure there are no cameras in your office?

  4. average chick says:

    I am still thinking of the story but I wanted to tell you to gargle with Hydrogen Peroxide or salt water. Do that every 30 minutes to clean out the infection.

    1. max says:

      OMG you’re effing BRILLIANT!
      I really don’t know why I didn’t think of that!
      THANK YOU!

      1. though it might be tough for you max… just don’t swallow!


        J/K homey… lol…

        1. emti says:

          oh she won’t swallow lol

  5. Nick@Nite says:

    I’m sure I have a funny story, but I just can’t think of one right now…

    Oh wait!! This one is classic (and a little horrifying)

    When I was in middle school, one day I missed the cheesewagon (I was bussed to a magnet program) and had to catch city transit. I had to walk through the seedy parking lot of the mall to get to the bus stop. A man pulls up in a white van alongside me and asks me if I wanted to make some money. He tells me that since Christmas is coming up “wouldn’t it be nice to be able to buy some things.” Because I’m nice (and a little naive) I listen. He basically offers me money to give him a handjob in the back of his van. After listening to him, I go, (in the most innocent child voice with the widest child eyes)

    “My mother doesn’t want me to have a job”
    and walk off.

    11 years after I told my gay husband that story, he STILL tells that story at house parties.. like it’s the most hilarious thing he’s ever heard.
    moral of the story: parents, please prepare your children for the real world..

    1. CHeeKZ Money says:

      Yo! I child molestor approach me too!

      But I was like 13, fully aware on what a stereotypical child molestor looks like and how this man fit the bill, and I could have clearly beat his @$$. So I get the stepping, and remember the plate number.

      I go home and tell my mom thinking we should call the police to get this guy off the street. She in her Haitian accent: “no don’t be a hero. I don’t want people to see a police car in front of the house. Neighbors might think poorly of me”

      A month later, I see the guy’s face on American’s Most Wanted…..

  6. DatChikMalix says:

    OMG!!! totally believe Dad is responsible!!! :S at the thought Dad would see my “goody box” ….eeeekkkkk

    funny Story: i was telling my 2yr old child to put away his toys, he turns around with a huge smile and sing me Adam Lambert’s “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME”…
    i died…he got discipline of course (after i had a heart atack from laughing) LOL

    hope you feel better mama!<3

  7. streetztalk says:

    Wow if your dad did this!!! LMAO

    I dont have one off top of my head (drawing a blank) but hope you feel better!

  8. Chocolate Milk says:

    I know I’m super tardy to this party but i have a moving/goodie box story.
    I was taking a load to my new house and my mother was packing. When I returned I noticed my XXX box in the stack to be loaded in the truck. I couldn’t know whether or not she peaked. She acted as if she hadn’t seen anything unusual and i breathed a sigh of relief. About a half hour later she hits me with, “I don’t know what kind of stuff you guys are into but I found [ex boyfriend]’s doll. I mean it’s not my business, you’re grown but I found it.” I stare at her in shock, “What doll?” she repeats, “like I said it’s not my business, but a s*x doll.” I was like, “Mom where is it?” I was wondering what the ex had been up to and how did he manage to hide that when we lived together. She said, “I didn’t really want to touch it it’s in the closet.” I looked and it turned out to be the inflatable man from my cousin’s bachelorette party. I laghed and said., “Mom this is mine.” She looked stricken. I quickly explained he wasn’t anatomically correct but she didn’t even want to look at it. I had to practically blow the thing up for her stop looking at me like a sick-o. When she left i was kind of insulted that she thought the ex and I were having weird doll 3 ways. WTF

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